Saturday, July 13, 2019

"Rapinoe vs. Netherlands"

Did you get to see the finals in the World Cup soccer competition just ended?  You know, the one between Megan Rapinoe and the Netherlands?

You did?  Great!  Then you know that Megan defeated them handily, just like she did all the other countries she faced on her way to the Tonite Show.

Oh, it was truly glorious!  Megan spanked them hard, she did!  She clouded up and rained all over them!  It was no contest!  How were they even permitted to compete with someone so fabulous, so wonderful, so spectacularly talented and truly special as Megan?  We, America, should feel ourselves lucky to have a person of her caliber deign to represent us.  She lets us know that every day.  And God knows, we do.

We all bask in her reflected glow.  

Oh, there were some other folks on the Team, but they don't really matter.  That whole "Team" thing is soooo passe!  We don't do Team anymore, do we?  Just Megan and her Own Special Agenda.  An Agenda we must all embrace, willingly, or be called out as homophobic, racist, sexist, misogynistic, pink hair-hating and anti-equal pay.  And we surely don't want that, now do we?

I was just reminded by an old friend that there's no "i" in Team.  But there is an "i" in Rapinoe, doncha' know...

She let us know that starting back a couple of years ago.  She first refused to stand for the National Anthem, preferring rather to kneel.  And when finally ordered to stand, she did so, but refused to place her hand over her heart.  Anything to keep from honoring the Country of her birth and upbringing.  It seems she decided to join forces with activist Colin Kaepernick and his little anti-Flag, anti-Anthem, anti-cop crusade against America.      

Remember back when the guys won the 1980 Hockey world championship?  You know, the one they called the "Miracle on Ice?"  Do you remember the name of any Team member?  Besides the goalie, maybe?  No?  Well, there's good reason for that; 1980 was waaaay before "woke-ness" and open borders and personal agendas and pro-gay rainbow flags and "equal pay or we'll strike."  Those guys really missed an opportunity, didn't they?

So, now Ms. Megan, who was kind enough to share with us, and the entire world, before even the first game, that if she won, she won, she wasn't "...going to no f**king White House!"   Well that's certainly different...

And even after her sweet victory, during her ticker tape parade down NYC's "Canyon of Heroes," she was videoed saying, "I deserve this!  I deserve all of this!"  Ahhh, Megan, your humility defines you.

And she didn't miss the chance to thank New York City, either.  She said, "New York, you're the mother***ing best!"  Hmmm.  Remember when soccer was a G-rated sport?

And Megan, who spent most of her time off the field during the World Cup matches in a Twitter-fight with POTUS, will likely now go on to a lucrative Big$Money contract with Nike, and a recurring role on the View, and no doubt a talk show on MSNBC, and maybe a position on the Democrat National Committee, where she'll be called upon to explain to all of us peons, in stark and gory detail, the inadequacies and shortcomings of America. 

In fact, she mentioned during one of her myriad TV interviews that she'll be coming to D.C. " have a substantive conversation...with anyone who believes the same things we believe in."  

Well now, that should prove mind-expanding!

And who knows, we just learned today that her girlfriend advised her the MSMedia wants her to run for President!  I mean, considering her many and varied talents, how could she possibly lose?

Remember back when playing on the World Stage for your country was considered the height of individual privilege?  Especially in a team sport?  When the chance to represent your Country, its Flag , its people and its values was a personal dream of all athletes?  It certainly was mine.

But that was back when no one would have even considered involving themselves or their team in controversy or political intrigue?  Back when people were just too patriotic and reasonable and pro-Country and sane and respectful and just plain "nice" to open their mouths and spew all sorts of vile, insidious crap where the world would be an unfortunate witness?  I guess we don't do "nice" anymore, do we?  

Yeah, I'd like those days back again, too.

So I'd like to send along my personal congratulations to Ms. Megan Rapinoe and her recent victory over the country of the Netherlands.  Good job, Megan!  You couldn't have done it without you!

Thursday, July 11, 2019

California has Finally Solved all its Problems!

Are you Black?  And do you have an "Afro?"

You do?  Great news!  Well, my Black friends, you can now grow your "natural hair" in the manner you most fervently desire in the once-Golden State of California!

Not if you're White.  Nooooo!  Only if you're Black.

Now, nobody can tell you how you should wear your hair.  Whether you like big poofee Afros, or spikey little "Spankeys," or tightly braided "cornrows," or Rasta-inspired braids, you may now choose to wear your hair any way you like.  

