Wednesday, August 26, 2015
I remember it like it was yesterday. My first trip to California!
I loved California before I had ever visited there. I recall my monthly treks to the local bus station where I'd peruse the racks of just-arrived magazines looking for the latest edition of "Hot Rod." Fast cars. Hot babes. The Beach Boys. Wonderful weather. I mean, I lived in the nasty weather wasteland of Northwestern Missouri. Missouri, where's there's two and one-half seasons; awful winter and a couple of weeks of spring, and insufferable summer and a couple of weeks of fall. So back to California...what's not to like?
So I get up very early and head toward Lambert Field, St. Louis' international airport. It was the dead of winter. An ice storm was swirling all around me. Snow drifts piled six feet high on both sides of the road. It was still dark, as I had to be at the airport by not later than 6:45 a.m. in order to make my early flight. Slipping and sliding all over the place. Lucky to make it to the indoor parking garage with my life. I got my luggage and schlepped toward the concourse, glasses fogged over and sweating bullets through my heavy winter jacket. TWA was to wing me off for my first visit to the Land of Fruits and Nuts. I couldn't wait!
We arrived mid-morning at LAX. I made my way anxiously up the plane's narrow aisle and toward the door. I stepped out onto the roll-up gangway and looked all around me. There it was! Palm trees swaying! Breezes blowing! It was about 7 degrees when I left St. Louis. It was about 78 when I landed. Bright sunshine, hazy mid-morning vistas, warm weather in the middle of January. God, how I loved this place!
That was then. This is now...
Over the past thirty years the guys who we paid via our taxes to go to law school, and then to go to work in Sacramento for the lawmakers as aides, and who then ran for their bosses' offices when they termed-out, have managed to so screw up this once-Golden State that it's scarcely recognizable. These bozos who have never had a paying, private-sector job have passed dumbass law after law, the sum total of which have so weakened our Place in the Sun that it may be too late to ever resurrect it. Taxes? The highest in the nation. The business climate stultifying. Company after company packing up and leaving for greener pastures. And there are damn few pastures these days that aren't greener. Much, much greener.
Over the past few years we've lost more than 250 major corporations to Utah, Arizona, Nevada, New Mexico and, most of all, Texas. Toyota, which had been ensconced in Torrance, CA for more than 60 years, folded its tent last year and moved to Plano, TX. It took more than 3,500 jobs with it. Imagine, California, where the car culture started, managed to shoo away one of the world's preeminent car companies. Andy Puzder, CEO of Carls' Jr., which has built more than 900 stores in California, has stated he'll not build another one in CA. In the course of the past three years he's built more than 60 of these iconic burger establishments in Texas. Why? According to him, it takes more than three years and a $1 Million dollars to get all the necessary approvals to open in CA. Environmental impact studies, labor bypasses, palms greased, etc. In Texas? Three months and $30,000 per store. When you're this anti-business, business becomes anti-California.
California's personal income tax rate is now the highest in the land at 62.5%. Admittedly you're in the upper income brackets to be so miserably treated by your state government here, but when you consider that there's no personal income tax in Texas or Nevada, and a really small tax bite in NM or UT or AZ, you'd have to really love California to stay here. Think about it. Add the 39.5% Federal, plus State, plus local taxes and there is damn little left to take home to feed Natasha and the little kiddies. Buuuuut, move to almost anywhere else and your problems go away. However, each time a Californian makes the decision to take this step, it gets much, much worse for those left behind...
But it's not just what our state does to you personally. How about what the various city and county governments do to you also? Some examples which are sure to give you apoplexy. The City of Santa Monica has decided that you must provide your employees complete health insurance, for them and their families, if you hang out your shingle there. Oh, and you must provide them with paid maternity leave. And paid time off. And, you have to pay them a minimum of $15.00 an hour. But what if you're just a motel and your employees are the maids who make the beds? Or, you're a little restaurant and your employees are the waiters and waitresses who deliver the food? Beginner jobs for beginner workers. Matters not. They're employees, and they get primo treatment. And you, sucker, are just the employer. Of course, it also means there are no "happy meals" at your local MickeyD's, because the franchise owner is busy preparing his bankruptcy papers.
Let's move up to San Francisco. Generally considered one of the most beautiful cities in America, SFO has been turned into a toilet by the homeless vagrants this "progressive" town has decided to embrace instead of its tourists. Just this past week a phone pole collapsed near Pier 39 and nearly killed a couple of tourists. Why? Turns out the urine deposited daily thereon had so corroded it that it could no longer stand on its own. Think about it; vagrants peeing on a steel phone pole could kill its tourists. I'm not making this up! The last time I was there I was nearly run over by a naked bicycle rider who was careening down the sidewalk toward me. I screamed at him. He screamed at ME! And I became worried that I'd get arrested for harassing a local example of their wildlife.
But in San Fran the ruling fathers and mothers and "others" (and God knows there are plenty of "others") have decided that they identify more with the animals than they do their owners. In fact, they don't consider that animals have "owners." So they voted to outlaw the sale of pets within the County of San Francisco. No doggies, no kitties, not even little fishies. Want a pet in San Fran? You've got to drive across the Golden Gate Bridge to Marin County to buy one. But, you may ask, doesn't the Ruling Class there know that they're foregoing the tax revenue from the sale of these animals? And don't they know that they'll put the businesses that used to sell these cats and dogs out of business? Yes, they do. And they don't care. The last stats I read show at least 3,500 jobs will be lost at Petco and the other pet stores across their once-fair city. Too bad, so sad...
And speaking of San Francisco, it's one of many California cities that have decided to willfully disregard Federal law and declare themselves "sanctuary cities." What's that, you ask? It's a city that chooses not to honor the Feds when they ask that a detainer be placed on illegal alien immigrants when they've finished their sentence for a local crime that got them busted. So, a thief, a drug dealer, a rapist, a murderer gets caught and charged, and maybe sentenced. Or maybe just kicked from the system and turned loose, Scot free. But wait, aren't they supposed to be under a detainer? Yes, they are. But "we know better than you, and we don't care" places like L.A. and SFO and Santa Monica and Santa Cruz, and San Diego, just ignore ICE and turn them loose. Loose to commit many other and even more egregious crimes.
Did you hear about Kate Steinle, the beautiful young lady who was shot dead by an illegal on the Embarcadero in San Fran? No? You mean the Lap Dog Media didn't cover it? No, for the most part, they didn't. He had been arrested seven times and deported five. Back again, he was. Arrested, charged and released; detainer not honored. Four days later, under the spell of meth and pot and who-knows-what, he "found" a gun and shot Kate Steinle. Too bad. The Libbies who run this state wring their hands and do nothing. They really need guys like this one to vote for them in the next election, so nothing will be done. That's one of the reasons our state is rapidly becoming a toilet.
The City of Montclair, located just east of L.A in the San Gabriel Valley, just voted to put two illegal aliens on their City Council as advisers. Yes, they did. Not kidding here. How can they do that? Yes, how?
There are 92 counties in California. 82 of them are nowhere near the ocean. They are inland, away from the salt air, and away from the movie stars and commie pinko dumbass liberal weenies. These are the "normal" people. This is where you wave and they wave back. This is where you saunter into your local sheriff's office and ask for a concealed carry weapons permit and he says, "sure!" You give him $25.00 to cover the background check (you know, the ones the gun-grabbing Left says we really need but don't have) and you walk out with a permit. That's because their sheriffs can actually read the 2nd Amendment and realize that "...the right to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed" means exactly what it says. The counties near the ocean? Not a chance, Pilgrim. Oh, except if you're Jane Fonda or Charlise Theron or Rosie O'Donnell and have an armed bodyguard.
