Tuesday, February 9, 2016
Well, children, here we are. It's Part Four and I'm just getting started. How much can one person learn in a short (long?) life? Quite a bit, it seems. And here is more of that stuff for you to ponder and enjoy. Without further ado...
- I've learned that the fine city of Lowell, Massassasschuuttes, or however you spell that commie state's name, has just implemented something I find quite disturbing. Yes, my friends, this fair burg has decided if its residents wish to exercise their 2nd Amendment rights to "keep and bear arms," they must first write an essay to the Town Mothers and Fathers (overseers?) as to why they should be permitted to do so. And then, if Mommy and Daddy decide they're worthy, they must then take a five-day course in gun safety, which this city is happy to sell you, and administer, for the rather astoundingly humungous sum of $1,100.00!
I'm asking myself if these bozos are aware that charging such an exorbitant amount effectively disenfranchises their less well heeled residents from exercising their fundamental, God-given Right? The very same folks who likely live on the wrong side of the tracks and need it more than those who live in safer neighborhoods. And then I'm asking if they are intending to tweak the remaining nine Rights a bit? Like, perhaps, charging people a license fee prior to allowing them to stand on a soapbox in the Town Square and holler out their opinions. Or, forcing them to buy a permit before being able to invoke their 5th Amendment right against self incrimination. How could it possibly be that there's a town in modern-day America that is run by complete, unadulterated, commie pinko dumbass liberal weenies? I, for one, fear the end is near.
- I've learned that eating two strips of bacon for breakfast each day reduces your chances of becoming a jihadist suicide bomber by fully 100%. Also, I've decided that what we normal, non-jihadist, non-terrorist folks need is some bacon-scented after shave. Then, just about the time one of those Bad Guys tries to separate your head from the rest of your torso, they'll get the scent of pork products and take off running at flank speed in the opposite direction, their Kukri knife dragging in the dirt. Better than pepper spray! Almost as good as a .357 Magnum!
- I've learned that the Wounded Warrior Project has taken in more than $1 Billion Dollars since it's inception in 2004, and the rather large sum of $353 Million in 2015 alone! That's tall money, my friends, especially since it's built on guilt trip info ads airing non-stop on cable TV, and $19 a month pledges from ordinary folks like you and me.
And I've also learned that the folks that run this non-profit are spending like drunken sailors (no insult to sailors intended!) on "team building" trips and meals and food and beverages and travel. $30 Million last year alone! And, I've learned that they donate only about 60% of of their proceeds to the Warriors they are supposed to be helping!
You should know that the organization that oversees charity groups like this one in terms of actually doing what they're supposed to do has placed the Wounded Warrior Project on its "do not donate" list. As a veteran, I'm sorry to have to report this news...
- And speaking of scams, it's time to address our attention to another thing I've learned. As soon as "Mike Lindell," the supposed founder of the "My Pillow" enterprise, stated in one of his ubiquitous TV commercials that his product had been recommended by the "National Sleep Foundation," I just knew that outfit had been founded by good ol' Mike himself for a little third-party proof that his pillow was worth the $100 he was charging. Considering you can buy a damn fine pillow from Target or Wal-Mart or Sears for $25, the extra $75 just has to go into advertising to get the easily swayed to cough up the dough. Or into his well-rested jacket pocket. This scam was old when I was young. But it apparently still works on the gullible. Simply found a foundation to tell the world the crap you're selling is worth buying. Sad, but it works. Unfortunately...
- And speaking of hookers (we were, weren't we?), I've learned that the term "hooker" was coined as a synonym for prostitutes by (in)famous Major General Joseph Hooker, Civil War commander par excellence. He was known for his hard-drinking, partying and dalliances with the ladies at his headquarters. Thereafter, women of the evening came to be known as "hookers," forevermore.
Oh, and if you were wondering where the term "crapper" came from (you were, weren't you?), it dates all the way back to 1836 England, and to the guy who invented the "W.C.," or Water Closet (flush toilet). Thomas Crapper, later to be knighted (I proclaim thee Sir Crapper...Jeesh!), was a pretty good plumber. So good that he came up with a better way to get rid of the stuff everybody wants to get rid of. So, when somebody calls the bathroom the "crapper," you'll finally know from whence the term emanated.
- I've learned that there has never, ever, ever been a civil or criminal complaint, or prosecution, or conviction, of a person who removed, altered or defaced the tag on a mattress or pillow in any state, county, city or province of the United States of America. So, one could reasonably ask, why is it there? Could this be another one of those laws that should be repealed before another one is passed?
- I've learned that, in spite of my efforts, there is still no White Congressional Caucus, no National Association for the Advancement of White People, no White Entertainment Network or Awards Program, and no White History Month. Perhaps worst of all, there's no Affirmative Action for White people displaced by preferences given to Blacks. And yet, Beyonce Knowles (who is she again?) can prance around in a swim suit during the half time of the Super Bowl giving salutes to Malcolm X and the Black Panther Party, and then Black Lives Matter, when White guys wearing white sheets and hoods and carrying burning crosses doing the same exact thing would have been arrested and immediately sent to the Pelican Bay SuperMax. Just saying...
- I've learned that our Mr. B. Hussein Obama has a bit of a problem with the Federal Debt. You'll recall back on July 3, 2008, when he said:
"The problem is, is that the way Bush has done it over the last eight years is to take out a credit card from the Bank of China in the name of our children, driving up our national debt from $5 Trillion for the first 42 Presidents - #43 added $4 Trillion all by his lonesome, so that we now have over $9 Trillion of debt that we are going to have to pay back - $30,000 for every man, woman and child. That's irresponsible! That's unpatriotic!"
Ummm, Mr. Obama, we just passed $19,000,000,000,000 in Federal Debt. You've now put more on that Chinese credit card than all of America's other Presidents combined! Now you've racked up more than $56,000 in indebtedness for every single American! Does that make you irresponsible? Unpatriotic?
