Monday, December 28, 2015

We Are The Militia!

Ever heard of Joseph Michael Arpaio?  No?  

Well, my friends, and you are my friends, he's the Sheriff of Maricopa County, Arizona. More commonly known as "Sheriff Joe," Arpaio is known as "America's Sheriff" for his unusual, irreverent, politically incorrect and uncommonly successful methods to punish criminals while also reducing recidivism.

Sheriff Joe runs the jail in Maricopa County, Arizona.  This jail features an outdoor tent city with a big neon sign stating "OPEN," 24 hours a day for all to see.  The prisoners are forced to wear demeaning pink underwear, which is probably all they need considering the temperature much of the year hovers around 125 degrees. The prisoners farm their own food and run their own hog farm.  Joe feeds them whatever they grow, along with baloney and mayo sandwiches at a total cost of $0.36 per prisoner per day.  You read that right: Thirty six cents per day!

Yes, Joe is a special sort of guy.  And he's earned the wrath of the ACLU and Liberals everywhere as a result.  As an example, that pack of weenies at the ACLU sued him for refusing to provide TV for his "guests."  So, he set up cable and offers the inmates two channels: the Weather Channel so they can know exactly how hot it is, and The Disney Channel, so they can watch Snow White and Mickey Mouse. I'm a big fan of Arpaio, to put it mildly.  But now more than ever as a result of his most recent suggestion, which I'm now passing along to you.

Your President, one Mr. B. Hussein Obama, blames global warming, which isn't occurring, and our failure as a nation to provide "meaningful gun reforms," which they can't define, for terrorism on our shores.  

Now, the temperature, in my opinion, shouldn't really have much influence on whether a nice Muslim lad decides to shoot up a church or school or community center.  I mean, it gets pretty hot in Singapore, and Costa Rica, and Perth, but they don't take to terrorism as an outlet for their frustration. Perhaps it's because they and their entire family, will get summarily shot if they do.

And legally bought-and-paid-for guns shouldn't have much influence either.  If you buy them legally, passing the firearms safety test, and all required FBI background checks, and then wait the proscribed period before picking them up from the dealer, as the killers did in San Bernardino, enhanced background checks shouldn't have any effect on whether a hell-bent Muslim jihadist terrorist murdering thug decides to commit acts of mayhem, or not.  

Oh, and by the way, those "enhanced background checks" are already in effect here in Taxifornia.  We're already doing what Barry and his Sycophants want us all to do, but it was here, in Taxifornia, that the Muslim jihadist terrorist bastards followed all the laws that Liberals want to impose and still shot up the place.

But our Golfer-in-Chief disagrees.  He thinks that making guns harder and more expensive to buy for good, solid, honest, God-fearing 'Muricans will somehow have an impact on criminals...who by their very definition don't obey the law!  That's Barry's prescription, dumbass as it is.

Mine is quite a bit different.  And it is based upon Sheriff Joe's idea.  Here it is:

America has 12,500,000 people at present with Concealed Carry Weapons permits. That's almost 5% of our population. Now, that's not spread equally between the 57 states (Obama said he'd visited all but a couple of our "57 states" during his 2007 run for POTUS.  If he says there's 57 states, who am I to disagree?).  Some, like Florida, have many. Almost one million, in fact.  Others, like New York, and Connenneccticuttt, and Neu Hersey, and Maryland, have very few.  That's because they have leaders who apparently can't read and understand the 2nd Amendment's plain language regarding the Right to "keep and bear arms."  But Arizona has 250,000 Maricopa County concealed carry permit holders alone among Arizona's 6,741,374 residents. And Sheriff Joe wants to mobilize them.

Arpaio believes, as I do, that trained, experienced and legally-permitted CCW holders can become a very positive and welcome, adjunctive force to the police agencies within their sphere of influence.  Our Founding Fathers, with George Washington as leader, called upon the Minutemen to bring their "assault weapons" (i.e., muskets) and report for duty as a "well-regulated militia" when needed. That's what "well regulated" meant: of fighting age (18), able-bodied, and with weapons they owned at the ready (our nascent Republic didn't have any weapons to issue because it didn't have any money!).

