Sunday, March 29, 2015

Elect The Chuckmeister POTUS!

Okay, folks.  Here's the deal.  I, like so many of you, am fed up with the way our so-called "leaders" are leading.  Our beloved Country is in deep kimchee and is headed downward at a steep clip.  We have gone from the Leader of the Free World to an international laughing stock.  We have no foreign policy, except to "lead from behind," whatever the Hell that means.  We have turned half of our population into dope-smoking laggards, supping at the public trough, knocking back Colt .45's and watching Jerry Springer reruns while awaiting the postperson to deliver their monthly welfare checks and food stamps.  Mitt Romney was right.  47% of our population pays no taxes and has no interest in doing so. They are riding in the wagon the rest of us are pulling. We need to do something major, and right now!

I, the Chuckmeister, know how to start stuff, and run stuff, and make stuff work.  I've been doing it all my adult life.  I'm what some people call "a doer."  There are those who sit back and watch other people make things happen.  And then there are those who do the "happening."  That group would, ahem, include me.  And so, I, The Chuckmeister, have made a decision. I'm hereby announcing my intent to run for the President of the United States.  And I shall henceforth lay out my platform for your perusal and edification.  Elect me and I shall turn this Country around.  Here goes...

-  First, I shall immediately abolish the IRS and replace it with a simplified "flat tax" in which everybody, everybody, shall participate.  Whether it's 10% of your income, or 12%, or 15%, it doesn't matter.  I'll hire some experts to tell me the exact number that results in revenue neutral income stream. We're talking one side of a postcard here, folks.  Simple to the max!  Put H and R Block out of business!  We, the U. S. of A., took in more than $4 Trillion Dollars in each of the past two years, an all-time record, and yet we managed to spend $500 Billion more than that in both years.  Shocking! Shameful! The One Hundred and Ten Thousand IRS workers will be immediately furloughed.  They can apply for unemployment, or welfare, or whatever.  I don't care. They have been "weaponized" by our Vacationer-in-Chief and they need to be bitch-slapped into reality.  No more gravy train. Hey tax collectors!  To paraphrase Donald Trump, "you are fired!"

-  Next, I'd finally, once-and-for-all, seal our southern border. I'd build a fence high enough that there's no ladders for sale anywhere that could scale it.  So high, in fact, that small planes would have to work hard to fly over it.  And I'd build it all across the 1,760 miles from San Diego to Brownsville, Texas.  And I'd add enough Border Control Agents to adequately secure operations.  Thousands.  Tens of thousands!  And don't tell me it would be too expensive.  If we can blow tons of money training shrimp to run on a treadmill, or pay Big Money to learn why Chinese prostitutes tend to smoke too much, we can do this.  Then we could have a nice little conversation about what we do with the 11, or 15 or 20 million illegal aliens who are here and have no intention of ever leaving.  I personally prefer rounding them up and sending them back to Guadalajara, or Hermosillo, or Cuernavaca, or wherever.  However, I'm realistic.  Maybe that's impossible. But I'd like to find out what is possible, and then do it.  Oh, yeah.  Maybe the 110 thousand pink-slipped IRS agents would like to head on down to the border and link arms in an effort to finally, once and for all, make it impenetrable.  Minimum wage for them all.  Better than being unemployed, right?

-  Third, and just before lunch on my first day in office, I'd issue an Executive Order nullifying every single Executive Order that our Golfer-in-Chief has issued during his seemingly endless term as POTUS.  Every single one. There, that ought to do it!

-  Fourth, just after lunch, a cheeseburger, medium-well, with a side of truffle fries and a nice, unassuming little Syrah, I'd eliminate a whole bunch of Federal agencies.  I'd start with the Department of Energy.  Jimmuh Carter created this monster back during the Oil Crisis days of the late 1970's so we'd never have another Oil Crisis.  Now this behemoth employs 77,000 people who do God-knows-what, but they sure as Hell don't do anything to improve our energy situation.  

-  Next, the Department of Education.  Hello!  Education is a function of our 50 states. Has anyone in Foggy Bottom read the 10th Amendment?  Every power not specifically granted to the Federal Government by the states, according to the Bill of Rights, is the province of the states, and the states alone.  And education is nowhere to be found in the Constitution or the Bill of Rights. If a state wants to embrace Common Core, it can. Those who object will simply not utilize it.  Simple, right?  And all the money that the Feds charge the states to meddle in the states' business would be returned to the states.  Makes sense, right?

Following this I'd eliminate the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives. Shouldn't that be a convenience store?  Stop by for a bottle of Jack Daniels, a couple of packs of smokes, a new pistol and some ammo and a whole bunch of fireworks, and then head off to the camp grounds for a weekend away. Forget it.  ATF and E is outtahere...

-  Now we move along to the EPA.  The Environmental Protection Agency is doing everything it can to screw us out of our ability to create enough home-grown energy so we don't have to import any more oil from those nasty goat-lovers who hate us and want us dead.  I would follow this move with a National Fracking Program.  I would frack here, and frack there, and frack everywhere!  I would frack in San Fran Nan's back yard!  We have more oil under out feet than any other country on Earth.  Elect me and we'll be completely energy self-sufficient, finally, after 60 years of being subservient to the Saudis and Iran and Iraq and OPEC.  The EPA would be allowed to continue, but with stringent new limitations that would protect you and me from legislative overreach.  If they get out of hand again, I'll turn Trey Gowdy loose on them.