And I'd say, that's good.

Yes, my friends, now, through the unflagging efforts of your modern Democrat Party, this problem has finally been resolved!  Via Senate Bill-188, California has just passed the "CROWN Act."  That stands for "Create a Respectful and Open Workplace for Natural Hair."

Yes, that's what it stands for.  I'm not joking.  Although I truly wish I was.

Anyway, the "CROWN Act" will serve to finally, FINALLY permit Black women to wear their hair according to their individual preference without fear of recrimination or retaliation in the workplace.  

Now, I've searched high and low, but mostly "high" (heh, heh), looking for an instances, any instance at all, where a Black woman was canned due to her hair style.  Or even a man identifying as a woman (California, doncha' know!).  Oh, I'm sure there's been an instance or two, just as there are sworn reports of Liberals passing fiscally viable and economically prudent laws on occasion.  

I'm sure they're have been some, however, I've yet to find one.  

And to that we must add that California, just like every other state, has an "at will" employment understanding.  You offer a job, somebody accepts it.  Your relationship, each with the other, is willful. That means you each decide to form a working relationship.  One that can end at any time with either side so choosing.  And without any notice.  

So, assuming an employer didn't release a Black female employee wearing an Afro while explaining to her...that the reason for her termination was...because she's Black and wearing an Afro (Gloria Redbuns, where are you?), I'd say this is just another of those feel-good bits of virtue-signaling Liberal nonsensical idiotic tomfoolery with which we've become so accustomed of late.  Unfortunately.

So, soaking in the reality of this, I have to believe that California must have finally solved all its other pressing problems to be able to focus quality legislative time on something so, if you'll pardon me, insignificant, unnecessary, ridiculous and vacuous as this.  But that's just me.  

Oh wait!  While I was preparing to push "publish" on this, the latest in my never-ending but oh-so-entertaining-and-informative blog postings, CA just announced it's solved One More Problem!  Wanna' know what it is?  Sure you do!  And here's the answer:

California has now outlawed the use of elephants and lions and tigers in the circus!  No excrement!  To prevent any possibility of one of God's, ummm, larger creatures being mistreated by humans, I assume, CA has just removed creatures from the equation altogether.  Buuuut, I might offer up that a circus without elephants and lions and tigers isn't really a circus.  Which will be the end of the circus and the loss of thousands more jobs, of course.  And the end of wholesome family entertainment spanning more than a century and a half.  But you already knew that.  

So, this is just another instance of California ruining a tradition for the sake of...ruining a tradition, me thinks.

To sum up, fellow Patriots, if CA can deign to stoop to kneel to worry about such stuff as Afros and elephants, then California obviously has no more problems of any kind. 

Except that part about having more homeless than any other state in the Country, and having more poverty than any other state in the Country, and harboring more illegal aliens than any other state in the Country, and having more Middle Class out-migration than any other state in the Country, and having the highest unfunded pension debt than any other state in the Country, and having higher income taxes than any other state in the Country, and having the highest gas taxes of any other state in the Country, and a whole bunch of other stuff too numerous to mention, that is.  

Except for all that, California has finally solved all its Problems! 

Monday, July 8, 2019

Reparations Could get Confusing...

All of the 2020 Democrat POTUS candidates have come out in favor of reparations for the descendants of slavery.

Yes, all of them.

It seems that every now and again some delbert dufus dumbass opens his or her yap and mumbles something about pandering to all those poor Black people who just might vote for them if they could make them feel somehow inferior, or mistreated, or abused, or ignored.  And in return?  Their votes.  Early and often...

How nice.

Just vote for me, Mr. and Mrs. and Ms. Black America, they say, and we'll get White people to pay you off for what they did to your ancestors.  


But what about one Ms. Kamala Harris?  She's sort of "Black-ish," to be sure.  Actually, as befits her mixed heritage, she's more of a nice shade of muted mocha, doncha' know.  And she's come out in favor of reparations.  She said "on day one" she'd cough up an Executive Order and create a committee to start redistributing some more of that "White money," toward Black folks.  

Buuuuuuut, Ms. Harris isn't "Black," in the classic sense.  She's half Jamaican, and half Indian.  Indian, as in "red dot," not "whooo whooo!"  

