Tuesday, April 30, 2019

"Jim the Wonder Dog"

My college town was better than your college town.  Why?  Because it had something yours definitely did not.  Definitely.

And I don't care where you went to school!  Be it Haaavid, or USC, or MIT, it cannot compare with Marshall, Missouri.  No way, no how...

Marshall is the home of Missouri Valley College, my alma mater.  A great little college in a great little town.  And one that sports an attraction unlike anything anywhere else.  Ever.

Let me 'splain, a bit.  When I first arrived in Marshall back in the early 60's, the first thing I saw upon entering town was a huge billboard proudly proclaiming, "Home of Jim, the Wonder Dog!"  There was a picture of a Llewellyn Setter underneath, nose to tail locked in a perfect point, looking all proud and happy.  Hmmm, worthy of further investigation, I thought.

And I got that chance upon one of the first times I had a chance to pack away a few Buds with the buds.  Deep into the effort the subject of "Jim" came up.  My very good friend by then, Jim Igo, a native of Marshall and steeped in local lore, took it upon himself to school me on this rather fabulous animal.

It seems that way back in 1925 there was a local businessman named Sam VanArsdale.  He managed  the Ruff Hotel.  He was also a dedicated bird hunter and needed a good hunting dog to add to his pack.  A breeder in Louisiana offered him a purebred pup, the runt of the litter, the only one left, for half its usual $25 price (a fortune back then!).  VanArsdale took a chance and brought Jim back home.

Try as he might, VanArsdale couldn't make Jim hunt; he'd simply lay down in the shade while the other bird dogs were undergoing training.  Yet, upon being brought to the hunt for the very first time, Jim immediately made a beeline straight for the nearest covey of quail, went into the perfect point, and then retrieved the bird VanArsdale shot.  And then on to the next covey.  And the next.  The same result.  No zigging and zagging for Jim; he appeared to know exactly where the birds were, and simply refused to hunt them where they weren't.  

VanArsdale was amazed.  He was amazed even more when he told Jim that they should go over by an old oak tree for a rest.  Jim immediately went to and placed his paw on the only oak tree within sight.  VanArsdale then directed Jim to a maple tree. And then an ash, and an alder, and a tree stump, and then a tin can.  The same result.  Jim seemed to understand what VanArsdale was telling him, as he was perfectly obeying his spoken orders.

(Jim's powers at hunting became legendary.  VanArsdale kept track of all the birds taken during Jim's life.  He stopped counting at 5,000, a total no other dog ever reached.  Outdoor Life Magazine later  proclaimed Jim "The Hunting Dog of the Century.") 

Word of Jim's special powers spread rapidly.  VanArsdale was fond of displaying Jim's talents for the locals in many unique and remarkable ways.  He would assemble a crowd at the Ruff Hotel and have the locals ask Jim questions.  And boy, did they!  Jim could find a Chevrolet upon request.  Or a particular license number.  Or go to the woman in the blue dress (dogs are color blind!).  Or find the car driven by the man from out of town.  Or the "woman who takes care of sick people."    

He went on to predict the winner of seven consecutive Kentucky Derbies, the sex of unborn babies and the winner of the 1936 World Series.  VanArsdale would ask Jim for the winners beforehand, Jim would place his paw beside a name, and then his master would place the paper in the safe.  He would open the safe in front of the townspeople following the event to prove the accuracy of Jim's prescient answers. 

Upon invitation VanArsdale took Jim to the University of Missouri at Columbia.  There he was put through numerous tests by MU students on the Quadrangle, including executing orders given him in any foreign language, spoken or written.  And, he carried out orders in both flashed and sounded Morse Code!

While there Professor Durant of the MU Veterinary Department examined Jim.  He proclaimed him "normal," with exception of his eyes; they were, according to Durant, "human-like," without further comment.  

Jim appeared at command performances before the Missouri State Legislature in Columbia and the State Fair in Sedalia.  Reporters who witnessed his amazing feats wrote of the incredible things they had witnessed.  His fame spread across the U.S. and elsewhere.  He was even featured in "Ripley's Believe it or Not."  

In 1935 Jim performed at the Kemmerer Hotel in Kemmerer, Wyoming.  After his astounding performance there, the local paper, the "Gazette of Kemmerer," proclaimed him "Jim the Wonder Dog."

It was reported that VanArsdale turned down an astounding $350,000 (about $10 Million today!) from Paramount to bring Jim to Hollywood so they could make a movie of his life.  He was so paranoid that Jim might be dog napped that he preferred to stay home and retain what remained of his and Jim's privacy. 

Jim caught distemper and died in 1937.  He is buried under a huge gravestone in the shape of a Llewellyn Setter in Marshall's Ridge Park Cemetery and is probably the only animal in a people cemetery anywhere.  Caretakers there tell us it's the most visited grave site there, and is always covered with flowers and coins left by admirers.  

I can attest to this, having visited this site many times.  Most usually accompanied by several raucous school chums and a washtub full of brewskies.    

It should be stated that I believed none of this until I began to do my own investigation.  And then I came to believe it all.  Since I matriculated there less than 30 years after the dog's death, and having chosen this subject for a speech I was to give, I tracked down and interviewed more than 20 people who had known and interacted with Jim while he was still alive.  To a person they swore that it was all true; and more.  Much more.  

One local gent recalled an incident at the Ruff Hotel.  Jim was asleep on the carpet in the middle of the lobby, he told me.  A delivery man carrying an armload of boxes entered the front door and proceeded to walk directly toward Jim, unaware that Jim lay directly in his path.  Jim awakened, the old man said, and without looking at the delivery man, walked two steps forward, lay back down and went to sleep...as the delivery guy walked directly over where Jim had been laying.  Hmmm.

Most of the old codgers wouldn't even discuss Jim when I asked, presumably having been laughed at and mocked by those who hadn't experienced this dog's special talents and abilities.  In fact, one old boy chased me down the street, waving his cane at me and calling me "young whippersnapper" for having the temerity to even question this local icon.