They were shopkeepers, blacksmiths, doctors, lawyers, teachers and butchers.  But first, they were Americans!  And if they were needed to support and defend their young country and its residents, they were ready, willing and able to do so.

And they were needed to repel the British in our Revolutionary War.  We kicked their bangers and mash-loving asses, to put it mildly.  And we did it because we had the backing of our armed citizenry.  And we could do that again.

Oh, and speaking of what - or who - constitutes a militia, the California Code clearly specifies that, "The militia of the State consists of all able-bodied male citizens...between the ages of 18 and 45," and the Governor - even a wimp like Jerry "Moonbeam" Brown - commands it be so, whether he likes it or not.  

Back to the point:  We know that Bad Guys don't want to meet their virgins until they've had a chance to kill lots and lots of innocent people (ever wonder what those virgins must look like after 1,400 years of waiting?).  And they won't get that chance if they attack well-defended locations.  Ask yourself: why don't Islamic jihadist terrorist murderous thugs try to shoot up gun shows and police stations and gun stores? Because they're defended by an armed populace, that's why!  Put another way, if only 5% of the ducks were armed, do you think anyone would go duck hunting?

Might be a good place right here to throw in one of my favorite gun quotes as a palate cleanser.  James Earl Jones, famed actor and octogenarian says, 

"Better to have a gun and not need it, then to need a gun and not have it."

So, if you were wondering why the Bad Guys chose a "gun free zone" training center for the developmentally disabled in the Once-Golden State instead of say, Texas, or Florida, or Utah, or Arizona, or Oklahoma, or any other of the 31 states that "shall issue" concealed carry permits, you now know the answer. And if you have ever wondered why virtually all the mass shootings over the past 20+ years have occurred in "gun free zones," you now know the answer.  And you now have the answer as to how we, the American people, can put these murderous Godless thugs back on their heels: Turn America into a modern-day, armed militia, just waiting anxiously to be called upon and given the opportunity to send these goat-lovers packing.  

Because We are the Militia!

Caveat:  First, I do not advocate untrained, uninitiated and unstable people carrying and/or using guns, nor do I wish them to have access to same.  I believe that anyone, anyone who chooses to buy a gun be required to undergo sufficient training and practice so that they are totally competent and reliable when deciding when - or if - to unload on somebody.

Second, I believe that fielding several hundred thousand armed and trained Americans would literally scare the hummus out of smelly camel herding nere-do-wells.  I believe that they would choose somewhere else - anywhere else - to try and terrorize besides a place where it is known that the people are to be considered armed and dangerous. So, the result would be no terrorist attacks!  And isn't that the desired goal?

Oh, and those who disagree with me should show their distaste and condemnation for us Troglodytes by putting a really big sign on their front yards announcing to all, 

"I hate guns!
I don't own a gun!
I will never own a gun!
Thank you, and have a nice day."

I'm guessing the NARMBT (National Association of Robbers, Muggers, Burglars and Thieves) would really appreciate such a notice.  Don't you agree?

I'm doing my part.  Are you?  

Sunday, December 6, 2015

Doctor POTUS' Prescription to end Terrorism. Or not...

Believing that he, the POTUS, one Mr. B. Hussein Obama, has not been on TV enough of late, has decided to address the nation tonight, Sunday, December 6th, 2015.

And I, the Chuckmeister, wish to time- and date-stamp this little blog entry of mine in advance of that momentous occasion so that there's no question as to what I predicted he'd say and what he chose to deliver to us, his fawning electorate.  Let's see just how prescient I, the Chuckmeister, your loyal scribe, really am.

Yes, my friends, and you are my friends, Barry will take a few more moments of our precious time to lecture us on what he thinks we need to know.  According to media reports, he'll tell us about terrorism, and what we, the American people, need to do about it.  