- I've learned that most of you don't know, or don't remember, that George Stephanopoulos was one of those who helped elect Billy Jeff "Blue Dress" Clinton back in 1992. And then, he was a key part, along with the infamous James Carville, in his reelection in 1996. But did you know that he was Clinton's Assistant Press Secretary, and then his Communications Director, and later his White House Chief of Staff? And then, after leaving Clinton in 1996 following Billy's reelection, without any, any journalistic training or experience whatsoever, he was hired by ABC as a newscaster? And now he is ABC's Chief Political Reporter and has a featured one-hour political talking heads show on Sunday morning? ABC is the media arm of Mickey Mouse. don't you know. Is there anybody out there who still doesn't understand that there's a strong, indelibly strong left wing media bias out there? Maybe this is why people call him George Clintonopoulos, and CNN, the Clinton New Network.
- I've learned that the pyramids and the Spinx and Stonehenge and Machu Pichu are not the oldest man-made objects on Earth. That honor now falls to Gobekle Tepe, a 22 acre shrine to something-or-other in southeastern Turkey. This place has been carbon-dated at somewhere between 11,000 and 12,000 years old! That's more than 6,000 years older than those previously considered for that distinction.
This site features a series of "T" shaped, carved stone pillars buried in the ground, each more than 16' tall and weighing 7 - 10 tons. And yet, the folks who supposedly carved and erected these pillars had no wheel and no metal tools. Perhaps even more amazing is the carved animal pictographs on these pillars of lions, monkeys, vultures, scorpions and foxes, which Turkey never had and still doesn't. So, how did this place get built? Cue the "X-Files" intro music, pulleeeze...
- I've learned that ex-NYC Mayor Little Mikey Bloomberg, famous anti-gun nanny who wants to insert himself into your diet, and the guy who banned salt from NYC restaurant tables, may have mistaken "assault weapon" for "a salt weapon." Perhaps that's why he's so dead set on having them removed from our gun safes.
- I've learned that almost every Bernie Sanders voter is a college student who is drowning in student loans. And they just can't wait for "The Bern" to get elected so that their college tuition will be free. Of course, they seem to be unaware that the folks Bernie intends to fleece to pay for all of that will have by then moved to Panama or Costa Rica or Belize, and taken with them the bucks ol' Bern needs to pay for his voters' college loans. Too bad. It seems each generation is just begging to be fleeced by one politician or another.
- I've learned that if a train leaves Springfield, Illinois, heading south southwest toward Baton Rouge, Louisiana, at the average rate of 56 miles per hour, and another train leaves Baton Rouge, Louisiana, heading north northeast for Springfield at the average rate of 49 miles per hour, the question is, when will they have a flaming head-on collision? I, for one, have no friggin' idea. And I don't care. That's because I've lived almost 70,000 days since trying and failing to learn algebra, and have never had to use it even once.
However, I really don't need to know algebra, because we live in a 24/7 news cycle, and I'm guessing there will be a news crew from WWTF in Bowling Green, Kentucky, which will be there, cranked up and ready, to report on the twisted, mangled metal and the broken, bleeding bodies. I guess in retrospect my Medieval Poetry major didn't help all that much after all.
Well, that's enough for now, my friends. Pour yourself a stiff one and contemplate the amazing tidbits of knowledge that has just flowed your way. And, for absolutely no exchange of shekels whatsoever! How lucky are you? And so, until next time...
"Happy trails to you, until we meet again. Happy trails to you, keep smiling until then. Happy trails to you, 'til we meet again."
Roy Rogers, sometime in the 1950's
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
This is Number Three in the essay on the stuff I've learned while spending more than seventy years trying to stay out of trouble and out of jail. And believe me, there was some heavy bobbing and weaving in order to accomplish those objectives. Mostly. So far, so good.
However, I sustained some bruises along the way, and learned a lesson or two that might prove helpful for all the other "Great Unwashed" among you. So, buckle up, here goes...
- I've learned that it's a heavy stain on our proud Country that there needs to be a "Wounded Warrior Project." You've no doubt been hammered on by the unending TV commercials begging you to send off "just $19.00 a month" in order to put our heroes back together after having been sent off to war. Plus, you'll get a blankie to show their appreciation. Why, I ask, shouldn't the country that sent them off to die, or be forever maimed, take care of them after they return home? And why should some outfit badger us incessantly for a bunch of dough to fix them up without us knowing just how that money's being spent? Why, indeed?
- I've learned that ex-Alaskan Governor and ex-Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin has decided to endorse POTUS candidate Donald J. Trump. Why, me wonders, is Sarah choosing Trump to endorse rather than Ted Cruz, the guy she supported heavily in 2012 for Texas Senator, and campaigned with him incessantly. I think I may have a possible answer to that question. What, one might ask, does Trump have that Cruz doesn't? Ummm, $10 Billion Dollars perhaps? I wouldn't be surprised if Sarah found an extra $500 Grand in her checking account in the next few days she didn't remember depositing. And maybe an appointment as Secretary of the Interior should The Donald emerge victorious in his run for Prez? But that's just me...
- I've learned from a contact in the Riverside County Sheriff's Office that there were more than 1,000 calls to request appointments to interview for a CCW (Concealed Carry Weapon's) permit in the week following the shooting at the San Bernardino school. And, my contact states, due to a scarcity of personnel to handle such matters, more than 300 of those calls had yet to be returned. What's the fallout from all this? Unlike the vast majority of other states, where you simply walk in to the local sheriff's office, plunk down $25 or so, and walk out with a CCW permit, in Taxifornia you must first apply for an appointment to be interviewed. If you are then judged as qualified to carry concealed, in their sole opinion, it will take many more months to find out if you're successful in obtaining your permit. According to my contact, appointments are now being made for March, 2018. That's more than two years from now. Congratulate yourself if you live somewhere else besides the once-Golden State...
- I've learned that more than 100 people were shot in Chicago in just the first ten days of 2016. Now considering that Chi-town has the most restrictive gun control laws in the entire nation, effectively eliminating the 2nd Amendment within its city limits, you have a really good example here of what Barry Obama and his Sycophants have planned for you if you live anywhere else. You can't buy a gun in Chicago, but you can die in Chicago. Doesn't seem right, does it?
- I've just learned that Solar City, the biggest solar panel installer in the Country, has just pulled the BK plug. After installing more solar panels than any other company, it just discovered that its business model doesn't work. Elon Musk, the billionaire founder and majority owner of Solar City (and Tesla cars and SpaceX), could no longer make this leasing- panels-to-people work. That's because it did so by overcharging for the panels, and then billing the Feds (you and me) for the 30% Income Tax Credit our Gummint offers. They wouldn't sell them. I know. I tried to buy them from Solar City. They told me they would only lease. And after the Gummint discovered it owed Solar City more than $500 Million in payments, it cried foul and ordered an investigation. And from that investigation it was learned that our collective pockets have been picked, and picked big time! Solar City now leases. Or at least it did, before it pulled the plug.