Long after I left Marshall, the town chose to honor Jim's memory in 1999 by establishing the "Jim The Wonder Dog Garden" off the northwest corner of the Town Square on the footprint of the space once occupied by the Ruff Hotel.  "Wonder Dog Day" is held each May and there's a local "Wonder Dog Museum" as well.

And by official proclamation the State of Missouri recently proclaimed Jim "Missouri's Official Wonder Dog."

Clearly, the good people of Marshall believed in Jim, and apparently still do.  And so do I.  If you'd care to investigate Jim further, write "Friends of Jim the Wonder Dog" at 101 North Lafayette Box 101, Marshall, Mo 65340.  The book, "Jim the Wonder Dog," 1942, by Clarence Deroy Mitchell, is available at the Museum.

(BTW, the speech was a huge success, garnering me one of the very few "A's" I chalked up while pretending to attend college...)

NOTE:  I also proudly count Chillicothe, just down the road a piece from Marshall, as my Home Town.  And it's also the "Home of Sliced Bread," being the very place this all-important staple was invented!  Really!  Am I a lucky guy, or what?

Take that, Haaaaavid!

Sunday, April 28, 2019

The MinWage.

Democrat candidates for POTUS 2020 are once again calling for an increase in the Federal Minimum Wage.

All of them.

It seems like this happens every couple of years, just in time for folks to vote who are looking for a raise they can't seem to earn on their own.  Or when those who are looking for votes pander shamelessly to those who have them to sell.

When seemingly otherwise normal folks act so ignorant in public it makes me squirm.  For them.  And for America.  So this is where we've ended up?

-     Politicians demand an increase to the MinWage.  It's now at about $7.65, but many states have already bumped it up to $15.00 or even more.  And they've done this without any apparent understanding as to what those actions might produce.  And their actions are wrecking havoc.  Big time.  Why?

There's this thing called basic economics.  Many have studied this science.  I have.  Supply and demand, and all that.  It's pretty simple.  Except for those who've been afflicted by winning elections, or a substandard education, I guess.  But here are the Bottom Line Facts:

-     Many businesses operate on tiny, minuscule  profit margins.  Restaurants, for example, usually hope for a 2 - 5% bottom line profit.  Grocery stores: 1 - 2%.  Fast food joints:  2 - 5%.  Gas stations:  2 - 4%.  So any increase in their cost of doing business can, and does, dramatically impact their bottom-line profit.  

-     So being forced by the heavy-hand of Government to arbitrarily and automatically increase what they have to pay for labor, often small businesses' Number One Expense, can, and does, eradicate their profits.  So what do they do?

-     They increase their prices to cover their new expense, and run the risk of losing some of their clientele as a result.  Or they reduce the hours they hire, costing their employees income and reducing their ability to perform as a business.  Or they do both.  Or, they might simply pull down the shades, lock the door and head for the barn.  

-     So Bernie Sanders, et. al., demands we pay $15 an hour without regard to whether the job, any job, is worth that.  So the business raises its prices to cover the losses the MinWage increase causes.  The MinWage worker now must pay more of his/her/its (CA, doncha' know!) pay to purchase the very same things that have increased in price because of that self-same pay raise.

Moral of the Story:  You cannot force a business to lose money just because you think they make too much of it.  And "Progressives" seem to think that every business owner is a $Millionaire.  And making money off the labor of others is like, BAD or something.

The Bottom Line:  A business must make money or it cannot hire others.  And fully 75% of all American businesses are small (under 50 employees).  So, it stands to reason taking money from the pockets of employers that could use to hire others and grow and prosper will make it more difficult for them to do so.  Got it?  

So to all you "Progressive" redistributionists out there, it is entirely possible to kill the goose that lays the golden egg.  California has done its best over the past couple of decades to shoo away many of its biggest and best companies (Toyota, Carl's, Jr., Occidental Petroleum, etc.).  More than a dozen Fortune 500 companies have vacated this, the once-Golden State during that period, and they've taken a giant chunk of CA's Middle Class with them.  If you squeeze a business too hard, it will either move away or shut down.  

And in either case, you lose...

Friday, April 26, 2019

Is America a Great Country, or What?

Everybody knows by now that Senator and Democrat POTUS candidate Bernie Sanders (D-VT) is a $Millionaire.

Yep, he wrote a book about the evils and perils of capitalism, and then made $Hundreds of Thousands of Dollars from having written it, due to the inherent benefits of capitalism.

Ummmm, what?

Kind of ironic, don't you think?  A man who has railed against capitalism for his entire life has managed to succeed in spite of himself.  I can't think of a better endorsement of the System he reviles, can you?

Anyway, here's a guy who lived the first half of his life as a complete and total loser.  He was a part-time furniture maker and lumberjack and writer of romance novels, rape fantasies, actually, but never earned a full-time paycheck until he became Mayor of Burlington, Vermont. 

At the age of 40

I guess that full-ride to the University of Chicago he received didn't qualify him for a "real" job post-sheepskin.

He and his first wife lived in a one-room hovel with a dirt floor.  No electricity or running water.  Really (everything I write is carefully resourced).  That was after he and his blushing bride took their honeymoon in Soviet Russia.  He was a big fan of Soviet-style politics, back then, even though he claims otherwise, and is on video extolling it for the folks back home.

The new wife took umbrage with their new living conditions and his continued failure to succeed and bailed on him, post haste.    

He then ran for and won a seat in the House.  And then the Senate.  And that's where he's been ever since.  For 20 years.  During which he's accomplished, ummm, nothing.  Nothing for the people of Vermont.  Nothing for America.

Well, that's not true entirely.  He actually got two post offices named.  That's not nothing, I guess...

He then decided to run for POTUS in 2016 and attracted a humongous following, mostly of disaffected yutes ("what's a yute?") with college degrees in Medieval Lesbian Poetry and a yuuuuge student debt who are currently living in dad's and mom's basement and employed un-gainfully asking that age-old question: "would you like fries with that?" 

So here's a guy who is a poster boy for the American Dream!  A lightweight chronic complainer with marbles in his mouth who couldn't make life pay off, but always only because of somebody else's fault.  We're seeing a lot of that lately, aren't we? 