The City of Lost Angeles just voted to make it a misdemeanor to keep a gun in your house without it being locked up not only in a safe, but also with a locked trigger guard so you can't discharge it accidentally. Or intentionally, one presumes. Oh, and LA just voted also to outlaw ammunition magazines that hold more than ten rounds. Of course, you can buy magazines that hold up to 50 rounds in any of the neighboring states, so wouldn't a burglar simply buy a few of these mags in NV or NM or UT or AZ and then bring them into CA to do their mayhem? Of course they would. And they do. But the leaders in CA must be working for the Thieves United Union. Might as well put a sign in your front yard saying, "Come on in burglars! I won't be able to access my gun for quite awhile, and if I do, it will only have ten rounds in it, so it's safe here for Bad Guys..."
Just finished watching a TV commercial reminding me that I can make application for a free "Obamaphone." Yes, my friends, I can get a free cell phone, with 250 minutes a month, free, by simply asking for it. Free! Did I mention that it is free? Thank you California. One can only presume that this "free" phone is to entice the low information voters to vote for the people who redistributed the wealth from the "Makers" to the "Takers" to pay for it. Shameful.
And you've heard California is in a drought? Sure you have. The Alphabet Media would have reported that fact. Yes, 80% of the water is used by commercial agriculture, and 20% by residential rate-payers. Yet, the residential customers have had their water cut back by 25%. No cutbacks for agriculture. But there's a bait fish in the Hetch Hetchy Dam area, located near Sacramento, that must, MUST be kept alive and well, so a big chunk of our water is being diverted to the Delta Smelt's locale. This two-inch fish gets water, which then flows directly out to the ocean, unimpeded. Does this make sense to you?
And then, finally, there's Senate Bill 350. Called the "California Gas Restriction Act of 2015," this little piece of legislative insanity intends, if passed, and it probably will, to reduce the amount of gas and diesel used in California by 50% over the next 15 years. 50%! Why? One assumes it is to further clean our spoiled atmosphere of the nasty pollutants that we drivers are creating each time we fire up the family truckster and head on off to work. Point to Ponder: The stuff coming out of the back of your CA-compliant car is more than 1,000 times cleaner than it was back in 1973 when catalytic converters were first employed. Think about that, kiddies. A 50% reduction! Just how the hell do they expect the 40+ million residents of this failed Utopian experiment to get to work? I'm guessing they don't. I'm guessing they don't care. After all, they don't have to work. They're permanently employed in Sacrascrewyou conjuring up bullshit laws like this one...
Our civil-servant-for-life Governor Jerry Brown, a failed Jesuit priest who has never, ever had a real, paying, private-sector job, but has been employed continually by one group of taxpayers or another for his entire adult life, has decided that "Global Warming," or "Climate Change," or "Climate Chaos," or "Climate Something-or-Other," is very, very real. So real, in fact, that good ol' Jer wants us to tax ourselves into oblivion trying to combat it, despite the fact that we Californians are but a tiny fraction of the earth's population, and the other residents of our Blue Marble are polluting at a furious rate. Jerry is so fanatical about this that he has stated, publicly, that if you don't believe in this load of horsepucky you should be sent to a reeducation camp. Kim Jung the Un, are you paying attention? You could learn from this bozo. For those of you who are lucky enough to live somewhere besides Californis, thank your lucky stars. You won't have to put up with this dumbass and his "sky-is-falling" nonsense. The rest of us will be taxed until we drop trying to fight a nonexistent bogeyman while China and India are opening up a new coal-fired electric plant every ten days. Presumably, Jerry is under the impression there's a sixty thousand foot Plexiglas wall stretching from our borders up to the Ionosphere, keeping out the crap in the air that China and India are putting there. Hey Jer! The Earth spins on it axis! Their crap-in-the-air will be our crap-in-the-air in a week! Wrap your libbie arms around that fact!
Can we claw our way back from this mess? Perhaps. I'm not optimistic, but it's possible. I'll keep my fingers crossed, and hopefully you will as well. I have to live here because my kids do, and their kids do as well, and my wife won't leave them behind. I keep telling her that there's airplanes we could get on or they could get on, so moving a few hundred miles away would not be the end of the world. But she's not buying. And as I've said before, I'm too damn old to break in a new wife. So, let's all say a prayer and hopefully God will smile on us. There's so very, very much to lose if our prayers aren't answered...
Monday, July 13, 2015
Have you noticed that when the "Perpetually Aggrieved" win an inch, they take a mile? Don't know what the perpetually aggrieved are? That's the name I've given those who aren't happy with the efforts conservatives continually undertake to appease them, and never, ever will. Let me provide some background info for your review and consideration.
Think back a couple of weeks. A crazed racist kid buys a gun. Illegally, as it turns out. He passed the NICS background check that the loony lefties so love. Remember how all they wanted was the Universal Background Check? They have it, as it turns out, but they just don't seem to know it. But the approval for the kid to buy the gun was given in error, due to his felony drug arrest a couple of months earlier. And then the bozo shoots up a Charleston, SC church. He killed 9 innocent congregants, including the pastor, who, by the way, had chosen not to allow the carrying of concealed weapons in his church. Karma's a bitch, isn't it?
It's said that the shortest measurement of time possible is that between the light changing in Manhattan and the cab driver behind you honking his horn. No longer. Now, it's the period of time between a guy engaging in mass murder in a a "gun free zone" and the loony, gun-grabbing left calling for more "gun control." That's a euphemism for forced, immediate and total collection and eradication of all guns, everywhere, from everyone. Except, of course, those owned by the bodyguards of the loony left.
So Barry the First, and San Nan Fran Pelosi, and Joe "The Sheriff" Biden, and the Brady Campaign, and Mini-Mike Bloomberg and his multitudinous organizations dedicated to eliminating guns, and dozens of other commie pinko weenies nationwide, immediately called for enhanced "gun control." So predictable.
Then, within a couple of days, the Mainstream Media meme morphed into the gathering and destroying of the Confederate Flag from all flagpoles everywhere. Apparently there was a picture of the mass killer kid, Dylann Roof, waving the rebel Confederate Flag. So immediately the reason he shot up the church and killed all those innocents was due to the influence of this 150 year-old flag.
First of all, it isn't the Confederate Flag. It's the Battle Flag of the Northern Army of Virginia. Just one smallish faction of the Confederate retaliation against the transgressions of the North during that "unpleasantness," as they're so fond of saying. But that matters not. It had to be eradicated! And now! As if doing so would have altered the outcome in that AME church that fateful day. Or alter future outcomes in similar situations.
So Nikki Haley, the Governor of South Carolina, a bi-racial success story herself, called for its removal from the State House. She got her wish. The Flag was put up there by a Democrat governor more than 50 years ago, but now it's down. It was worshiped by the Democrats who founded the KKK, but now it's down. It was brought down and placed in a museum. Even Bubba Watson, pro golfer and apparent foolish dumbass, stated he would paint over the Confederate Flag on the roof of his original General Lee Dodge Charger from the famed TV show he had bought at auction. It's reported that a local museum was outraged at his decision and is trying, as this is written, to get good ol' Bubba to turn loose of the iconic car. No decision as of yet. But God knows painting over that flag, according to the Loony Left, will somehow keep crazy dumbass kids from shooting up churches in the future. I'm beside myself with amazement at the lack of intellect on display for all to see among so many Loony Lefties.
So they got their way. They got the Flag to come down, and be erased from the Public Square. They're even contemplating digging up Confederate generals from their tombs and removing their statues from the Hall of Congress. Yes indeed, kiddies, the Memphis City Counsel just voted to exhume the body of Confederate General and Favorite Son Nathan Bedford Forrest. Can I hear an "Amen?" Wal-Mart has even decided to melt down instead of deliver to seniors that ordered them the class rings that display the Confederate Flag. Oh, and by the way, they're removing the flagpole from which the Flag flew. When will this madness end? Never, it appears. And thus, the subject of this posting.