- I've learned that six of the top ten very richest cities/counties in America in terms of median household income are located in and around the Washington, D.C. area. They are:
#1: Falls Church, VA - $125,635
#2: Loundoun County, VA - $122,641
#3: Fairfax County, VA - $110,507
#6: Arlington, VA - $107,143
#7: Howard County, MD - $106,871
Think of it, my friends. It wasn't too long ago that the richest counties were located in or near Silicon Valley, or San Francisco, or Manhattan, or rural Connecticut, or toney Long Island's Hamptons area. Now, with the out-of-control growth of government, the rich are now those who work for us. The folks who make on average twice what we do. And we, the people who pay them, are now poorer than ever before. I want to puke...
- I've learned that the portent of a super big blizzard bearing down on the Eastern seaboard is enough to cause the "powers that be" to shut down the Government. Yes, my friends, on the weekend of January 22nd, 2016, the Feds pulled the plug on all matters Governmental and sent everybody home. No bizz to be conducted. None. Now, considering that we have 1,645,239 laws on the books, or maybe twice that many (I have no idea...I made that number up!), what I'm wondering is how we mere mortals can figure out how to bring on a whole bunch more blizzards. If a little bit of snow can shut down the business of making laws, and I think we can all agree we sure as hell don't need any more laws, then how can we figure out how make much, much, much more snow? I mean, hello America! We had 2,600 pages in the Federal Register in 1936. With all of the new regs added daily by the SEC, the FDA, the EPA and all the other 600+ Alphabet Federal agencies, we have more than 800,000 today! When is enough, enough? I don't know about you, but I'm soooo pissed at the Gummint for making new laws without cancelling the old ones. Give us more snow and fewer new laws!
And by the way, the 200,000 employees that were sent home were deemed "nonessential." Is it just me, or do you also wonder why we have 200,000 people working for us, who make much more than we do, that are "nonessential?"
- I've learned the "living wage lefties," like Hil(liar)y Clinton, aged Socialist Bernie Sanders and Little Mikey O'Malley, are just dying to boost the minimum wage to $15.00 an hour. Why? So they can attract the votes of the slackers who don't feel themselves responsible to gain the education and the experience to claw their way out of burger-flipping jobs and into the righteous middle class. When, I ask rhetorically, did working at MickeyD's constitute the path to a full-time income for those beyond pimply-facedness? When, I answer emphatically, we elected socialist Barry Obama. Since that fateful day the real wages in America have gone down a full 4%, equaling about $5,000 per year for the average family, while the regulations imposed on our job creators have gone past the choking stage. Min-wage is now about $8.00 an hour. Higher in commie lefty states, lower in smarter, less regulated ones.
And why the campaign to rush headlong to $15/hour? Because the unions are losing membership at flank speed. And they give beau coup bucks to the Democrats. And the Democrats get about 95% of the campaign donations from the unions. So, if the unions can coerce the Dems to coerce the Gummint to coerce employers to boost wages, then the unions can step in and force these "newly-rich" employees to join up, and pay up! Of course, once these dues are paid, and the taxes on their new windfall is paid, the bone-headed dufus min-wage workers will be right back where they started. But hey, the unions will be fat again, and that's how strong-arm union and go-along-to-get-along politics works.
By the way, if $15 an hour of somebody else's money - which it is - is good, why not $20? Or $30? Or $50? As Britain's Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher once said, "The only thing wrong with socialism is that pretty soon you run out of other people's money." I guess those who advocate such self-destructive policies need to learn sooner rather than later that they're completely full of crap.
- I've learned that there are places on your body that can hurt that you didn't even know existed. And places that will still manage to hurt despite whatever number of pain pills you choose to ingest. And that the "hurt" can be ammeliorated a tad by the judicious use of a really nice Cabernet Sauvignon, or other juicy, tannic, red wine of your choice, which can serve to potentiate pain pills of all stripe. That means a bit of the latter can magnify somewhat the actions of the former.
Exercise care during your experimentation, my friends.
- I've learned that a young African-American woman named Lateatia Halloway intentionally drove her weapon of miss-destruction (get it?) through throngs of pedestrians on Las Vegas' sidewalks, killing one and seriously wounding more than 30 others. Yes, my friends, this young "lady" was reported to have slowly driven her car down a busy Vegas boulevard, eyes peeled for clusters of people walking along peacefully, and then gunned her motor, jumped the curb and mowed them down. And then she repeated this action three more times before being stopped and arrested. And yet, one Mr. B. Hussein Obama chooses not to call for the Justice Department to open a hate crime investigation, or increased background checks and tougher acquisition laws prior to the awarding of drivers' licenses or the purchase of automobiles. Think maybe his priorities are a bit misplaced?
- I've learned that you cannot keep your doctor, you cannot keep your health insurance policy, and you will not receive a $2,500 rebate check from the Gummint every year, even though Barry promised you that you would, on camera, 43 times! Basically, you're scheizer (German for you-know-what) out of luck. Surprised?
- I've learned that Liberals really love Syrian refugees and want them to emigrate to our lovely Country. Fine, say I. But where, I ask, is that same milk of human kindness for the homeless military vets and those who are languishing in the waiting rooms of V.A. hospitals, (im)patiently hoping for an appointment, and dying because they just can't seem to get one?
- I've learned that the very cheapest Halloween costume one can possibly buy is one of those 40 gallon black plastic bags. Simply cut two holes it for eyes and then pull it over your head. Voila! You're now a carbon-copy of a Muslim woman!
That's all for now, kiddies. Too much of this hard reality might rot your brain. But sit tight. More to come, and soon! After all, I've learned a lot, but I keep on learning!
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
In follow-up to my most recent posting, same title, read by millions (well, not millions, but certainly tens), this is the second installment, which you've no doubt waited for with rapt anticipation. And so, without further ado...