-  Oh yeah.  I'd sign the Keystone XL Pipeline into effect on my First Day.  It would be safer, and cleaner, and quicker and cheaper than transporting oil by train or by truck. My approval would piss off Little Robbie Redford and the Oceans Foundation and the Sierra Club and billionaire Tom Steyer, and all those eco-weenie dumbasses but who gives a crap what they think? Certainly not The Chuckmeister.

Time for a nap.  

-  Now well rested, I'd eliminate the National Labor Relations Board.  This is nothing but a bunch of commies who care only about the labor unions they work for and issue rulings that favor no one but those slimy bastards.  Remember when our TelePrompTer-in-Chief appointed three members to this Board when the Senate was in recess, except for the fact that the Senate wasn't in recess?  Yeah, well it then decided that Boeing couldn't build a new manufacturing plant in South Carolina.  Huh? Since when does a Federal agency decide where, or when, or if a private company does anything? Completely unnecessary, useless, dangerous and foolish bunch of partisan hacks.  Oh yeah, and then the Supreme Court ruled that Barry O'Bama violated his oath of office with this illegal appointment.  Again.  He seems to do that a lot. You're gone!  Bu Bye!

-  Okay, next I'd issue an Executive Order for National Concealed Carry Reciprocity. Those of us with a brain know that more guns equal less crime.  So I'd wipe out bans on concealed carry by states like Taxifornia, and Connnneccticutt, or however you spell that commie state's name, and Maryland, and New Hersey, and cities like Chicago and San Francisco and the District of Columbia. There were 510,000 pistols sold in California in 2014.  That's double the number sold in 2010.  Did Armageddon ensue? Far from it.  Our murder rate here in the once-Golden State is at a 20 year low.  Proof once again that people want to be able to protect themselves, and can do so without the Gummint getting involved.  Oh, and no more "Gun Free Zones."  What a dumbass idea!  If you're a crazed potential mass murderer, where ya' gonna' go?  You're gonna' go where nobody's armed, right?  You might be crazy but you're not stupid!  The only stupid people are the ones who decided that potential killers read and obey signs! Every single mass shooting in the past 20 years has occurred in a gun free zone.  Get rid of them!  Remember, an armed society is a polite society.  And, if only 5% of the ducks were armed, do you think anyone would go duck hunting?

Okay, that's a pretty full day.  I'd then have a nice din-din, some after dinner cordials, maybe watch Fast and Furious 6 on my new 100" flat screen, provided by you, the taxpayer to my predecessor, Mr. Oblamo, and then get some sleep.   In the Lincoln Bedroom, no less.  And I wouldn't even have to pay for it, like they did to Billy Jeff "Blue Dress" Clinton. I mean, rank has its privileges, right?

-  Okay, next morning I'd have a nice breakfast.  Maybe some Eggs Florentine and hash browns and sourdough toast, with a little compote of seasonal berries.  Then I'd issue an Executive Order abolishing the filibuster.  We need laws passed without delay.  No more Harry Reid and his minions preventing votes and the passage of laws. Remember, he's the guy that killed 233 years of Senate rules by adopting "Reconciliation," thus eliminating the need for 60 votes for cloture, so he could pass Obamacare.  And we've been plagued by this stupid, wasteful, rediculous law ever since. What's good for the Democrat is good for the Republican, right? 

- Second on Day Two's agenda will be to abolish all Federal rules regarding what little school children can eat.  Moochie Oblamo has inserted her unelected self into your kids' lunch buckets and issued proclamations as to what they can eat. That's total insanity!  Who the Hell is she to be telling us what our kids can eat?  Oh, wait.  Yeah, I get it.  She's a Libbie. They just want to be left alone to live our lives.  And God, she's doing her very best to do so.  With the Chuckmeister as POTUS, and Mrs. Chuckmeister to keep him on the straight and narrow, you'll get no more interference into personal matters like this from D.C.

-  Next, around 10:30 a.m., I'd fire John "Lurch" Kerry.  I'd give him somebody else's military medals and point him to the Potomac so he could recreate his famous media circus back in the '70's when he tossed them into the murky river water back during the Viet Nam war.  Oh, and I'd fire Josh Earnest, the professional liar who serves as the Press Secretary.  And Marie Barf, the Defense Department spokesweenie, and Jen Psuckie, who makes a mockery of telling the truth as State Department Liar.  Out!

-  Then, I'd appoint Gary Sinise as our new Secretary of State.  He loves the military and the guys and gals who keep us safe, has done more than almost anyone you can name to cheerlead for America, is smart and soft-spoken and admired by all.  Plus, when things wind down a bit we could ask him to have his "Lt. Dan Band" entertain us at White House get-togethers.  Since only Black entertainers have enjoyed the spotlight at W.H. functions for the past 6-plus years, it's time for another color.  Any other color.  Don't you agree?

-  Now then, things are going well, so why stop now?  I'd call in the Joint Chiefs of Staff of the Defense Department and let them know that I was giving them $500 Billion Dollars. Sequester, my ass!  Take this cash and try to rebuild our military capability to what it was before Barry and his Sycophants started tearing it apart.  Ships out of mothballs, furloughed generals called back from retirement, middle-rank enlisted personnel returned to active duty.  Guns and tanks and rockets to their heart's content. Next, I'd appoint Chuck Norris as Secretary of Defense.  He's the perfect guy for the job.  Did you know he has a Bear rug on the floor in his house?  The Bear's not dead. It's just afraid to get up and try and run away.  Oh, and then I'd have Chuck send a telegram to Vladdy Putin; your crap now has great odor!  Get you butt out of the Ukraine or I'm turning my boys loose on you!

