Friday, May 30, 2014

No More Mexico

I recall an event a few years back when my wife and I were returning back to Alta California from a quick vacay in Puerto Nuevo.  We were stopped mere yards from crossing back into the relative safety of the U.S. by a motorcycle cop.  He looked for all the world like Ponch of "Chips" fame.  Creases on his uniform you could cut your hands on.  Mirrored sunglasses.  Neatly trimmed 'stache.  Harley gleaming.  He asked in Spanish if we spoke Spanish.  We told him no. "That's alright," he said, "I speak English."  He surely did. Better than 90% of Americans I know.  

He told us we were driving one mile an hour over the speed limit!  Really?  One mile an hour?  Yes, he said, and that we'd have to follow him to the Police Station where we'd be arrested, arraigned and charged.  Several hours it would take, he said.  And then a fine.  A hefty one.  Of course.

Or, he said, we could just pay him $35.00 - in cash - and the whole problem would simply go away.  We were astonished. But we ponied up the cash.  I asked for a receipt.  My wife dug her fingernails into my leg so fiercely that I was sure blood would gush.  I relented in my request for a receipt.  Grumbling loudly, we paid up the "mordida" and made our way out of the toilet known as Tijuana.  And for the last time.

Now, some years later, Marine Sgt. Andrew Tahmooressi, two-tour Afghanistan vet, made the mistake I've made on at least two prior occasions.  He missed a turn at this extremely confusing checkpoint and found himself in Mexico.  Since he'd just moved to Taxifornia he had all his worldly possessions in his truck.  That included three legally-acquired and -registered guns.  Our neighbors to the south responded to this mistake by throwing our Marine vet into prison.  And chaining him to a bed.  And beating him.  And torturing him. 

This occurred two months ago.  And our Marine is still being held against his will in a Tijuana prison.  It seems our President is too busy to pick up his famous phone and call Mexico's Prez to try and get our guy back home.  I'm guessing he's probably trying to fix his VA scandal.  Or his IRS scandal. Or his Fast and Furious scandal.  Or his NSA scandal.  Or maybe he's playing golf, or packing for his next vacation.  

And it seems our Secretary of State can't find the time to fix this problem either.  John "Lurch" Kerry was in Mexico last week but couldn't bring himself to explain to our cousins south of the border what could happen to their country if America chose to retaliate against them for this shocking event.  

Which we should.

Whatever.  He's still there.  Should a Mexican find himself on this side of the border...on purpose...we'd give him a driver's license, food stamps, subsistence, free education for his kids and a pathway to citizenship.  In Mexico an American hero is beaten and chained to his bed.  

This is an outrage.  I suggest that anyone reading this screed pass it along to any and all.  I suggest that we Americans respond to Mexico's affront by choosing never to go there again.  I suggest that we choose to withhold our discretionary travel and vacay money from Mexico.  Until they can find it in their hearts to treat our citizens like we treat theirs, I suggest that we freeze them out of the money mill.  Let's see how they get along without our dollars.  My call to action is...

No More Mexico.

Pass it along...

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Climate (Fill In The Blank)

Global warming.  Climate change.  Climate disruption.  What's next?  I'm guessing there's a whole bunch of liberal weenies in the festering bowels of the White House sitting around, trying to come up with a new, and better, term for anthropogenic (man made) destruction taking place in our atmosphere.  That's because the old terms just haven't caught on with the proletariat.  

That's right.  They - we - just don't seem to get it.  The World Is Coming To An End and the sheeple frankly don't give a damn.  And when the sheeple don't give a damn, it's really, really hard to tax them into the Stone Age in an effort to correct it.  And that, my friends, is where the rubber meets the road; come up with a new and better way to hypmotize people into giving up even more of their hard-earned dollars, and freedoms, so those nice liberal socialist commie pinko dumbass weenies can use them to save our puny, unimportant, and unappreciative lives. 