It is my contention that the Loony Left will never, ever be satisfied with any victory, however large. They will always, always hold out for more. And MORE! Need an example? Recall the closure of the El Toro Marine Base some years ago. It was surrounded by thousands and thousands of empty acres, making it the perfect location for a much-needed new international airport. But the commie pinko leadership in Irvine, it's to-be-location, disagreed. They wanted it for thousands and thousands of new homes, and millions and millions of new dollars in tax revenue. The matter was put on the ballot. The airport won. The Irvine Democrats didn't like that answer. They put it on the ballot once again. They lost again. They just wouldn't take "no" for an answer, so they took a new advertising approach and put it up for a vote one more time. They finally won. And now, more than a decade and more than $100 Million in expenditures, the whole thing is a Major League Disaster.
Now take a look at the next subject the "Perpetually Aggrieved" have put in their sights.
Now the Little People of America, a "small" (pardon the pun) group of about 6,500, have decided that the Freeboro, Missouri high school football mascots can no longer be called the "Midgets." Way back in 1922 this small-town high school was due to play a much larger and much better team. They kicked the bigger and better teams' ass. Since then, they have been forever known as the "Midgets." Lovingly. Approvingly. But no longer, according to the "Little People." Their name must be changed. To what, I wonder? The "Giants?" Oh no, that wouldn't work either. Gigantism is a result of a pituitary deficiency. And thus, we can't use that, either. Maybe the "Liberals." Yeah, that might work. Can't be anything wrong with the name the commie pinko dumbass weenies like to use to identify themselves, right? Can't you see it? The "Freeboro Liberals?"
"But wait," as the late night commercial is fold of saying, "there's more!"
Now the Loony Left have set their sights on - ready for this? - the Fleur de lis.
What's the fleur de lis? It's the French name for the lily. That was the official symbol of Louis the 14th's reign. And the symbol of the French occupation of what would be America, later to become what's lovingly known as the "Louisiana Purchase." And now the symbol appearing on nearly everything French, including tombstones and the helmets of the New Orleans Saints. So what's wrong with this symbol? Nothing. Except if you're a Perpetually Aggrieved commie pinko lefty weenie.
It turns out that this symbol was used by some plantation owners to brand runaway slaves during the middle of the 18th century. The runaway would have the fleur de lis branded on his left shoulder so that all could see running away wasn't such a good idea. That's it. That's enough, apparently, to cause dyspepsia among the Perpetually Aggrieved. And so the symbol has to be eradicated. Now!
My contention is that continuing to reward the Perpetually Aggrieved for their kicking and screaming tantrums has never worked, and never will. You give them an inch and they want everything. So I say STOP! Stop acceding to their demands! If a kid shooting up a church can transmogrify into erasing the fleur de lis from the Public Square within two weeks, I say just give them the finger and walk away.
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
Several of my, shall we say, "Progressive" friends, not that there's anything wrong with that, have wagged their fingers in my face over the past few months and scolded me for being against "Universal Background Checks" (UBC) for gun purchases.
I've tried patiently, and very slowly (you just have to talk slowly to these folks), to explain to each and every one of them that I'm not against requiring background checks before one can buy a gun. In fact, I'm all for it. Please allow me to explain.
The way the law currently works is you go into a gun store, you pick out your weapon, and you fork over the cash. The store owner then runs what's called a "NICS" check. That stands for "National Instant Criminal Background Check System," or NICS for short.
Within minutes the store owner gets back an approval or a denial from the FBI which has been tasked with answering that question. If you're okay, you walk out with your gun. Unless, of course, you live in Taxifornia, or Massachusetts, or Maryland, or Connennteecticutt (is that how you spell it?), or a dozen other states run by commie pinkos , where you have to come back in a week, or two weeks or a month. Or a year. Or, if they get their wish, never. That's because they're verrryyyy worried you might use your newly acquired gun to blow your significant other's head off. And we couldn't be having that, now could we?
And that NICS check is the law throughout the Land. It's been that way for more than two decades. And it works that way whether you're at a gun store in Iowa or at a gun show in Alabama, or if you buy Uncle Tony's old six shooter in Wyoming . And I'm totally okay with that, even though the 2nd Amendment makes no provision for such an intrusion into our lives. Bad guys will try to get guns and we need to employ whatever reasonable and unobtrusive method we can to make sure they don't, without unduly hampering good, solid, qualified citizens' access to self-defense.
So why am I making such a fuss over UBC? Because what the ex-NYC Mayor Mikey Bloombergs and the almost-retired President Barry Obamas and the "Sheriff" Joe Bidens and the Chicago Mayor Rahm Emmanuels are advocating is the first step toward gun confiscation. They call their version of fascism "UBC," because if they called it what it truly is, there would be a nationwide backlash from every single Constitution-loving American.
Why? Because, according to the law, the NICS background data must be destroyed within 30 days of the gun purchase. The UBC? They want it transferred to a Federal data base and kept forever! I wonder why, don't you?
You may have read that back in 1936, Hitler demanded a background check on everyone in Germany who owned a gun. And then, in 1939, because he knew where they actually were, he sent his SS goons around to scoop up all those dangerous guns. Funny how compliant the population becomes when they have no way of protecting themselves. Imagine how much tougher it would have been to round up all the Jews and send them off to their death if they still had their guns. And the same thing happened in post WW1 China. And in Cuba following Castro's rise to power. And England once the lefties took over. And Australia. And Argentina. And Denmark. And on, and on, and on. And in each of those countries the crime rate soared because the people couldn't protect themselves. And not just against criminals. Against their governments. Put simply, more than 100 Million people have been murdered in countries where guns were confiscated by the dictators who ran them. If that's not a condemnation of gun confiscation, I don't know what is.
Taking away peoples' ability to protect themselves in exchange for some promised additional security is like a drug the government peddles to the addled, addicted masses. It's a false, and unfulfillable promise. Founding Father Ben Franklin famously stated, "He who would trade liberty for some temporary security deserves neither liberty nor security." Ponder that quote for a minute.
The 2nd Amendment was not written, nor envisioned, to permit the people to hunt deer or shoot at targets. It was written so that the people could protect themselves and their families from each other. And from out-of-control government overreach. And it was no accident, I maintain, that the 2nd Amendment was placed right behind the 1st. You can stand on a soapbox in the public square and spew the most ridiculous, hateful and useless blather. But after doing so you might well need access to a trusty gun to help you escape from the crowd you just pissed off mightily.
So now we're facing an Obama Government that makes no secret of its wish to take access to guns away from ordinary people. Obama has said so many times over his "career." Check out the YouTube library if you doubt me. His Government knows that criminals don't obey laws. They know that criminals will get guns, even if they have to steal them. They know that all but two mass shootings in the past 20 years occurred in "gun free zones." They know that ever stricter gun-control laws will only make it harder for the average citizen to buy a gun for protection. So what happens if their zeal to make us all "sheeple" is successful? Read on...
I mentioned Great Britain above. They had their guns confiscated a little bit at a time over the past 40 years. First they came for the pistols. Then rifles. And then shotguns. So, with exception of the military (even cops over there have been disarmed!), nobody has a weapon to protect themselves over there across the Big Pond. So a prospective rapist, burglar, mugger or murderer knows he or she will likely face little or no opposition. Maybe a kitchen knife, or a baseball bat, but nothing serious. The Bad Guys will have a gun, but not their victims. So what's the natural extension of such a stupid bunch of laws? Check this out:
In the latest news out of the U.K we hear some tremendous news for violent criminals and some disgusting news for their innocent citizens. Authorities over there are doing their level best to make sure ordinary citizens will not be able to defend themselves from Bad Guys. The police have recently released a statement concerning "self defense products" on its "Ask the Police" website. And what they've told their citizens will disturb you.
When asked, "Are there any legal self-defense products that I can buy?" the police over there responded with some inane prattle. "The only fully legal self-defense product is a rape alarm." The website goes on to say that there are other so-called "self-defense" products that claim to be legal available to the populace, but folks are warned that their legality has not been tested in court. Thus, you buy and use these products at your own peril. Because, the website says, "You must not use a product which is made or adapted to cause a person injury. Possession of such a product in public...is against the law!"