Time for lunch.  A nice piece of Atlantic Salmon, perfectly grilled on a cedar plank, some au gratin potatoes and a medley of garden veggies.  Plus a nice Sauvignon Blanc, of course.

-  Then, since we haven't had a Foreign Policy for years, except for "leading from behind," I'd unfurl my new Foreign Policy Program.  It's called, "Nuke The Bastards!"   We have nukes of all sizes.  Large, medium, small and even the suitcase variety. We'll give the bad guys a warning.  If they don't clean up their act and do things our way, we'll simply smoke thirty or forty thousand of them and turn a big chunk of the sandy desert over there into glass.  We shouldn't have to do that more than once or twice. It should also get Putin's attention.

-  Next, I'd issue an Executive Order terminating Obamacare. It was a bad idea passed by a bunch of Lefties who just want to be left alone to live our lives.  I would replace it with: Portable insurance that employees own, and can take with them from job to job; insurance that can be bought across state lines, just like car insurance, dramatically increasing competition and significantly reducing prices; Federal subsidies for those who need them, but only if they qualify; and expanded Medicare for all the remaining uninsured, including ex-military, instead of the Veterans Administration hospitals and clinics.  Our second largest budget line item is the V.A., and there's no reason we need it. We'll simply make sure we have the capability in the private sector to take care of PTSD and battle wounds and any other military-specific ailments, and we can improve the level of care and save billions!  Imagine what we could get for the 187 V.A. hospitals if put on the auction block.  

Oh, by the way, I spent 40 years in the medical field, wore the uniform of the United States and am a veteran, so, for a change, I actually know what I'm talking about.

-  Late in the afternoon of Day Two I'd issue an Executive Order eliminating all Federal funding for any and all institutions of higher learning that advocate for Global Warming, or Climate Change, or Climate Chaos, or whatever-the-Hell-they're-calling-it today.  It's nothing but a Multi-Billion dollar scam.  This whole "Sky Is Falling" crap is nothing but a Liberal wet dream designed to take your tax money and give it to those who want to control your lives. Here's the bottom line:  We breathe out CO2, plants take up CO2 and give off oxygen.  What's not to understand?  No more funding for this nonsense! 

-  Along toward late afternoon of Day Two I would issue an Executive Order proclaiming Israel and its Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu as our True Friend for Life.  I would stop all this Israel bashing and give them whatever they need to fend off the incessant rocket fire and terrorism from the Jordanian refugees who loudly call themselves "Palestinians," which never existed.  Barry hates Israel and Bibi.  That's okay.  I feel the same way about him.

-  Lastly, I will promise not to speak to you, my constituency, unless I actually have something important to say.  We've been subjected to Major Policy Addresses of the Morning, Afternoon and Evening for the past six-plus years by our Blabbermouth-in-Chief.  We have a POTUS who seems to believe that giving a speech is the same thing as doing something.  You might not see my smiling face for weeks. And that's good. Get on with your lives.  Work.  Make money. Pay no attention to Government until absolutely necessary. That's the way it ought to be.

That's my first two days as POTUS.  Busy schedule, yes, but I can handle it.  Because I am The Chuckmeister!  Imagine what I could do in the first month.  In the first year!  In a full term!  I will lower the unemployment rate, dramatically improve race relations, end the conflicts in the Middle East, stop the Feds' incessant meddling in private businesses, lower taxes, reduce our Debt and improve everybody's sense of well-being.  

And so, my friends, and you are my friends, I humbly ask for your vote.  And, if you have some spare change laying around, send it along so I can buy some commercials and print up some banners and posters we can wave at our rallies.  You make the choice as to who will be running things after January 20, 2017.  Do you want the Hilldebeest, or somebody who has actually started companies and hired people and made a payroll and made decisions and struggled against the tyranny of out-of-control Government? 

The Chuckmeister is available and awaiting your command...

Sunday, March 22, 2015

"GITMO," for the Low Information Voter

"Gitmo."  For everyone who hasn't been living in a dumpster behind the local Wal-Mart, Gitmo is shorthand for Guantanamo Bay. Yeah, I know, Gitmo is a jail.  But it's so much, much more.  Let's investigate together...

I overheard a debate the other day between two uber-lefty "Progressives."  One told the other that Barry O'Bama should have kept his promise and closed Gitmo on his first day in office.  The other guy stated that he was willing to forgive Barry for telling yet another lie (they pile up, don't they?), but wanted him to go ahead and close it today. And, he emphasized, today!  After all, he said, it's just a prison for really nice, completely misunderstood Muslims.  And we all know that Islam is a really nice, completely misunderstood religion, right?  And having Gitmo open serves to make those nice, completely misunderstood Muslims want to strap bombs to themselves and blow up shopping malls.  So, they continued arguing, loudly, never actually reaching agreement on this thorny issue.  They do that, those lefties.

Buuuuut, my friends, Gitmo is quite a bit more than a prison for terrorists.   It's a 45 square-mile Navy base located on the southeastern tip of Cuba, some 400 miles from Miami.  It was carved out of Cuba as a result of our helping them win independence from Spain in the Spanish-American war in 1903.  Remember reading about Teddy Roosevelt and the Rough Riders leading the charge up San Juan Hill?  Oh, wait.  I'm sorry.  That's when they actually taught history in school.  It was first leased for the grand old sum of $2,000 a year until 1934 when the rates jumped up to a whopping $4,085.00 per annum.  I'm guessing the Cubans needed a bump in income.