Oh, I know, we're told over and over that 97% of all climate scientists agree 110% of the time that we're deep in the midst of Global (fill in the blank) doodoo.  We're told it's getting set to ruin our lives.  To burn us alive in a cataclysmic roasting!  To raise our temperature to the point where the ice caps will melt, the oceans will rise 8 - 10 - even 20 feet, inundating Miami and L.A., and causing the crops to wither on the vines.  97%!  Do you believe that crap?

Turns out you shouldn't.  The 97% figure so oft repeated by our very own Insurance-Salesman-in-Chief came from a study performed some years ago by the University of Queensland, Australia.  And then it turns out that UQ now disavows that percentage as being, ummm, a bit shall we say, overinflated.  Just a bit.  Actually, as was reported on May 19th, it seems that the more accurate number of those buying into this witchcraft is 0.03%.  Yes, less than 1%!  But hey, what's a little bit of exaggeration among friends, anyway?  

Oh, and you should also know that the Aussies just trimmed (slashed?) their global warming abatement budget by a full 90%.  90%!  One wonders why they stopped there. Why not 100%?  If there's no global warming, why spend a farthing on it?

Well, my friends, and you are my friends, let's just, for the sake of getting along, agree that 97% of all climate scientists agree that Global (fill in the blank) is already upon us.  Okay. But has anyone bothered to mention that 97% of all climate scientists work at, or in, the halls of academy?  In the universities and colleges around the world?  In the Government bureaus where they're paid, and paid well?  At the United Nations Intergovernmental Climate Science Bureau?  Places where the only way they can continue to draw a fat paycheck and funding for their ever-so-important climate studies is if they parrot the words and phrases that those who are writing the checks are demanding?  And those writing the checks - and want to write more - are the Gummint thieves who have taken our money and are busy redistributing it to the scientists?  

Yet, it appears, that the other 3% (or, more likely, several times that number) don't agree; they think the whole thing is so much balderdash and are not hesitant to say so.  That's because they aren't Gummint employees, or college or university professors, or members of the Dinosaur Media, or UN paid liers and don't need to lie in order to eat.  That would, by the way, include the founder and CEO of the Weather Channel.  He doesn't think that Global (fill in the blank) is happening. And many, many, many other non-sycophants agree.  That includes many, if not most, of the weather meteorologist-types appearing nightly on your local TV.  That includes long-time weather guy and "Wheel of Fortune" host Pat Sajac.  He just offered up on Twitter a nifty little comment:  "Global warming alarmists are unpatriotic racists."  Fun guy, that Pat.  Google it.  And get educated.

These nice folks are aware that there was smog in the Los Angeles Valley 500 years ago. That's when American Indians were burning wood in their campfires (for shame!) and causing soot and ash to accumulate in the Valley, which, by the way, is surrounded by mountains.  That's what happens when there's an onshore breeze, which here in the once-Golden State is just about all of the time.  It seems the breezes push all the nasties in the air up against the mountains, creating both smoke and fog (that would be "smog" to you non-L.A.-types). And they are aware that what's burning in China and India today will be in our atmosphere in a week. The loonies who spout the company line apparently think there's a 60,000 foot tall Plexiglas wall surrounding America, keeping out the crap coming over from Asia and India and Europe.  They give us humans much more credit than we deserve in terms of our ability to change the climate.  They realize that CO2 is at an all-time high in our atmosphere but the temperature hasn't altered more than 1/2 degree in the past 50 years. And it won't.  

Remember when Al Gore, that paragon of human carbon-spewing, told us that the ice caps would be gone by 2013?  Ummm, he was wrong.  He's been wrong on just about everything his whole life , including the fact that if he'd won his home state, Tennessee, in the 2000 election, he'd have been our president instead of W.  What a shame.  What an idiot!

By the by, Al, the ice caps have expanded by more than 50% over the past couple of years. The Polar Bears couldn't be happier.  A fun-loving group, them.

