Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Hurricanes and Global Warming...

A short while back a whole spate of glamorous celebrities hosted the "Hand in Hand" fundraiser for victims of Hurricanes Harvey and Irma.

It was on multiple channels, and in prime time.  They raised more than $44 Million.  That's nice of them.  The money is sorely needed.  But it would have been even nicer if they would have just showed up, make their spiel, collected the dough and were chauffeured on back to their tony Beverly Hills digs.

But they didn't.

Several of the more aged of them felt that we, undeserving rubes that we are, needed to be educated and enlightened by their wonderful selves about the deleterious effects of human-caused "global warming" (GM), and why it will kill us all if we don't...ummm...do something. Stevie Wonder even chose to share with us that we are "blind" or unintelligent if we fail to see that GM is due to human activity.  Cute.  

Babs Streisand scowled as she wagged her well-manicured finger at us unbelievers, letting us know in no uncertain terms that GM isn't "fake news."  It's real, she told us.  And that we must stop driving our SUVs and living in homes bigger than a shoe box if we don't want to die in a flaming inferno. 

A little guy named Bieber, whoever he is, and a graying gent named Clooney, and a tall Black chick named Beyonce, and a diminutive fellow called Leo, and several others must have felt that it was their God-given duty to bring us toothless "flyover" commoners up to speed on why we should be scared you-know-what-less about GM.  Oh wait, they don't believe in God.

And, of course, Alberto Gore has made hundreds of millions of $s touting GM, telling us that Polar Bears are drowning and the Arctic ice cap is melting and that Miami will be under 20 feet of water by...2005...if we don't heed his sonorous, preacherly warnings.  All this while living in a 20,000 square foot mansion in Nashville, consuming more than 25 times the electricity every month than the average family, and flitting around on a tired Gulfstream 2, the very noisiest and dirtiest of all the uber-expensive private jets.  So there.

Of course, Miami's still above sea level and Polar Bears can swim for 60 miles looking for a seal snack and the ice cap is right where it ought to be, thank you very much.  Has Al apologized for his incorrect predictions?

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, no!  He just released a follow-up docudrama that doubles down on his earlier predictions and excoriates us double-digit I.Q. dummies to get with the program before it's too late.

They all seem to believe that the two bigass storms that just hit, Harvey and Irma, are ironclad evidence that GM is reeeeeeeel, and that no one, anywhere, should be permitted to deny its existence.  It was just reported that Canada will start to prosecute those who publicly deny GM.  Those damn climate deniers!  The Brits are considering doing the same. It's become a sort of religion among the Liberal elite.  Of course, since they have no other religion, it's nice that they finally found something to believe in, right?  Druidism is looking for converts, so our aging stars should really look into that. Famed climate Scientist Jennifer Lawrence just stated that these storms were the result of Mother Nature punishing us 'Muricans for having voted for D. J. Trump.  

Don't you wonder why these elite celebrities make such a point out of routinely insulting half of their potential fans? Doesn't that prove that they're all dumber than a bag of rocks?

Sooooo, dear friends and loyal readers, The Chuckmeister, your faithful scribe without portfolio, decided to look into the matter a bit further.  Not that I'm unwilling to take the word of poorly-educated folks who pretend to be somebody else for a living, mind you.  I mean, they make millions because they can sing and dance and memorize lines to be puked forth on cue (action!), so surely their words can be taken to the bank, right? But hey, I'm just one of those people who need a second opinion, doncha' know.

So here, kiddies, is the straight scoop:  There have been a grand total of 293 named hurricanes that have made landfall on the Continental United States since 1887. That's the year we started keeping tabs on such things, so that's where we begin our data gathering.  

And, for those who point at Harvey and Irma as proof that GM is going to roast us all in a fiery Hell, there have been a total of  75 years in the intervening period in which five or more hurricanes have reared their ugly heads.  In eleven of those years there were ten or more.  Ten!  So two in any one year isn't unusual.  In fact, the only reason these two were notable is because they scored direct hits with above Cat 3 ratings when they made landfall, and happened to cause significant damage. 

