Saturday, June 23, 2018

And Speaking of Buying Your Friends...

My last posting had to do with how much we're paying to make sure we don't have a fuster cluck on our southern border.  

And how we're getting zilch for our money...

I mentioned that we're paying Meheeeeeeeeeeeko more than $320 Million Dollars A Year in Federal Aid, for some reason, and getting pretty much bupkus in return.  They are not only not helping us fix our illegal immigration problem, they are contributing to it!  I think they're pissed at The Donald for planning to axe NAFTA and trying to get them pay for The Wall.  So even though we're sending them wheelbarrows full of cash every year, just like we do for another 107 countries throughout the World, they're not fulfilling their end of the bargain.  

That got me to thinking how much we're sending to El Salvador, Guatemala and Honduras every year.  They're the "Central American countries" from which people are fleeing. Through Meheeeeeeeeeeeko.  To America.  And thus causing us all this trouble.  Here's the answer:

Guatemala$297,000,000 a year!

Honduras$128,000,000 a year!

El Salvador$277,000,000 a year!

So, my friends, we, the good and generous and charitable citizens of the United States of America are ponying up more than $700,000,000 a year in Federal Aid to these three countries.  And these three countries are so mistreating their citizens - we're told - that they are fleeing by the tens of thousands, to America, by way of Meheeeeeeeeeeeeeeko, our super good friend, which we are paying $320 Million a Year to help make sure this stuff doesn't happen.  

That's over $One Billion Dollars a Year we're giving to needy countries so they can feed and clothe and house and educate their poor, who are thanking us by sending us their poor, so we can feed, clothe, house and educate them.

Are we the very dumbest bunch of stupid fools on the planet, or what?

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Ever Wondered What We Should Get For $320,000,000 a Year?

Now here's a delicious little rhetorical question for you:  "What should America get from Mexico in exchange for its annual "welfare" contribution?

For some strange reason, we give Mexico, and about 100 other countries, most of which truly hate us, $Billions and $Billions and $Billions in Foreign Aid a year.  I don't know when it started, or how long it will continue, but so long as there are little kids starving in Appalachia, and homeless vets sleeping on sidewalks here in America, I suggest we redirect our economic priorities.  But back to what we can and should  expect in return for our largesse...

Should we get friendship?  Fidelity?  Support?  Consideration of our laws?  Joining with us in fighting criminal activities?  Of course.  But from Mexico?  Ummmmmmmm, no.

What Mexico DOES do, on the other hand (I wonder who was the very first dude who came up with that, "On the one hand...," stuff?), is export its poor, which has become its Number One source of Annual Income.  Some $27,000,000,000 (that's Billion, with a "B) is realized each and every year in "remittances" from expat Mexicans who break into our country, and then proceed to work here illegally, on felonious Social Security numbers, and then send the money they earn back home to momma in Hermosillo.

And if you just cannot inculcate how much $27 Billion really is, think of this:  With it you could buy more than 10,000 brand-new Ford Mustang convertibles, with full power and A/C.  Every year... 

Put another way, that enormous sum we give Mexico is greater than the Gross National Product of the Nation of Palau!

(Where's Palau?  I don't know, but what we give to Meheeeeeko every year is bigger than its GNP.)  

What they do do (doo doo?) is provide help and assistance to caravans of Central Americans who travel 1,000 miles or more across Mexico on their way to the Promised Land.  Instead of taking them in as refugees fleeing pain and torment, like any good touchy/feely country should, they speed them along their merry way toward their "good friend," Estados Unidos.  

One must ask him/her/itself:  If Mexico's No. 1 Export is their poor, why would they deign to take in anyone else's?  And if they can make their cash registers ring to the tune of $320 Million a year from an obviously daft Uncle Sugar, while simultaneously avoiding their responsibilities to the People of America, and by extension the entire World, why would they even consider changing their policies?  

I wouldn't, would you?

Friday, June 15, 2018

"AB-1668"

Now here's a little palate cleanser to start your day off right!

