I read somewhere that masturbating too much can make one squint.
And we know that must be true, as they used to tell us that too much "loping the mule" can make you go blind. Playboy tried its best to poke holes in that theory way back when, but it still persists in some quarters. Unfortunately.
But some of us may not have given up the habit. Some of us may not have learned that "flogging the doggie" too much is not a good idea. Although a rite of passage for our yout (what's a yout?), most of us grow out of routinely "yanking the wanger" or "whipping the whippet" by the attainment of our young adulthood. We usually find another way to reduce those raging hormones other than too much "manipulating the unit" or "choking the chicken."
"Another way," get it? I knew you would.
But some of us may still be "taking the lizard out for a walk." Some of us may still be "shaking hands with the milkman" and have not yet seen fit to grow out of this activity, I'm sorry to say. Some still engage in "manual override" and "lone rangering" instead of the more excepted pursuits.
Yes, some of us are still "paddling the pink canoe," as they say. "Going out with Rosie Palm and her four daughters," they are. Fellow Pilgrims, It's obvious to me that some of us may not in fact have stopped "spanking the monkey" quite as much as they should have. However, I think I read somewhere that even reduced "monkey-spanking" can still leave residual physical evidence. Physical evidence of increased "squinting." As in eyes narrowed down to just a mere slit. As in almost can't see through them. Want some proof?
Did you ever wonder what good ol' Joe was doing in his basement for all of 2020? Have you watched any of his speeches lately?