Tuesday, September 20, 2011

I Now Pronounce You...Divorced!

Campaigner-in-Chief Barack Hussein Obama is at it again. He's such an ideologue that he just can't get away from his deep-seated, almost religious fervor to tax the "rich" into the Stone Age. Maybe that's because his mom was a devout communist, his dad a proud socialist and his step-dad a dedicated, militant Marxist. In any event, after nearly 3 years of his White House-sponsored class warfare, during which he has beaten the tax increase drum unrelentingly, he's just announced Stimulus 2 (or is it 3 or 4, or 8 or 9? I've lost count.).

After blowing nearly a trillion bucks of our money on a failed stimulus program in 2009, which created somewhere around ZERO jobs, he's asking Congress for another $447,000,000,000.00 (that's billion, with a "B"). He wants to create some jobs, knowing that if he doesn't, his own job is toast next November. And where is this money to come from? Our President, who's never managed anything except the Federal Government, if you can call that "managing," tells us $421 Billion of the total will come from a tax increase on, and the eradication of tax deductions utilized by, those nasty, evil "rich" people among us. "Rich," according to the Redistributor-in-Chief, are those individuals who make $200k or more per year as individuals, or couples making $250k combined.

Now, anyone with any sense at all knows that this level of income does not make one rich. Not even close. Especially in cities like New York or L.A. or most other large U.S. population centers. That's your average married fireperson and nurseperson. And anyone with any sense knows that more than half of the folks making this level of income own and operate small businesses, which are responsible for the creation of way more than 70% of all American jobs. And Obama has stated repeatedly that the very last thing you want to do in a recession is increase taxes on the folks who create jobs (!). And because most of these small business types file their taxes as individuals under Subchapter S of the IRS code, their wages are taxed as ordinary income just like the fireperson and nurseperson. They don't get the benefits of myriad deductions, even on money they may plow back into their businesses. So money picked from their pockets by the Feds is money not available to them to hire with, or expand their business with, or even pay their bills with. So Barry's America's Jobs Bill, if passed, will obviously result in fewer jobs, not more. But he either doesn't know this (unlikely), or doesn't care (quite probably), or is doing it on purpose so as to screw things up (almost certainly). Clearly, the Golfer-in-Chief won't stop until he's gotten his wish and hiked taxes unmercifully on those "miwwionaires and biwwionaires." You know, the ones making $200k/$250k a year.

And now we have Warren Buffett, America's second richest man and the Oracle of Omaha, joining forces with the TelePrompTer-in-Chief to convince the American People that the "rich" are under taxed. He's fond of saying that his secretary pays a higher percentage of taxes than does he. He's right. He pays 17.4% and she pays 30%. He wants his taxes raised so that he and his secretary are both hosed equally. What good ol' Warren fails to mention (an oversight, no doubt), is that his income is realized almost entirely from capital gains on investments, not from ordinary income like his secretary. And he fails to mention that the income he used to make those investments, which are now producing capital gains, was already taxed once as ordinary income, back when he first earned it. So Warren wants you to throw in with the Vacationer-in-Chief on the idea that taxing us twice and at the same rate is quite alright…once when we first earn our paycheck, and again when the pittance that's left over after we've paid our bills is invested at a risk in something that might possibly produce a return. It's called, I understand, the "Buffett Rule." Excuse me Warren, but isn't that double taxation? Do you think that's fair? And if you do, might I suggest you utilize the line provided at the bottom of your IRS Form 1040 which permits you to pay more than your tax liability would ordinarily be if the spirit moves you to do so. That might help you get over some of that Democrat guilt you're experiencing from making so damn much money.

So I, the Chuckmeister, a graduate economist, entrepreneur, humorist, gadfly, food and wine connoisseur, noted business consultant and blogger extraordinaire have a solution. I recommend all the successful married Americans who might get caught up in this commie, pinko, lefty, dumbass, progressive weenie trap proceed directly to their local shyster, bottom-feeding lawyers and file for divorce. Then, you and your significant other can earn up to $400 Grand together without getting reamed by the Speechifier-in-Chief's National Wealth Distribution Whether You Like It Or Not plan. Of course, unless America turns him out next November, he'll come back after us again and again like a rabid hamster until he's managed to trade the fruits of the labor of the productive to those who are less than in exchange for their ill-considered votes. But for the short term we can all put a "we dodged that bullet" smirk on our faces while shooting him the collective bird.

No need to thank me. That's why God put me on this Earth…

Monday, September 12, 2011

National Underachievers Day

Folks, in less than two months another anniversary will be upon us. And although we haven't up until now, it's one we as a nation should all be celebrating. Please allow me to elucidate…

As everyone unfortunately knows, the elections' over and Barack Hussein Obama won. Congratulations Mr. Obama on your historic accomplishment. In recognition, I'd like to propose that November 4th, the date you were elected, be forever proclaimed "National Underachievers' Day." No more must those who have heretofore failed to excel be relegated to the scrap heap of mediocrity. You have a new champion! Mr. Obama, with the possible exception of Millard Fillmore, is almost certainly the least qualified candidate for President in the history of our beloved Union. He boasts no private sector employment or record of success. He has no management experience of any kind, not even so much as a running the corner 7/11. He never met a payroll. He never signed a check on its face. He never hired or fired or held executive-level authority. While serving as an Illinois State Senator and during the 143 days (only!) he served as a U.S. Senator before deciding he was worthy of becoming a candidate for POTUS, he sponsored absolutely no major legislation. In fact, most of the time he voted "present" in order to avoid taking a controversial position on legislation. And, although he is Commander in Chief, he never served in our military.

So now, all Americans who could have, and should have, but didn't, work unceasingly to gather the experience necessary to be considered qualified for the Most Important Job in the World, are hereby vindicated. If you share our new President's qualifications, or rather the lack of same, you're just as qualified as is he. You should hold your collective unqualified heads high! In fact, it's not too late for you to launch your exploratory campaign for POTUS - 2012. With Obama's breakthrough, we could have any one of 50 million or so underachievers running for President next time. All they'll need is $1 Billion or so in donations from questionable sources like the unions, a "D" behind their names, a media that chooses not to ask any questions, difficult or otherwise, and the White House could well be theirs. Is America a great place, or what?