You know by now that California went off the rails, politically-speaking, a couple of decades ago.  In the intervening period the evil redistributionist, capitalism-hating social justice warriors finally won the war of promising everything, and yet delivering nothing to those with nothing who wanted everything, leaving those in the middle to pay for the whole mess.  Annnnd, those with sufficient common sense bailing on this Utopian wasteland in droves!

Taxes through the roof.  Gas too expensive to buy.  Illegal aliens treated like rock stars.  Global Warming hysteria in full bloom.  Ordered to build more jails, the "more equal than you" decided to let tens of thousands of felons out of prison instead (mucho cheaper that way!).  The widespread belief that guns actually load themselves up and go out looking for some innocent child to shoot.  No religion is the preferred religion.  One must bake a cake for whomever, no matter what, or face shunning.  Everyone gets free health insurance except for those who have to pay for it.  And those "potways" with "freeholes" upon which we all have to drive are the very last places upon which our politicians spend our gas tax money.  

However, CA finally "jumped the shark."  Our Legislature just passed and "Moonbeam" Brown just signed Assembly Bill -1668, perhaps the single dumbest, most foolish, ridiculous and stupid law ever enacted by any governing body anywhere on Earth.  Ever.  Maybe even to include the Entire Milky Way Galaxy!

There's an old rule where I come from:  Just because you CAN do a thing, doesn't mean you SHOULD do a thing.  And this "thing" about which I write shouldn't have been done...

This little jewel pays homage to our recent multi-year drought by deciding that it just might return.  It MIGHT!  And if it does, in fact, whether or not it does, Sacrapayme will be ready.  As of January 1, 2020 the good citizens of California, plus all the millions and millions of non-good, non-citizens of California, will be forced to each somehow do with only 55 gallons of fresh water per day.  And by 2025 that number goes down to 50 gallons, and 45 by a few years thereafter.  

Now, if you don't know how much gallonage living your life actually requires, consider this:  It takes roughly 17 gallons of water to take an eight-minute shower.  And it takes roughly 40 gallons of water to wash your clothes.  Thus, in less than two years, you'll have to decide whether to, a) have your clothes smell clean while you smell dirty; or, b) you smell clean and your clothes smell dirty.  

Or, if you live in Lost Angeles, it really doesn't matter which.  Neither you nor your neighbors will much give a damn, since no amount of washing of either of you will eliminate the smell of what Lost Angeles has become.

Kind of like that walk in the park you took, remember?  You stepped in dog s**t.  You washed it off your shoe when you got home, but forever after you could not get that smell off you shoe.  That's kind of like L. A. in a nutshell...

Yes, my friends, this micromanagement of everything is a mark of all socialistic enterprises.  Everything has to be controlled Malthusian-like from Central Decision Headquarters (remember the Soviet Union?), to include the amount of water you peons may use to wash your insignificant selves.  According to the Department of the Interior, the average person during an average day will use somewhere between 80 and 100 gallons of fresh water.  So, Californians are henceforth expected to somehow get along with HALF that much, simply because a bunch of highly-paid, nameless and faceless bureaucrats, behind a polished,  burled walnut door somewhere, decided they wanted it that way.  No debate, no public commentary, no voting.  Just another of those pronouncements from on high that make your meager existence a tad more meager.  And CA's residents will be FINED, up to $1,000 a day, if they CHOOSE to ignore this new proclamation.  

People, just think of this new law as a new tax.  Just another way to put their hands in your pocket and extract some more money to redistribute in an effort to buy, or further secure, votes.  The "cap and trade" Global Warming carbon tax scam was a perfect example.  Tell the people that "the sky is falling and new taxes, called something else, are the ONLY WAY to combat it.  

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!

Is this new law the pinnacle of craziness?  Can Taxifornia come up with even dumber laws?  I say it can!  Stay tuned, 'Murica.  Your faithful Scribe Without Portfolio will keep you briefed...

Monday, June 11, 2018

"Routines"

It used to be when you had something to do, you just went ahead and did it.  You just gathered your stuff up, headed out, and accomplished your objective.

And then one day, you didn't...