So, my friends, if you use pepper spray, for instance, and aim it at someone's eyes who is about to rape you, and that person later states that they have been injured as a result, you will be guilty of a felony, and you will be prosecuted.
Can't you just see it? A rapist and his victim appearing simultaneously in front of a magistrate, each being charged with a major crime? Beyond amazing...
Could it get more ridiculous? I'm guessing it could. This past summer famous shouty chef Gordon Ramsey appeared before the House of Parliament to advocate against a law they were then considering. They actually were debating whether or not to outlaw all knives over 4"in length! Ramsey stated that he really, really needed a longer knife to ply his trade. How else, he asked, would he be able to julieanne his mirepoix? The lawmakers didn't seem moved by his begging and pleading. However, they did decide to put off a final vote until this session. It will be interesting to see how they vote.
(UPDATE: In the week since this screed was posted, the over-the-top lefties in once-Great Britain outdid themselves. The police in Lancashire just gave a name to their lunacy: "Save a life. Turn in your knife." Yes, my friends, they began their campaign to save everyone their from themselves by beginning to order the forfeiture of knives. In the past month more than 800 of these dangerous weapons have been turned in. And the campaign has been so successful, they stated, that they've extended it for another week, before, I assume, going door-to-door and confiscating knives. They believe that everyone their needs to be protected from themselves by giving up all their "pointy objects." I guess there's no adults in this chunk of England. I kid you not. This is absurdity on a global scale.)
So, as the old saying goes, "You let a camel get his nose under the tent, pretty soon you have a camel in the tent." Or, put simply, when you let the "Progressives" among us, those nice folks who just want to be left alone to live our lives, take away your freedom a little bit at a time, pretty soon you are fresh out of freedom.
The UBC is an effort to take away your right. And owning a gun IS a right. As the 2nd Amendment clearly states, "...the right to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed." Could it be any more clear? We already have background checks on everybody who legally buys a gun. What we need to do is find ways to prevent the illegal gun purchases. We do not need the Government to begin collecting data on everyone who tries to exercise their Constitutional Right. If they do, what's next?
I shudder to think...
Update: Within hours of my posting this most recent offering, the unthinkable happened once again. A deranged young man shot up the AME Church in Charleston, SC. After sitting for more than an hour among the other congregants at a bible study class, where he had been warmly welcomed into the fold, he decided to shoot and kill 9 innocent Christians with a .45 semi-automatic pistol. Importantly, this gun was obtained illegally. According to the shooter's uncle, the pistol was a birthday present from his father in April. However, the killer had been arrested in March for a drug violation, making him a "prohibited person" for firearm ownership under ATF Form 4473. This gun was bought legally following a NICS background check, but illegally transferred to the killer.
This fact alone serves to indelibly undermine the arguments of anti-gun zealots who advocate for UBC.
Beyond the obvious shock that this horrific and senseless crime has sent through our collective consciousness, its occurrence presents an interesting point for us to ponder. The pastor of this historic church, one Mr. Clementa Pinckney, was a much beloved husband and father, as well as a powerful South Carolina State senator. In that latter capacity he cast the deciding vote which resulted in leaving whether or not the concealed carrying of guns in SC churches would be left up the pastor. As a rabid anti-gun activist, he chose to make concealed carry in his church off limits. And it was in his church that a massacre happened. Considering it's reported that he reloaded no less than five times, there certainly would have been an opportunity for intervention. A "good guy with a gun" certainly could have minimized, or eliminated altogether, the suffering this killer chose to inflict.
Pastors who love their flocks should also want to protect them. Twice in the past few years concealed carriers cut short the evil actions of mass killers in churches. This church could have, and I submit should have, been number three...
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Remember when gays were just, ummm, gay?
We were told that some percentage of our population was gay. 3, 4, 8, 10%? No one knows. But some percentage is, for sure, gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that, doncha' know.
Then we were told that we had to split the gay population in two to accommodate both men and women. Can't disrespect the gals, right? Women's liberation, bra-burning, equal-pay- for-equal-work and all that. So, we had gays and lesbians. Okay, so far.
Then, the gay population of two had to be expanded to include bi-sexuals, who apparently couldn't make up their minds about exactly whom to lust after. So, we had gays, and lesbians, and then bi-sexuals.
I remember a friend I had as a kid. He lived and worked on a farm. He was built just exactly like a fireplug. About 5' 5" and 315'. He was a fearsome right guard on my home town's football team (go Hornets!). He once showed me a copy of that month's Playboy Magazine. He had a downtrodden and somewhat quizzical look on his face. He, in a moment of reflection, proclaimed to me, "Chuckmeister (that's not how I was known at the time, but it'll do for now), I think I'm bi-sexual." My jaw dropped. "Because, if I get any sex at all," he said, "I'm gonna' have to buy it."
You know who you are, Wayne, so I won't divulge your last name and embarrass you throughout the Ionosphere. Or, in Chillicothe, Missouri.
But LGB wasn't enough. We had to have it expanded again. Add transgenders, they said. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't think transgenders belong with the other three. But that's just me. I mean, after all, gays, lesbians and bi-sexuals are born that way, I think. Or so we're told. I wouldn't think these folks would actually choose to be what they are, so "born that way" seems to be the most reasonable explanation. Unless, bi-sexuals are just born lazy and are willing to hole up with whomever's handy. But Transgenders (I capitalize the term so as to show suitable deference) decide whether to dress up as a women if they're a man, or a man if they're a woman. It's a choice! And God knows, as the father of four daughters, I'm all for freedom of choice. So they added it. And now we have Lesbians, Gays, Bi-sexuals and Transgenders. LGBT. Great. Learn to live with it.
But wait! Now we have Bruce Jenner who was born a guy, but has now, some 60 years later, decided that he really was, is, and should forever after be, a woman. So he's transformed himself into "Caitlin." And he's on the cover of this month's Vanity Fair magazine. So which category, exactly, do we place Mr./Ms. Jenner in? He's not gay, exactly, and he's not a lesbian. Perhaps he's a bi-sexual, but we don't as yet know. Perhaps he's the (un)natural extension of "transgender." Transgender taken to the extreme. And imponderable, for sure.
But since we've fattened up this little core "born-that-way" group of minorities to include those who actively choose their differentiation, or choose to exploit their God-given situation, I wonder how long it will be before somebody within that crowd comes to believe that there's an ill-served bunch that needs, really needs, to be scooped up and added to the aforementioned category? There's strength in numbers, you know. No one knows who - or what - it might be, but trust me, there will be a heretofore underrepresented or mistreated or misunderstood group, one that decides to be a group, as opposed to those born into it, or forced into it, that will accept the invitation to coalesce into this heretofore mentioned small but growing bunch. And I have a list of those which might be in consideration as this is written. And if they're not, consider this little posting my gift to the acronymynous crowd (I just made that word up):
1) Transabled: While I was contemplating what to include in this little posting, Ms. Jenner's decision has created entirely new categories. They're called "transabled." One white guy named Steve just called Rush Limbaugh and came out as an African-American. He said he'd been one since about the age of ten, and he's now 39. Rush welcomed him to his new race. Would you believe it? He's from Chillicothe, Missouri, the home of your humble servant, The Chuckmeister. Could it be that this little burg transforms its citizens in ways yet to be determined?
Another decided he's disabled, even though he isn't. Consider that. He's just fine, physically, but inside, he's disabled (!). I can't wait to find out what the DMV has to say when he makes application for his gimp sticker.
And now we have a NEWS FLASH! Rachel Dolezal, head of the Spokane Chapter of the NAACP, that's " blah blah colored people," for those of you who aren't in to acronyms, was found yesterday to be a black person hiding inside a white woman's body. Yes, my friends, this presumably nice, frizzy-haired chick, who got those frizzes from a bottle instead of a genome, has been either pretending to be black so she could get a full-ride scholarship and a big-time job, or is certifiably "transabled." Whacha' gonna' do?