By the way, have you seen that picture of a Polar Bear perched on an ice floe, looking forlorn and prepping to drown?  If so, you should know that Polar Bears can swim more than 60 miles looking for a stray seal to munch on.  Sixty miles!  Don't feel sorry for Polar Bears.  They're doing just fine, thank you.  

And, by the way, a no doubt fine gentleman named Laurent Fabius, Secretary of State of France, just opined on May 14th that we, the human race, have only 500 days to avoid what he calls "...climate chaos."  500 days.  He said that to our Secretary of State Mr. John "Lurch" Kerry, who totally agrees with him.  Well, I used to live in France and I can tell you that you couldn't do better than to disagree with any of them just about all of the time. Have you ever seen a picture of a French war hero?  That's the guy with his fingers folded together neatly on top of his head.  Did you read the "for sale" ad for a French military rifle? "Only dropped once," it said.

Oh, and I'd be remiss if I didn't mention what our very own Governor, Jerry Brown, had to say on the subject just this past week.  After first stating emphatically that our recent brush fires are due not to drought, or arson, but to "global warming."  What a dweeb!  He also commented about the same story I just mentioned about that cheese-eating surrender monkey's comments.  He got really exercised about the ice caps melting and the oceans rising 20 feet.  He called a press conference and stated, somewhat breathlessly, that we - Californians - would have to immediately raise taxes so we could pay to quickly relocate LAX Airport.  Just then his Press Secretary tugged on his gubernatorial sleeve and whispered in his ear that LAX is at an elevation of 100 feet above sea level.  "Never mind," said Brown.  The last I heard he was auditioning for a part in "Dumb and Dumberer Three."

So, here's the bottom line.  Yes, we have Global Warming, or Climate Change, or Climate Disruption, or even Climate Chaos.  Or something.  It's called...


But, my friends, I want to help.  And these dufusses need that help.  So I've reached deep down in an effort to help come us with some new and even better catch phrases to help scare the piss out of you, our friendly sheeple.  So how about these:

Global Kerfuffle
Climate Unpleasantness
Global Temperature Irregularity
Climate Difficulty
Global Houston, we've got a problem!
Climate Theicebeameltin

Or, we could get really serious and come up with some much more pointed names:

Climate Shitbehappeninnow!
Global Gonnabehot!
Climate Whoopsie!
Global Getunderthebed!
Climate Hidethekids!
Climate Ibecrappinmypants!
Global Coalbadwindgood!

So, keep your hands on your wallet.  Obama and his sycophantic Lib friends want to tax you until you drop, all in the name of keeping you from turning a bright red.  He's lying. They're lying.  I'm waiting for a knock at the door from the NSA, the SWAT teams, the Secret Service, the FBI and the EPA.  That's because I'm a climate denier!  I'm pretty sure they won't let me get away with actually telling you the truth...

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Fiddling While Torrance Burns

So a bill passed the California Senate recently which would make it illegal to sell Confederate flags on state property.

Yes, my friends, and you are my friends, Isadore Hall, Democrat, of course, from Compton, of course, and Black, of course (this is the "Black Community" to which they refer), who has yet to be convicted of any crime, like almost all of his fellow Comptonites, but likely will, soon, presented this bill - presumably with a straight face - to his buddies for their consideration.  They passed it, 72 to 1, with one intelligent Republican dissenting.  And since there are very few Republicans left in Sacramento, we need to applaud those who remain and choose to show up and vote, knowing their vote will be completely meaningless.

They don't like the Confederate flag, and don't want you to be able to buy or be offended by it, or a picture of it, or a cupcake with the icing made to look like it (!), in the Capitol gift shop.  That would not be nice, Mr. Hall believes, and expending valuable State legislative time figuring out ways to eliminate it apparently is the single most important thing the Senate needed to consider.  