You forgot what you were about to do.  Don't lie to me, Pilgrim!  You know you did!  And that wasn't the first time, either!  You've been getting more and more forgetful as you get older and older.  And that's the reason you've developed...

Routines...

You know, you have certain things you do at certain times of the day and the week, and even the hour of the day in order to keep body and soul together.  So you develop "routines."  Routines are a sort of mental list of things to do that you commit to deep-down rote.  A good example is trash; you know to take the trash out on Wednesday evening for a Thursday morning pickup, even though you can't remember your kids' birthdays.  These routines are a defense mechanism against the unavoidable loss of mental acuity.  It will happen, and you have to figure out how to work around it.  And developing routines is one of the answers.  

Routines are a sort of "muscle memory" for those things not requiring muscles.  You make little mental notes so you don't forget.  You know, like patting yourself on your pockets before you close the door behind you to make sure you have your keys and your wallet.  And when even those don't work, you start making LISTS OF THINGS TO DO!

And those of us who are really bad include things we've already done on our updated lists of things to do so we can check them off our lists!

I'm truly sorry for "outing" you.  For letting the world know that you're not as much on top of things as you used to be.  But, then again, that's okay, because there's not as much for you to be on top of then there used to be.  

Soooooo, I now conclude this, my latest rant, with the conclusion.  The resolution.  The synopsis.  The recommendation.  The payoff.  The "Bottom Line," as they say.  The, ummm, oh wait, ummm, what were we talking about?

Friday, June 8, 2018

"Fight for Fifteen!"

Remember a couple of years back when the SEIU (Service Employees International Union) launched its "Fight for Fifteen?"  You know, that effort to force, FORCE fast food joints, and McDonalds in particular among them, to pay their employees, ALL of their employees, $15.00 an hour.

Now, it might be worth mentioning that the national Minimum Wage is about $7.50 per hour.  And thus, a bump to $15.00 would be an overnight DOUBLING of the employers' labor costs, however injurious to them it might be.  

(Now, In interrupt myself to insert here a comment right here:  Where does the Gubmint get off, I ask rhetorically, telling any private bizz who it can hire or what it has to pay?  Imagine how much fun it would be if you could collect 35 - 40% of a business's profit without taking any of the risk or making any of the investment?  That's what happens when you have the Gubmint as your not-so-silent partner.)

It's also worth mentioning that the only reason the SEIU is sniffing around MickeyD's and all the other fast food outfits is because the number of private-sector labor union employees has fallen so far and so fast in 'Murica that only about 6.7% of our entire private labor force is unionized.  And fewer union members means less union dues in the pockets of the Fat Cat union bosses.  And that means fewer trips to the Bahamas in January and Vail in April to and Maui in August to blow off a little high-quality steam.

So this union, the one that employs all those poor, $10.00 an hour folks who make your bed at the Holiday Inn, unveiled their New Plan to raid Big Fast Food for new members.  And, even after spending more than $50 Million of their members' dues to finance this little multi-year media war, they've been spectacularly unsuccessful at moving public opinion their way.  

Why?  Because MickeyD's is a franchise operation.  And so is Wendy's, and Burger King, and Chick-fil-A and all the others.  And that means the franchiser cannot, CANNOT tell its franchisees who to hire or how much to pay them.  So, they were basically engaging in a circle jerk as they paraded and protested and stamped their little feet in front of the adoring MainstreamMedia TV coverage outside the McDonald's Corporate Headquarters in Oak Park, Illinois.  For weeks.  Without end.

What did it accomplish?  So far, nothing.  Oh yeah, except the fact that Mickey and Wendy and Chickie and the others got tired of being threatened.  So they opened their doors to technological solutions to their age-old problem; the high cost of labor.  And "tech" answered.

Voila!  The automated kiosk!  Now the get it 'n go outfits are investing hand-over-fist in these things.  At an average cost of $1,500 - $2,000 each, they can take your order upon entering, direct you to the cashier to pay and then have your meal brought to you when ready.  Boom!  At least 10% of their FTE's (full-time employees) go away!  And these shiny new robots don't take breaks or vacations or get sick or need maternity leaves.  They don't make mistakes or come in late or have bad hair days or spread disease or need time off to go protest.  And so the investment in such automation can pay for itself very quickly, and continuing paying for itself for years to come.

