Indigenous Personages, Maybe???

News Flash!  Washington Redskins owner

Dan Snyder kidnapped and held hostage!

Well, not really, but pretty close.  It seems that good ol' Dan is snookered.  The rabid Left has long demanded that he change the name of his little football team.  It seems they think that changing the name from "Redskins" will somehow feed the poor, or warm the heart of heartless corporate CEO's, or bring about world peace.   

Or maybe even make it win for a change...

An effort to force his hand failed about 8 or 9 years ago, when Obama first brought it up.  He just barely escaped back then, while stating flatly that he'd never, ever change the name, even though he's taken a few body blows in the meantime.  A major-league poll was taken a couple of years back among the Native American tribes about the issue.  90% said they either liked the name, or were not against it.  Even so, many stores, including Amazon, the very biggest, have now refused to carry his team's jerseys (they're the "wokenistas").  Even Pepsi and the Bank of America have joined in by opting out.  But until the recent hissy fit the hard-Left is throwing, he was able to skirt the subject.

No longer.

You might think a $Billionaire owner of an NFL football team could do any damn thing with it he wanted.  But you would be wrong.  The uber-Left mayor of the District of Columbia is now refusing to let the Redskins play in D.C. unless or until the name is changed.  That's the same dimbulb who painted "Black Lives Matter" right next to the White House in letters large enough to be seen from the International Space Station. 

And piling on, Fred Smith, CEO of Fed-Ex, is a 40% owner of the Redskins.  His company also holds the naming rights on their new stadium, the "Fed-Ex" Field.  Smith just send Snyder a curt letter demanding he change the team's name.  Ummmm, gulp!  He was so, shall we say insistent, that he stated he'd pull the "Fed-Ex" name from the Fed-Ex Field should Snyder fail to act.

Today, Snyder said he would act.

So, being the always-helpful, Eagle Scout, ex-Army (a)Ranger sort that I am, I thought I'd offer up a name that's absolutely certain to pass muster with (nearly) everyone in America.  And that means even those America-hating, Ivy League-educated, Prius-driving, Sauvignon Blanc-sipping, tax cut-hating commies who get triggered by everyone and everything.  

Oh, I could offer up the obvious name here, folks.  I could offer up "Indigenous Personages."  The "Washington Indigenous Personages!"  Yeah, Team!  Go Team!  They were the Redskins, just change it to "Indigenous Personages!"  Means the same thing, just updated to make all the Leftoid pantywaists happy.    

But to be absolutely certain that everyone, everywhere will agree with the selection, and finally, FINALLY leave him alone, Dan should pick the following name:

The Washington "2001's"

Yes, the "2001's."  What's a "2001" you might ask?  That's the zip code for the District of Columbia.  And nobody but the most rabid numerologist could possibly be against that name (although I'm sure that vacuous Congress-babe with too many names and too little I.Q. from the Bronx will absolutely hate it!).  In fact, I, The Chuckmeister, hereby suggest that all our pro football teams change their names to reflect their zip codes.  That simple move would deprive all the hate-everythings while offering up something for all to love.  

So Dan, it's yours to use.  It's on me.  No recompense required.  Just the thought that I've helped rescue a fellow conservative from a viper pit of screaming triggered Lefties is enough compensation for me...

P.S.  Okay, I just have to do it.  If "2001's" doesn't work for you, how about "Foreskins?"