Gitmo is our oldest overseas Naval base and the key to security in the Caribbean.  It was a big deal during WW2, as it served as our forward observatory for German sub activity. Since 1959 the Castro Gummint has protested loudly about our continued presence on their soil. They say it is illegal under international law and that we imposed it upon them by force. Yeah, by force.  We kicked out the Spaniards, by force, and saved the Cubans' bacon. Up until recently we've simply ignored the bleatings of the Cubans. Now, with Barry and and his Sycophants (good name for a rock band, right?) in charge, we're starting to make noises like we're going to give it back.   I wouldn't put it past our Community Organizer-in-Chief to do just that.  Libbies give stuff back they shouldn't be giving back.  That's what they do.  Remember when Jimmuh Carter gave back the Panama Canal?  Don't remember that? We're back to that no history taught in school again...

Like I said earlier, Gitmo is quite a bit more than a jail.  It features 656 buildings, a bowling alley, an outdoor movie theater and several chain fast food joints, including a Subway, a KFC, an A and W, a Baskin-Robbins and a Mickey D's.  It also houses 9,500 active-duty U.S. Army soldiers and Marines.  It also employs more than 6,000 Cubans who travel to and from each day to do the military's scut work.  Funny how Cuba's commie leaders will happily trade their serfs' labor for hard U.S. currency.  

Then, all of a sudden, 9/11 happened.  The bad guys flew commercial jets into the World Trade Center and killed more than 3,000 of our people.  We started capturing jihadist fascist Islamic murdering goat-loving terrorists on the battlefields of Iraq, Syria, Yemen and Afghanistan.  We needed someplace to put them that would keep us safe from them and also keep us from having to bestow Constitutional privileges upon their killer selves.  Remember, they set foot on American soil and they get American civil rights.  Gitmo was an enlightened answer.  

So, in 2002 we built a prison.  We called it a "detention center," but it's a really good prison.  A prison where the terrorists get three really good hots and a lot more than a cot. They get world-class medical care.  Plenty of exercise. Color TVs and DVDs.  Lots of nice, shiny Korans.  A soccer field. Great civilian lawyers.  And the chance to bow to Mecca five times a day without interruption.  We parked several hundred "detainees" there.  We interrogated them, but we didn't torture them.  Not even a little bit.  No water boarding allowed.  In short, we treated them a whole lot better then they treated - and treat - us.  

So Gitmo is a Naval base that happens to have within it a prison for terrorists we don't want to bring to the U.S.  But Barry continues to tell those of us who care to listen that our operating this prison incites Muslims to embrace terrorism. Somebody ought to ask our Vacationer-in-Chief if that's so, why did they bring down the World Trade Center in 2001? We didn't build the prison until 2002!  

It seems to me they were plenty pissed at us long before we built the Gitmo detention center.  And they'll probably be plenty pissed at us long after Barry or somebody else closes it.  But even after it's closed, the Gitmo Naval Base will be operating just as it has for more than a century.

So, to the two lefties who were arguing the other day about just how "Progressive" they ought to be, Gitmo doesn't cost $1.4 Million per prisoner like Mr. O'Bama tells us (another lie?  Yes, children, it is).  He's craftily derived that number by dividing the total cost of operating Gitmo as a Naval Base by the dwindling number of Islamic fascist killer terrorists that remain.  Thus, the fewer the terrorists, the more it costs.  By the time our Health Insurance Salesman-in-Chief gets it down to one, that lone miserable killer will cost us about $600 Million a year to house, feed and clothe.

You see how low information, dumbass voters can be hoodwinked by unscrupulous narcissistic manipulative lying deceitful politicians?  I thought you would...

Monday, March 9, 2015

Why to Lefties, "Fair and Balanced" Means "Fear and Loathing."

Time was, back in the almost-Dark Ages, there were only a few simple TV networks.

They were called the "Alphabets" because there were only CBS, NBC and ABC.

Are you old enough to remember?  About Midnight they would "sign off" and you'd see a picture of an Indian "screen saver" called a test pattern until morning. That would be a "woo woo" Indian, not a "red dot" Indian.

And we, the American people, believed everything they told us.  We had no reason not to.  Besides your local paper, there was no other source of news. And who would believe they had a not-so-hidden agenda? Not me.  Not anybody I knew.  In fact, I remember in 1982 when Walter Cronkite, anchor of the CBS Evening News, told us that we were facing a new ice age.  No question.  The Big Freeze was coming. Imagine that.

And then, little by little, I became aware that the so-called Mainstream Media was massaging the news to the benefit of the Democrats, the Lefties, the Progressives among us.  They would shade the news to make bad news for their lords and masters a little big better. Or, simply fail to report what was actually happening at all.  Shocker, no?

And then one day the clouds parted.  A guy named Roger Ailles, ex-Bush confidant and political king-maker, convinced Rupert Murdoch, global news and entertainment media powerhouse billionaire, to fund the start up of the Fox News Channel.  And then things for the Left began to get very, very bad, very, very fast.

Why?  Because Fox's business plan called for their on-air personalities to accurately, and fairly, report the news.  They call the plan "Fair and Balanced." Both sides.  All sides.  And although they saw a niche market for a right-leaning network, which Fox clearly is, they decided to hire a stable of Lefties to reflect the other side in every single debate.  Juan Williams, Alan Combs, Bob Beckel, Julie Roginsky, Kirstin Powell and a couple of dozen others.  

My personal theory is that they have closets on the 9th Floor where they park these useful idiots until needed. Then they trot them out to spew their gibberish for all to see.  Then they lead them by the hand back to their enclosures and store them there until next needed to add the "balanced" piece to debates.