So we have the first, and perhaps most important, new category of a "self-decided" minority: Transabled. With that our new designation becomes LGBTT. Welcome to the new America, my friends.
2) Dwarves: Or, dwarfs, if you are so inclined. Or maybe "Midgets," if that word's not too pejorative. These "little people" aren't represented at all by any particular economic or political group. Except circuses, of course. They're "big" in the circus (that's a joke). And midget wrestling. And one of the main actors on "Game of Thrones" is vertically challenged as well. They really need a group to cotton up to. Add dwarves to our bunch and you've got LGBTTD.
3) Gypsies: With exception of the National Association of Palm Readers (I just made that up also), Gypsies have no place to go. The "Roma," as they're called in Europe, specialize in separating people from their wallets, their cars, their inheritances and their identities. Have they been misunderstood? Me thinks not. They've been understood quite well, say I.
I recall a trip my family took to Italy. While in Rome a group of Gypsy children under the command of their mother, I think, or if not their mother, then their female platoon sergeant, tried to separate one of my daughters from her backpack. Fortunately, I caught them in the act of trying to cut the strap, grab the booty and beat feet, and was able to drop-kick one of them down an up escalator and foil their nefarious plans. You'd be surprised how far you can dropkick a six year-old Gypsy kid! Or maybe you wouldn't. Yes, Gypsies need a group to pal around with. So, we have LGBTTDG. We're getting there.
4) Albinos: What to do with albinos? There aren't very many of them, but hey, there's a few. And why not include them in our little gathering. Who knows? They might get some extra moral support while the aforementioned group of the disaffected gain a few extra votes and some more political muscle. I mean, put an albino up on stage at the beginning of a rally of the Underrepresented and I guarantee you'll get some press! Especially if he/she/it/they also happens to be gay or transgender. And a dwarf. Can you see it? A gay, transgender albino dwarf? So, we have LGBTTDGA.
5) Smokers: From a high of nearly 49% at the end of World War Part Deux, Americans who choose to smoke has decreased to 17.8% today. That percentage varies from rich to poor and among various ethnicities, but one thing is absolutely true: Smoking makes one a pariah! You can be a dog-kicking, conservative, anti-abortion pedophile and be thought of better than one who smokes. But one must ask, if the Federal Government pays farmers to grow tobacco, and the states and the Feds garner huge sums of tax money from the sale of tobacco products, then why are those who choose to legally consume it treated so shabbily?
You can see them every day. Worker drones sneaking out of high-rise office buildings to take a few puffs outdoors next to the parking meters. I suggest that we perhaps make Montana our Smoking Zone. You want to smoke? Go to Montana. Do you know there are fewer residents in Montana than in Atlanta, Georgia and its environs? It's not like they can actually do anything about our choosing to impose smoking upon them, even though they're all armed and considered dangerous. There's strength in numbers. So I say let's add smokers to our list of the disaffected. And now we have LGBTTDGAS.
6) OCD: Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder, or OCD. These are the folks that can't stop doing something that's frowned upon, or start doing something that isn't, or simply sit and contemplate their navels while the rest of us are engaged in making a living, or signing up for food stamps, or voting six or seven times for the Democrat. Now these folks are born that way, they say, or maybe they aren't, but are a necessary sub-set of our population the psychiatrists absolutely require to be the slobbering recipients of multitudinous Ritalin prescriptions, so they actually qualify to be a part of the LGBT crowd. But since their malady has nothing to do with sex, they've been completely ignored. We can't permit that injustice to continue. So, let's add them to our little grouping so they can finally get the media attention they deserve. And so we have LGBTTDGASOCD.
And so, my friends, by way of this little posting I've advanced the social accumulation of the disaffected. Hey, that's pretty good! The Social Accumulation of the Disaffected (SAD)! And believe me, it is...
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Remember this oft-repeated phrase from the story of Richard III's defeat at the Battle of Bosworth Field?
"For the want of a nail, a shoe was lost. For the want of a shoe, a horse was lost. For the want of a horse, a rider was lost. For the want of a rider, the war was lost."
Oh, you don't? So, you're the one...
Anyway, it provides us with an amazingly accurate and timely stage upon which to mount our next posting:
"...We're leaving behind a sovereign, stable and self-reliant Iraq."
- Barack Hussein Obama, December 14, 2011
Our POTUS famously chose to precipitously withdraw all of our combat troops from Iraq without negotiating a Status of Forces Agreement (SOFA) with the Iraqi leadership. Now, not to sound like a history teacher, but every President we've ever had, ever had, negotiated such an agreement when preparing to depart a country over which our military had succeeded in winning a victory. Such was the case in Iraq.
You may recall that our Mr. Obama campaigned back in 2007 on how Iraq was the "bad war." Afghanistan, he said, on the other hand, was the "good war." So he promised his loyal followers that he'd withdraw all our forces from that "bad war" place if they'd just elect him President. And so they did. And so he did. Without, I might add, forcing the leadership we'd installed in Iraq to sign a piece of paper permitting us to leave behind a "tripwire" force. He didn't want it. So he didn't require it. He didn't ask for it. And we didn't get it.
Tripwire? That's military-speak for just enough troops to protect our victory, while insuring that we'd be required to return in full force should the defeated enemy choose to later rise back up and contest our win. Take a look at South Korea if you'd like an example. We have nearly 30,000 soldiers stationed just south of the Demilitarized Zone. Should Kim Jung the Un decide to unleash his 2 million-man army and march them south, he'd have to run over our troops to do so. And America would respond by blowing his ass, as Dirty Harry would say, "clean off."
That's exactly what we did in Germany and Italy and Japan following the end of World War Two. We spent biblical levels of blood and treasure securing a win, and we left behind armed forces to protect that victory. And they're still there, more than 70 years later. That's what you do when you have a brain in your head. Unlike the leadership the Lefties among us have unfortunately installed in Foggy Bottom.
Our military leadership, the generals and admirals, wanted us to leave behind somewhere between 16,000 and 18,000 battle-hardened troops. But, they said, we needed not less than 10,700. Minimum! Barry the First said, ummm, NO! He just couldn't afford, he said, to spend the money necessary to plant that many of our troops that far away. Too expensive, don't you know. And we all know just how sensitive he is to excessive expenditures (sorry for the sarcasm).
Doubt me? Okay, kiddies, here's the Bottom Line. America has more than 160,000 American military troops stationed outside the Continental United States. Plus, we have a bit north of 70,000 additional soldiers and sailors and Marines in various "contingency" operations. Now, don't ask me what, exactly, is a "contingency" operation. Although at one time our little soiree in Afghanistan, before it was a sort-of declared non-war, was called a "contingency operation." So, maybe it's a bunch of James Bond scenarios and Seal Teams and Ranger battalions and paratroopers and such, engaging in military ops that aren't called military ops. Who knows? However, there's 70,000 of our best and brightest doing some of that.
So, one could applaud Barry for not wanting to spend the money necessary to leave 10,000 in Iraq. Exxceeeeppppppt, there's more than a quarter million doing something somewhere around the globe on our military payroll. Want a list? Okay, here's the list:
- Germany: 48,000
- Japan: 51,000
- S. Korea: 29,000
- Kuwait: 15,000
- Italy: 11,000
- U. Kingdom: 10,000
- Bahrain: 2,800
- Turkey: 15,000
- Belgium: 1,200
- Cuba: 1,000
- Qatar: 800
- Spain: 1,800
And my personal favorite...
- Kyrgyzstan: 3,700
There's plenty more, but this is just a list of the biggest of the bunch. And to be perfectly transparent, these data are from 2012, the latest that the Department of Defense has made available. They're not too current, are they?
In summation, we have more than 1,000 military bases in 63 countries around the globe. If Barry really, really wanted to lower our overseas troop count by 10,000, can someone somewhere tell me with a straight face that we couldn't have pulled that many soldiers, sailors, Marines and airmen out of South Korea, Germany or Italy? How about 3,500 from each. They wouldn't even be missed...