- I've learned that Taxifornia issued 605,000 drivers' licenses to illegal aliens during calendar year 2015. That constitutes nearly half of all licenses issued during that period. Think of it, my friends, who live anywhere else; this dumbass state, run by commie pinko liberal weenies, has chosen to permit illegals to break in to our Country, and then legally apply for and receive legal drivers' licenses! That's stunning, don't you think? What sort of craziness is this? What brain malfunction allows you to make an action by an illegal, legal? I, for one, don't know. But I find it perplexing, alarming, infuriating, embarrassing and just plain stupid. You too? In the meantime, if you live here in CA, and you need to go to the DMV (perish the thought!), and you have to wait in line behind dozens of illegals in order to get your license renewed, while you're paying the salaries of the dimbulbs behind the counter via your taxes, you just have to be steaming!
- I've learned that Chicago's O'Hare International Airport has 300 active duty policemen. They are just like other Chi-Town cops, with one fairly major difference; they aren't allowed to carry weapons. And so, when confronted with an "active shooter" scenario, they're instructed to "run and hide." Really? I kid you not. Cops being told to run and hide? What sort of Bizzarro World are we living in?
- I've learned that honey is the only food that stays edible virtually forever. Ancient earthenware jars have been found in 4,000 year old Middle Eastern shipwrecks on the bottom of the ocean that are absolutely pristine, and filled with completely edible, tasty honey. That's pretty amazing stuff, right?
- I've learned that Arch Coal, Inc., has just filed for bankruptcy. Yes folks, Arch, America's second largest coal mining company, just pulled the plug due to $4.5 Billion in debt. And why would they need the protection of going BK? Because of Barry and his Sycophants' War on Coal. Half of America's coal mines are now shuttered, and more than 200,000 coal miners in 11 of our states are out of work, and most likely, permanently. The remaining 150,000 are due to be furloughed when coal is finally declared dead. Oh yeah, did you know that fully half of our electricity generating plants rely on coal for their power? Do we have a replacement for coal to keep our lights on? No, we don't. Oh, we have solar and wind, but they are much, much, much more costly than coal. And far, far less predictable in terms of their availability and adequacy. So, your electric bill is going way, way up! You elected this bozo! Pay up!
- I've learned that when you hire a socialist, you get socialism. Doubt me? Just read the above and realize what we got when we elected Obama.
- I've learned that gas prices nationally are now below $2.00 per gallon! And I've learned you're happy about that. But should you be? I think not. Why? Because the only reason you can fill your tank so cheaply is because the thieves at OPEC have their spigots wide open in an effort to crush our fracking industry in its infancy. It's now known that we have more oil hiding in the tar sands in our northwestern states and Canada than in all of the Middle East. Stunning and welcome news!
From a high of as much as $150 per barrel just a few years back, we're now down to below $35.00. That means it's no longer economically feasible to make usable oil out of the tar sands in Canada or North Dakota and surrounding states. And that's caused those companies involved in fracking (hydraulic fracturing - look it up) to shut down and lay off their workers. In my opinion those OPEC countries will soon squeeze down their production when our fracking boom has gone bust, and the companies who were involved in it no longer represent a threat. Gas prices at the pump will then shoot back up faster than a hooker's skirt. But will there then be a resurgence in tar sands fracking in the U.S.? Me thinks not, my friends. And that's a very bad thing for America.
Of course, here in the once-Golden State, gas prices are just below $3.00 per gallon! Why so high? Because the weenies in Sacramento impose on us the very highest gas taxes in America. Aren't you proud you live somewhere else?
- I've learned that the way Black moms choose names for their newborns is really quite inventive. I have it on good authority that they bring a brown paper bag filled with consonants and vowels to the hospital with them. Once the baby pops out, and they discover whether it's a boy or a girl, they then shake up the bag and start taking out letters, one at a time, until they find a name that's acceptable. That's how they get names like Quintonio and Cleanthony and Jaluma and Sequisha and Dealumoeba. And, my own personal favorite, Dabrickashaw (actual first name of a pro football player, so don't think I made these names up!).
- I've learned that if a Conservative doesn't want a gun, he doesn't buy one. But if a Liberal doesn't want a gun, he not only doesn't buy one, he tries to get laws passed so that nobody can have a gun, anywhere, ever! And with more than 23,000 anti-gun laws on the books here in America already, God knows what we really need are some more of those stupid, repetitive, ineffectual, costly and ineffective laws.
- I've learned that, only three days after our Lecturer-in-Chief told us during his (hopefully) last State of the Union address that the U.S. economy is strong, Wal-Mart, our largest private employer and the biggest corporation in the world, with more than 2.2 million workers, just announced its intent to close 269 stores and put 10,000 workers out of a job. Hmmmm.
- I've learned that B. Hussein Obama has traveled on our dime (many of them, in fact) to Hawaii over Christmas for the past eight years. And I've learned the cost of operating that specially-modified airplane known as Air Force One is $206,355 per hour! When you add in the cost of operating the duplicate 747 that flies along behind (got to have a spare, you know!), plus all the vehicles necessary to transport the POTUS and his fam, and his sycophants, numbering in the hundreds, plus all the hotel rooms and meals, each Hawaiian vacation has cost you and me, America's taxpayers, over $5,000,000 each! Obama has taken 43 such vacations since being immaculated, short and long, costing us more than $70 Million Dollars! The average American family spends just over $4,700 on Christmas, to include presents and meals and travel. Think maybe the Obama's are a bit out of touch? Or, maybe they just think they deserve it...
- I've learned that "Taco Cat" spelled backwards is..."Taco Cat."
- I've learned that Debbie Washerwoman-Schultz, the fembot commie Congressweenie from south Florida, who also serves as the Official House Madam for the DNC, failed once again in her efforts to completely hide the Democrat Debate from the American people this past Sunday. Yes, my friends, even though it was held opposite an important football playoff game, on MLK holiday weekend, upwards of three hundred people actually stumbled upon it. By accident, no doubt. So, I have it on good authority that the next debate, featuring Hil(liar)y Clinton, Little Marty O'Malley and America's socialist grandpa Bernie Sanders, will be held in a Boys and Girls Club basement in Cincinnati, OH at 3:00 a.m. on an unannounced upcoming Tuesday, and televised on a closed-circuit camera, viewable only on pay-per-view. There. That ought to prevent anyone from noticing that the Party of the People is represented by old, white, rich, dumb and mouthy people.