Which means that she's not eligible for reparations, especially considering her family on her father's side owned slaves!  Or, so said her father (!).  Nice of him, I thought, to offer that up.  He, Donald Harris, a retired Stanford economics professor emeritus, even referred to her candidacy as a "travesty," stating that her Jamaican grandparents "would be turning over in their graves."  

So, I guess she'd be one paying those reparations, right?  Even though she's "Black-ish," kind of like B. Hussein Obama was Black (he was descended from Arabs, not Africans), she wasn't the progeny of slavery sufferers, so she'd be a Prime Target for the tax man to come and get some of that money for all those Black folks.  Annnd, as a descendant of slave owners, she's the one who should be paying!

Also, she's married to a White guy, one Mr. Douglas Emhoff.  He's a 54 year-old lawyer who meddles in entertainment and copyright law.  So he'd be one of the White folks forced to pay Black folks for something somebody else did to...somebody else...way back when.  

Confused yet?  Don't worry, it'll get worse.  

Unless, of course, the Democrats manage somehow to make reparations law using only skin color as the yardstick, not heritage or history, to gauge who gets the gravy.  And if not, then Mr. Harris, excuse me, Mr. Emhoff, would have to pay.  

Tough Noogies.

And so would Kamala.  Maybe if she was forced to pay a penalty to Black folks even though she loudly proclaims her own Black-ness, that would be the knee-slapper of the decade, me thinks!  

So he'd be paying, and she'd be paying.  Is this what they had in mind?

Cory Booker, too.  His mommy and daddy were both Ivy League lawyers, infesting Wall Street with their talents.  And Cory, born in Washington, D. C., far from being held back by his heritage or skin color, matriculated first at Stanford, where he earned a Masters degree, then on to Oxford, and finally a law degree from Yale.  

Sort of a far cry from that poor Black sharecropper in Arkansas image they'd like to convey, wouldn't you say?  

So, Cory being the offspring of multi-millionaires, born on third base and thought he'd hit a triple, doncha' know, now has the challenge of somehow trying to make himself look beaten down and mistreated and spurned by "Whitey."  The ex-two term Mayor of Newark, N.J.  A city whose murder rate skyrocketed during Mr. Booker's leadership.  Good luck, Cory!  You're gonna' need it...

And then there's Liz Warren.  Here's a woman who climbed the corporate, educational, financial and political ladder under the auspices of being a Native American.  Yes, her folks always taught her that high cheekbones meant you're an Indian, she says.  Is she really that ignorant?  Maybe.  But it's a testament to the American Dream that a person of less than stellar intellect can wind up a full Professor at Harvard, teaching one, one-hour class a week, at the grand old salary of $431,000 a year, plus serving as a Senator from Masssachusetttts, at $174,000 per year, and still manage to run for President in her spare time!  Is America a great place, or what? 

Oh yeah, and to further obfuscate her sketchy history, she's just come out in favor of reparations for gay couples!  Yep, I guess if you're a good Democrat, there's just no limit to your pandering.   

BTW, even though she's all for reparations, she'd be the one paying them.  Maybe that wouldn't be so bad after all...

And then there's Wayne Messam.  Don't worry, I've never heard of him either.  He's one of the dozens and dozens running for the Dem nomination.  He's currently the Mayor of Miramar, Florida, a town of 140,000.  Yes, he's Black.  And yes, he's not African-American.  He's the progeny of Jamaicans, who emigrated cut sugar cane.  Not slaves, contract workers.  They obviously felt that working in America was better than being unemployed in Jamaica.  So they came here, got a job, put their little boy Wayne through school, and lived the American Dream!  Yet, he rails against slavery as if it had negatively affected him.  And yes, he is one of those steadfastly behind reparations for Blacks.  Er, I'm sure he means African-American Blacks.  Both he and Kamala are suffering from JHD.  That's "Jamaican Heritage Disease."  

Maybe if they talk often enough, and loudly enough, nobody will notice...

Friday, July 5, 2019

For Every Action...

It's taken awhile, but California weenies have finally figured out that a firearm without ammunition is nothing but an expensive paperweight.

Yes, fellow Patriots, the commies in charge up there in Sacrascrewyou passed a law a few years back (Prop. 63) that forces citizens desirous of purchasing a box of cartridges  for the Family Firearm to now, as of July 1st, pass a Federal Background Check.  The same one, it turns out, that one must use to purchase a firearm.  

Yes, we have one of those.  The Leftoid gun-grabbers have been calling for "Universal Background Checks" for years and years, and we've had "Universal Background Checks" which the Federal Government calls the "NICS" (National Instant Criminal System") for years and years (since 1998!).