In fact, with exception of Hurricane Sandy in 2012, which ripped New York's Rockaway peninsula to shreds, only smallish Cat 1 storms have made landfall since Katrina unloaded on New Orleans back in 2005. So, with apologies to S. Wonder and B. Streisand and L. DeCaprio and Beyonce, and all their really special little friends, no, there hasn't been a "rash" of GM-caused hurricanes unloading on us poor guilty humans.  

In fact, let me remind the reader that back in 1975 the magazine Newsweek ran a blaring headline on its cover, stating, "Are we ready for the coming Ice Age?"  Perhaps they hadn't yet discovered back then that they could made a big bunch of dough by shaming the public into rolling over for a big tax increase in order to forestall a fiery Hell.

So far, Irma has killed a total of 11 people, and 8 of those were in an old-age home in Hollywood Hills, Florida, victims of presumed criminal activity.  Contrast that factoid with the hurricane that hit Galveston, TX in 1900.  A total of 8,000 perished in that storm.

By the way, since the Galveston tragedy, and up until the recent day, there was no such thing as global warming before Katrina hit.  It had not yet been "invented" by Leftists who figured out that they could use fear (the sky is falling!) to wrest a bunch more tax money out of gullible 'Muricans' pockets by using it as a lever.

Think Jerry "Moonbeam" Brown, Guv of Taxifornia, if you need proof. Old Jer is a big believer in GM.  So much so that he's spearheaded "cap and trade" legislation in the once-Golden State to "fix it."  He seems to believe that there's a 60,000 high Plexiglas wall enclosing CA, preventing the smog and soot and dirt in China's and India's air from polluting our air.  He's obviously unaware that what's in the atmosphere in China today will be here in a week.  So he makes it even tougher to start and business or earn a living here due to onerous additional - and unnecessary - taxation.

So, let's summarize.  Whether you want to call it Global Warming (the globe is NOT warming!), or Climate Change (it's always changing!), or Climate Chaos (the only chaos I can see is among this bunch of flim-flam artists who are trying to figure out what to call it next!).

One Mr. John Coleman, Co-Founder of Weather Channel, tells us that we're dumbass fools if we buy into this nonsense.  I'm not, are you?

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Eau de Bacon!


This outstanding business opportunity is being made available to a very select group of friends and family.  If you are among the recipients, consider yourself among the exalted few.  And now, my friends, prepare to be amazed...

Eau de Bacon!

Yes, my friends, Eau de Bacon (that's "Eau" with a long "O." It's French, doncha' know).  My answer to the rash of beheadings which have taken hold of the world, also presents with it an amazing business opportunity It appears that the Islamic Jihadist terrorist killer thugs are beheading all thither and yon, presumably upset are they that we, Westerners and non-believers, won't convert en masse to Islam.  And so, they're in a tizzy.  And when you get an Islamic terrorist in a tizzy, you just know the results aren't going to be good.  They go all medieval on you, knifing and stabbing and shooting and running you over with big box trucks.  Not good at all.

So, what do we know?  We know that Islamic terrorists hate dogs, and capitalism, and tight-fitting clothes, and females over the age of twelve, and running out of ammunition, and freedom, and pork, and all products made therefrom.  

Soooooo, for those who have decided not to carry a concealed weapon and use it if and when the need arises (shame be upon thee!), it struck me that one of the things we Westerners can do to protect ourselves from these roving Jihadist thug murderers is to create a Porcine Protective.  A Ham Hamperer.  A Bacon Barrier.  Soooo, for women I propose bacon earrings!  Yes, strips of nice, thick-cut, smoked, cured and brown sugar-infused bacon strips, hanging proudly from their earlobes, protecting them from roving bands of Muslim Marauders.   

And for the guys, I recommend a couple of shots of Eau de Bacon, The Chuckmeister's answer to aftershave and cologne.  Just a couple of squirts on your neck and underarms before you head out the door will cause the essence of pork to waft unhesitatingly toward any Jihadist in the immediate vicinity. And they will run, my friends, not walk, in the opposite direction to avoid any contact at all with those who wear it. 