- I've learned that Jada Pinkett-Smith, the wife of actor Will Smith, has just announced that she is soooo pissed that she will not attend the annual Oscar get-together. She's mad, I guess, that Will wasn't nominated for his role in "Concussion." Too bad. Nor, I've learned, will Spike Lee. They're going to boycott because for the second year in a row, no Black actors have been nominated for the little statue. Hmmmmm. Perhaps Black folks should start their own annual entertainment award show to compete with the "White" Oscars. Oh wait! They have! It's called the BET Black Entertainment Awards Show! Maybe the way to fix this whole kerfuffle is simply to stop hiring Blacks for roles in White-produced movies, kind of like the Blacks do for Black-produced movies. Then, there would be no need to boycott. Everyone would be happy. "Happy, happy, happy," as Papa Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty fame would say.
As for me, I'm outraged! And so, in solidarity with my Black brothers and sisters everywhere, I also will not be attending the Oscars this year! Nor will I be watching it on TV! Nor retweeting any of the really important stuff (heh, heh) that comes out of it! You White folks just cannot expect to get away with continually disregarding all 'dem Black folk. I am offended! How 'bout you? Remember, Black Lies Matter!
That's enough for now, kiddies. Hang tough, though, more to come, and soon!
Sunday, January 10, 2016
I'm here to announce, right now, to everyone, everywhere, throughout Internetland, and the Milky Way Galaxy, and the Universe, that I, your humble correspondent, The Chuckmeister, the guy who delves deep to uncover all the news that's prit to fint, now knows everything.
Yes, my friends, and you are my friends, I now know everything.
I've lived Three Score and Ten...and some more. And, with the help of several excellent teachers in grade school, and middle school, and high school, and over a period of nearly ten years of college (I was too busy shooting pool professionally, for money, to apply myself, like, full time, plus there was some U. S. Army in there), I've learned all there is to know. Now, to tweak that a bit, not everything there really is to know, but everything I actually want to know. And that's a whole boatload of stuff.
To be sure, I was a really terrible student throughout my entire formal educational career (formal? Ha! Career? Ha!). I did only enough to not get thrown out of school. And that's not saying much. As a fatter of mact, I've been forcibly ejected from four, count 'em, four institutions of higher learning. Tossed out like last week's garbage. I've said often to whomever would listen that I wouldn't have graduated from high school had a second cousin not been my typing teacher.
But since then I've developed a profound love of learning. Anything I could read, or watch, or hear, and inculcate, I did. And I have a phenomenal memory, except for loved ones' birthdays and anniversaries, of course. So over the past fifty years or so I've amassed a treasure-trove of data and opinions. And God knows, I'm more than willing to share both. To anyone. At anytime. And anywhere. Usually whether they want me to or not.
However, just as I now know everything I ever wanted to know, I've discovered something else: There's not a damn thing I can do with it, or about it. I'm neutered by age, and my health, and my infirmity, and my rather scant pocketbook. But not by my meticulously-maintained hair, or my fastidious dress, including the careful matching of shirt colors to socks, and belt color to shoes. Or my fantastical humor, or my unbelievable vocabulary, or my lovable teddy-bear personality.
No, my friends, there's just not a whole hell of lot I can do with my amazing knowledge and intellect except to try my best to influence friends and associates into to seeing things my way, or maybe type a few paragraphs into this, my unassuming and under-appreciated little blog, hoping that someone, somewhere, will say: "Oh yeah, that Chuckmeister guy is spot on!"
And so I've decided to share with you some of the wonderful things I've learned. And some not so wonderful. But all are absolutely factual. If I believe them, then they're true, whether they're true or not. But there's so many things I've learned, I have to present them to you in several parts. And so, without further ado, here goes Part Uno:
- I've learned that hair now grows where you don't want it to, and has pretty much stopped growing where it's supposed to.
- I've learned that the Murrieta-Temecula cities, located in Southwest Riverside County, Taxifornia, in which the Chuckmeister gratefully and happily lives, were once again ranked in the Top Ten of America's safest cities. Number One was once again Irvine, California. Irvine, as you may know, is populated only by Asians, and Asians don't commit crimes. Except for white collar crimes, which don't get reported much.
But Number Two is Murrieta, and Number Eight is Temecula. Two in the Top Ten of all of America's cities is pretty impressive, don't you think? And they're located smack up against each other. I'm of the opinion it's because these cities are filled to the brim with extremely conservative, God-fearing, 2nd Amendment-believing, NRA-joining, red-blooded 'Muricans. Everybody's armed and considered dangerous. Love to live here. Recommend it to all desirous of clean, well-managed cities with warm, friendly people. Oh, and there's 43 wineries here also. What's not to like?
- I've learned that the most dangerous place on this planet is between B. Hussein Obama and a TV camera. And that's true especially just after one of his Muslim buddies shoots up a school or a mall somewhere.
- I've learned that if Warren Buffett doesn't want the XL Keystone Pipeline built, it won't be built. And why wouldn't he want it built? Perhaps because his company, Berkshire Hathaway, owns the Burlington Northern and Santa Fe Railroad. And The BNSF has a contract to transport oil from the tar sands of Canada and our northern states south to the refineries in New Orleans. And that contract pays him $30 per barrel, for every barrel carried by his little choo choo train. Millions of them. But were the XL Keystone Pipeline to be built, it would cost only $10 per barrel to ship the oil south, thus turning the BNSF deal upside down. Hmmm. Maybe this is how you get to be a billionaire. And maybe the profit motive trumps climate conscientiousness. Hmmmm, again...
- I've learned that our Fearful Leader, B. Hussein Obama, only delivers speeches on days ending in "Y." And then only two or three times on each of those "Y" days.
- I've learned that our elected leaders, chief among them one Mr. B. Hussein Obama, have so decimated our military forces through funding gimmicks like Reconciliation (Google it), that we will be lucky to survive any threat. Budget cuts have left us with the smallest Navy since the day before Pearl Harbor (328 ships now vs. a high of 845 during Reagan's term), and the smallest Army since before World War Part Deux (winding down to just over 470,000 in uniform, from a high of more than 800,000). To that I say, "!" And we know from history that weakness invites aggression. Where is that "Peace Through Strength" thing that Reagan advocated? Kinda makes you wonder why, doesn't it?