It now heads off to the Assembly for their consideration and vote, which, due to the supermajority Democrat makeup of the Assembly, is not in doubt, and thereon to Gov. Brown's desk for signature.  And he's sure to sign it, because, hey, what else does he have to do?  And what is more pressing than this? Apparently all the other pressing business has been solved by California, so it's high time we should turn our attention to the Confederate flag and keeping it off of cupcakes everywhere.

Did you hear that Toyota, headquartered in California for more than fifty years, has decided to put our state in its rear view mirror?  Yes, folks, good ol' Toyota decided that our regulatory environment, our highest-in-the-nation corporate and personal taxation, our monumentally stupid environmental rules and regs, and our left-wing, meddling, in-your-face and in-your-pocket redistributionist political tilt, had become just too much for the largest car company on the planet to endure.  So they're moving their last 3,000 jobs to Plano, Texas, a Dallas suburb.

That sound you're hearing is the roll-up doors on U-Haul trucks rolling down and slamming shut.

The fact that Texas has no corporate income tax and no personal income tax, and low property and sales taxes, and fast-track approvals for virtually anything that will create jobs and wealth and employment, and laws that favor personal freedom, will mean that Toyota and its employees will enjoy an enormous boost in profitability and after-tax earnings by simply moving 1,600 miles east.  And they'll also finally be treated like the superstar employers they are, and always have been.  Picture this:  Moving to Texas means an average 25% increase in income to Toyota and its employees. Wouldn't you move?

And picture this:  Fully one-third of all the jobs created in America in the past ten years were created in Texas.  One third!  Wouldn't you think that one or two of those overpaid and under worked commie drones in Sacramento would have noticed that its pocket is being picked by a state that knows how to do it, and do it right?  

I'm thinking that leaving behind the mantle of evil corporateurs that California had bestowed upon them and every other greedy, profit-making business in the State will prove to be an even greater blessing.

Torrance, Toyota's soon-to-be ex-home town, is not at all happy about this move.  It will leave their town a dying collection of Starbucks, unused dry cleaners and struggling car dealerships, thanks to California's stupidity.  Torrance's mayor is not at all shy about placing the blame right where it belongs:  It's California's Governor Brown, he says.  

Jerry Brown was less sanguine about the situation.  He said, "This is not a burp.  It's barely even a fart."  

Quite card, that Brown.  Seems like he's got the whole thing figured out.  Did I mention that Brown is one of the few public servants to likely live out his entire life without ever having had a private-sector job?*  Yep, when your daddy was governor, and you sup at the public trough since birth, it's likely that you'll see events such as this through a different filter.  So how, I ask rhetorically, would he have any idea what proper, effective governance even looks like?

So California spends its time figuring out ways to prevent the sale of Confederate flags, while one of America's largest employers is heading on down the I-10 to their new home, taillights growing smaller in the distance. More than 250 corporations, in fact, have chosen to pack up and head for greener pastures during the past few years, taking with them their best and their brightest, their jobs, their highly-educated, born-and-raised in California professionals, their upscale families, their tax base and their revenues.  

But hey, we'll still have plenty of Starbucks baristas and illegal aliens and sign twirlers, and no Confederate flags will be offending our prissy, wussie, weenie, perpetually-offended, politically-correct selves.  Gives you a warm and fuzzy feeling, doesn't it?

*  There's another one living at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue...

Saturday, May 3, 2014

The Best Laid Plans...

Remember when Obamacare was first proposed?  It was, according to our Insurance-Salesman-in-Chief, supposed to provide health insurance to the 15% of our population...the 30 million or so...who didn't have it.  And it was supposed to cost only (only?) $850 Billion over 10 years. 

Further, it was supposed to lower our Federal debt, reduce family healthcare premiums by $2,500 a year and lower the unemployment rate.  It was also supposed to let you keep your doctor and your insurance policy, if you so desired.  And who wouldn't?  It was yours!  I think it was also supposed to eliminate zits and hemorrhoids, but I don't remember for sure.

