Monday, August 25, 2014

Eureka! It's going to flow money!


A 6.0 earthquake hit Napa, California yesterday.  Old buildings crumbled, folks were thrown out of bed and inventory wound up on the floors of convenience stores and restaurants throughout that portion of our Once-Golden State.

But I have a feeling that most of the glass that fell and broke yesterday was filled with Dom Perignon.  And most of the bottles of wine that fell and broke at the 800+ wineries in the area were library examples of their very expensive, older $250 wines.  Only.  Just the very expensive ones broke, don't you know.  It works that way when you're getting ready to fill out your insurance claim.

In fact, I'd say there's a better than even chance that more Opus One fell and broke yesterday than Opus One has ever made.  Why?

My guess is that only about 12 older farmers, the ones who put Napa on the map, still remain.  The rest of the winery owners are Hollywood movie producers and directors and Bay-area hedge fund managers.  They're the only ones who can afford to buy those expensive vineyards and wineries. Example?  A smallish 3 bed, two bath home in Napa and environs is $1 Million Plus.  Too rich for normal folks.  So the moguls are the only ones who can afford to be here and the only ones who will know how to make a natural disaster such as this pay off.  And BIG!

I would predict that within the next day or two the Golfer-in-Chief will declare Napa and the surrounding area a Natural Disaster.  Why?  That's because he's come here and scooped up millions on multiple occasions over the past few years from the socialist billionaires who own and operate this town.  That will mean the Treasury Department will go into overtime-mode and print up, oh, I don't know, maybe about $41.5 Billion Dollars and ship it out to Central California.  

Therefore, I predict that the only people who will take it in the shorts are the little guys who couldn't afford and didn't have insurance.  Even so, it will be the insurance companies who will wind up buying the wine that fell on the floor.

What then?  Natural Disasters equal big losses to insurance companies, which will then send off an email to the Treasury Secretary, who will give them a no-interest loan to restoke their coffers, which Barry will then unilaterally forgive with a stroke of his famous pen at some point in the future.  Maybe just before he vacates the Oval Office.  So the wineries will get repaid up-front by the Feds, and then again via loans to expand, and the insurance companies will smile as well.  Not bad, huh?

So, those wineries who were on the fence, just barely making it from the sale of their $100 bottles of Cab Sauvignon, will reap a windfall.  And those businesses who weren't protected will wind up having to cash out and move out.  They'll then have to sell their properties to the billionaires, enabling them to consolidate their holdings to even more of Napa.  See how this whole capitalism - peppered with crony Progressive Liberalism - works?  

I thought you would...

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Yea! He's Gay! That's the Ticket!


You'll recall that our President, one Mr. B. Hussein Obama, took the time out of his suuuuper busy schedule to call one Mr. Michael Sam and congratulate him for coming out as, ahem, gay. 

You know about Mr. Sam, don't you?  He's the Missouri University football player who was drafted in the, oh, 92nd round or something, of the NFL draft by the Los Angeles Rams. 

Oooooopsie!  Exsqueeeeze me!  The St. Louis Rams.  It's hard to keep up when these billionaires keep moving their teams around all willy-nilly, right?

Yes, Mr. Obama had enough time in his otherwise very, very  busy schedule of playing golf, appearing at fundraisers and playing footsie with JaayZeee and his lovely wife Beeeyonce to contact Mr. Sam and let him know just how proud he was that Sam was gay.  Hmmmm.

But somehow that same Mr. Obama couldn't find time in his very busy schedule over the past 120 or so days to pick up his famous phone that apparently obviates the need for the Congress of the United States of America and put in a call to one Mr. Nieto, Meheeeeko's president, and ask him to intercede on behalf of our hero Marine, Sergeant Andrew Tahmoreesi.  

That's the guy, you'll recall, that after having served two tours in Afghanistan and Iraq, and coming home with a bad case of PTSD, made a wrong turn one night and wound up in Meheeeeeko.  

All would have been just fine that lovely evening had our Marine sergeant not had three legally registered guns in his truck.  