And then the donations started pouring in.  $Millions in donations!  $Millions and $Millions!  

And he chases the Hildebeest all the way to the rigged DNC convention, only to be robbed of it at the very last minute as he was rounding the clubhouse turn.  

That's okay, though.  He wrote a book about it, as I mentioned up there above, and started cashing in.  He then bought another house, and another, the last one on the beach, and a brand-new Audi A-8.  You know that car, right?  That's the one Iron Man drives.  Just $150,000 a copy, plus options......

Those of you who donated to Bernie, doesn't it make your heart swell with pride when you see him cruising down the boulevard in the supercar you paid for?  Sort of, "redistributionism" in reverse...

So, ladies and gentlemen, if you ever needed proof that capitalism is the best way to do things, Bernie just forked over his tax returns.  They prove this cantankerous old buzzard made it into the $Millionaires Club last year.  But that's okay, he said it's only due to his having written a best selling book, and that anyone who wanted to be a $Millionaire could do the same.

Ummmm, Bernie, isn't that the rock-bottom best endorsement of capitalism you could offer?

So, to all of youse out there who'd like to be a millionaire like Bernie, here's The Chuckmeister's advice:  Run for President!  It matters not whether you win or lose.  You'll get rich in either case!  You can buy nice new cars and houses and fly around on private jets.  Is America a great Country, or what?

Wednesday, April 24, 2019

The Solution

Illegal aliens pay "coyotes" to guide them across our Southern Border.  


These coyotes, usually young, hardened gangsters working for the drug cartels, charge each immigrant about $7,000!  Now, I kind of wonder where these impoverished folks who live on $2.00 a day, find $7,000, but apparently they do.

And according to the Rand Corporation's Homeland Security Operational Center, a Gummint think tank, these vermin raked in a gigantic, unimaginably yuuuuuge $2.3 Billion Dollars in 2017, the most recent year for which statistics are available.

Think of that:  Two Point Three Billion Dollars!!!!!!  Two Thousand Million Dollars!  In one year!  Two years ago!  Can you imagine what it is now?

So here's the idea:  Trump wants to build a Wall.  At least half the Country wants it as well.  The Democrats, hoping all these illegals will someday vote Democrat, on top of those who already are, won't give Trump any money to build it.  Sooooo, let's just set up card tables at the Border and charge illegals $7,000 each to come in!  When more than 100,000 illegal aliens are breaking into your Country every month, a little math will tell you that's $SEVEN BILLION DOLLARS!

So we collect $Billions a month and use the money to build the Wall!  Trump and his true believers are happy.  The Democrats can no longer bitch.  The more Wall is built, the less illegal immigration occurs.  Ultimately all breaking-and-entering stops.  Buuuuut, since the U. S. of A. gets all the dough, and the criminal cartels the coyotes work for are starved of it, and go out of bizz as a result, this is what you call your WIN - WIN - WIN!

Agree?  Write your Congressweenie.  But tell 'em it was The Chuckmeister's idea...

Monday, April 22, 2019

The Office of Presidential Impeachment.

Everything changed on November 8, 2016.

That was the day Donald J. Trump won the Presidency of the United States.  Or perhaps the day Hillary Rodham Clinton lost it.  In either case, a whole "new normal" was visited upon us, the American People.

Because of that sea change, it's become apparent we need to alter the way we conduct future business in Washington, the District of Columbia.

I propose that we hereby create the "Office of Presidential Impeachment."  

This new Cabinet-level Department would have life breathed into it in order that we might get a running start on the impeachment of our next, and all subsequent Presidents.  In fact, let's just assume that all future Presidents deserve to be impeached, either for something they've done or something they might do, and let that reality become a part of each and every citizen's decision-making process when the choice to run for POTUS is being made.

Assuming you still have to be a citizen by then...

Prior to this we've had no need of such an Office.  Up to now one Party would win the Presidency, rejoice, and then get down to business trying to enact its vision of how things ought to be.  The other?  There would be some grumbling, maybe a little yelling and hollering and some drinking, maybe a LOT of drinking, and then that half of the Nation would dry its collective tears, get back to work and then start planning how to win the NEXT election.  The one just passed being in the rearview mirror, doncha' know.

That's what the Republicans did when Obama won.  Twice.  Presumably, that's what the Democrats did when Bush won, twice.  Except, as you'll recall, they didn't actually really think he actually ACTUALLY won.  

With Trump's election the Democrat Party decided to change its modus operandi.  From top to bottom, it seems.  

Now, if you win an election as a Democrat, you won.  And if you lose, you won!  The election was stolen from you!  You were cheated!  That's what H. R. Clinton said.  Actually, she gave us about 43 different excuses for having lost, so far to date, so I'm not sure which one she considers primary.  But for sure, she was cheated.  Big Time!  

So did Stacey Abrams of Georgia.  She lost her Gubernatorial election in 2018 by more than 55,000 votes.  But she claims it was stolen from her.  She claims she actually won.  Well, if she THINKS so it MUST be true...

I have to say, up to now the Democrats have always been a bit reality-challenged.  But at least they could count.  No more, seemingly. Now, with vote counting not having the relative import it used to, we're back to that old saying:  "Who ya' gonna' believe?  Me, or your lyin' eyes?" 

So now the Trump pre-impeachment has gone off the rails and the Democrats who put all their eggs in that "Russiagate" basket have been found wanting.  Too bad.  Mueller found no collusion (which isn't a crime, by the way), nor did he prove corruption (kind of hard to corrupt a corrupt investigation, isn't it?).

But maybe, just maybe this whole Russiagate thing could have worked better for the Democrats if they'd have gotten an earlier start.  Maybe like before the election ever took place, even (NOTE: we now learn the groundwork for impeachment was laid by certain highly-placed members of the FBI, the CIA, the NSA and maybe the U. S. Post Office a full 17 months before the Election!).  And it will certainly work for the Republicans, who will most certainly follow the Democrat's playbook any time they lose in the future.

In fact, I suspect they'll use that playbook whether they lose or not!  "They tried to cheat me, but they were too incompetent to make it work!"