- I've learned that flying commercial is a scary, messy, time-consuming, dangerous, insulting, wasteful, nasty, germ-laden and anger-producing exercise in futility. Whereas taking a commercial flight from point A to point B used to be pleasurable, relaxing and cost-effective, and populated by hot stewardess types, it has long ago lost that luster and is now just a lumbering Greyhound bus, filled with angry underpaid stiffs that works overtime to piss you off at 30,000 feet.
- I've learned that the value of a college education depends upon where it's been earned. And that if it's one of those pansy Ivy League blowhard dumbass liberal commie places, where you believe you shouldn't have to be subjected to words or phrases that offend your tender sensibilities, and where you absolutely have to have a "safe space" in which to brood, chances are that post-graduation you'll be asking one question more than all others: "Would you like fries with that?"
- I've learned that only 62.1% of our population over the age of 16 is working. That means that 37.9%, isn't, the very worst performance since Jimmuh "Peanuts" Carter was doing his very best to screw up America back in the 1970's. Drilling down on that number a bit means that 94,513,000 of us that should be working, aren't. That's a 38 year low. That also means a bit over one-third of our population is carrying the other two-thirds. Bad, but not disastrous. But when you subtract those under 16, and those who are retired, and those who are infirm, or non compis mentas (Google it if you don't understand Latin), and those who have stopped looking for work because our economy has been nearly destroyed by the socialist bozos who are running things into the ground back there in Foggy Bottom, we've now got one guy pulling the wagon and four guys riding in it. And that guy is getting very, very tired of hauling the other guys' asses around. And one day real soon he's going to stop pulling and get back there with the other dope-smoking, beer-swilling slackers and demand some of that "gimmie."
Put another way, 100,000,000 Americans are drawing some sort of means-tested assistance from the Federal Government. That means you and me. And then the only ones left working will be the Starbucks baristas and the sign twirlers. And that's true especially here in Taxifornia, where mental midgets are legislating and we adults are paying the price.
- I've learned that Donald J. Trump was manufactured by the Republican Party's failure to do what its voters hired it to do via the 2010 takeover of the House, and the 2014 sweep of the Senate. Republican candidates promised to go to D.C. and end Obamacare, defund the IRS, enforce immigration laws, gut the EPA, pump up the military and stop sending half a billion dollars every year to Planned Parenthood. They did none of those things and conservatives are Major League Pissed! Sooooo, Trump arrives on the scene, promising to finally do what should have been done years ago, and The People are all for it! And now, the "establishment" is really, really worried.
- I learned that no matter how hard you try, you'll never find the Statue of Limitations.
- I've learned that if your corporate tax rate is too high, as is America's (38.9% - highest in the world!), then companies will do whatever they need to do to avoid paying that exorbitant rate of taxation. Proof? Sure. Just recently Pfizer and Allergan, two pharmaceutical giants, agreed to merge. That merger would create a $160 Billion behemoth, the very largest drug corporation in the world. And, wait for it...the new company would be domiciled in Ireland. Yes, my friends, this "inversion," as it's called, would place the HQ of the new corp overseas so as to enjoy a new tax rate of between 17% and 18%, considerably lower than what they're paying today. Pfizer is on record as saying the new company's lower rates would save it $2,000,000,000 (that's Two Billion, with a "B") in just the first two years of the combined joint venture.
Think of it: You fail to lower the rate to a reasonable one, as Barry O'Blamo and his Dem buddies have done, and people and companies will take such steps as they see fit to avoid your unfair raid on their treasuries. And that's what they must do - in fact are required by law to do - to protect the interests of their shareholders. Right now there's more than two trillion dollars languishing overseas because its corporate owners won't bring it home, because if they did they'd have to pay taxes on it, after having already paid local taxes on it in the countries where it was earned! Wake up, Barry! Change the tax rates, or there won't be any more companies left in America.
By the way, go get a Whopper from your nearest Burger King. That (used-to-be) All-American Company is now domiciled in Canada...
- I've learned that President George W. Bush never left the White House until the day after Christmas. And President Barack Hussein Obama has never spent a Christmas in the White House. You can put forth various rationales as to why, exactly, each celebrated - or chose not to celebrate - that Holy Day where we require them to live, but the facts are the facts.
Well, my friends, that's enough for now. Don't want to overwhelm you with any more of my "learnings." By the way, did you know that to be overwhelmed you first have to be whelmed? No? Anyway, too much of that common sense stuff can cause your brain to melt. So, I'll just sign off now until a few days down the pike when I'll send another batch of "learnings" your way. And remember, it takes a heap of living to make a mouse a gnome...
Stay tuned. Part Uno is in the can. Part Deux will follow shortly...
Monday, January 4, 2016
Somehow I forgot to write down my New Year's resolutions and share them with my tens and tens of rabid followers.
So, my friends, and you are my friends, I've given this many minutes of thought, and I'm now prepared to list for you my resolutions for the coming year. So, here goes...
#1: I resolve to gain 15 pounds.
#2: I resolve to drink more. And enjoy it more.
#3: I resolve to resume smoking.
#4: I resolve to buy lots more ammunition, believing as I do
that I (we) will soon need it.
#5: I resolve to drive even faster, so that the incessant
"beeping" from my radar detector is not in vain.
#6: I resolve to sneer and fume and fuss even more every
time our Fearful Leader shows his smirking,
condecending face on my TV set. Which, as it turns
out, is only on days ending in "Y."
#7: I resolve to enjoy jogging, weight lifting, yoga, barre and
trips to the gym, but only when undertaken by someone
#8: I resolve to stop feeling guilty about taking afternoon
naps, and start trying my best to have them accepted as
an Olympic Sport!
From me and mine to you and yours, have a Very Happy, Healthy and Prosperous Two Thousand Sixteen!
Monday, December 28, 2015
Ever heard of Joseph Michael Arpaio? No?
Well, my friends, and you are my friends, he's the Sheriff of Maricopa County, Arizona. More commonly known as "Sheriff Joe," Arpaio is known as "America's Sheriff" for his unusual, irreverent, politically incorrect and uncommonly successful methods to punish criminals while also reducing recidivism.
Sheriff Joe runs the jail in Maricopa County, Arizona. This jail features an outdoor tent city with a big neon sign stating "OPEN," 24 hours a day for all to see. The prisoners are forced to wear demeaning pink underwear, which is probably all they need considering the temperature much of the year hovers around 125 degrees. The prisoners farm their own food and run their own hog farm. Joe feeds them whatever they grow, along with baloney and mayo sandwiches at a total cost of $0.36 per prisoner per day. You read that right: Thirty six cents per day!