Let me state that again:  The three guns were legally bought here in America, legally registered here in America and legally owned here in America. The fact that he had them with him was because he had just been transferred to San Diego from Texas to receive medical treatment.  And the fact they were there was enough for Meheeeeeko's corrupt border goons to handcuff him, throw him in the clink, tie him to his bunk, torture him, break his jaw and more or less toss away the key.  

Since then our sergeant has hired attorney after attorney to try and end his Meheeeeeeko "vacation" and come home to America.  Up to now, no luck.  They just won't accept his explanation that he took a wrong turn and he really wasn't trying to run three whole guns to Meheeeeeeeeko (please note:  I've missed the same turn twice myself; it's easy to do). 

Three whole guns!  I mean, he wasn't running guns like our own Maxi-me Attorney General Eric Holder, who hired more than 3,000 "assault rifles," whatever they are, paid for with our Stimulus Program funds, slow-walked over the border and directly into the hands of Meheeeeeeeeko's drug cartels.  And one of those guns, you'll recall, was used by one of our fun-loving neighbor's to the south to kill Brian Terry, one of our border guards.

Let me say that again.  Our admittedly-activist, and proud of it, and Black, and proud of it, Top Cop gave guns we paid for to criminal drug gangs so that, the thinking goes, one or more or them would be found at a crime scene here in America, forcing our low-information voters into abolishing the 2nd Amendment.  If you're gonna' try and take over America it would be a good idea to disarm the redneck savages first.  

Unfortunately, the crime scene involved one of our own sworn agents.  And then the uproar started.  Our corrupt media was no longer able to keep the story under wraps.  Karma's a bitch. 

So Tahmoreesi is in limbo.  Actually, limbo would be a far, far better place to be than the graybar prison in Tecate, Meheeeeeeeko where he finds himself.  Maxi-me has still not been arrested for his multitudinous crimes (I wonder if he ever shall?).  And Mr. "You can keep your doctor - you can keep your insurance!" Obama is still playing golf and hosting fundraisers and partying with Black stars on our borrowed millions.  

So what's my plan to finally end this deeply shameful and embarrassing chapter for the Obama Administration? Actually, one of many deeply shameful and embarrassing chapters for the Obama Administration?  I mean, my solution, besides never, ever traveling to Meheeeeeeeeeeeeeko again? Ever!  Here it is....

Andrew has to come out of the closet and proclaim that he's proudly gay!

Then, Mr. Obama will be compelled to call not only our long-suffering sergeant with his heartfelt congratulations, but Prez Nieto and demand, demand that he be released.  

We know he'll have to do that.  Remember when he called Jason Collins to congratulate him on being gay?  He's the guy who came out as the first gay pro basketball player.  He was so feted and celebrated that he wound up as one of Time Magazine's 2014 "Most Influential 100 People in America."  It seems if you're just an average roundball player, or maybe just an average football player, coming out as gay is the key to hitting the big time!   Ticker tape parades!  Calls from the Golfer-in-Chief!  Your picture on the cover of a dying, piece-of-crap, lefty magazine!  

And this just in, our TelePrompTer-in-Chief interrupted his 186th round of golf in Martha's Vineyard, the self-described "Whitest Place in America," where he was playing with Ahmad Rashad and Ray Allen (who pays these greens fees, I wonder?), to provide a video welcome and congratulations in the kick-off to the "Gay Games."  Yes friends, the Gay Games, begun in 1982, recently opened in Cleveland and our Vacationer-in-Chief felt both obligated and honored to help open it.  Is there any doubt in your feeble mind that Andrew would be out by nightfall if he "came out?"

What do you think of my plan?  If you think it might work, be sure to call Organizing for America, Mr. B. Hussein Obama's never-ending, permanent election campaign outfit that sends you email after email begging you for $3 for a chance to have a burger and a beer with "You-Know-Who," and pass along my suggestion.  

Oh, almost forgot.  To make absolutely certain our Community Organizer-in-Chief has to act, and act NOW, I suggest that Andrew also play the "race card" made so famous by those poverty pimps Jessuh Jackson and Al Sharpton.  In addition to being gay, he should also proclaim, loudly, that he is both partially Black, and a little bit Native American!  Then, our Maxi-Me Attorney General will launch himself into rapid action, start a DOJ official investigation, and give a speech on the need for reparations so that all of "his people" finally get paid off for the suffering they endured 400 years ago.  