And here in Taxifornia, where folks are often unsure of their own gender, perhaps wearing both would provide the necessary protection.  I mean, you don't want to venture out without protection, do you?  You could even keep some extra in your billfold.  Heh, heh.

Just think of it.  Bacon earrings all a'dangle, or Bacon cologne, liberally applied, will stop a prospective beheader in his sandals!  They won't know what to do with themselves! They'll likely put down their machine guns and head on back to the mosque to confer with their Imam and get further instructions as to how they can come up with another nefarious plan to ruin our collective days.  And if enough of us protect ourselves in this fashion, along with the smart ones of us who are packing heat, I'm of the opinion all these Islamic terrorists will head on back to France, or England, or Indonesia, or Amsterdam, and even back to Afghanistan, or Pakistan, or Kurdistan, or one of the other "stans," to tend to their goats and think about the beheadings that could have been...

I'm looking for some entrepreneurial types who will join with me to manufacture some great Piggy Products.  I mean, how much can it possibly cost to put together a credible bacon processing and repurposing enterprise?  Does anyone know Hormel's phone number? This is a sty-floor opportunity! There's money to be made here, folks! And we might as well be the people to make it!  And just think!  We could save some lives in the process!

Get back to me.  This is an idea whose time has come!

Sunday, September 10, 2017

"Statuegate," Part Deux...

My old friend and blog-mentor Geoff West has ascribed the term "Statuegate" to the furor unfolding around the flagellating Leftoids' double-time effort to remove statues of Confederate leaders (and presumably anyone else who offends their tender sensibilities) from the Public Square. Oh yeah, and The Chuckmeister's choosing to cast on it the harsh light of negative publicity.

Sounds good to me.  And, as you'll recall from my 08/28/17 posting, "Why Stop at Just Statues," I offered up suggestions as to some other stuff that these bozos should get about removing if they were really serious about erasing potential "triggers" from Leftist snowflakes. 

That posting stirred up a lot of back-and-forth.  So, I, The Chuckmeister, your humble scribe, decided to do even more in-depth research and find a few more statues that we should remove post-haste if we're really serious about sanitizing our history of the Bad Guys and their evil actions.  Ready?  Here we go...

1.  Statue of Che Guevara:  There's a statue of Ernesto "El Che" Guevara located in Central Park in New York City, today.  Yes, my friends, this idol of the fawning Left and notorious crazed mass murderer has a statue right in the heart of the City he openly stated he would have "taken out" if Soviet missiles hadn't been removed from Cuba in the '60's. An early supporter of Castro, Che killed thousands of Cuban dissidents during the uprising that overthrew the elected government of Juan Batista.  He stated that "he didn't have time for trials to determine guilt."  Hmmm.  Sounds a lot like the rush to sanitize our history of all "unpleasant" things unfolding today in Liberal-dom.  

The crazed Leftists that are defacing Lincoln's statue and declaring Chris Columbus a mass murderer have somehow failed to notice that an actual communist mass murderer's statue is located within blocks of the New York Times (and close by numerous souvenir shops who persist in selling "El Che" t-shirts).  Does one have anything to do with the other? Hmmm, again. Maybe this posting will provide the necessary alert they need...

2.  Statue of Margaret Sanger:  In the venerable old Smithsonian Institution is a statue of famous racist and eugenicist Margaret Sanger. Even if you happen to agree with what her organization, "Planned Parenthood," has become today, you have to temper that enthusiasm with the reality that she was a Black-hating eugenicist.  One of her more popular writings was entitled, "The Eugenic Value of Birth Control Propaganda."  In it she said things like "Eugenics is...the most adequate and thorough avenue to the solution of racial, political and social problems." Eugenics, if you aren't aware, is "the science of improving a human population by controlled breeding to increase the desirable heritable characteristics." In other words, abort those who are less desirable to improve the breed. Like Blacks.  And Hispanics. And American Indians.  Adolph Hitler used Sanger's work as a basis for his "Final Solution."  Black groups and pro-life supporters have worked for years to try and get this statue taken down, with no success. Maybe those who are busy tearing down statues ought to consider adding this one to their list...