So how about this:  Via the Office of Presidential Impeachment, we start investigating all candidates the moment they announce their candidacy.  That would give us months and months and months before actual voting to run down and speak with every single person the candidate has ever talked to in his/her/its entire life.  (I've added "its" because of California, doncha' know.  Here, you never know exactly which one you're dealing with...)

We could investigate every tax return they ever filed; every business they ever started; every time they got too frisky with a creature of the opposite sex, or even the same sex, going all the way back to grade school; everything they've ever done, with anyone, anywhere, ever.


That way we're able to find every skeleton in every closet before the first lever is pulled.  Had we done that with the 2016 election we'd have learned, courtesy of the Mueller Report, what we now know about Trump.  But we could also have learned all the stuff about Clinton we've yet to learn.  And may well soon.  Hmmm.  That might be interesting, right?

Establishing this new Department would have several benefits:  

  -   First, it would result in adding several hundred or even thousand new employees to the D. C. public payroll.  And for those who think the Gummint is never too large, this would be a Godsend.  I mean, there's only about 211,000 Federal employees in D. C., and over Two Million nationwide.  That's clearly not enough.    

  -   Duo, it would provide full employment for all the lawyers in D. C. who've yet to find a job.  That can't be very many, but let's find them all and put them to work.  In fact, we could label this the "Attorney's Full Employment Act of 2020."

  -  And trois, it would kind of level the playing field between the two Parties; between the one IN power, and the one OUT.  Everybody's always investigating everybody else, so nobody gets too big for their britches.  It seems we've been doing this anyway; this would just formalize the practice.

  -  Quattttro, it would add some legitimacy to the entire process.  No "will he or won't he" appoint a Special Counsel.  Just have a bunch of Special Counsels on staff along with a few hundred extra lawyers standing by and trot one out whenever needed.

  -   And funf (German for "five"), any future candidate for POTUS would throw his/her/its hat in the ring only after factoring in the assurance that they'll be heckled, hounded, pursued, accused, threatened, abused, mistreated, lied about and treated like a red-headed step child for having had the temerity to run for Prez. And they'd also have to add in the enoRRRmous hit to their bank account for having to hire a dozen lawyers at $600 an hour each to defend them before myriad Congressional investigations.  For years.

This little expense has so far bankrupted a half-dozen of Trump's early campaign staff, starting with one Lt. Gen. Mike Flynn, a national hero with more than 40 years' military service.  Yet, none have been charged with anything having to do with collusion or corruption with the Russkies.  Of any kind.  At all.  


And to tie a neat bow around this whole deal, I'd appoint Congressperson Maxine "Mad Max" Waters (D-CA) as the new Department Secretary.  This woman has been calling for Trump's impeachment since well before the Election, so she's probably got more experience at this than anyone else.  

Remember?  She's been yelling, "'Peach fawty-fie! 
'Peach fawty fie!for three years!  And given that she has little or nothing to do, except represent the good people of Watts, appear nightly on CNN and MSNBC, and live in her $4.6 Million Dollar tony Lost Angeles mansion (one of three she owns), this would permit her to focus her special talents like a laser.  

And I'm sure Maxine would be fair to both Parties, right?  There's no way she'd show favoritism to one Party over the other, right?  I mean, she's a patriot, right?

So let's get this whole Trump/Russia thing behind us and embark on a bright new future of complete and total political turmoil and backbiting.  No more well-wishing and glad-handing.  No, indeed.  Don't even think about it.  Let's stop all pretenses of this "working across the aisle" thing and just declare All Out Total War!

As they say, "what's good for the goose is good for the gander."  Or, in the parlance of D.C., maybe better put as, "what's bad for the other Party is reeeely good for mine!"  

But then again, there's another old expression that might work about here:  "Be careful for what you want; you just might get it!"

You don't have to thank me.  It's why God put me here...

Wednesday, April 17, 2019

Identity Politics...

The Democrats are really big into "Identity Politics."

That's their preferred way of winning political support.  They separate people into myriad little sub-groups, both small and large.  Like, for instance, by race, ethnicity, heritage, education, age, sex, sexual preference, physical location, income and hair color.

I'm not real sure about that last one, but it's entirely possible.

Examples?  Why not.  Obama was not only Black, he was White!  Did anyone ever call him "White?"  And, he was called an "African-American!"  Even though, being extracted from Arab roots, he had nary a drop of "African" blood in him!  But why should we let the truth interrupt such a wonderful narrative?

How about Sen. Liz Warren?  She managed to get a full-ride to Haaaavid because of her "American Indian" ancestry.  And then a professorship there.  Same reason.  She played the "race card" well enough to claw her way up from mediocrity, upon which she still maintains an armlock, to becoming a "woman of color."  And she undoubtedly got elected to the Senate from Massassachewsettts due in no small part to her "mixed" ancestry. 

Except, of course, she just revealed that her Native blood is almost nonexistent.  As in tiny fractions of fractions.  Minuscule, doncha' know.  Vladimir Putin no doubt has more Native American blood coursing through his veins than does she.

And now she's running for POTUS, 2020.  Good luck, Liz!  

However, me thinks that if identity politics is such a good idea, why not really practice it?  I mean, all the way?  

Instead of just paying lip service to identity politics, let's look high and low to find the absolute exactly right candidate to take our Progressive message to the masses?  How about a Mulatto, half Black and half something else, but definitely not White (they tell us those White men have caused us nothing but problems ever since 1776!).  Like, say, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.  He's half Black and half Samoan.  That's reeeely good!  And, he's expressed an interest in politics!

Except I understand he leans a bit Right.  That disqualifies him for public office, doncha' know.  Identity politics is embraced only by Democrats, and only applies to Democrats.  

And Progressives, Lefties, Liberals, Redistributionists Commies, Greenies, Marxists, Tree-Huggers, Sovereigns, Eco-weenies, Witches, Druids and socialists.  Especially socialists!

So let's see if we can help out the Democrat Party in its selection process.  Let's take a look at the current crop of wannabe' POTUS candidates and see if there's any one of them that best fits our identity politics goal.