Even so, the Left, having grown used to every single broadcast and cable media outlet reporting only the news that benefited them, howled in outrage!  "Not fair!," they screamed!  "Biased!," they clamored.  

But it did no good.  Fox caught on.  Folks, like me, who had given up on media news due to its obvious leftward bias, started tuning in. And more and more of us did so, to the extent that it, Fox News, started growing in popularity.  And now, after an unprecedented 18 year run as "Number One in News," it easily outdraws, and outclasses, all the others. Check it out:

Here are the most recent average weekly prime time viewership numbers for the most important demographic (25 - 54) of the most popular cable news channels (rounded up):

Fox News:               2,363,000
CNN:                           612,000
MSNBC:                      703,000
CNBC:                         436,000
Fox Business:              44,000
Headline News:         315,000

The numbers don't lie.  Fox outdraws all the other cable news channels, combined!  And importantly, 40% of Fox' viewers are self-described Democrats.  I guess even some Democrats actually want to know what's actually going on.  In short, Fox has produced the top 14 news programs for each of the last 14 years.  But that's just news.  Fox reports the news from 6:00 a.m. daily until 5:00 p.m. nightly. Thereafter, entertainment takes over.  

Entertainment?  And by that I mean, opinion.  The Left often bitches that Fox isn't "fair and balanced," because they broadcast opinion programming. Yes, they do, but under the banner "opinion."  Fox features Bill O'Reilly. And Megan Kelly.  And Sean Hannity.  And Greta van Susterin.  And The Five. And Red Eye.  Etc., Etc. Let's take a look at the ratings for FNC's entertainment offerings:

O'Reilly:                   2,667,000
Kelly:                        2,204,000
The Five:                  2,057,000
Greta:                       1,749,000

Well now, it seems that even in opinion entertainment, which is all that MSNBC broadcasts, Fox generates astounding viewership numbers, causing extreme anguish to the Chris Matthews-zes and the Alphonso Sharptons-uns and the Rachel Maddow-zes and the Ed Schultz-ez-ez.  What a shame!

If some of you don't watch Fox, and need an example of just how far they'll go to report the news, fairly and balanced-ly, check this out.  This past weekend John Roberts, one of their talented on-air personalities, hosted a special. It was entitled "Enemy of the State."  It told the story of four different individuals who have been royally screwed by the Obama Administration. One, the Gibson Guitar company, had tons of Madagascar Rosewood confiscated by the Justice Department because, it claimed, the wood was purchased illegally. Turns out it wasn't, but it cost the company millions in fines and years of grief.  Why?  It's CEO is not only a Republican, he actually had the temerity to donate to conservative causes.  Whaaaaat?  Did anyone notice that Fender, who does exactly the same things, was ignored?  Their Chairman is a Lefty.  

And then there's the guy whose company is a pioneer in hydraulic fracturing (fracking).  He actually lobbied our Vacationer-in-Chief on the many benefits of this new technology at a White House reception.  The very next week his company was indicted on criminal charges for...wait for it...having killed one bird! Yep, they found a dead bird near one of the company's overflow reservoirs.  Millions in legal fees later, the charges were thrown out by a judge who stated, "This indictment shocks the conscience of the court."

Most believe the Feds "gave this guy the bird."

One last example.  A lady who tried to start a tax-exempt corporation to publicize her Tea Party beliefs was subjected to IRS audits, EPA fines, ATF charges and other "special interest" by the Obama Boys. When the IRS was forced to investigate their actions, they actually appointed a blind inspector to review the records!   

You have to watch this special.  Those of you with FIOS can do an "on-demand" search.  Find it and view it if you can.  It is emblematic of why folks like me watch Fox, and why commie weenies hate it so vehemently.  I actually have an old high school classmate who calls it "Faux Noooz." Somehow she was lured into the "dark side" somewhere along the line. Maybe she was scared by a conservative when she was little.  But a Lefty she is.  And, unfortunately, a proud one.  Barry and his whole Gang of Sycophants hate Fox and will continue to try anything to minimize its influence.  They will not be successful.

So, to those of you who haven't yet caught the Fox bug, and to my old classmate whom I hope someday can be returned to The Light, I say "thanks" to Roger Ailles and Rupert Murdoch.  You're almost singularly responsible for keeping America properly informed... 

Update:  For those with any remaining doubt that there's MSM bias, just take a look at the front page of Sunday's New York Times.  It featured a picture of marchers commemorating "Bloody Sunday" 50 years ago when 600 blacks attempting to march across the Edmund Pettus bridge in Selma, Alabama, were badly beaten.  The Bridge, you may recall, was named for a Democrat war hero/KKK Grand Dragon.  Leading the marchers on Saturday were many celebrities, led by Mr. and Mrs. Obama and George W. Bush and wife Laura.  The Times felt it necessary to crop the Bushes out of the picture.  I presume they felt they didn't "belong."  That little stunt has gone a long way to convince disbelievers that the Lap Dog Media is nothing but the Public Relations arm of the Democrat National Committee...

Saturday, February 28, 2015

Obama Finally Kept a Promise

Did ya' hear?  Our Chicago Community Organizer-in-Chief kept one the few promises he's made since ascending to our POTUS Throne and actually vetoed the Keystone XL Pipeline.

Yes, kiddies, even though more than 60% of Americans favor the construction of this job-rich public works project; and even though it would be built using more than $8 Billion of private, none of yours-or-mine tax money; and even though it would create more than 45,000 union jobs, each paying more than $50.00 per hour; and even though it would result in more than 800,000 brand-new barrels of oil we could use to buy our freedom from those Middle Eastern butchers who hate us and want us dead; and lastly, even though the project has garnered five separate approvals from our feckless State Department over the past six years and five months, our Golfer-in-Chief went ahead and vetoed it. 