No thanks is necessary.  It's why God put me here...

Friday, August 8, 2014

Alert! Chuckmeister Prediction! Alert!


As you've no doubt heard, the Obama Administration has permitted more than 62,000 illegal alien (mostly) children to cross our southern border so far this year and give themselves up to our Border Patrol.

They've come, they say, although there's no independent way to be sure, from Central American countries such as Guatemala, Honduras and El Salvador.

Most are children and they're escaping wars, famine, pestilence, rape, pillaging, murdering, plundering, crappy food and who knows what other kind of nasty stuff. They're delivering that spiel, they say, because that's what they've been told to say by the "coyotes" when the Border Patrol asks them why they've just illegally broken into our country.

And then B. Hussein Obama and Company orders the Border Patrol to make them PB and J sandwiches, change their diapers and arrange to disperse them far and wide, without permission, all across America.

Now, we know that this wave of illegals was forecast many months ago.  The Department of Homeland Security asked for bids this past January from companies interested in providing "escort services" for as many as...ready for it?...62,000 unaccompanied minors to cross over this summer.  So trying to say they were not expecting this onslaught with a straight face is simply impossible, even from the gang of, ahem, thieves infesting our White House. 

But God knows they try.

So, dozens, even hundreds, of "little kids" are being sent to unsuspecting neighborhoods all throughout our country. However, some of  these little kids are 17 or 18 and have "MS-13" tattoos on their foreheads (?).

They're flown in, or bused in, or dropped in by parachute, or even sneaked in via 10-passenger vans under cover of darkness so as not to raise suspicion.  And the residents of those recipient cities are expected to feed them, and clothe them, and house them, and educate them, and even take care of their healthcare...all without reimbursement of any kind from any source.  

Need some proof?  The Chuckmeister lives right next door to Murrieta, Taxifornia, where B. Hussein Obama ordered busloads of illegal aliens to be delivered and offloaded on multiple occasions without advance notice of any kind.  Only because of citizens standing in the road and forming a human barricade did this nefarious plan die aborning.  

Think of it:  Small towns struggling to barely make it, fighting to make ends meet in the face of a horrendous recession, unable to pass new school bonds because their citizens are dead broke, now having to take on the job of caring for another country's major export: its poor.  And to make sure the bad news is being spread fairly, the first plane load of illegal "migrants" just landed in Hawaii.  What kind of crap is that?  

And worse yet, Mr. and Mrs. America, we don't know squat about them.  No birth certificates.  No school report cards.   No shot records.  No nothing.  

We don't know if, or when, they've been vaccinated, or against what.  But we do know that diseases which have been eradicated here at home decades ago are still flourishing in Central and South America.  Measles, mumps, scabies, pin and round worms, polio, whooping cough, chicken pox, tuberculosis and who knows what else?  And in a matter of weeks these kids, almost none of whom speak English, and many who don't even speak Spanish, speaking rather a polyglot patois of an unknown language, are going to be seated in our classrooms, replete with an interpreter per classroom as required by law (!), on our dollar, actually millions of them, and educated right alongside our kids.  Kids, I might add, which we cannot send to school without proof that they've been vaccinated and are safe from communicable diseases.  And our teachers cannot refuse to teach them.  And our kids cannot refuse to be seated next to them.  This is super scary stuff. 

Think of it.  There's a fair number of countries in the Middle East that hate us and wish us dead.  With extreme prejudice. It wouldn't take a jihadist rocket surgeon to convince an African from Liberia, or Nigeria, or Wisteria, or Plumeria, or wherever, anxious to meet up with his virgins a bit early, to arrange to get infected with the Ebola virus, which has an incubation rate of up to three weeks and a kill rate of over 90%, and then hop aboard a flight to, say, Tijuana.  They walk, actually saunter, or wade, or maybe skip across the border and viola, an Ebola epidemic isn't there, it's here!

I predict that just about the time the leaves begin to turn colors this fall we could well have outbreaks of communicable diseases all over America.  And we could well have shortages of vaccines to treat them.  Vaccines that, in some cases, no longer even exist.  