Newly-announced candidate Pete (Mayor Pete) with an unpronounceable last name from South Bend, Indiana almost takes the brass ring.  He's young (37), gay and a socialist.  His father was a Marxist professor, so I guess the apple hasn't fallen too far from the tree.  

Awww, but he's WHITE!  That'll never do!  Nope, in the 2020 cycle, being White don't cut it!  No, our ideal candidate has to tick a whole bunch of different boxes in order to grab this brass ring!  

Let's add in transgenderism.  Let's make our candidate a mixed-race transgender woman.  Couldn't use a man, because Liberals don't believe a man would actually pretend to be a woman.  All that "toxic masculinity" thing, doncha' know.  The other way around would be okay, however.  

So, we've got a Halfrican, transgender woman.  But let's go a bit farther.  How about making her/him/it also gay?  Or, lesbian in this case (I myself am a lesbian; there, I said it!)?  That brings in the LGBTQMDBWT crowd.  NOTE:  I don't know what the letters after "Q" stand for, but I'm sure they'll stand for something reeeel soon.

So, we've got all the Blacks, the transgenders, the gays and the women covered.  Let's also make our preferred candidate an albino!  Yeah, that's the ticket!  An albino!  

So, we've got a mixed-race transgender, lesbian albino woman so far.  Let's then be reeeeeeeely inclusive and look for someone who is also a Gypsy!  That brings in all those with a strange racial story, like the "Romas," as well as those who've been mistreated, incarcerated and abused, who make their living stealing, robbing, cheating and lying.  And that's millions and millions of people!  

Including the members of Congress!  

So that means our ideal candidate will also be a felon, preferably with a good story to tell about his/her/its long road to redemption.

I think it would also be compelling if our candidate had received at least a couple of DUIs, along with a nice, long stint at a drug recovery house.  Kind of like R. Downey, Jr., our very own Iron Man.  Remember, he spent quite a time in the Gray Bar Hotel for drug charges, washing patrol cars at the Riverside County Jail for a summer, but managed to rebound quite well.  I presume you've noticed...

Oh yeah, let's also make our candidate a Muslim.  Our MainStreamMedia just luuuuuvs Muslims!  They'll jump at any chance to tell us we're all Islamophobes for trying to protect ourselves from a people who are deep-down dedicated to killing us.  Read their little book if you doubt me...

Well, my friends, there you've got it.  A Halfrican transgender, previously female, gay lesbian, albino Gypsy Muslim, who's also a recovering felon, drug addict and alcoholic would be the ideal Democrat candidate for President of the United States. 

Oh, I forgot.  Let's make our candidate a dwarf!  Man, do we have this thing figured out, or what? 

With exception of those directly involved in the manufacture of firearms, anyone engaged in drilling for oil and gas, anyone whose ancestors had anything to do with slavery, and out-of-favor White Men, I'd guess we would have covered just about every single identity sub-group in 'Murica...

Now, I'm not looking for any thanks from the Democrat National Committee for my assistance.  If it helps in any way, just give me an ambassadorship to somewhere like you do for all the Big Donors in your Party and I'll be as happy as a clam...

Sunday, April 14, 2019

The "Good" Nazi...

It was early 1968.

I'd received one of those "Greetings" letters from the Government that draft-aged boys like me never wished to receive.  That was quite a bit before the "all volunteer Army," and trust me, very few were volunteering back then. 

In fact, quite a number were beating feet to Canada as an expression of their lack of support for that unpleasantness going on in Asia.  I don't like cold weather so I decided to roll the dice. 

The United States Army toughened me up and squared me away and sent me off to Germany to quickly end the Cold War.  Instead of that "other place."  Which was quite alright with me.    

Oh yeah, notice the Cold War ended?  I guess I did my job okay, then.

So getting shot by a jealous lover or flattened by a runaway cab was likely the only real danger I faced "over there."  And I was pretty happy about that, too.

I served for a time while there on the staff of a major general who ran a part of the Army's logistics command.  And as such, I spent quite a lot of time in Frankfurt hanging around the old I. G. Farben Building.  That building served as Hitler's vast military headquarters for much of the War.  It was also the very largest office building in Europe when built back in the 1930's.  And it was the place where Nazi synthetic fuels and rubber, and lethal poison gases were developed.  

And following the Allies' victory, it became the U.S Communications Zone, European Headquarters.  And where one Albert Speer and I were destined to cross paths...

As one of the General's aides, I was sent to deliver him a message.  I vaulted up the steps to the Farben Building that morning, two-at-a-time.  But my attention was highjacked in mid-stride by a remarkable scene; a new, bright-green NSU Prinz limousine had rolled up to the curb and a gentleman whose face I thought I recognized got out.  This was to be a memorable day.  

Going back a bit, I was a big history nerd in school.  I loved to read about things in the past, always trying to see how those events were impacting the present.  And maybe the future.  Still do.   You may have noticed that.

The World Wars were/are of particular interest to me.  What started them, and why, and the underlying political machinations that fueled them was of interest to me as well.  And so, heading off to Europe gave me the chance to visit the places I had read so much about.  And given that I arrived there scarcely 20 years after the Big War ended, and that at least half of the population was an eyewitness thereto, the scene of the crime was still relatively fresh.   

I recall walking down the streets of Frankfurt upon first arriving.  I looked up at the six and seven story buildings.  There were bullet holes in virtually every one of them, but only above about 8 feet.  Or, roughly the maximum height a man can reach and still plug a bullet hole in the side of a building.  All the others below that had been filled.  Poorly.  Above that they still bore the vivid stain of man's inhumanity to man.  

So my studies had groomed me for this adventure.  I had pored over the Nuremberg Trials which had closely followed the end of the War.  The Allies' plan was to quickly bring to justice all the high value Nazis they could find.  And they found 201 of them.  And that number included one Albert Speer, Hitler's Reich Minister of Armaments and War Production.  

The Trial started in May of 1946 and by the following year all but one of the defendants had been found guilty.  The guilty were quickly hanged.  That one remaining Nazi was the only defendant to plead "guilty."  And that Nazi was Albert Speer.