Why, one has to ask?

Well, my friends, and you are my friends, here's three of the many reasons:

-  First, the eco-weenies among us, to include the Sierra Club, the Oceans Foundation, Little Robbie Redford and one Mr. Tom Steyer, a California hedge fund billionaire who makes most of his money from so-called "green" projects, give huge amounts of money to Barry O'Bama and the Democrats.  Steyer, as an example, gave $100,000,000 (that's One Hundred Million Dollars!) to the Democrats during the 2012 election if they would support candidates who opposed the XL Pipeline.  They did, he did, and they rewarded him by allowing him to give a speech in the Halls of Congress to his sycophantic weenie backers.  

Imagine that.  Harry Reid invited Tommy Steyer to address the members of the Senate.  Something tells me there were no Republicans in attendance.  

Would anyone like to make a snarky comment here about the Koch Brothers?

-  Second, oil needs to be transported from where it's pulled from the ground to where it needs to get refined.  We all know that pipelines are the safest method of transport.  Buuuuut, it will get transported, one way or the other.  I represents a Trillion Dollars to Canada, and, just like South Dakota, and Idaho, and Pennsylvania, and Oklahoma, it's coming out and it's going to get transported.

What's that got to do with the Barry O. veto story?  A whole bunch, Pilgrim. It turns out that one Mr. Warren Buffett owns and operated BNSF. What's BNSF, you might ask?  It's Burlington Northern & Santa Fe Railroad.  And BNSF has a contract to transport Canadian crude into the United States at the very, very profitable rate of $30 per barrel. What will it cost to send it south via pipeline?  Ready? $10 per barrel.  Oh, and it turns out Buffett, the third or fourth richest cat in America, is a really good friend of Barry's. And he gives him lots and lots of really big donations. Getting the picture? I thought you would.

-  Third, "Good Ol' Barry wants us to believe that this project will produce only...ready for it?...35 permanent jobs.  Really?  Six thousand miles of pipeline will produce only 35 permanent jobs?  His own State Department calls him a liar.  But, then again, so has nearly everyone else.  Because he is.  

Remember all those "shovel ready jobs" the Trillion Dollar Stimulus Plan was supposed to produce? The same jobs that Barry later stated weren't "shovel ready, after all."  Yeah, right...

-  Third, and I know this will hard for many of you to process, but I think it may just come down to pure and simple politics.  Remember I commented early that Barry the First was from Chicago, and Chicago politicians only know one way to politic?  Well, take a look at the route of this proposed pipeline. It will go across the border from Canada and head through Wyoming and South Dakota.  There, it will match up with the portion of the pipeline already built, and head south through to the Kansas/Arkansas border. And thereafter, on south through Texas to the refineries of Louisiana.

Did you notice something about that route?  It goes directly through the heart of Red Country!  Every state that the pipeline crosses is a solid red, deeply Republican, vote-against-Barry-every-time-they-can, piece of real estate.  Something else, each of the states mentioned received less than half the Federal funding over the past six years than the good, solid deep-blue states received.  One thing you gotta' give him, he may be America's CEO, but he does his job just like he was the Mayor of Chicago.  Reward his friends, punish his enemies.

In fact, in an interview with "Vox" recently, he stated emphatically that he views his job as POTUS as just like being mayor of a very large American city.  Same problems, just more and bigger.  More friends to reward, more enemies to punish...

So, lets sum up:  We already have more than two and one-half million miles of pipeline in America up and running.  When was the last time you heard of a pipeline leaking?  Like, never?  And when was the last time you heard about a train or a truck dumping a full load of crude on the ground?  Ummm, like yesterday?  Yeah.  And the Canadian tar sands oil is coming out of the ground. Count on it.  Where it goes from there is the question.  It will either head south and benefit America, or it will head west toward the docks in British Columbia and wind up on a ship bound for China.  And, my friends, ships have a tendency to capsize. Remember the Exxon Valdez?

And lastly, just for your reading pleasure, let me slap you across the face with one last factoid.  While the XL Pipeline was being discussed, interminably, and unsuccessfully, the State Department of the United States of America quietly approved 81 other pipeline projects!  Apparently, those 81 other pipelines didn't represent a threat to America, or the atmosphere, or Global Warming, or anything else. Just this one!

I don't know about you, but I'm getting sick to my stomach...

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

A Quick Reminder From the Chuckmeister

Okay, kiddies, it's my turn to gloat.

Dedicated readers of my little blog will recall that I made a rather brash prediction in these august pages a bit over a year ago (check it for yourself...January 29, 2014). 

I predicted that a then little-known guy would run for, and win the Grand Old Party's nomination for President of the United States, and then go on to win the Election.  

Yes, my friends, and you are my friends, I took a deep breath and put figurative digital pen to digital paper and predicted that one Scott Walker, Governor of the bright blue state of Wisconsin, home of unionization, ground zero for Liberalism, would be our candidate, and go on to win the Presidency.

Back then he wasn't even on the radar.  Only news junkies like me were watching and learning that he was dueling with Wisconsin's unions big-time. He decided that his state's habit of collecting dues from its citizens' paychecks and then passing them along to union fat cats didn't make sense.  Especially since we all know that the unions take those millions and millions of dollars and use them as a Death Ray against conservative candidates for office.

He decided that his state's multi-billion deficit was a time bomb for Wisconsinites.  He vowed to fix it, and then return some of the tax money to those who paid it.