Friends, this might be a good time to consider home schooling your kids.  If mine weren't already through that process I'd be seriously cogitating on that possibility forthwith. 

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention.  Two of my daughters are school teachers with little kids of their own.  And two of their husbands teach also.  What are they supposed to do?  What are we supposed to do?  And why, I ask, has this been allowed to happen?  

Prepare yourselves.  The worst might be just around the next corner...

Friday, August 1, 2014

Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms


We all know there's a slice of the Department of Justice, overseen by that paragon of good governance one Mr. Eric Holder, B. Hussein Obama's Maxi-Me, who's been given the challenge of managing Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.

That bureau is a kind of a mixed bag of items, wouldn't you say.  Alcohol you drink, tobacco you smoke, and, ummm, firearms you shoot?  Maybe after having consumed some alcohol and tobacco?  

How did these three things get lumped together into one bureau?  Wouldn't you think that alcohol and tobacco should be under the FDA or the Department of Agriculture?  And firearms might be a better fit in the Department of the Army. But hey there's one more item in this chunk of the DOJ: Explosives.

So you pick up a sixer of Bud, a couple of packs of Marlboros, a Glock 9mm and some extra ammo.  Oh, and about $500 worth of good, old fashioned fireworks.

And after doing so one could reasonably ask...

Why isn't Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATFE) a convenience store?

Friday, July 25, 2014

The Answer to the VA Problem.


You've no doubt read about the problem at the Veterans Administration Hospitals.  For those who've been living under a Wal-Mart dumpster, here it is in brief:

The V.A., the second largest budget item in our multi-trillion dollar economy, has been lying through its false teeth about exactly whom, and where, and how often it's been treating our vets.  Those who have agreed to fight and die for us deserve for us to keep our promise.  And that promise is that, when they need health care, they will receive it.  But the V.A. bureaucrats have been lying about delivering it. They've been lying about scheduling it.  And the result is at least 1,000 of our best and bravest have died waiting for care that would never come.  For shame.

We now have proof that certain of the V.A. hospitals, at least 47 of them in fact, have kept shadow lists of those awaiting care.  They've pretended that there's no extended waiting period, even though many of our vets have been forced to wait for six, or seven, or eight months, or even longer.  And some, those with cancer or heart disease, as an example, have been forced to wait so long that they have died awaiting care.  For double shame, again.

Why?  It appears those shadow lists were maintained to give the appearance that patient "throughput" was better than it really was.  The weenies that push paper around on their desks wanted to give the appearance that clinic visits were arranged and patients were seen in under a month, when in reality it was far too often several times that.  Why?  Money. No, not the money it would take to generate greater efficiencies, but the money the weenies wanted to earn in increased bonuses.  Pure greed.  That's why our vets were sentenced to death.  Shame, shame, shame.

Well, my friends, I have the answer to this problem.  There are 153 V.A. hospitals.  There are 773 community-based V.A. outpatient centers.  And there are 260 V.A. mental health centers.  I say close them all!  

I say abolish the Veterans Administration, sell off the property and issue Medicare cards to each and every one of our veterans.  I say give our vets the same care we give our seniors.  They've earned it.  Give it to them.  And stop trying to run a separate and distinct socialist-style healthcare system solely for our veterans.  It hasn't worked.  It will never work. I've lived a long and fruitful life, and throughout that fruitful life the V.A. has never, ever worked.  Nor will the socialist-style Obamacare the Gummint is trying its socialist best to inaugurate.  Give up, you bureaucrats!  Give up and use some common sense for a change!  

Eliminate the Veterans Administration and replace it with Medicare!

Did you know that the V.A. Wadsworth Hospital in Los Angeles covers an area of about one-half square mile? That's about 320 of the most valuable acres on the tony west-side of L.A.  That's about the most expensive ground in all of America.  My conservative estimate is that this dirt is worth about ONE BILLION DOLLARS!  Now expand that estimate to include all the other hospitals, and the clinics, and we're talking some serious money.  Serious even for Government numbers.  I say sell it all!  Sell it and use the proceeds to shore-up Medicare and reduce the Federal debt!

Got it?  I thought you might.  Now if you'd just put pen to paper, or put fingertips to keyboard, and pass along your thoughts to your elected representatives about this issue, perhaps we might finally put an end to this painful, expensive and shameful episode.  