He had been charged with crimes against humanity.  He threw himself on the mercy of the court.  He said all he'd been doing was designing and building buildings (he was a graduate architect) and he knew nothing of the millions of Jews killed in the ovens.  He was sentenced to 20 years in Spandau Prison.  And he was released only shortly before that fateful day in Frankfurt.

I immediately recognized Speer from the pictures I'd seen and the articles I'd read.  He was still tall and slim and elegant, with just a bit of gray at the temples.  He was nattily dressed and regal in his bearing.  No one else would have noticed his arrival, I'm sure, had there not been a gaggle of photographers and journalists swarming around him.  He then hosted an impromptu press conference on the spot while I watched off to the side.  Although the conference was in German, I understood enough of it by then to learn he had just written a book and really wanted to sell it.  Something about his war experiences.  How nice.

(As an aside, that whole doing bad things and then writing a book about is still pretty popular today, right?)  

I quietly moved on to my meeting with General Kennedy.  But to my surprise, shortly thereafter Speer and his entourage arrived on the 7th floor in time for their appointment with...General Kennedy!  A part of Speer's sentence, I soon  learned, was to report to and remain under the authority of the Zone Commander of Germany after release from prison, and that guy was Kennedy.  And as the General's aide I got to sit in on their meeting.  Imagine that. 

Interestingly, the meeting was conducted in English, as Speer spoke it as well as anyone in the room.  Speer once again professed his innocence to the General.  He said he'd been duped.  That he'd been misled about Hitler's intent and that as an architect all he wanted to do was build nice buildings.  He said he'd be a good guy in the future.  No more concentration camps and such.  Turning over a new leaf, doncha' know.  And then he left.

From that day forward Speer came to be known all over Germany as the "Good Nazi," for having plead guilty and taking his licks.  He was feted by the Media, appeared on all the TV news and talk programs during the following days, and signed book after book (he wrote two best sellers: "Inside the Third Reich" and "Spandau: The Secret Diaries") while becoming a millionaire.  

It was obvious to me that the German people were hungry for some closure following the War.  And this "good Nazi" offered some closure.  There were those who still harbored hatred and distrust for the Allies at the time, but for every one of those, there were 10 or 20 who were truly overjoyed with us and what we'd accomplished.  For them.  I can tell you a G.I. couldn't buy a beer back then once he'd ventured out of the big cities and into the country. 

For Speer?  He retired to London with his $Millions and lived to the ripe old age of 81.  Truly, war isn't Hell if you can lie with a straight face and know how to manipulate the Media...

Epilogue:  From my studies I can tell you that Speer was guilty as sin; he designed, built and managed the entirety of the Third Reich.  And that included all the concentration camps.  And he was personally responsible for keeping the airplanes, tanks and ships rolling off the assembly lines. It has been said his unconscionable use of slave labor to build planes and tanks, mostly in underground caves in Poland, which protected them from Allied carpet bombing, helped extend the War by at least a year.  In  my opinion he got off waaaay too easy.

It would be tough to find a picture of Hitler without Speer standing alongside.  He and Himmler and Goering formed the triumvirate of Hitler's core management.  They were there from the beginning.  Without them there would have been no Third Reich, in my opinion, and most likely no World War Two.     

BTW, that whole "lying with a straight face and manipulating the media" is still quite popular today, isn't it?  You can watch it everyday on cable news...

Thursday, April 11, 2019


So you take away guns, believing that guns cause crime, and that if there were no guns, there would be no crime.

That, my friends, is the Bottom Line as far as the gun-control crowd is concerned.  They don't believe folks like you and me should be trusted with evil, nasty, cruel and heartless guns.  Especially those awful, scary black ones, that look so much like "assault weapons," but aren't.  And the only way to make your neighbors safe from you, and you safe from them and yourself, is to disarm you.

Yep, that's about it.  Our Founding Fathers must have been drunk the day they all agreed to let ordinary, flawed, uneducated and unworthy humans to carry around "weapons of war," they think.  The same ones, by the way, that they used to fight and win the Revolutionary War.  And "they," those we have elected to make decisions on our mutual behalf, intend to correct that oversight.

That little plan has been in place in Europe for decades.  Guns, handguns in particular, have been virtually outlawed in the European Union countries since the 1960's.  Germany, France, England, Spain, Italy and a bunch of other European countries have disarmed their populace.  Has it stopped shootings?  Yes, for the most part, unless there's a hardened criminal desirous of acquiring a gun and using it against innocents in the neighborhood.  

And God knows, there are plenty of them.  Everywhere.  Always.

(NOTE:  The Netherlands and Switzerland and Israel differ in their approach to gun control.  They don't welcome it.  Everyone must serve two years in the military, and are then sent home with an actual military "assault weapon," which they must keep loaded and available at all times.  These citizens are considered a part of the "armed militia."  These are some of the safest countries in the entire world.  Hello, Chicago!  Paying attention?

Think back to the concert hall shooting in Paris a couple of years back.  The Muslim jihadist murdering terrorist thug that killed 50 and wounded hundreds more used a fully-automatic machine gun which has been outlawed in France since WWII.  Outlawed, but still used.  It seems Paris has the same disease that's infecting Chicago...  

And speaking of the Windy City, the first warm day of the year there was just welcomed with 15 shootings and 3 dead.  They're averaging a shooting every 12 hours!  All that in the City with the most restrictive gun laws in America.

So England attempts to modify human behavior by removing a tool some use to eradicate unwanted friends and neighbors.  And when that happens, what to do those desirous of fomenting mayhem do?  They find another tool.  Lemme' say that again.  If you make it hard for somebody to kill somebody else with a gun, they'll use a knife.  Or a rolling pin or a Louisville Slugger.  And that brings us to today's lesson, children.  

There's been a rash of knifings in England over the past few years.  That's especially true in London, where the significant Muslim minority there busies itself stabbing unsuspecting pedestrians all hither and yon.  As in, LOTS of them!  

So, the new mayor of London, one Mr. Kahn, yes, a Muslim, declared Londonistan a "Knife Free Zone" last year.  That followed a 52% increase in knife stabbings over the previous year (they're averaging more than 41 per day!).  He's actually stated that he sees no reason why anyone should need a knife.  So, if he doesn't want them, I guess nobody can have them either.  Except for those who wish to do do harm, in which case they'll find a way.  They always have...