Yes, Joe is a special sort of guy. And he's earned the wrath of the ACLU and Liberals everywhere as a result. As an example, that pack of weenies at the ACLU sued him for refusing to provide TV for his "guests." So, he set up cable and offers the inmates two channels: the Weather Channel so they can know exactly how hot it is, and The Disney Channel, so they can watch Snow White and Mickey Mouse. I'm a big fan of Arpaio, to put it mildly. But now more than ever as a result of his most recent suggestion, which I'm now passing along to you.
Your President, one Mr. B. Hussein Obama, blames global warming, which isn't occurring, and our failure as a nation to provide "meaningful gun reforms," which they can't define, for terrorism on our shores.
Now, the temperature, in my opinion, shouldn't really have much influence on whether a nice Muslim lad decides to shoot up a church or school or community center. I mean, it gets pretty hot in Singapore, and Costa Rica, and Perth, but they don't take to terrorism as an outlet for their frustration. Perhaps it's because they and their entire family, will get summarily shot if they do.
And legally bought-and-paid-for guns shouldn't have much influence either. If you buy them legally, passing the firearms safety test, and all required FBI background checks, and then wait the proscribed period before picking them up from the dealer, as the killers did in San Bernardino, enhanced background checks shouldn't have any effect on whether a hell-bent Muslim jihadist terrorist murdering thug decides to commit acts of mayhem, or not.
Oh, and by the way, those "enhanced background checks" are already in effect here in Taxifornia. We're already doing what Barry and his Sycophants want us all to do, but it was here, in Taxifornia, that the Muslim jihadist terrorist bastards followed all the laws that Liberals want to impose and still shot up the place.
But our Golfer-in-Chief disagrees. He thinks that making guns harder and more expensive to buy for good, solid, honest, God-fearing 'Muricans will somehow have an impact on criminals...who by their very definition don't obey the law! That's Barry's prescription, dumbass as it is.
Mine is quite a bit different. And it is based upon Sheriff Joe's idea. Here it is:
America has 12,500,000 people at present with Concealed Carry Weapons permits. That's almost 5% of our population. Now, that's not spread equally between the 57 states (Obama said he'd visited all but a couple of our "57 states" during his 2007 run for POTUS. If he says there's 57 states, who am I to disagree?). Some, like Florida, have many. Almost one million, in fact. Others, like New York, and Connenneccticuttt, and Neu Hersey, and Maryland, have very few. That's because they have leaders who apparently can't read and understand the 2nd Amendment's plain language regarding the Right to "keep and bear arms." But Arizona has 250,000 Maricopa County concealed carry permit holders alone among Arizona's 6,741,374 residents. And Sheriff Joe wants to mobilize them.
Arpaio believes, as I do, that trained, experienced and legally-permitted CCW holders can become a very positive and welcome, adjunctive force to the police agencies within their sphere of influence. Our Founding Fathers, with George Washington as leader, called upon the Minutemen to bring their "assault weapons" (i.e., muskets) and report for duty as a "well-regulated militia" when needed. That's what "well regulated" meant: of fighting age (18), able-bodied, and with weapons they owned at the ready (our nascent Republic didn't have any weapons to issue because it didn't have any money!).
They were shopkeepers, blacksmiths, doctors, lawyers, teachers and butchers. But first, they were Americans! And if they were needed to support and defend their young country and its residents, they were ready, willing and able to do so.
And they were needed to repel the British in our Revolutionary War. We kicked their bangers and mash-loving asses, to put it mildly. And we did it because we had the backing of our armed citizenry. And we could do that again.
Oh, and speaking of what - or who - constitutes a militia, the California Code clearly specifies that, "The militia of the State consists of all able-bodied male citizens...between the ages of 18 and 45," and the Governor - even a wimp like Jerry "Moonbeam" Brown - commands it be so, whether he likes it or not.
Back to the point: We know that Bad Guys don't want to meet their virgins until they've had a chance to kill lots and lots of innocent people (ever wonder what those virgins must look like after 1,400 years of waiting?). And they won't get that chance if they attack well-defended locations. Ask yourself: why don't Islamic jihadist terrorist murderous thugs try to shoot up gun shows and police stations and gun stores? Because they're defended by an armed populace, that's why! Put another way, if only 5% of the ducks were armed, do you think anyone would go duck hunting?
Might be a good place right here to throw in one of my favorite gun quotes as a palate cleanser. James Earl Jones, famed actor and octogenarian says,
"Better to have a gun and not need it, then to need a gun and not have it."
So, if you were wondering why the Bad Guys chose a "gun free zone" training center for the developmentally disabled in the Once-Golden State instead of say, Texas, or Florida, or Utah, or Arizona, or Oklahoma, or any other of the 31 states that "shall issue" concealed carry permits, you now know the answer. And if you have ever wondered why virtually all the mass shootings over the past 20+ years have occurred in "gun free zones," you now know the answer. And you now have the answer as to how we, the American people, can put these murderous Godless thugs back on their heels: Turn America into a modern-day, armed militia, just waiting anxiously to be called upon and given the opportunity to send these goat-lovers packing.
Because We are the Militia!
Caveat: First, I do not advocate untrained, uninitiated and unstable people carrying and/or using guns, nor do I wish them to have access to same. I believe that anyone, anyone who chooses to buy a gun be required to undergo sufficient training and practice so that they are totally competent and reliable when deciding when - or if - to unload on somebody.
Second, I believe that fielding several hundred thousand armed and trained Americans would literally scare the hummus out of smelly camel herding nere-do-wells. I believe that they would choose somewhere else - anywhere else - to try and terrorize besides a place where it is known that the people are to be considered armed and dangerous. So, the result would be no terrorist attacks! And isn't that the desired goal?
Oh, and those who disagree with me should show their distaste and condemnation for us Troglodytes by putting a really big sign on their front yards announcing to all,
"I hate guns!
I don't own a gun!
I will never own a gun!
Thank you, and have a nice day."
I'm doing my part. Are you?
Sunday, December 6, 2015
Believing that he, the POTUS, one Mr. B. Hussein Obama, has not been on TV enough of late, has decided to address the nation tonight, Sunday, December 6th, 2015.