Now, we learn that 10 years from now, Obamacare will have cost $3 Trillion dollars, increase family premiums by $2,500 per year, hike our deductibles several fold and leave us with 31 million uninsured.  That's, ummm, a million more than before we started this little Liberal dance. 

Oh, and did I mention that Obamacare does nothing to add even a single doctor?  Upwards of ten, twenty, even thirty million newly-covered patients and not a single new doc to see them?  How, exactly, did these loony bozos expect the same number of doctors to adequately serve 30 million new patients?  How do you think that will affect waiting times at the doctor's office?

Oh, and according to the non-partisan Congressional Budget Office, it will increase unemployment by at least 2.3 million people!  And it will bankrupt up to half of all American hospitals, cause up to three-quarters of all physicians to seek early retirement and reduce competition among insurors. Think not?  Under O-care, there's only one approved insurance company in all of Louisiana, Mississippi and New Hampshire.  One! 

Oh yeah, and it creates the Independent Payment Advisory Board, which Sarah Palin so famously called "The Death Panel."  That's because it, staffed with 15 appointed non-physicians, will tell us what Obamacare will pay for, and when, and for whom, and how much.  Kind of like healthcare in the United Kingdom and Canada, don't you now. 

 And lest we forget, the Feds, under the leadership of our Droner-in-Chief, we had "Fast and Furious," "Cash for Clunkers," the shovel-ready "Stimulus Plan," the illegal NLRB Board appointments, the taxpayer-financed bailout of GM's and Chrysler's UAW pensions and the "weaponizing" of the IRS.   Oh, and if you are nuns, you have to offer your employees condoms.  You have to be pretty crass, insensitive, stupid, mean and nasty in order to believe it necessary to punish the Little Sisters of the Poor by forcing them to hand out rubbers to their volunteer workers.  Crass, indeed.

It seems that the nifty little socialist plans cooked up in the basement of the White House by a bunch of Liberal nerds don't seem to work out too well when rolled out for their day in the sun.  Maybe it has something to do with the fact that the people conjuring them up don't have the faintest idea what they're doing.  And, it seems that, since the GOP is likely to take the Senate come Fall, Barry and the Sycophants (neat name for a rock band, don't you think?) are working overtime to heap new and ever more onerous regulations upon us daily (Obamacare regulations governing how this dumbass law is to be implemented are up to 33,000 pages so far, with up to 100,000 more to come).  Then, once the Republicans have both houses of Congress, all the damage will be done and there will be very little they can do about it, because Barry will simply veto any legislation they may pass in an effort to undo it. 

You've got to give these commie pinko lefty weenies credit.  They never give up trying to take control of our lives. 

And that's the very real problem we face.  Republicans see an issue, fight it for all they're worth, win it, or lose it, and then go back to work in the family hardware store. 

Democrats, not having a family hardware store, just keep on shoveling crap our way, never, ever giving up, no matter how long it takes to get their way.  That's how Obamacare evolved; from individual little commie Liberal wet dream plans in the lower right hand desk drawers in D.C. offices, languishing for decades, all brought out, stapled together into 2,700 pages of horses**t! 

You gotta' give 'em credit.  They fight better than we do.  Of course, they have no morals, ethics, religion or reason to be honest and forthright.  They'd be kicked out of the party if they were ever found to be afflicted with any of those negatives...

So, my friends, and you are my friends, if you're still unaware that you've been hosed big time by this shiny new law, lied into existence by our TelePrompTer-in-Chief, the odds are you've either (a) been working two jobs and going without new shoes so you can try to support your family in our rapidly vanishing economy and haven't had time to stay up on things, or (b) spending your quality time smoking dubies, eating Doritos and watching Jerry Springer reruns.  There's hope for the former. There's no hope for the latter.  

And I have but one request for that demographic:  Please stay home on Election Day...