Even famous shouty Brit chef Gordon Ramsey pleaded with Parliament last year, begging to be permitted to keep cooking knives longer than 4".  They said no.

Classic Progressive fascism at work for all to see.  The U.K. doesn't have a 2nd Amendment.  Too bad.

So Kahn has set up a series of boxes labeled, "Knife Banks" all over London.  People were invited to discard their now-illegal knives in one of the many boxes supplied for that purpose under their new "Save a Life, Surrender Your Knife!"(Covered under "surrenderyourknife.co.uk." if you'd like to check it out).  But a day later, March 13th, a single day later, the bin in Westro-super-Mare was broken into and the knives were taken.  Hmmm.

The Bobbies were surprised.  Mr. Kahn was surprised.  But I can't figure out why they'd be surprised when you put a box of knives, now illegal contraband, on the side of the street, unguarded, assuming that a band of criminals won't up and snatch it.  And then they up and snatched it...  

This story was brought to you by the same folks who think stripping law-abiding citizens of their right to self-protection by seizing firearms will put an end to murder and mayhem.  

Maybe they'll choose to put up a bunch of "gun free zone" signs next.

Sunday, April 7, 2019

"A Republic Madam, If You Can Keep It..."

Upon emerging from Independence Hall in Philadelphia that sweltering day in early July, 1776, Benjamin Franklin was asked a question by an interested citizen.  She asked: "What kind of government have you given us, Mr. Franklin?"

He answered, "A Republic, madam, if you can keep it!"

That statement is more meaningful to us Americans these days than ever before.  And that's because there appears to be an all-out assault on the Electoral College, the creation of Mr. Franklin and his other patriots that fateful July 2nd (yes, it was signed on the 2nd; look it up!).  And this effort to remanufacture America is being led by the newly-elected Democrat socialists and communists and Marxists and Climate Conquistadors and Social Justice Warriors, and seemingly all of their 2020 POTUS candidates.  

Mr.  Franklin and his compadres were worried that "mob rule" could emerge if majority rule were enacted.  That's why they opted for a Representative Republic.  Yet, the Democrats tell us that we need a direct-democracy in order to "make every vote count."  They tell us we need to scrap the Electoral College and install a National Popular Vote in its place.  Well, Pilgrim, that's exactly what we don't need!  And what we don't have!

Direct democracy, as in majority wins, as in one-vote-over-half takes the prize, is the very same thing as two wolves and a sheep deciding what to have for lunch.  Direct democracy means a momentary whim of the people could prove catastrophic, whereas a more reasoned, Representative Republican form of government allows a more cautious and successful effort.  

And that's what we have; a Representative Republic.  We vote for people to go to the city hall, or the county seat, or the state capitol, or to Washington, D.C. to represent us.  We vote for them, they vote for us.  And that's the way it's been since the very beginning.  And the way it should stay.

What does all this have to do with the Electoral College?  The E.C. is formed around the same concept as the House of Representatives; the bigger the state, the more Electors.  Thus, larger states have more clout, but still among themselves, cannot elect anyone to national office.  Rather, only by winning the majority of the E.C. Electors can one grab the brass ring.  And that demands a candidate win a majority of the voters in a majority of states, insuring national campaigning and national support.

Think back to 2016.  Clinton won about 63 million votes.  Trump, only 60 million.  Yet, all of those three extra million votes Clinton earned came from 3 counties in California and 2 in New York.   

Do you want Lost Angelenos and those on the Upper West Side making political decisions for you?

Even so the Democrats cried foul.  They want the E.C.  abolished and the popular vote installed.  Moreover, they're calling for the voting age to be lowered to 16 from the present 18.  And they want Puerto Rico and the District of Columbia to have their votes count as well.  And, oh yeah, they want all felons pardoned and their voting rights restored.  Even crusty old Bernie Sanders (Democrat SOCIALIST-NH) wants felons currently incarcerated to have their votes restored!  

Annnnnd, let us not forget, they wish all, ALL efforts to require identification prior to voting to be eliminated in perpetuity!   

That's because they've lost two national elections in recent memory (Bush 43 and Trump 45), even though they won the popular vote.  And they're pissed about it.  in fact, their new meme is even if they lost, they won, because somebody stole it from them!  Think Stacey Abrams.  She ran for Governor of Georgia, lost by 55,000 votes, and is now claiming she won because the election was stolen from her!

So, they wish to turn our electoral system upside down to make it "fairer," when in fact the opposite would be true.  This all means they're either "A," unschooled in civic matters, as are so many of our citizens these days; or, "B," they are scheming, miserable, underhanded, lying bastards who wish to gain an arm lock on power and never, ever relinquish it.  

And I think it's "B." 

If there were no Electoral College, a candidate for national office would simply choose to campaign where the people are:  California, New York, Illinois, Florida and Texas.  And perhaps those cities/regions with large Democrat majorities (Chicago, D. C., Seattle, Atlanta, etc.).  Were a candidate to win these states, and a large majority among certain of the others, he would win the Popular Vote, even while being stomped in the Electoral College!  And he/she/it would never have to visit another state! 

No visits to Kansas, or Tennennessessee, or Arizona, or Idaho, or New Hampshire, or Georgia, or Alabama, or Howarya.  Or any of the other 40 states.  They would be frozen out.  And the politicians wouldn't care.  In fact, they would just luuuuuv it!  It would make campaigning so very quick and cheap and easy, they might not even have to change their tee times! 

So when you hear them banging the drum for eradicating the Electoral College, ask yourself this; are they making this demand to further the prospects for freedom and fairness, or are they looking for an unfair - and lasting - advantage?  

Perhaps the unending investigations by the entire Democrat Party into whether the Russians' expenditure of just a bit more than $200,000 (only!) on Facebook ads running up to the 2016 General Election was reason enough to drag this country through a demoralizing, unnecessary, fruitless, agonizing and counter-productive effort to overturn that election's results was righteous.

(Just luuuuv those longish sentences!)