And I, the Chuckmeister, wish to time- and date-stamp this little blog entry of mine in advance of that momentous occasion so that there's no question as to what I predicted he'd say and what he chose to deliver to us, his fawning electorate. Let's see just how prescient I, the Chuckmeister, your loyal scribe, really am.
Yes, my friends, and you are my friends, Barry will take a few more moments of our precious time to lecture us on what he thinks we need to know. According to media reports, he'll tell us about terrorism, and what we, the American people, need to do about it.
I predict that he'll infer that it is not his fault! No, it can't be his fault because he's been busy closing coal mines and "weaponizing" the IRS to punish conservative organizations and playing golf and taking expensive little tax payer-paid Martha's Vineyard vacations and apologizing for America all over the planet to have actually been responsible for the rise of terrorism.
And I predict that he'll tell us the fault is not with Muslims! No, terrorism in the name of Islam is just a perversion by a few well-meaning but misguided fellows who are acting out because they don't have jobs. Or maybe their camel has dyspepsia.
Having painfully listened to each and every one of Barry's thousands of proununciamentos over the past seven-plus years, I believe I'm uniquely qualified to provide you, my faithful readers, with a calculated guess or two as to what sort of meaningless blather he'll spew. And so, with due humility and an enduring faith in God and the inherent goodness of my Fellow Man, here goes:
1. He'll blame George W. Bush: Yes, if it wasn't for Chimpy McBushhitler, we would never have invaded Iraq or Afghanistan. And we would have never opened up GITMO to house all those nice, misguided Muslims who were just wandering around the battlefield somewhere and were somehow scooped up unfairly and placed in this awful hell-hole of a jail there in balmy Cuba. Yes, it was Bushie's fault.
2. He'll blame Climate Change: He'll somehow try to tie the rise of radical Islamic jihadist terrorism, alive and very well for more than 1,400 years, to the Earth's warming. Of course, the Earth isn't warming and hasn't been for almost twenty years. And the seas aren't rising. And the icebergs aren't melting and the Polar Bears aren't drowning. But hey, what's a degree or two among friends? I guess the desert in that toilet of a region is getting hotter, and that makes radical Islamic terrorists more prickly and even more likely to cut off our nonbeliever heads.
3. He'll blame guns: Yes, he'll tell us that guns, and the NRA, are a big BIG part of terrorism world-wide. Were it not for the NRA, Barry will tell us, then we Americans wouldn't want to own and use guns. And then, somehow, these murderous thugs who shot up San Bernardino last Friday, wouldn't have managed to get guns and wouldn't have killed 14 and wounded another 17 more. But some of us might want to consider that France doesn't have an NRA, and those misguided members of the Religion of Peace killed 140 and wounded another 300+ in Paris the other day. But that's just me.
Oh yeah, and this otherwise very nice middle-class SanBerdoo couple had 12 pipe bombs. But, since there's no National Pipe Bomb Association to blame, Barry won't mention that.
And even though it's been reported that all the guns were all purchased legally, with full NICS-system FBI background checks, and ten-day waiting periods, in a state with arguably the most stringent, painful, unnecessary, awful, miserable, expensive and time-consuming gun-hating laws in the country, Barry won't care about that and will call for even more stringent, awful, painful gun control laws. I guess, according to Barry, the only way to keep Bad Guys from getting guns is to keep Good Guys from getting guns. Go figure!
4. He'll blame Republicans: Yes, my friends, if it weren't for Republicans, then he, Barry, the mild-mannered POTUS, would have been able to pass "reasonable, moderate, meaningful gun control laws" a long, long time ago, which would have somehow prevented these nice Muslims from buying guns and shooting people. Oh, by the way, "reasonable, moderate, meaningful gun control laws" is Democrat-speak for a Federal, national data base of all gun buyers and owners so that at some unspecified date in the future, the Black Helicopter Squad can come visit your home in the dead of night and confiscate your legally bought and paid-for guns. And don't think I'm being paranoid. It happened in Cuba, and China, and Britain, and Australia, and France, and Austria, and Venezuela, and Russia, and North Korea, and - ready for it - 1936 Germany.
And, my friends, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not really after you.
Annnnnnd, he'll propose to do a whole bunch of illegal and unconstitutional Executive Actions to further his gun-hating pronouncements. One will be to close the so-called "gun show loophole." That's the one where you can go visit your local gun show and buy a beat-up old .22 single shot rifle mano-a-mano from some elderly grandfatherly-type for your son for Christmas. No, my friends, after Barry's new E.O., your ten year-old son will have to pay $25 for a full NICS-system FBI background check, and so with the grandfatherly-type. They'll each have to file the paperwork to transfer ownership of that old rifle. There. That ought to fix things! No more terrorist mass shootings!
Another E.O. will be to make it unlawful for those on the "No-Fly List" to buy guns. Now, my friends, no one seems to know how you get on the this No-Fly List, and no one seems to know how to get off this dreaded list once you get placed upon it. It seems that if some Democrat-appointee in a black robe somewhere decides that you are a terror risk, you get added to the list. And the latest number we've heard is some 700,000 people in our country are on this list. Do we really have that many terrorists in our midst? Me thinks not. But while we're trying to watch football, Barry will tie one to the other and make it impossible for those on the list to buy guns. Of course, the Republican majority in Congress will scream bloody murder and the NRA will immediate file sue to stop this illegal, unconstitutional encroachment on our Rights. But then Barry will have something else to bitch about and something else to blame for his personal failures.
Did you know that Senator Teddy "The Driver" Kennedy was once on this infamous list? No? How about Steve Hayes, Head Editorial writer for the National Review magazine? Yep, he was placed on the list until he squealed and somehow got miraculously removed. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that Hayes is a conservative and proud of it. Who knows? I think I do.
On second thought, maybe Teddy really deserved to be on this list after all. And for all we know he's still on it, six years after his death.
So, my friends, Barry, who's told us that ISIS is the J.V. Team, and that he has them contained, and that everything is just fine...isn't. And now, he'll tell us that he's finally figured out how to solve this problem...that, up until today, wasn't really a problem.
Is you head hurting? Mine is...
The "Publish" button is being pushed at exactly 2:00 p.m., Pacific Daylight Time, exactly 3 hours before Barry throws up all over our TV sets. Sit down, fasten your safety belts and hang on...