3.  Statue of Robert Byrd:  Located in the Capitol Building's Statuary Hall is a statue of Robert Byrd, one of the longest serving U.S. Senators. You may not know that this guy was at one time the leader of his Ku Klux Klan chapter, winning the title of "Exalted Cyclops" unanimously.  I guess that's good.  In 1944 he wrote a letter to Mississippi senator Bilbo stating, "I shall never fight in the armed forces with a negro by my side. Rather I should die a thousand times, and see Old Glory trampled in the dirt never to rise again, than to see this beloved land of ours become degraded by race mongrels, a throwback to the blackest specimen from the wilds."  

Fewer than 10 years after writing that alarming piece, he was elected a Senator in the Democrat Party.  Oh yeah, by the way, the Democrat Party started the Ku Klux Klan.  He ran on a platform of opposing desegregation and civil rights, arguing it was for the states to decide, and was reelected time and again, holding that Senate seat until his death. Doesn't anybody but me know that Byrd's statue is in the Capitol? If you're of a Leftoid persuasion, would you be so kind as to inform your ideological soul-mates that here's another one for them to target?

4.  Statue of Vladimir Lenin:  Located in a park in Seattle is a 16 foot-high statue of this (in)famous communist leader. Has he gotten a pass because he was a liberal?  He was as violent and deadly as any Confederate soldier ever was, having used executions, hostage taking and concentration camps to force obedience or punish his enemies.  He used mass starvation of the peasants to insure his own followers were well fed.  In all, his death toll is counted at 4 million. Yet his statue still stands.  Leftist thugs are removing statues of Confederate heroes while this enemy of right-thinking people everywhere is still standing proudly. Why? 

Oh yeah, I'd be remiss if, in closing, I didn't mention to the nice folks in "flyover country," my old homies, that the Lost Angeles City Council voted last week to officially change "Columbus Day" to "Indigenous Peoples' Day."  Yes, they actually did that.  To them, this explorer, discoverer of the New World and hero of Italians everywhere is a mass murderer and exploiter of poor people who weren't bothering anybody, and It's getting to the point where one has to double check every unbelievable story like this one to make sure it wasn't ripped from the pages of "The Onion" or dreamed up by Saturday Night Live.  It wasn't...

By the way, the next time somebody wants to play Cowboys and Indians, tell them to change the designation to "Bovine Management Specialists and Indigenous Mistreated Peoples" before you agree to play along...

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

In Honor of Labor Day...

Labor Day has come and gone.  Once again.  And in honor of this annual paean to the "Dirty Jobs" crowd, I thought it only fair and reasonable to take a look at a really dumb, ignorant, and foolish movement that Just. Won't. Die. 

You might have heard that the Left is in full "beast mode" over the "Fight for Fifteen."  That's the little tag line they've given to the Social Justice Warriors' effort to get the "little guy" a "living wage."

Now, you of course know that the minimum wage was never intended to be a "living wage."  It was intended to be a starting wage for a pimply-faced teenager who's working his way through junior college while living in his parent's basement.  Just enough income for him or her (or, in California, "it") to put a couple of gallons of gas in the family truckster so it can trundle on down to the Weinerschnitzel where little Johnnie or Joannie can earn that piddling hourly income.  Just enough to hopefully teach the newfer hire to get to work on time, to learn how to interact with others, to do the job as indicated, and to develop the work-related skills necessary to earn an eventual living. The amount your Elected Leaders have decided to forcibly extricate from employers and redistribute to Johnnie/Joannie in an effort to attempt to justify their overblown salaries.


That of course assumes that the Gummint has any right to determine what constitutes a "minimum wage."  Somehow the "more equal than you" ("Animal Farm") decided that they were going to go to bat for those without the power to determine their own fate by interjecting themselves between the buyer (the employer) and the seller (the employee).  It would seem to me that a "market driven" approach would be to permit the prospective employee and the prospective employer to negotiate between themselves a rate of pay acceptable to each party.  For after all, if the buyer (employer) can't entice the seller (employee) to take the bait and come to work, then that buyer will necessarily have to hike his starting pay higher and higher in order to find a number acceptable to the would-be hire.