Mickey tells us they're converting 1,000 restaurants to automation a quarter, and will continue at that rate until all 36,899 of them are updated.  

What's next?  We're already told of the new automated burger-flipper in beta testing that can turn out 250 perfect burgers an hour, error-free, no breaks, no vacations, nothing but cooking.  Non-stop.  Cost?  $250,000.  Payoff schedule?  Less than two years for the average MickeyD's.  One must ask, how long will it be before there's no more min-wage-types at your local fast food emporium?  The answer should be chilling for the union which made a very, very bad bet...

So, in closing, I might mention that a MickeyD's franchisee, already likely a millionaire before opening one of these things, isn't likely to roll over when these union stick-up artist thugs come to town.  It's far better business strategy to defuse the threats by completely doing away with the jobs at center of the fight.  

Me thinks the SEIU got outfoxed.  That's what happens when you bring a knife to a gun fight.  Well that's done.  I'm headed out for a Quarter Pounder...

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Can the Lessons of Ancient Rome Help Fix the NFL?

Unless you've been living in an old washing machine box behind the local K-Mart, you know that the NFL is in some Big Trouble!

Yes, Pilgrim, the NFL, that outfit that puts on those games we just luuuuv to watch from about Labor Day until February the Somethingth, used to enjoy our unabashed, unfettered and unequaled attention.  

No longer.  Not since an aggrieved bi-racial multi-millionaire wearing socks depicting the police as pigs decided that paying homage to our Nation's flag was just too-too much for him to be bothered.  No, my friends, he decided to give the figurative finger to you and me and the rest of America by kneeling instead of placing his hand where his heart should be, assuming he had one.  

But he obviously doesn't.  He started a firestorm of disquiet and disagreement.  One by one his brethren began to emulate him and kneel as well.  And it was all covered in real-time, kneel by kneel, to the horror and disgust of you and me.  Soon, the honest, honorable, God-fearing, red-blooded, gun-owning, beer-drinking, Earth-tilling, pickup truck-driving 'Murican football fans began turning off those Sunday games in droves.  At last count the viewership for all of last season was down a remarkable 8%!

What's 8% among friends?  Billions of Dollars in ad revenue, that's what!  So the NFL's commissioner, who is paid $Millions not to make such boneheaded mistakes, made a boneheaded mistake and failed to squash this revolt like a bed bug.  And it lingered throughout the off season.  Until just recently.  Now, its New Rule is spectacularly like the old one; stand with your hand over your heart when the National Anthem is played or the League will fine the Teams.  Period.

Of course, those wily Black millionaire players, who are just so very fed up with police shooting their friends and neighbors, who live in places they've never been and don't intend to go, are devising ways to "stick it to the man" in an effort to defang this new rule.  And I'm predicting they will; the NFL hasn't seen the last of this whole kerfuffle.

But I, The Chuckmeister, have a solution which would instantly eliminate this whole disagreement, virtually overnight:  

"Sniper Football!"

As you know, there's only a couple of thousand active, roster-listed football players who make their Game Squads every season.  That means there's Tens of Thousands of fast, quick, strong, light, heavy, mean, nasty, tough and ugly guys who really want to be millionaires, but are not selected by a team to legally hurt other people.  And to my way of thinking, that's just not fair!  And "fairness," as we're now told to believe, is all that really matters these days.

So, I propose that we (1) change the rules of the Game to permit each team to employ a sniper.  A full-blown, Seal-trained sniper, ready, willing and able to wreck havoc on the other team.  (2) We put these snipers in the alternate ends of the field just behind the goal posts and permit them each one bullet per half, two bullets total per game.  Now, if there's a dominant player on the other team, then (3) the opposing team's sniper can knock that guy off  and force him to be replaced by a lesser player.  And the sniper would get extra points, of course, for good shot placement.  And then that team can do the very same thing to the other team.  And so on and so on.  Kind of like chess for realzies...