I predict that he'll infer that it is not his fault!  No, it can't be his fault because he's been busy closing coal mines and "weaponizing" the IRS to punish conservative organizations and playing golf and taking expensive little tax payer-paid Martha's Vineyard vacations and apologizing for America all over the planet to have actually been responsible for the rise of terrorism.  

And I predict that he'll tell us the fault is not with Muslims! No, terrorism in the name of Islam is just a perversion by a few well-meaning but misguided fellows who are acting out because they don't have jobs.  Or maybe their camel has dyspepsia.    

Having painfully listened to each and every one of Barry's thousands of proununciamentos over the past seven-plus years, I believe I'm uniquely qualified to provide you, my faithful readers, with a calculated guess or two as to what sort of meaningless blather he'll spew.  And so, with due humility and an enduring faith in God and the inherent goodness of my Fellow Man, here goes:

1. He'll blame George W. Bush:  Yes, if it wasn't for Chimpy McBushhitler, we would never have invaded Iraq or Afghanistan.  And we would have never opened up GITMO to house all those nice, misguided Muslims who were just wandering around the battlefield somewhere and were somehow scooped up unfairly and placed in this awful hell-hole of a jail there in balmy Cuba. Yes, it was Bushie's fault.

2.  He'll blame Climate Change:  He'll somehow try to tie the rise of radical Islamic jihadist terrorism, alive and very well for more than 1,400 years, to the Earth's warming. Of course, the Earth isn't warming and hasn't been for almost twenty years.  And the seas aren't rising.  And the icebergs aren't melting and the Polar Bears aren't drowning. But hey, what's a degree or two among friends?  I guess the desert in that toilet of a region is getting hotter, and that makes radical Islamic terrorists more prickly and even more likely to cut off our nonbeliever heads.  

3.  He'll blame guns:  Yes, he'll tell us that guns, and the NRA, are a big BIG part of terrorism world-wide.  Were it not for the NRA, Barry will tell us, then we Americans wouldn't want to own and use guns.  And then, somehow, these murderous thugs who shot up San Bernardino last Friday, wouldn't have managed to get guns and wouldn't have killed 14 and wounded another 17 more.  But some of us might want to consider that France doesn't have an NRA, and those misguided members of the Religion of Peace killed 140 and wounded another 300+ in Paris the other day.  But that's just me. 

Oh yeah, and this otherwise very nice middle-class SanBerdoo couple had 12 pipe bombs.  But, since there's no National Pipe Bomb Association to blame, Barry won't mention that.  

And even though it's been reported that all the guns were all purchased legally, with full NICS-system FBI background checks, and ten-day waiting periods, in a state with arguably the most stringent, painful, unnecessary, awful, miserable, expensive and time-consuming gun-hating laws in the country, Barry won't care about that and will call for even more stringent, awful, painful gun control laws.  I guess, according to Barry, the only way to keep Bad Guys from getting guns is to keep Good Guys from getting guns.  Go figure!

4.  He'll blame Republicans:  Yes, my friends, if it weren't for Republicans, then he, Barry, the mild-mannered POTUS, would have been able to pass "reasonable, moderate, meaningful gun control laws" a long, long time ago, which would have somehow prevented these nice Muslims from buying guns and shooting people.  Oh, by the way, "reasonable, moderate, meaningful gun control laws" is Democrat-speak for a Federal, national data base of all gun buyers and owners so that at some unspecified date in the future, the Black Helicopter Squad can come visit your home in the dead of night and confiscate your legally bought and paid-for guns.  And don't think I'm being paranoid.  It happened in Cuba, and China, and Britain, and Australia, and France, and Austria, and Venezuela, and Russia, and North Korea, and - ready for it - 1936 Germany.  

And, my friends, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not really after you.