You didn't know that, did you?  What else haven't they told you?

But back to buying ammo and what the State is doing to keep you from it...

Yes, fellow Pilgrims, after decades of trying to fatally erode the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution via thousands of anti-gun laws, they've finally hit upon the one they think will work; make people spend four or five or six times as much to actually USE their guns as it has, and should, and could.  First, they've started doing this by making you pay $1.00 for each and every ammunition purchase you make just to piss you off.  

And then, they'll force you to pay another $19.00 - $25.00 for each transaction for State/Federal background checks.  It could wind up costing more, but no one knows at this point for sure.  

So, at the very least, you'll pay $25.00 for a $5.00 box of .22 rimfire cartridges.  That's a 5x increase since...June 30th.  Exactly as I had warned when this legislation came up for review.  And exactly as it has panned out.

Does anyone think this will prevent someone dead-set on shooting up a school or a mosque or a church to change their mind?  Somehow I doubt it.

But will this prevent someone on a fixed-income from being able to acquire enough ammo to go out and practice?  The ammunition they will need to hunt for table food to get them through the winter?  Will it cause an unnecessary extra delay for both the buyer and the seller?  And will it add untold extra handling and inventorying and carrying costs, which must all be passed along to the citizen?  Of course it will.  How could it not?

This newest impediment by the State to insert itself between a citizen and his Constitutional Rights deserves a response.  A forceful one.  And I have just the idea:

Remember what happened when New York State increased the tobacco tax on cigarettes by 200% a couple of decades ago?  Within minutes a pack of smokes went from $5.00 to $8.50.  And within minutes trailer truckloads of bootleg cigarettes were on their way to NY from Virginia, all ready to circumvent its newest "sin" tax.  And it worked.  NY's tax revenue from their new dumbass tax fell by 87% in the year immediately following imposition of their new tax, costing them $Billions.  And that means profit from smuggling and tax avoidance increased by 87%.  Predictable.  To all but Progressive weenies, that is.

So, using that bit of history as our guideline, I propose we all get together and form the "So-Cal Ammo Buyers Co-Operative."  It would work like this:

1.  Everybody who cares joins the Club and throws a few bucks and their order form into the center of the table. 

2.  One of us Patriots with an empty trunk and a full tank of gas heads off to Las Vegas (where they can still read the small print on the Bill of Rights!) to stock up on ammo.  Fill that trunk, my boy!  And, not only can you buy ammo there in unlimited quantities at lower prices (everything's cheaper there!), they don't charge any bogus extra fees or force duplicative background checks, nor do they hit you with sales taxes!  So, the savings on the ammo and taxes will more than make up for the cost of gas (much cheaper in Vegas due to their much lower gas taxes!).  What's not to like?

Oh yeah, and if you don't care for Vegas, make it AZ or UT or ID or, or, or...

3.  Back home in Taxifornia, the Members of the Co-Op stop by and pick up their orders.  No grief, no hassle, no extra charges.  Just like they enjoy in 49 other states!

It's said you tax something you want less of.  And in the case of "sin" taxes, like tobacco and alcohol, and now ammunition, I guess, that's exactly what they'll get; less tax revenue.  They'll learn one day that simply mandating that people take a certain action the ruling elites find abhorrent, unnecessary, wasteful, deceitful or purely political doesn't mean they'll actually take it.  Some will respond with civil disobedience.  

The quote goes, "For every action there's an equal and opposite reaction."  If they pass asinine laws, the People will exercise their will via civil disobedience.  Been that way, is that way, shall always be that way...

Thursday, July 4, 2019

A Letter From Adams...

Happy Birthday, America!

Today is the 4th of July!  America's birthday!  Our 243rd!  The day we celebrate each and every year with hot dogs and hamburgers and BBQs and beer and the beach and parades and fireworks.  Just like our President John Adams admonished us to do so many, many years ago.

I'm reminded of the letter he wrote to his wife, Abigale, on July 3rd, 1776, the day after the Declaration was originally signed that fateful day back in Philadelphia (yes, we should be celebrating this amazing Day on the 2nd!).  It stated in part:

"I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding Generations, as the Great Anniversary Festival.  It ought to be commemorated, as the Day of Deliverance, by solemn Acts of Devotion to God Almighty.  It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parades, with Shews (sic), Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires, and Illuminations from one end of the Continent to the other from this Time forward forevermore."