And he decided that WI teachers shouldn't have an arm lock on education. Rather, it should be the parents and taxpayers who should hold the reigns, he opined.  

Thousands of angry union thugs trashed the venerable old WI Statehouse. They did over six million dollars of damage to it while trying to get Walker turned out of office.  They tried to recall hin, the first such effort in Wisconsin's history.  He won that recall election. And then he ran for reelection and garnered an even larger percentage of the vote than he did in either his original run or in his recall. He ended state collection of union dues and erased his state's deficit.  And he's not only erased the state's debt but built up a several billion dollar rainy day fund.  He's kept his promises (what a concept!). And in doing so he's started to gain national attention.

Now, after having jumped over better known candidates, announced and unannounced, Walker is starting to be considered the front-runner.  We know that because the Libbies have started taking potshots at him.  Their main meme is that he shouldn't be president because he never graduated from college. Of course, neither did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln or Harry S. Truman.  And I'd venture to say that even Libbies would say they did a pretty good job.  Oh, and Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Henry Ford, college dropouts all, did pretty well also.  

And, we know that education doesn't necessarily indicate success in a job. Just look at the overeducated dufus currently infesting the White House if you need proof.  

Walker's not won the nomination, yet, nor has he won the Election.  But so far, my friends, he's on track to do both, thus giving my long-ago prediction some heft.  He scares the Hell out of the Left, because they know he could win.  A plain-talking, roll-up-your-sleeves-and-get-to-work, Midwestern promise-keeper that exemplifies all of the very best qualities of leadership.  

And you read it here first.  As Mrs. Chuckmeister has stated, if my prediction turns out to be correct, I deserve my own political talk show.  

I couldn't agree more...

Sunday, February 1, 2015

New Years Resolutions From the Chuckmeister

Well, my friends, it's that time again.  Time for clearing my figurative throat and uttering some more of those resolutions.  You know, the ones that we (that would be you) always make, and we (that would be younever keep.  
Except for me.  The Chuckmeister.  I always keep my resolutions.  It's just that I never make resolutions I can't keep.  Which means my resolutions are, well, strange.  And here are a few more strange ones to whet your appetite.  

1.  Instead of drinking three bottles of wine and staggering off to bed at a decent hour, I resolve to drink those same three bottles, or maybe even four, and going to bed later.  Not too much time left for the Chuckmeister on this side of the grass.  Might as well enjoy as much of it as possible.

2.  Having already recognized that hyper-liberalism is a true mental illness, I resolve to take it a little easier on these unfortunates than normal.  After all, just like the gay are born gay, I'm guessing the Libbies are born commie pinko weenies.  It's not their fault, right?  It's just not fair to hold them responsible for their own shortcomings.

3.  I resolve to be nicer, kinder and more gentle with those who just frankly aren't as smart as I am.  And their number is legion.  I mean, lots and lots of folks are in that ignominious category.  Not you, of course.  You read my enlightened little blog.  But almost everybody else is in that grouping. 

4.  I resolve to spend my remaining "wealth" on only the important things. Junk food, great wine, high-quality entertainment and my grandkids.  My kids are not included, because Mrs. Chuckmeister and I have already given them boat-loads of help already.

5.  I resolve to post an essay on this, my (in)famous little blog more often than my usual once every couple of weeks or or so.  With exception of the time during which we moved to our new digs in Wine Country (Fortress Chuckmeister), I've averaged about that.  But that, according to my tens of fans, is just not enough.  So, prepare for even more Ramblings of This Troubled Mind.

6. I resolve to go to the shooting range more often than in past years.  As my eyes begin to lose their hawk-like, world-renowned acuity, it takes a bit more practice in order to be able to drop an inbred miscreant from twenty paces.  But I should still be considered armed and dangerous.  I issue this little challenge to anyone likely to bust unannounced into the Fortress Chuckmeister looking for some spare change:  Don't.  

7.  I resolve to get a bit more exercise than normal. Taking out the garbage, shaving, and refilling my wine cooler is no longer proving to be enough to keep my "guns" loaded.  Now, I intend to get up from my comfy lair on my overstuffed Encantada leather couch and go to the bathroom twice an hour instead of the usual once.

8.  Lastly, I resolve to gain ten pounds.  It's so much easier, by the way, to gain it than it is to lose it.  And it's so much easier to keep resolutions like that one than the ones that involve Marie Osmond and her Nutri-System fix...

Saturday, January 17, 2015

The Chuckmeister's 2015 Predictions (Your Wait is Over!)

Each year about this time I put figurative pen to paper and puke forth my annual predictions.  But you know that.  You've been following my little blog for years now, and feverishly awaiting the publication of the current list. And this year's is a doosey.  Or is it "dusey?"  Or perhaps "duzie?"  

Anyhoo, sit back, pour yourself a nice glass of juicy Merlot, chilled to a perfect 59 and one-half degrees, and delight in the inherent goodness that will now unfold in rapturous beauty before your very eyes...

1.  House Speaker John Boehner's suntan bed will break, his orangish tan will disappear and he won't be able to get into the Capitol Building without I.D. He'll be able to vote, of course, but not get into the Capitol building. How awful.

2.  You know that most recent Supreme Court rulings end in a five-four vote, with the conservative majority barely holding sway.  Barry getting his fanny metaphorically kicked over non-recess, recess appointments to the National Labor Relations Board, that paragon of thugish and slavish union ass-licking, are but one 5-4 example.  The Golfer-in-Chief has been urging Ruth Bader Ginsburg to resign her seat and go home so he could appoint another lefty weenie to the court before his interminable term of office mercifully ends.  She just won't do it.  I think she likes the attention.  So, I predict her body will be found floating face down in the Tidal Basin this spring. The story will be she went for a swim and had a cramp in her 123 year-old leg, dooming her to the existential dirt nap.