The wounded players are gathered up and dragged off the field and the game resumes.  No bother, no problem, plus the fans get extra time to go grab a beer and a dog.  Net result: New advertisers, more revenues, billionaire owners happy, happy, happy, as Papa Phil Robertson would say!

Think of it!  16 games per year, at least four "replaced" players per game, assuming the snipers are good shots, for a total of at least 128 "new" players" added to the rosters each week.  Plus each of those snipers would need backups in case they were shot by the other sniper.  And, I'm thinking we might also throw in an extra bullet or two in the event some miscreant commits some heinous foul or other.  We could keep adding bullets until the fans get happy!  Kind of like ancient Rome and the Colosseum!  Plus the snipers would no doubt become superstars on their own, with televised tryouts, drafts on TV, jersey sales through the roof, etc.  The possibilities are endless!

So, my friends, if any of you who are within that magic "six degrees of separation" between me and NFL Commish Roger Goodell, have him give me a call.  I'm pretty sure we could work out the details pretty darn quick...

Sunday, June 3, 2018

Entrepreneurs, Rejoice!

As an inveterate entrepreneur, with more than 20 new business formations under my slightly expanding belt, I can tell you that one of the major expenses for a new venture is office space.

Yes, my friends, the First Law of Business is having a place in which to conduct bizz.  That's Numero Uno in terms of conducting bizz!  No address, no bizz.  It's as simple as that. You've simply got to have a place for your customers to mail you a check for your services, right?

So, what's happened lately to change the First Law of Business?  

Starbucks!

Unless you've been living in a washing machine box behind the local Tarzhea, you're aware that a Starbucks in Philly tossed out a couple of Black dudes who were waiting for a friend.  Since they weren't buying anything the manager called the fuzz and had them arrested.  Baaaaad move, Starbucks!

Even though Starbucks is owned and operated by one Howard Schultz, CEO, who's undoubtedly the single most liberal dumbass weenie on Earth, responded not by simply apologizing for the actions of his misguided store manager, or maybe by canning him or her or it, but by severely overreacting.  He closed down all 8,000 stores for a mandatory 4-hour training period on racism and how to stop it this past week.  In its tracks.  Today!

Of course, it was a big joke, having been produced by the Southern Poverty Law Center, one of 'Murica's single most racist organizations; the #MeToo movement creators, who are poverty and race pimps to the max; the NAACP, who will never, ever miss a chance to call a White person a racist; and "Black Lives Matter," an organization formed on a proven lie, and continues to operate simply because guilt-laden liberal corporations keep giving it money.  

The result was as anticipated.  The White employees were irate at being accused of "inborn, latent racism," and the Black employees were irate at being forced to watch 4 hours of cops beating up Black folks.  In short, it was an example of Liberal excess; too little, too late, and for all the wrong reasons.  But hey, good ol' Howard can now brag to his lefty Seattle, Tesla-driving friends that he "solved" the problem.  Well, lemme' tell ya, Howard, you screwed the pooch.  Your "solution" makes the one reached by the NFL look brilliant by comparison.  Ready?  Here 'tis:

Howard declared that all Starbucks' bathrooms are to be open and available to anyone, any time, whether or not they are paying customers.  

And their bathrooms are pretty nice, and rather large, and accommodating.  And therein, my entrepreneurial friends, lay the opportunity...

Henceforth, simply choose your local Starbucks as the locus of your new bizz, introduce yourself to the lead barista so he/she/it knows where to forward your mail, bring in a folding chair and card table and set up shop.  Oh yeah, kick out the homeless smelly vagrant who is also quite welcome, according to Howie.

Imagine how much better you'll do, and how much quicker you'll do it, if you don't have to pay rent to some shyster landlord!  Pluuuuus, you'll be within a few steps of a nice hot ($9) cup of coffee whenever you need it!  

Thanks, Howard.  I know you didn't intend it, but you just helped 'Murica's next batch of entrepreneurs get started...