Annnnnnd, he'll propose to do a whole bunch of illegal and unconstitutional Executive Actions to further his gun-hating pronouncements.  One will be to close the so-called "gun show loophole."  That's the one where you can go visit your local gun show and buy a beat-up old .22 single shot rifle mano-a-mano from some elderly grandfatherly-type for your son for Christmas.  No, my friends, after Barry's new E.O., your ten year-old son will have to pay $25 for a full NICS-system FBI background check, and so with the grandfatherly-type. They'll each have to file the paperwork to transfer ownership of that old rifle.  There.  That ought to fix things! No more terrorist mass shootings!

Another E.O. will be to make it unlawful for those on the "No-Fly List" to buy guns. Now, my friends, no one seems to know how you get on the this No-Fly List, and no one seems to know how to get off this dreaded list once you get placed upon it. It seems that if some Democrat-appointee in a black robe somewhere decides that you are a terror risk, you get added to the list.  And the latest number we've heard is some 700,000 people in our country are on this list.  Do we really have that many terrorists in our midst? Me thinks not.  But while we're trying to watch football, Barry will tie one to the other and make it impossible for those on the list to buy guns. Of course, the Republican majority in Congress will scream bloody murder and the NRA will immediate file sue to stop this illegal, unconstitutional encroachment on our Rights. But then Barry will have something else to bitch about and something else to blame for his personal failures.

Did you know that Senator Teddy "The Driver" Kennedy was once on this infamous list?  No?  How about Steve Hayes, Head Editorial writer for the National Review magazine? Yep, he was placed on the list until he squealed and somehow got miraculously removed.  Maybe it had something to do with the fact that Hayes is a conservative and proud of it.  Who knows?  I think I do.

On second thought, maybe Teddy really deserved to be on this list after all.  And for all we know he's still on it, six years after his death.

So, my friends, Barry, who's told us that ISIS is the J.V. Team, and that he has them contained, and that everything is just fine...isn't.  And now, he'll tell us that he's finally figured out how to solve this problem...that, up until today, wasn't really a problem.  

Is you head hurting?  Mine is...

The "Publish" button is being pushed at exactly 2:00 p.m., Pacific Daylight Time, exactly 3 hours before Barry throws up all over our TV sets.  Sit down, fasten your safety belts and hang on...

Saturday, December 5, 2015

Closing GITMO: Obama's Preachments vs. the Truth...

Our Community Organizer POTUS is extremely fond of lecturing us on virtually everything, but especially on why it would be a very good idea to close GITMO.  And for those who've been living in a dumpster behind the local Wal-Mart, GITMO stands for the Guantanamo Naval Base, Cuba. But to commie pinko dumbass liberal weenies, GITMO stands for "Chimpy McBushhitler's Guantanamo Prison where really nice Muslim folks who have done not a thing at all to us are kept for years against their will." 

Obama tells us that we can't keep it open because it "costs too much."  Whoa!  Is this the very first time in American history when a Democrat worried about what something cost?  This, the guy who's spent more than $40 Million of our hard-earned tax money on teeny little vacations to Hawaii and Martha's Vineyard?  Costs too much?  Really!

He also tells us whenever he thinks we might be listening that GITMO also offers up a strong inducement for would-be terrorists across our fruited plain to join the cause and start beheading mommies and daddies everywhere.  Hmmm...

Well children, let me, The Chuckmeister, provide you with the truth on each of these two issues.  I can.  POTUS won't. So what else is new?  Here goes:

GITMO sits on the far easternmost tip of Cuba, some 400 miles south of Miami.  We won it as a consequence of the Spanish-American War in 1903.  You'll recall Teddy Roosevelt and his Rough Riders charging up San Juan Hill? No?  I guess we really don't teach history in our schools any more.  

Anyway, we took it as the spoils of war and put a nice neat Naval base upon its 45 square miles.  It is our oldest overseas Naval base.  It hosts nearly 9,500 Navy and Army personnel, and hundreds more Department of the Navy Civilians and other civilian contractors.  It also employs more than 6,000 Cubans who show up every morning to clean toilets and sweep the floors on the more than 650 buildings located there.  I guess the Castros enjoy collecting all that filthy lucre from us capitalists via the sweat of the brow of their poor countrymen.  They're just a bit "more equal," don't you know.