By the way, I utilize the services of the V.A.  I'm a vet.  And I'm on Medicare.  I know intimately the strengths and weaknesses of each system.  I'm therefore eminently qualified to opine on this subject.  Those of you who haven't, or aren't, don't get an opinion.  So but out.

Thanks aren't necessary.  It's why God put me here...

Friday, July 18, 2014

THE Solution to the Border Crisis...


Three miles.

Three little miles.

That's how far my new home, Fortress Chuckmeister, is from the Immigration Center in Murrieta, California.  And the Murrieta Immigration Center, and centers just like it across America, is where the Federal Government is attempting to dump hundreds - even thousands - of illegal aliens on a regular basis.

That's right, my friends, as many as 300,000 illegals, many of them children, are expected to wade across the Rio Grande this year.  Or be delivered via jet ski.  Or boat.  Maybe by trebuchet (Google it...it's a cool delivery method).  There's no doubt they've been invited here by our Community Organizer-in-Chief.  The only question is...why?

Many, myself included, believe our Fundraiser-in-Chief is trying his best to flood America with illegals so as to grow new little Undocumented Democrats, and thereby turn those Red areas of America a bright shade of blue.  I think he knows he's going to lose the Senate come November, and most likely his socialist/Marxist Democrat Party will also lose the Presidency in November, 2016.  So, considering he has but 100 some-odd days until election time, he has to work fast if he's to keep his promise. 

Remember that promise?  It was five days before he was to be immaculated.  He was addressing a crowd of swooning sycophantic drones.  He said, and I quote:  "...America is the greatest country on Earth.  Please join with me now as we begin to fundamentally change it."

Change it into what, one might ask?  The drooling commie journos who make up the Dinosaur Media didn't bother to ask. Well, now we know.  He's doing his Manchurian Candidate best to change America into a left-wing, European-style socialist/Marxist Workers' Paradise.  A place where the government owns everything and distributes it to those in need depending upon how they act, and how they vote!

Unlike many of those who reside in the once-Golden State, the Chuckmeister is a red-blooded conservative.  A patriot.  A veteran.  A believer that small government is better. A guy who rebels against onerous taxation.  A fellow who wants the Gummint out of his bedroom, out of his wallet, out of his refrigerator and out of his life.  

However, a majority of my fellow Taxifornia residents disagree.  They love high taxes because they don't pay them. They want Sacramento to take other peoples' money and redistribute it to those "in need."  That would be, ummm, them.  That's why the Chuckmeister and Mrs. Chuckmeister relocated recently to one of the most bright-red, conservative, God-fearing, gun-loving, pro-life enclaves in this Deep Blue State. We moved to Temecula.

Temecula is a little town about 50 miles north of San Diego and 60 miles southeast of Orange County.  It was a stagecoach stop back in the 1850's, and as recently as 1990 boasted only 2,700 residents.  Bright, clean, wide boulevards, affordable housing, plenty of tasty wineries, great restaurants and a love of freedom.  We had moved to Orange County some 40 years ago because it was a bucolic, peaceful, rural area with fresh air, fruit trees, no traffic and a love of liberty. And then, over time, it began to turn into Los Angeles South. That's not a compliment.  Too bad.  

We said, enough is enough.  Because of our family we couldn't load up and move to Utah, or Nevada, or Arizona, or New Mexico, or, my personal choice, the Hill Country of Texas.  So, that necessitated a selection of some other Taxifornia location that featured people who share our values. And that's how Temecula was selected.  And next door is the beautiful community of Murrieta.  And Murrieta has just become the target of the commie media nationwide.

Just today some hard left journo proclaimed Murrieta as the "Hate capitol of America."  Really?  Hate capitol?  Just because its citizens don't cotton to the idea of having hundreds of illegal aliens dropped in its lap unannounced to care for, and feed, and house, and educate, without reimbursement?  I wonder how the drooling journo who made this dumbass assessment would respond to having a bunch of homeless people who didn't even speak his language dropped in his front yard, with the admonition that he had no choice but to adopt them and care for them as his own - and on his own.  I think we all know the answer to that question.