For those of us who love the freedom that Declaration guaranteed us, and the lifestyle we thereby enjoy, this is our penultimate day each year.  The day we love above all.  The day we choose to celebrate the founding of the Grand Experiment.  An experiment that's given us the longest surviving democracy in the history of the world.

Yet, there will be some who are not moved by this occasion.  Some who will choose to focus only on America's remaining inadequacies.  Some who will refuse to be uplifted by the trials and tribulations of the millions of Americans who have gone before us and plowed and sown the fields we now reap.  Who gave their lives in the pursuit of that freedom which we now so richly enjoy.  The very same freedom that makes millions try and come to our country each and every year.  

So, to those out there who want to blame America for whatever their individual shortcomings might be, I suggest you go outside tonight and watch the "bombs bursting in air."  Perhaps that will soften your heart a bit in memory of the suffering of all those who have bought and paid for today's cheeseburgers and beer with their blood...

Monday, July 1, 2019

How to Ruin a State...

Let's say you have this state.  

A big and very lush state, featuring 800 miles of ocean shoreline, and abundant natural resources, and beautiful, majestic mountains, and cold, clear, ice-blue lakes, and a wonderful, temperate, quasi-Mediterranean climate.  

And let's go on to say this hypothetical state was situated geographically and economically and historically and situationally so that it was the epicenter of technology and medicine and aerospace and energy and entertainment.    

And let's also say this state is center-right politically, well managed, with money in the bank.  "The Shining City on the Hill," as Ronnie Reagan once called it.  

So, if you were of the mind to do so, as it appears so many on the Left are these days, how would you go about destroying this state?  How would you set about ruining it?  Assuming you wanted to, that is.  Due to some nefarious intent, you decided you wanted to cripple, bankrupt and erase this, the most beautiful and prosperous state in the nation.  How would you go about it?   

In my estimation, it would be quite simple:

First, you'd make it so lush, so beautiful, so economically-powerful, so attractive, so wealthy, so full of promise, with warm, temperate breezes that people from all over the country wanted to move there.  You'd make it an "attractive nuisance," in other words.  

Second, and for the same reasons, millions and millions of illegal aliens would break in and set up shop, using fraudulent I.D.s, becoming felons in the process, and taking jobs other legal citizens and residents might want and truly  deserve. 

Third, all the folks who beat feet and left Chicago and Baltimore and Philly and Newark and New York City would bring all the ridiculous left-wing nonsense with them that they should have left behind.    

Fourth, as their numbers grew, they eventually would subsume the legal citizens via their burgeoning majority and start electing liberals and Progressives and Marxists and communists and socialists and eco-warriors and race hustlers to city councils and school boards and sanitation departments.  And then develop all sorts of new and diabolical ways of counting votes (that's how Orange County, CA turned Blue!).

Fifth, soon, with a stranglehold on the political power in the state, they'd start passing dumbass laws that not only wasted money, and thus necessitated tax increases, they'd also pass laws that infringed on the beliefs and the rights and privileges of the new political minorities within their borders.  All done for the express purpose of increasing and strengthening their political power.  

Sixth, the honest, honorable, hard-working taxpayers who'd been thrashed to pay for all that largesse starts bolting.  Destination: Parts Unknown.  Boxes packed.  U-Haul doors slamming shut and heading on down the I-10 for Parts Unknown, with almost any other "parts" being better.  And taking their jobs and their tax money and their quest for freedom and fairness with them.  

Hello Utah and Nevada and Arizona and Idaho and Florida and Wyoming and Oklahoma and Georgia and Tennessessesseeeeee, and, and, and...  

And seventh, soon there's nobody and nothing left but billionaires, skid row homeless, the dirt poor, Hollywood stars and Silicon Valley techies, as well as well as piles and piles and piles of human poop in the Streets of San Francisco and Lost Angeles. 

And the highest income taxes in America.  And the highest gas taxes in America.  And the highest sales taxes in America.  And the largest number of illegal aliens in America.  And the highest level of poverty in America.  And the fastest percentage of out-migration in America.         

Oh yeah, and sign twirlers and Starbucks baristas...

Friday, June 28, 2019

Then vs. Now:


It was time for the middle school kids to campaign for Class President, way back when.

Little Johnnie, a nice young man, good family, studied hard, nice to his mommy, promised his prospective voters that if they elected him, he'd get recess extended by another five minutes!