Or maybe it was just a way to hide the fact that they ran the wrong candidate, in the wrong way, for the wrong people.  And lost.  When a politicians calls for a radical remake of the very fabric of our society, it might be worth asking yourself...


Friday, April 5, 2019

Best Headline Ever!

I just read the very best, all-time, most stupendous and extra-special news headline in the history of the entire planet, and I just had to share it with you, my loyal readers!  And here it is...

"61-Year-Old Woman Gives Birth To Own Granddaughter For Gay Son Using His Husband's Sister's Egg."  
                                     -Daily Wire

Yep, this headline simply demands to be reread, over and over, in order to fully comprehend the enormity of the change in our societal norms, and folkways, and mores over the past few years.  Even the last few months.  At least it did for me.  I hope you had less trouble unwinding this, ummm, rather unusual arrangement than did I, The Chuckmeister.   

It seems that one Ms. Cecile Eledge of Nebraska carried her gay son's daughter to term; the six-pound baby girl, named Uma Louise Dougherty-Eledge, was conceived through in-vitro fertilization with her son Matthew Eledge's sperm and his husband's sister's eggs.  (!)

In this day-and-age of "anything goes," this story could only have been made better if the husband was a dwarf, the son was an albino, the sister was a Native American, the grandma was Black and the daughter was a Republican.

At least the baby wasn't aborted.

Oh yeah, I'd bet this little girl will be hassled all through school about her name.  But at least her parents - all of them? - seem to be happy...

Thursday, April 4, 2019

Seems Like We're All Doomed, America!

We're being told that the Earth will come to a fiery end in twelve years.

Yep, no point in arguing, we're being schooled by our "superiors" in Congress and the Media and by our celebrities that we humans have so screwed up the Earth that it will burn to a crisp in Just. Twelve. Years.

Now to start with, I don't know if that "12 years" thing started last year, or the year before, or the day the ex-bartender from the Bronx was elected to the Congress, but it's for sure 12 years.

Robert Francis O'Roarke, our newest Dem POTUS candidate has told us this.  Repeatedly.  And so has one Ms. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, brand-new Dem Representative from Da' Bronx.  Every day.  And all the other Democrat candidates for the Presidency 2020 have joined in, including Kamala and Bernie and Amy and Cory and Therba and Floyd and Elmo and Zeke and Mohammed and all the other would-be Saviors of Mankind, letting us plebes know that we have just a tad over a decade to live...unless we all get together and...return to the Stone Age!

Yep, their "Green New Deal," which AOC launched within a couple of days of arriving in D.C. (Damn!  A degree in economics from Boston College ($65,000 a year) sure makes a bartender reeeely smart, don't it?), specifies that we must stop all air travel, stop driving our cars, stop eating meat, stop cooling and heating our homes, and basically just stop everything we've been doing that makes people efficient, comfortable, warm, healthy and purposeful.  

(Another patented Chuckmeister longish sentence.  You're welcome.)

Just revert back to the way it was in the 1850's and everything will be just fine, they tell us.  And I believe they actually believe this load of bovine excrement.  And that's even more alarming and perplexing than than their plan to "solve" it! 

So where did this "twelve years to live" scenario come from?  The "Paris Climate Accords," which wasn't a treaty (nobody ever signed it!).  It was simply an agreement between some 30 nations that the more developed countries would spend loads of cash to try and reduce greenhouse gas emissions, primarily CO2, from our atmosphere, while the "emerging" countries, that's the other 161, would have a pass on doing anything for well into the future.  

And by "well into the future," I mean 2040.  Yep, China and India, together responsible for an enormous 40% of all global emissions, are given a pass for the next 21 yearsThey don't have to spend a dime, while we and the other industrialized countries, but mainly America, must spend $Trillions of Dollars to somehow make amends for our success.

Lemme' say that again; we're responsible for 13% of global pollution.  China and India?  40+%.  But WE have to spend huge money and they get to skip on down the road.  Trump didn't like that.  Neither do I.  Neither should you.  He bowed out of the Paris Climate Accord.  And the Leftoids have never been the same...

CO2, we're told, is the major reason for all this "global warming," or "climate chaos," or "climate disruption," or "climate change," or maybe "temperature variation," or whatever they're choosing to call it these days, and it's increased dramatically over the past few years, the "believers" tell us.  And that only by reducing it sufficiently can we keep from roasting alive in a fiery Hell!

Of course, that's all theory.  No one knows for sure whether there's direct causal relationship between CO2 levels and "global something-or-other."  And don't believe that crap about "96% of climate scientists agree;" 96% of climate scientists work directly or indirectly for the Government.  And they want their grants and stipends and paychecks to continue.  Imagine if they were to simply proclaim that climate fluctuates and this is a fluctuation.  Whoops!  Paychecks go bye bye.

But hey, that's enough for "The Sky is Falling" crowd.  And enough for them to try and remanufacture our puny, insignificant lives.  Not theirs, ours...

All they want us to do is give them the rest of our money.  Whatever's left from paying inflated taxes, we'd get to pay another tax.  This one to "fix" whatever they're calling it.  However, I'd like to ask whoever would administer this effort exactly what sort of guarantee they'd give us in exchange for ruining America?  But I shan't hold my breath.  

I just heard a pundit on TV call a man who expressed doubt about this whole global warming scare a "climate denier."  This is pure and simple fascism, people, and we shouldn't let them get away with it.  I intend to call it what it is; a bunch of manipulative politicians trying to hipppmotizzzz fearful snowflakes into coughing up all their cash.  

Oh yeah, by the way, the "Paris Accord" stated that they believed they had 12 years to effect "suitable and necessary change," otherwise it might be too late to bother.  So from "believed" and "might" they took us to THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END!  

Maybe if these limp-wristed twits would actually read the thing they purport to embrace, they might actually understand what it says and stop making world-class fools out of themselves.

Oh yeah, if we were to assume these quivering masses of "Progressive" protoplasm are correct, and that we only have 12 years, then I'd suggest we all go out and get drunk.  Considering it took more than 15 years to rebuild the World Trade Center, just imagine how long it would take to retrofit every building in America...