Back to the point:  What's to be done about this insane situation?  Some 62,000 illegals have already invaded our sanctity so far this year, with as many as 100,000 more expected.  Our Vacationer-in-Chief wants the Congress to give him $3.7 Billion Dollars to help pay for their assimilation. Not to firm up the border so the invasion stops, mind you, but to house and feed and clothe and educate them.  Outrageous. Here's my solution.  Ready?

After the little illegals make their way out of Guatemala and El Salvador and Honduras, they still have 1,700 miles to go before they reach the Brass Ring (that would be America). That means they have to make their way all across Meheeeeko via train, or bus, or truck, or car or foot.  I thought Meheeeeko was our friend!  Our best trading partner!   And I thought that Meheeeeko had machine guns trained on its southern border with each of the foregoing countries to keep illegals out.  Yet "somehow" these "little kids" manage to avoid the machine guns.  Really?

Does anyone besides me think that Meheeeeko is more than a little complicit in this major crime?

Once the "refugees" make their way out of the countries that they fear, and into Meheeeeko, it seems to me that they have avoided the immediate threat they are fleeing.  Our Insurance Salesman-in-Chief could simply make a call to the International Red Cross, an organization which we fund to the tune of hundreds of millions of dollars a year, and ask that they establish camps on the Meheeeeko side of the border with these countries to welcome the refugees.  To feed them. And house them.  And clothe them.  And educate them.  Plus, there would be no chance the refugees would be raped, or murdered, or shot, or whatever while making the trek northward.  The refugees are not our problem, nor should they be.  They are the international community's.  They can and should contribute to ameliorating this situation.  Problem solved.

Oh, and by the way, how about our Prez growing a set of you-know-whats and issuing an ultimatum to Meheeeeko's Prez that if he doesn't get with it and start acting like our friend, we're going to cloud up and rain all over them.  We could simply issue a "Do Not Visit" memo from the State Department and their American tourism dries up!  He could also demand that Meheeeeko free our hero Marine TODAY! Tick, tock.  I'm waiting...

To summarize:  Send those who have invaded our country back home.  Now.  Bitch-slap Meheeeeko around a little bit until it gets on the straight and narrow.  Assist Meheeeeeko and the international community in establishing camps to welcome the refugees.  AND THEN SECURE OUR BORDERS SO THIS NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN!

You're welcome.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Things we ought to have, but don't...


Despite what some might believe to be an overwhelming assortment of complete crap available for sale to us, the gullible Americans, most of which is made in the Peoples' Republic of China, or maybe the Almost-Peoples' Republic of Bangladesh, but certainly not in the Damned-if-it's-not-the-Peoples' Republic of San Francisco, where nothing's made but more little commies, I think there's a whole lot more stuff we could have, but don't.  

A list?  Sure.  Glad you asked.  Here goes...

1.  I believe what we need is a DVD of Secretary of State John (Lurch) Kerry's speeches.  Then, we could just play them on a continuous loop when we go to bed.  Can you think of a better somnifascient (that would be a sleep-inducer, to those of you from El Centro)?  And, if you call in the next 6 minutes, you could get TWO such DVDs, and give the other one to that complete ass at the office who you just despise.  Just pay extra shipping and processing, of course. 

2.  We  could have good (and paid) Samaritans who wander around offering to help people take "selfies" for a small fee.  It's hard to take a selfie by yourself.  That's because you only have two hands.  And you need one to hold the camera phone, one to squeeze your significant other (man, woman, gay, lesbian, transgender, nice person of confused sexuality, dwarf, albino or any other carbon-based life form not yet included in the aforementioned groupings) and one to hold your brewski.  With a little help from a friend, you could take selfies the envy of all your other friends who don't have selfie-taking friends.  Or three hands.  After all, Barry "The Selfie-Taker-in-Chief" Obama's got one.  Why not you?

3.  I think we ought to make it a law that everyone, everyone, read the Bill of Rights.  Then perhaps they would understand that they come as a set of ten, not a "pick and choose" to meet your delicate, prissy, wussie, scardycat, pantywaist predilections.  And if we do, then no more will the "Progressives" among us try to excise the 1st, 2nd, 4th, 5th and sometimes 10th Amendments.  