The class cheered in appreciation!

Little Anthony, a bit of a troublemaker, wrong side of the tracks, always goofing off, doncha' know, offered up that he'd do even better.  If they'd just vote for him, he said, he'd get the principal to shorten the school day!  

The class went wild!

But Little Julie was far craftier than her fellow candidates.  Julie, smart girl, Upper West Side, having I. Q. points to spare, offered the class free ice cream for their votes!  All they could eatForever!

The result?  Julie won in a landslide.  For fairly obvious reasons.  People just luuuuv instant gratification.  People just luuuuv free stuff.  And people just luuuuv to be pandered to.  And Little Julie knew that.  She went on to become State Chairman of the Democrat Party, ran for Congress, was elected and then caught embezzling and sent to prison.

I think she was caught colluding with the Russians.


Here's everything you need to know about the Democrat Party's platform for 2020.  

Everything is freeeeeeeeee!

Every single Democrat POTUS candidate is offering free stuff.  Lots of it.  We've seen that repeatedly during the debates. But dozens of folks yelling simultaneously about oodles of free stuff can get lost in a crowd, doncha' know?  Pandering wholesale can get boring, too.  And the people pandered to are always on the lookout for some even more interesting freebies.  

So, as befits the Eagle Scout in me, I feel compelled to offer my seasoned counsel to those candidates who just can't hit their stride; they need some professional help.  They need somebody to help them pander better.  And I'm the Pander Better Helper.  The "Pander Bear!  And I'm here to offer it...

We now know from having watched the past two evenings of Democrat POTUS 2020 debates that all candidates are for the following:

  -  FREE admittance to the U. S. of A. at all of our borders.  Illegal aliens will now be uber-welcome!  Come one, come all!  Especially to California, where we still don't have enough, they say! 

  -  DECRIMINALIZATION of illegal entry, making breaking in to America a "civil" infraction rather than a Federal crime.  Kind of like spitting on the sidewalk, doncha' know.  

  -  FREE health insurance for illegal aliens, including vision, dental, mental health, and sex change operations for those who just can't make up their minds.

  -  TAX the forlorn middle-class to pay for the above.  They won't mind, will they?

  -  CONFISCATE all guns, right now, today.  The little ones, the big ones, the long ones and the short ones.  (They call it a "buy back," but that won't work; the Government never owned them, so it can't buy them back, right?

  -  REPARATIONS for all Blacks, whether or not their ancestors endured slavery.  And maybe other put-upon groups (Liz Warren wants to give reparations to gays!), depending upon their clout at the voting booth.

  -  ABOLISH all private health insurance from the 180,000,000 people who demanded it, fought for it, negotiated to get it, and don't want to lose it.  The fact that they like their health insurance is of no consequence.  Too bad, so sad.  Got to break a few eggs if you want to make an omelette, right?

  -  ABORTIONS for everyone, anytime, up to the moment of delivery, or even after, maybe up until the third grade, and covered by the taxpayers, even though illegal for them to do so (Hyde Amendment).  

NOTE:  Abortions for men, too, demands Julian Castro.  Certainly don't want to leave them out.  Isn't this getting a bit weird?

But hey, there's still a lot of the campaign yet to unfold.  And these poor folks need some hoary advice from The Graybeard to help them withstand the rigors of campaigning.  So here's a few more "panders" they can use:

  -  FREE shoeshines for illegal aliens (got to clean off the Rio Grande mud, right?).

  -  FREE car washes.  No car, no problem!  We'll give you one!  And oil changes!

  -  Not only FREE college, but free books, and housing, and parking, and food and clothing.  In fact, how about paying them to go?

  -  Government-established taquierias where they'll serve FREE tacos and cerveza!

  -  FREE airfare and Welcome Wagon coupons for the rest of the family they left back home in Cuernavaca and Guadalajara and Hermosillo. 

  -  FREE Social Security cards for those who haven't bought one yet. 

  -  And last but far from least, how about a FREE get out of jail free card for everybody in jail?  Let 'em all out!  And restore their civil rights so they can vote!  For the Democrats! 

All of this should certainly tie up the Lateeeeeno vote for the Democrats.  Now, how about pandering a bit more to African-Americans?  And American-Indians?  And Siiks?  And the Gypsies?  And LGBTQMDZWKN folks.  And albinos and those with PTSD?  There's so many, many more little identity groups to pursue.  And pander to.  

Stay tuned.  They will...