But no, my friends, he had to squander our victory in Iraq - and it WAS a victory, by pulling out all our combat troops, leaving a vacuum in that fragile country that the Bad Guys have now occupied. We've been told our whole lives that nature abhors a vacuum. And now we have indelible proof of that scientific theorem. We lost thousands of our fellow Americans winning this war, whether you bought into it or not. And the bozo in the White House tossed it away like so much leftover pizza.
Think of it this way: We suffered the loss of more than 400 of our bravest soldiers and Marines in the capture of Ramadi. Many thousands more were wounded. But we won. We captured that key city in our war to defeat Islamic radical terrorism. And now, five years later, after our Golfer-in-Chief abandoned it to the Bad Guys, they just retook Ramadi. All our losses were in vain. And I, along with most of my fellow ex-soldiers, blame him.
There was no ISIS under George W. Bush. There was no ISIL under Bush. There was no Boko Haram under "W." There was no Al Shabaab under Bush 43. There was no mass slaughtering of Christians. There were no terrorists invading, beheading and burning alive our friends and neighbors in this region under Mr. George Bush.
BUT THERE IS NOW!
So, if you're among those of the Lefty persuasion, I apologize for ruining your day with some of those inconvenient "facts." Perhaps some accurate information such as this might prove to be just the push you need to leave the Liberal camp and go toward the light...
Thursday, May 21, 2015
In follow-up to my recent posting, "Things we Ought to Have, but Don't," which you too can read by scrolling DOWN a bit, I received literally tens of requests to add to the meme with "Things we Ought to Know, but Don't."
I thought about it for awhile, and yes, I said to myself, "Self, there are quite a few things I'd like to know. But, in spite of my mammoth, near encyclopedic knowledge, compiled over a lifetime of scholarship and trouble-making, I really don't." So, my friends, and you are my friends, here goes...
1. I'd like to know exactly what some extremely rich Hollywood-types are using for brains. These are the folks who willingly cough up $32,800 for a plate of rubber chicken and the chance to hear B. Hussein Obama prattle on about "income inequality." Think of it: They are so monumentally stupid as to pay to hear a guy with no previous experience of any kind tell them they make too much money. I'd be glad to tell them that for a whole lot less. I'd do it for, let's see now, ummm, how about $200? I'd even stick around and sign autographs if they wished me to. Five bucks each. Wouldn't you like to know how these boneheads got so stinking rich?
2. I'd like to know who paid for Barack Hussein Obama, a poor kid from a single-mom household, to attend Punuhou Prep School, Honolulu, the most expensive and elite private high school in all of the Hawaiian Islands. Wouldn't you like to know that too? And speaking of who paid, I'd like to know how Barack Hussein Obama got a full ride to Occidental College back in the seventies, when everybody knows Occidental didn't give full rides except to foreign nationals. And, as everybody also knows, Mr. Obama was born and raised in Hawaii, right? Right? He was born in Hawaii, right? You'd like to know that also, wouldn't you?
I'd also like to know how he got into Columbia? Word has it he had only so-so grades while in high school, although we'll never know because he's paid millions to have his records buried deeper than the creases in Robert Redford's face. And how about Harvard Law? How'd he get into that relatively famous institution of higher learning? And who paid for it? Did he take out student loans? Or maybe it was because of his race? Wouldn't you like to know?
3. Illegal aliens demonstrated recently in front of the White House. They were demanding to be granted amnesty. They said they deserved it. Why? God only knows. There are literally millions of nice, fully-qualified foreigners who have made application to come here legally. Some have waited, or are waiting, for ten or more years. Yet those who broke into our wonderful country seem to be given preference over those who are paying Big Bucks to apply legally. I wonder what these dufuses could be thinking. Hundreds of illegals demonstrate in front of the mansion where our semi-retired president resides and nobody arrests them. Those who continue to play the game by the rules and pay the $Zillions in fees and await their turn for years are very simply dumbass fools. So I'd kind of like to know why the nice law enforcement types who work for our POTUS didn't arrest these criminals. Wouldn't you like to know that also?
4. And speaking of dumbass fools, just recently a thousand or so fast food workers demonstrated in front of Mickey D's Oak Park, Illinois headquarters. They were demanding, demanding, a raise to $15.00 and hour. Not $10 an hour. Not $12. But a full doubling of the current minimum wage! And, they said, if they didn't get it they would resort to civil disobedience! I'd kind of like to know why the employers of these brain-dead commie drones did not summarily fire them from their min-wage, burger-flipping jobs. That assumes that they are actually burger-flippers and not paid union thugs in the employ of the SEIU. The SEIU, or Service Employees International Union, for those of you who don't know (and why don't you know?), is a group of reverse Robin Hoods, stealing from the poor to give to the rich...themselves. And considering more than 90% of Mickey's stores are franchises, and McD can't legally do a thing about what their franchisees choose to pay their employees, why do you suppose these dummies are being paid to waste their time protesting? I'd like to know that. Wouldn't you?
5. I'd also like to know why, if America has more oil than any other nation, and it does, we don't drill and frack our way to energy independence. Could it be that the eco-weenie terrorists, like Greenpeace, the Sierra Club, the Oceans Foundation, and greenie billionaire hedge fund manager Tom Steyer and all his little oil-hating pals, give B. Hussein Obama and his socialist buddies more money than those who wish us to stop buying oil from people who hate us and want us dead?
The net result is that we still don't have the Keystone XL Pipeline, in spite of five State Department reviews and five State Department unconditional approvals, and approval by both houses of Congress. Why? Our Community Organizer-in-Chief vetoed it. His action (or inaction) costs us billions of dollars in economic activity, 20,000 good, solid, high-paying new union jobs, 800,000 barrels of new North American oil every day and the good will of Canada. That would be, ummm, Canada, our Great Neighbor to the North, which, unlike our friends to the south, somehow manages not to ship its poor down our way.
Good question, right?
6. I'd like to know why Lefties have come to believe that guns have little tiny brains of their own. They must, otherwise guns wouldn't be able to wake up in the morning, according to them, obtain some ammo, load themselves, and then go on a hunt for innocent people to shoot down like dirty dogs. Oh, they don't do that? Tell the lefties.
Why is it that a bomber can bomb, but the lefties don't blame the bombs. A knife-wielding thug can go on a slashing spree and the commie loons don't blame knives. And a guy can beat the crap out of somebody with a Louisville Slugger and no one wants to outlaw bats. But if somebody happens to shoot somebody else with any kind of firearm, the lefties go nuts with ban-all-the-guns campaigns. Could it be they just want to disarm us so we're completely defenseless against their creeping government excesses?
And speaking of guns, I'd like to know why our famously anti-gun POTUS can run (actually slow walk) thousands of "assault rifles," paid for with our Stimulus Program taxpayer funds, across our southern border to Meheeeeeko's drug cartels, and yet continues to try to disarm us using any means possible. What reason could B. Hussein Obama have for wanting to take away our guns unless he has some nefarious plan to unleash on us that would be deep-sixed if we were to remain armed and able to defend ourselves? Hmmm.
Just take a look at Chicago if you'd like to know what a disarmed populace looks like. Yes, Chicago. The very city that Obama and his then-Top Cop Eric Holder disarmed via their anti-gun laws before bringing their particular brand of politics to D.C. Chicago has the very most restrictive gun laws in the Country and the very highest murder rate. You think there might be a correlation?
7. I'd like know why Hillary Rodham Clinton decided back in 1969 to choose Saul Alinsky and his famous tome, "Rules for Radicals," as her senior thesis at Wellesley College. Alinsky, an infamous Chicago Marxist, desired to tear America down and replace its capitalistic system with one more like Cuba's and North Korea's. Clinton was obviously enamored with Alinsky, and perhaps still is. We should ask her, "Why?" Oh, by the way, one Mr. B. Hussein Obama was also a student of Alinsky and his community organizing methods. You're observing Him (with a cynical capital "H") utilize those methods on us every day. Maybe somebody ought to ask him as well. But one thing we know...it won't be the Lap Dog Media. Wouldn't you like to know why the media absolutely refuses to do their job and hold our elected leftist leaders' feet to the fire?