4.  I think we ought to have the United Nations relocated to the Left Bank of the Seine.  That's a river, deep in downtown Paris.  That's in France, for those who don't travel much. Then, all the commie pinko weirdo lefty socialist Marxist dictators who populate Our World and always, always vote against us at the U.N., could get together over a tiny little overpriced cup of espresso and some escargot on toast points and decide how to screw America.

Remember, kiddies, that we, the U.S. of A., pay no less than 30% of the total operating budget of the U.N.  And they, mostly dictatorships that hate you and me, spend all day long trying to hose us.  Up theirs, I say.  This is but one small way to pass that message along.

5.  How about a healthcare plan that's simple, affordable, understandable and available.  And that's certainly not what we have with "Obamacare."  Here's the recipe:  

1)  State-run and -funded medical colleges puking out newly-minted doctors and physicians' assistants every year, who agree to work in community-level health clinics for ten years at reduced rates of pay, in exchange for their educations, making emergency care available to the poor and disadvantaged without bankrupting hospitals;  

2)  Health insurance sold across state lines, just like car insurance, and home insurance, thus heightening competition, and with it, dramatic cost reductions;  

3)  "Portable" health insurance, enabling working folks to take their plan with them when they change jobs; 

and 4)  the Feds expanding Medicaid/Cal to the poor and disadvantaged uninsured without disturbing the health insurance of the 85% of Americans covered by their employers.  

This simple approach would solve the uninsured problem.  However, it would not solve the Democrats' need to control each and every aspect of our puny, worthless proletariat lives, which they've gone a long way toward achieving with Obamacare.  I predict they will not look kindly on any effort to relax their grip on our healthcare...or, our lives.

6.  It seems that everyone wants to drop some excess l.b.s and stop smoking.  So, what we ought to have is the Chuckmeister Weight loss and Smoking Cessation Program.  Here's how it will work:  Show up at my house by 8:00 a.m. on a Monday morning.  I lock you in the closet.  I shovel some bread and water to you a couple of times a day.  That's it. Nothing else.  You get sprung Friday afternoon at 5:00 p.m.   I guarantee, absolutely guarantee, you'll lose weight and stop smoking.  Anyone interested, give me a call.  Price is negotiable depending upon your political party affiliation and ability to pay (we're into income equality, don't you know).  If your name is Pelosi, or Reid, or Biden, the price will be quite large.

7.  I'd say we ought to have an honest Fourth Estate.  You know, the so-called "Mainstream Media."  That's the folks who are accorded special consideration by our Constitution, enabling them to skirt certain laws in order to bring us, the American people, the truth!   We need to know what's really going on so we can elect, or re-elect, the politicians who will properly represent us.  But when we have sycophantic lefty communist journo-weenies spewing crap 24-7 and intentionally avoiding certain reportage in an effort to protect their favorite politician, you know who he is, and all his buddies, such as is the reality today, we are left with the barbarians at the gate.  

8.  I think we ought to have a new tax.  Yes, believe it or not, the anti-tax-of-any-kind Chuckmeister is advocating another, and new, tax.  I'd like to tax everyone who "tweets" a nickel per tweet.  Think of it.  Millions and millions of tweets per day from people who actually think that someone, somewhere gives a damn about what they think, 140 characters at a time no less, to people who actually don't give a damn about what they read.  And, the money should go to the "Wounded Warrior Project" so that we can end, once and for all, those three minute TV commercials displaying kids with chrome legs and begging for cash that our Government should already have provided.  Shameful.  And if there's anything left over, send it to the nearest VA hospital so they can offer some really excellent healthcare to those who have placed their lives at risk to save ours.  It's time for a new approach.  And time for ignoring our heroes to end.  Tweet your ass off, and the money goes to fix our broken system. What's not to like?

9.  I'd like to see our youth be required to serve two years post-high school in the service of our Country.  The military is my preference, any branch, but the Youth Corps (or "corpsss," as Mr. Oblamo likes to call it) or the Peace Corps(sss) would be fine. It matters not.  Just serve.  