3.  Seven more Malaysian Airlines jets will go missing. And, shortly thereafter, a new airline in Malaysia will appear.  It's so much easier to start an airline when you don't have to buy the planes. Oh, and the passengers, having all been hiipmooootized, will emerge as cabin attendants and ground crew. Talk about a successful startup business plan!  Shark Tank take notice!

4.  Everybody in California will move to Nevada, Utah, Arizona, Texas and New Mexico, except sign twirlers and Starbucks baristas.  And, the 11 Million illegal aliens who are thick in and around Lost Angeles, of course. Oh, and those commies in Sacramento who wouldn't want to leave their cushy jobs trying their very best to live our lives for us.

5.  Al Gore will host another of his interminable anti-Global Warming (Climate change?  Climate disruption?  Climate chaos?) gatherings, featuring numerous Hollyweird celebricrats, and discover that the reason he's so warm is because he's been wearing an Irish cable knit sweater all these years. He will then ceremoniously doff the sweater and become the newest cheerleader for coal mining and oil fracking.

6.  Scott Walker, famed Governor of Wisconsin, the home of unionization, who has almost single-handedly crushed the unions in the state where they first began, will announce for President of the United States.  The thugs who run the AFL-CIO, SEIU, IBEW and the NEA will respond by performing hara-kiri on the steps of the Milwaukee Statehouse.  Oh, and one must recall that The Chuckmeister (me!) predicted as far back as 2013, in the pages of this diminutive but worthwhile blog, that Walker would do exactly that.  And, dear reader, that he would also win the nomination, and eventually the White House.  At which time, I must offer up, we will once again have a True American Patriot as President.  Which I confirm by so saying that we haven't had one of those guys for six years now. 

7.  Since we know that less than 3% of the public is gluten-intolerant, but that about half the public specifies gluten-free when ordering, I predict that some smart entrepreneur will come out with "extra gluten" products later this year.  After all, what happens to all that gluten when it's left out of stuff the dummies buy?

8.  I predict that shouty chef Gordon Ramsey will soon have his own TV network.  He will appear every minute of every hour, every day, pontificating on each and every aspect of food preparation at the top of his expansive lungs.  Vacationer-in-Chief B. Hussein Obama will become jealous that someone besides him has such massive media exposure and declare war on "extremist food preparers."

9.  B. Hussein Obama will accidentally say "Islamic" and "terrorism" in the same sentence while doing another of his endless, droning, boring, off-putting, gut-wrenching, puke-encouraging, gag-me-with-a-spoon, daily...and sometimes hourly...speeches. Upon the realization that he's uttered such an inflammatory statement, he'll get down on his knees and bow repeatedly to Mecca.  He'll not be forgiven, and a "fatwa" will be uttered on his life by some Imam somewhere.  Thereafter, our TelePrompTer-in-Chief will order the spokesweenies who report to him to refer to "The War on Islamic Jihadist Terror" as "An effort to find and criminally prosecute those individuals who inflame the conscience of loyal Muslims everywhere by committing crimes and blaming it on the Religion of Peace they have unfortunately hi-jacked."  White House journos will throw up in their mouths when they hear this tortured B.S.

10.  Having grown weary of Islamic terrorism without any offsetting effort from the rest of the world to counteract it, a bunch of Baptists in the south will get together and form an army.  They, along with a few Methodists, some Presbyterians and a couple of members of the Church of Christ will then rampage the entire Middle East, slashing and burning like nothing seen since the Crusades.  The Islamonazis will give up and return home, promising to forever spend their remaining days as rug merchants and camel herders.

11.  Having grown tired of seeing incessant, 24 hours-per-day, "Smokey the Bear" commercials on cable TV, some miscreant will track down Smokey and put a bullet in his tired old butt.  The killer will then go out and start a forest fire just to make himself feel better.  It will later be found that the murdering scoundrel was a member of PETA until they stiffed him for some work he performed throwing paint on starlets at movie premiers.

12.  By late 2015 MSNBC will have lost so many viewers that they will be forced to change the name. To Faux Nooooze.  As it will turn out, the folks who watch their "network," and I use that term loosely, won't notice.

13.  I predict that Texas will become weary of propping up the American economy with jobs and taxes they will secede from the union.  That will, according to our Vacationer-in-Chief, leave only 56 states.

14.  I predict that some school principle somewhere will advocate for the students to bring cans of corn and peas to their school.  What for?  To hurl at would-be active shooters in the event one of them decides to whip out a weapon and violate that "gun free zone" thingie.  Oh wait!  A principle in Alabama just did exactly that.  Yes, my friends, truth is waaaaaay stranger than fiction.  I'd better hurry up and publish this blog posting before all of it comes to pass already.

15.  And finally, the dimbulbs responsible for putting those "Gun Free Zone" signs at the entrance of every school in America will strike again.  They will post the very same sign on I-40 and I-10 at the California border.  The Lefties believe sincerely that if there were just more laws...or more signs...then criminals wouldn't disobey them.  With 20,000 anti-gun laws on the books already, surely just a few more is all that's needed.  Anyone thinking of bringing a gun into our once-Golden State after these signs go up will think better of the idea and leave it at home.  

And so, my friends, and you are my friends, I close out this annual exercise in futility.  I trust you'll enjoy a happy, healthy and fruitful 2015.  And if not, then at least two out of the three...