9. I like to know why, if there's a Black Congressional Caucus, a Black Entertainment Network and National Association of Advancement for Colored People, there's no White Congressional Caucus, a White Entertainment Network, or the National Association for the Advancement of White People? Or even "Beige" People? I mean, beige is a color, right? Perhaps you'd like to know that as well.
10. I'd like to know why hair grows faster in my ears and in my nose than on top of my head. What's with that?
11. And lastly, I'd like to know exactly which language the Reverend Al Sharpton speaks? Some of the words that tumble quite garbled from his sinful, tax-cheating lips sound a bit like English, but trust me, he isn't speaking English. Perhaps it's Ebolanese. If you have an answer to this existential question, write me. I'd love to know the truth. Oh, and another question about Al. Why does MSNBC give this guy an hour's air time every night to fumble and stumble and make a complete fool of himself? Perhaps it's because NBC is run by a bunch of leftist commie socialist sympathizers. Or because they're afraid he'll sick his gang of protesters on the company if they dump him? You decide.
There's some other stuff I don't know but would like to. I intend to continue noting them for your ingestion as the weeks and months rumble along. If you've got one you'd like memorialized, send it along. I'll be glad to give you credit...
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Okay, folks. Here's the deal. I, like so many of you, am fed up with the way our so-called "leaders" are leading. Our beloved Country is in deep kimchee and is headed downward at a steep clip. We have gone from the Leader of the Free World to an international laughing stock. We have no foreign policy, except to "lead from behind," whatever the Hell that means. We have turned half of our population into dope-smoking laggards, supping at the public trough, knocking back Colt .45's and watching Jerry Springer reruns while awaiting the postperson to deliver their monthly welfare checks and food stamps. Mitt Romney was right. 47% of our population pays no taxes and has no interest in doing so. They are riding in the wagon the rest of us are pulling. We need to do something major, and right now!
I, the Chuckmeister, know how to start stuff, and run stuff, and make stuff work. I've been doing it all my adult life. I'm what some people call "a doer." There are those who sit back and watch other people make things happen. And then there are those who do the "happening." That group would, ahem, include me. And so, I, The Chuckmeister, have made a decision. I'm hereby announcing my intent to run for the President of the United States. And I shall henceforth lay out my platform for your perusal and edification. Elect me and I shall turn this Country around. Here goes...
- First, I shall immediately abolish the IRS and replace it with a simplified "flat tax" in which everybody, everybody, shall participate. Whether it's 10% of your income, or 12%, or 15%, it doesn't matter. I'll hire some experts to tell me the exact number that results in revenue neutral income stream. We're talking one side of a postcard here, folks. Simple to the max! Put H and R Block out of business! We, the U. S. of A., took in more than $4 Trillion Dollars in each of the past two years, an all-time record, and yet we managed to spend $500 Billion more than that in both years. Shocking! Shameful! The One Hundred and Ten Thousand IRS workers will be immediately furloughed. They can apply for unemployment, or welfare, or whatever. I don't care. They have been "weaponized" by our Vacationer-in-Chief and they need to be bitch-slapped into reality. No more gravy train. Hey tax collectors! To paraphrase Donald Trump, "you are fired!"
- Next, I'd finally, once-and-for-all, seal our southern border. I'd build a fence high enough that there's no ladders for sale anywhere that could scale it. So high, in fact, that small planes would have to work hard to fly over it. And I'd build it all across the 1,760 miles from San Diego to Brownsville, Texas. And I'd add enough Border Control Agents to adequately secure operations. Thousands. Tens of thousands! And don't tell me it would be too expensive. If we can blow tons of money training shrimp to run on a treadmill, or pay Big Money to learn why Chinese prostitutes tend to smoke too much, we can do this. Then we could have a nice little conversation about what we do with the 11, or 15 or 20 million illegal aliens who are here and have no intention of ever leaving. I personally prefer rounding them up and sending them back to Guadalajara, or Hermosillo, or Cuernavaca, or wherever. However, I'm realistic. Maybe that's impossible. But I'd like to find out what is possible, and then do it. Oh, yeah. Maybe the 110 thousand pink-slipped IRS agents would like to head on down to the border and link arms in an effort to finally, once and for all, make it impenetrable. Minimum wage for them all. Better than being unemployed, right?
- Third, and just before lunch on my first day in office, I'd issue an Executive Order nullifying every single Executive Order that our Golfer-in-Chief has issued during his seemingly endless term as POTUS. Every single one. There, that ought to do it!
- Fourth, just after lunch, a cheeseburger, medium-well, with a side of truffle fries and a nice, unassuming little Syrah, I'd eliminate a whole bunch of Federal agencies. I'd start with the Department of Energy. Jimmuh Carter created this monster back during the Oil Crisis days of the late 1970's so we'd never have another Oil Crisis. Now this behemoth employs 77,000 people who do God-knows-what, but they sure as Hell don't do anything to improve our energy situation.
- Next, the Department of Education. Hello! Education is a function of our 50 states. Has anyone in Foggy Bottom read the 10th Amendment? Every power not specifically granted to the Federal Government by the states, according to the Bill of Rights, is the province of the states, and the states alone. And education is nowhere to be found in the Constitution or the Bill of Rights. If a state wants to embrace Common Core, it can. Those who object will simply not utilize it. Simple, right? And all the money that the Feds charge the states to meddle in the states' business would be returned to the states. Makes sense, right?
Following this I'd eliminate the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives. Shouldn't that be a convenience store? Stop by for a bottle of Jack Daniels, a couple of packs of smokes, a new pistol and some ammo and a whole bunch of fireworks, and then head off to the camp grounds for a weekend away. Forget it. ATF and E is outtahere...
- Now we move along to the EPA. The Environmental Protection Agency is doing everything it can to screw us out of our ability to create enough home-grown energy so we don't have to import any more oil from those nasty goat-lovers who hate us and want us dead. I would follow this move with a National Fracking Program. I would frack here, and frack there, and frack everywhere! I would frack in San Fran Nan's back yard! We have more oil under out feet than any other country on Earth. Elect me and we'll be completely energy self-sufficient, finally, after 60 years of being subservient to the Saudis and Iran and Iraq and OPEC. The EPA would be allowed to continue, but with stringent new limitations that would protect you and me from legislative overreach. If they get out of hand again, I'll turn Trey Gowdy loose on them.
- Oh yeah. I'd sign the Keystone XL Pipeline into effect on my First Day. It would be safer, and cleaner, and quicker and cheaper than transporting oil by train or by truck. My approval would piss off Little Robbie Redford and the Oceans Foundation and the Sierra Club and billionaire Tom Steyer, and all those eco-weenie dumbasses but who gives a crap what they think? Certainly not The Chuckmeister.
Time for a nap.
- Now well rested, I'd eliminate the National Labor Relations Board. This is nothing but a bunch of commies who care only about the labor unions they work for and issue rulings that favor no one but those slimy bastards. Remember when our TelePrompTer-in-Chief appointed three members to this Board when the Senate was in recess, except for the fact that the Senate wasn't in recess? Yeah, well it then decided that Boeing couldn't build a new manufacturing plant in South Carolina. Huh? Since when does a Federal agency decide where, or when, or if a private company does anything? Completely unnecessary, useless, dangerous and foolish bunch of partisan hacks. Oh yeah, and then the Supreme Court ruled that Barry O'Bama violated his oath of office with this illegal appointment. Again. He seems to do that a lot. You're gone! Bu Bye!