Why?  We puke out high school graduates that cannot write or read sufficiently, and are not ready to head off to man- or womanhood.  It's a rare 18 year-old that's ready for college. And especially when college costs as much as a house, it's a good idea, I say, to make sure they are prepared and ready to exact the maximum advantage from that enormous, monumental investment.  Israel requires this.  And The Netherlands.  So does Switzerland.  There may be other countries, but I know these do for sure.  And then their countries pay for college for those who have completed their service.  I say that's a good investment and a good trade. What do you think?

10.  I think we ought to have the "Obama Channel."  Then, instead of seeing Barry Obama's condescending, oafish, scolding, smirking, completely unqualified face every time you turn on the telly, you could view without fear of being accidentally subjected to a daily dose of Oblamo.  

It seems that every time I turn on the TV there he is; Mr. Community-Organizer-in-Chief pontificating on one subject or another, giving his Major Policy Address of the Morning/ Afternoon/ Evening/Weekend.  I'm pretty sure that he believes that giving a speech is the same thing as actually doing something.  Like, here's what I think, now everybody do it while I head off to the golf course.  For those poor souls who get off on watching Barry waste their time, they'd have a channel to turn to.  For the rest of us, peace and quiet.  Not working, Barry.  Get off my TV.  Thanks.

11.  I'd like to see our First Lady stop telling us what to eat and how and when to exercise.  I'd suggest she get back to doing the things than an unelected spouse of whomever happens to be infecting my White House is supposed to do. That would include hosting little cocktail parties, showing up for State Dinners dressed-to-the-nines, and decorating the Holiday Tree (used to be Christmas Tree, but that's now politically infriggingcorrect).  Other than that, I don't give a whit about her opinion on any subject, nor will I take it.  In fact, I'd really like to know that I'll never have to see her "For the first time in my life I'm proud to be an American" face again.  

By the way, her Illinois law license was revoked.  So was Barry's.  Does anyone know why?  Of course you don't.

12.  I'd really like to not know the political persuasion of today's movie stars.  And recording artists.  And famous people of all color and stripe.  Even those who are only famous for being famous.  Like the Kardashians, for instance. I'd really prefer them to perform, to do their thing, without involving me in their lives any further.  I think I developed this preference when Ms. "Pretty Woman," whose name I've sworn to never again utter, commented for one of those magazines you're forced to see when checking out at the drug store.  She said, "I think Republican is in the dictionary right between reptile and reprehensible."  How nice. And since then, I've managed to never, ever spend another dollar to watch anything she's done.  Or said.  In fact, I've developed a complete list of all the famous people who choose to spew their political views, whether right or left.  I'd guess that about half of all famous people are on that list.  And I'd guess I've saved about $34,800 by not going to their movies or buying their songs.  I'd suggest you do the same. 

By the way, with that amount I could afford to attend one of Mr. Oblamo's little Dinner Party Fundraisers for the Stars.  Or not.

On second thought, keep spewing your tripe.  And I'll keep saving.  Oh, and by the way, please don't tell me about your bedroom preferences either.  If you're gay, keep it to yourself. Michael Sam insured I'll never watch the St. Louie Rams ever again when he kissed his boyfriend upon being drafted by them in the 98th round, or something.  Congratulations, Mr. Sam, but get a room. 

13.  I'd like to see a return to citizen legislators such as we enjoyed as a country back in the days of our Founding Fathers.  Then, citizen patriots such as Thomas Jefferson, John Adams and even George Washington left their family farms, or their job as a blacksmith, or running a general store and headed off to the new Washington, D.C.  There, they spent a couple of years trying to help form and manage our New Republic.  Then they returned home where they truly belonged. 

Now, we have career congresspeople who have two jobs; get elected, and then get reelected.  They spend decades on the public dole, sucking out bennies from you and me, the taxpayers.  They stop working for The People and start working for themselves the minute they get off the plane at Reagan National.  And they lose contact with the peoples' wills and wants.  Thus, they become little more than pigs feeding at the public trough.  Go home, you slugs.  Go home, and leave us alone.  

There.  I've said it.  These are the things we need but don't have.  Maybe somebody out there in Internet Land will decide to make one or more of these bucket list dreams of mine come true.  In fact, maybe you have one of your own.  If so, send it along as a comment and we can expand my list ever further. Until then, have a great summer...