Oh yeah, it also features a nice, clean, neat jail.  But it offers much more than a jail. More on that later.

Like other military installations GITMO offers many conveniences to those stationed there.  It has a bowling alley, an outdoor movie theater and several chain fast food joints, including a Burger King, a KFC, a Subway, a McDonalds, a Dairy Queen and a Baskin-Robbins.  In short, GITMO is an important forward operating base we need to monitor activities throughout the Caribbean Sea.  It was essential during Dubya Dubya Deux to keep track of enemy subs, and still is.

Oh yeah, that jail thing.  All of a sudden 9/11 happened.  The Muslim terrorist jihadist murdering thugs flew a couple of hijacked commercial jets into our Twin Towers and killed 3,000 of our people.  We started collecting bad guys on the battlefields of the Middle East.  We needed someplace to put them that wasn't on U.S. soil.  Were they to set foot here, my friends, they would automatically earn the rights and privileges of our Constitution...the same Constitution they abhor.  That same "wet foot, dry foot" thing that the Cubans are endowed with when they set sail on rickety little boats and try to make their way to Miami.  They would get the Bill of Rights to beat us up with. 

So our guys put a nice, new, shiny jail on GITMO.  One, it appears, that's equipped with prayer rugs, arrows pointing toward Mecca so they can pray to their little jihist hearts' content, halal grub, not a pig in sight and plenty of lawyers and interpreters and soccer fields and Korans so they can stay entertained.  All-in-all, I'd say it's a major improvement over wherever they came from.  Except, our liberal minions are shocked that we would actually consider them terrorists and prisoners instead of simply lawbreakers. They want these goat-lovers accorded Constitutional privileges and given trials in downtown Manhattan.  I'm not a big fan of Islamic terrorists.  I'm also not a big fan of commie liberal fools.

Back to GITMO.

So we build this prison.  In 2002.  A full year after 9/11.  So tell me, liberal weenies, how did a prison in GITMO built a full year after 9/11, provide the impetus for 9/11?  It didn't.  Case closed.

And now to the cost of our nice, shiny, clean jail on GITMO. Our Golfer-in-Chief tells us that each of the prisoners on GITMO costs us more than $One Million Dollars a year to maintain.  He arrives at this figure by simply dividing the total amount it costs to run GITMO - the entire Naval base - by the number of prisoners we keep behind bars there.  So, the more prisoners, the less cost per prisoner. And the fewer the number of prisoners, the more they each cost!  So, the more prisoners Barry ships out on a Friday evening, under cover of darkness, while nobody's looking, after the evening papers have hit the newsstands, to some toilet of a Middle Eastern country, the more each remaining GITMO prisoner costs us!  You see how that works?

Let's net this out:  It costs just over $600,000,000 (Six Hundred Million) a year to operate GITMO.  Time was we had more than 700 murdering thugs at GITMO, including the guy who planned 9/11 and Bin Ladin's driver.  Using Barry's accounting, that would have meant just under a Mil apiece. We're down to just over 100 prisoners. Does that mean it costs $6 Million a Year for each to keep imprisoned? To Barry, it does.  To the people who watch MSPMS, it does. To the nincompoops who read the NY Slimes, it does.

Imagine when he gets us down to one miserable lying murdering jihadist killer; that means that blemish on the butt of humanity will cost us Six Hundred Million Dollars! Will that be costly enough for the Lap Dog Media to demand that GITMO be closed? Me thinks it will...

So, my friends, and you are my friends, stop watching MSPMS and reading the NY Slimes and start researching THE TRUTH for a change, and learn what's actually happening.  Don't believe the bile that spewing from the sniveling lips of the liberal Lap Dog Media.  They'll mislead you just like they've misled so many once-loyal Americans.  

There.  That should do it!  Now on to some other Earth-shattering problem to solve...