- Okay, next I'd issue an Executive Order for National Concealed Carry Reciprocity. Those of us with a brain know that more guns equal less crime. So I'd wipe out bans on concealed carry by states like Taxifornia, and Connnneccticutt, or however you spell that commie state's name, and Maryland, and New Hersey, and cities like Chicago and San Francisco and the District of Columbia. There were 510,000 pistols sold in California in 2014. That's double the number sold in 2010. Did Armageddon ensue? Far from it. Our murder rate here in the once-Golden State is at a 20 year low. Proof once again that people want to be able to protect themselves, and can do so without the Gummint getting involved. Oh, and no more "Gun Free Zones." What a dumbass idea! If you're a crazed potential mass murderer, where ya' gonna' go? You're gonna' go where nobody's armed, right? You might be crazy but you're not stupid! The only stupid people are the ones who decided that potential killers read and obey signs! Every single mass shooting in the past 20 years has occurred in a gun free zone. Get rid of them! Remember, an armed society is a polite society. And, if only 5% of the ducks were armed, do you think anyone would go duck hunting?
Okay, that's a pretty full day. I'd then have a nice din-din, some after dinner cordials, maybe watch Fast and Furious 6 on my new 100" flat screen, provided by you, the taxpayer to my predecessor, Mr. Oblamo, and then get some sleep. In the Lincoln Bedroom, no less. And I wouldn't even have to pay for it, like they did to Billy Jeff "Blue Dress" Clinton. I mean, rank has its privileges, right?
- Okay, next morning I'd have a nice breakfast. Maybe some Eggs Florentine and hash browns and sourdough toast, with a little compote of seasonal berries. Then I'd issue an Executive Order abolishing the filibuster. We need laws passed without delay. No more Harry Reid and his minions preventing votes and the passage of laws. Remember, he's the guy that killed 233 years of Senate rules by adopting "Reconciliation," thus eliminating the need for 60 votes for cloture, so he could pass Obamacare. And we've been plagued by this stupid, wasteful, rediculous law ever since. What's good for the Democrat is good for the Republican, right?
- Second on Day Two's agenda will be to abolish all Federal rules regarding what little school children can eat. Moochie Oblamo has inserted her unelected self into your kids' lunch buckets and issued proclamations as to what they can eat. That's total insanity! Who the Hell is she to be telling us what our kids can eat? Oh, wait. Yeah, I get it. She's a Libbie. They just want to be left alone to live our lives. And God, she's doing her very best to do so. With the Chuckmeister as POTUS, and Mrs. Chuckmeister to keep him on the straight and narrow, you'll get no more interference into personal matters like this from D.C.
- Next, around 10:30 a.m., I'd fire John "Lurch" Kerry. I'd give him somebody else's military medals and point him to the Potomac so he could recreate his famous media circus back in the '70's when he tossed them into the murky river water back during the Viet Nam war. Oh, and I'd fire Josh Earnest, the professional liar who serves as the Press Secretary. And Marie Barf, the Defense Department spokesweenie, and Jen Psuckie, who makes a mockery of telling the truth as State Department Liar. Out!
- Then, I'd appoint Gary Sinise as our new Secretary of State. He loves the military and the guys and gals who keep us safe, has done more than almost anyone you can name to cheerlead for America, is smart and soft-spoken and admired by all. Plus, when things wind down a bit we could ask him to have his "Lt. Dan Band" entertain us at White House get-togethers. Since only Black entertainers have enjoyed the spotlight at W.H. functions for the past 6-plus years, it's time for another color. Any other color. Don't you agree?
- Now then, things are going well, so why stop now? I'd call in the Joint Chiefs of Staff of the Defense Department and let them know that I was giving them $500 Billion Dollars. Sequester, my ass! Take this cash and try to rebuild our military capability to what it was before Barry and his Sycophants started tearing it apart. Ships out of mothballs, furloughed generals called back from retirement, middle-rank enlisted personnel returned to active duty. Guns and tanks and rockets to their heart's content. Next, I'd appoint Chuck Norris as Secretary of Defense. He's the perfect guy for the job. Did you know he has a Bear rug on the floor in his house? The Bear's not dead. It's just afraid to get up and try and run away. Oh, and then I'd have Chuck send a telegram to Vladdy Putin; your crap now has great odor! Get you butt out of the Ukraine or I'm turning my boys loose on you!
Time for lunch. A nice piece of Atlantic Salmon, perfectly grilled on a cedar plank, some au gratin potatoes and a medley of garden veggies. Plus a nice Sauvignon Blanc, of course.
- Then, since we haven't had a Foreign Policy for years, except for "leading from behind," I'd unfurl my new Foreign Policy Program. It's called, "Nuke The Bastards!" We have nukes of all sizes. Large, medium, small and even the suitcase variety. We'll give the bad guys a warning. If they don't clean up their act and do things our way, we'll simply smoke thirty or forty thousand of them and turn a big chunk of the sandy desert over there into glass. We shouldn't have to do that more than once or twice. It should also get Putin's attention.
- Next, I'd issue an Executive Order terminating Obamacare. It was a bad idea passed by a bunch of Lefties who just want to be left alone to live our lives. I would replace it with: Portable insurance that employees own, and can take with them from job to job; insurance that can be bought across state lines, just like car insurance, dramatically increasing competition and significantly reducing prices; Federal subsidies for those who need them, but only if they qualify; and expanded Medicare for all the remaining uninsured, including ex-military, instead of the Veterans Administration hospitals and clinics. Our second largest budget line item is the V.A., and there's no reason we need it. We'll simply make sure we have the capability in the private sector to take care of PTSD and battle wounds and any other military-specific ailments, and we can improve the level of care and save billions! Imagine what we could get for the 187 V.A. hospitals if put on the auction block.
Oh, by the way, I spent 40 years in the medical field, wore the uniform of the United States and am a veteran, so, for a change, I actually know what I'm talking about.
- Late in the afternoon of Day Two I'd issue an Executive Order eliminating all Federal funding for any and all institutions of higher learning that advocate for Global Warming, or Climate Change, or Climate Chaos, or whatever-the-Hell-they're-calling-it today. It's nothing but a Multi-Billion dollar scam. This whole "Sky Is Falling" crap is nothing but a Liberal wet dream designed to take your tax money and give it to those who want to control your lives. Here's the bottom line: We breathe out CO2, plants take up CO2 and give off oxygen. What's not to understand? No more funding for this nonsense!
- Along toward late afternoon of Day Two I would issue an Executive Order proclaiming Israel and its Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu as our True Friend for Life. I would stop all this Israel bashing and give them whatever they need to fend off the incessant rocket fire and terrorism from the Jordanian refugees who loudly call themselves "Palestinians," which never existed. Barry hates Israel and Bibi. That's okay. I feel the same way about him.
- Lastly, I will promise not to speak to you, my constituency, unless I actually have something important to say. We've been subjected to Major Policy Addresses of the Morning, Afternoon and Evening for the past six-plus years by our Blabbermouth-in-Chief. We have a POTUS who seems to believe that giving a speech is the same thing as doing something. You might not see my smiling face for weeks. And that's good. Get on with your lives. Work. Make money. Pay no attention to Government until absolutely necessary. That's the way it ought to be.
That's my first two days as POTUS. Busy schedule, yes, but I can handle it. Because I am The Chuckmeister! Imagine what I could do in the first month. In the first year! In a full term! I will lower the unemployment rate, dramatically improve race relations, end the conflicts in the Middle East, stop the Feds' incessant meddling in private businesses, lower taxes, reduce our Debt and improve everybody's sense of well-being.
And so, my friends, and you are my friends, I humbly ask for your vote. And, if you have some spare change laying around, send it along so I can buy some commercials and print up some banners and posters we can wave at our rallies. You make the choice as to who will be running things after January 20, 2017. Do you want the Hilldebeest, or somebody who has actually started companies and hired people and made a payroll and made decisions and struggled against the tyranny of out-of-control Government?
The Chuckmeister is available and awaiting your command...