But nooooooooo!  They just have to muck things up.  To them, a "market driven" approach would likely be trying to decide which of their electric cars they were going to drive to the local Whole Foods Market to pick up their supply of gluten-free, GMO-free, calorie- and carbohydrate-free, nuts, fruits and berries. 

And just to button things up, it would seem that our elected officials forgot to read the 10th Amendment to the Bill of Rights, which forbids the Feds from doing exactly what they've been doing.  Read it.  You'll be amazed at what those we employ are doing to us in front of our backs. But back to the rant...

The Obama Years so devastated the economy, and destroyed the job market, that many of our neighbors were forced to work at sometimes two or even three min-wage jobs because their normal middle-class job just flat went away.  And so the focus turned to min-wage in an effort to get some of the 93+ million who've been out of the work force, an all-time new record, by the way, back into the traces.

And to that we add the private-sector unions continual loss of members over the past several decades.  Private-sector union membership in this category is at an all-time low at about 6.7%.  That means that the fat cat union bosses are in danger of no longer being able to vacation several times a year to the toniest of locations around the globe, or take their trophy wives (or girl friends!  Or both!) on high-zoot shopping trips and super-scrumptious din-dins at the most expensive shops and eateries.  

So, they went looking for a new target.  Voila!  They sensed an opening at your local McDonalds.  And Jack-In-The-Boxes, and at the local Burger King, but mainly MickeyD's, being the oldest, the largest, and presumably the most manipulable.  

They decided if they put a full-court press on their elected Democrat serfs they could shame the fast food joints into coughing up $15 an hour for their entry level burger flippers. An amount, by the way, which is greater then what we pay our newly-minted soldiers for agreeing to risk their lives to keep us all safe.  And what if they're successful?  They'd swoop in and unionize these newly-rich zombies, and reap the rewards for having done so.  

Don't tell anyone but if successful, these "newly rich" would lose their Earned Income Tax Credits (a check from the Gummint for not making enough money!), and have to start paying income taxes.  The net result, after the loss of bennies and the tax bite, plus confiscatory union dues, would be less take-home than if things were left completely as-is. Not to mention the fact that employers would have no choice but to reduce the hours min-wage-types could work, so as to forestall their possible bankruptcy.

They began protesting 24/7 around MickeyD's Oak Park, IL headquarters, apparently blissfully unaware that franchisers cannot dictate to their franchisees how much to pay their employees. If they did, dear union dweebs, they would be guilty of breaking the law.  Kind of like it being illegal for auto makers to tell their dealers how to price the cars they sell. It's illegal.  Got it?

But there's One Major Factor at the foundation of this whole argument. The Lefties who have never started or operated a business believe down deep in their hearts that every single business owner is a millionaire, and that they should be forced to turn loose of some of their Vast Wealth to enable their flunky employees (and future Democrat voters) to live like college graduates.  They're very simply jealous. Jealous of those who've worked hard and made a success out of their businesses and their lives. They're weapons-grade dumb. Really dumb. And socialistic in the extreme.

So they all got together around a table at one of those top-tier steak houses and decided how deeply to dive into the Korean grocers' pockets. And the guy's who owns the local lumber yard. And the doctor's, and dentist's, and the car salesman's.  And while we're on this subject, let me bring to your attention something you may not have considered before. Ready?  Here goes:

What gives these self-dealing, socialist bozos the right to take from citizen "A" and redistribute it to citizen "B?"

Put another way, why should elected bureaucrats be permitted to literally take, via coercion, and replete with the threats of legal action, something, anything, from that self-same Korean grocer and give it to some dimbulb 25 year-old with a degree in Medieval Lesbian Poetry simply because he just can't find a job?  And then take more if and when the spirit moves them to do so?  And more!

And while we're on the subject, why $15.00 an hour?  Where did that arbitrary number come from?  And who decided it was the hill upon which they would choose to die?  Could that be the exact number that would permit the unions to capture a whole flock of new members?

Against a Fed Min-Wage of $7.25, most states have min-wages in the $7.25 - $9 dollar range.  To make the leap all the way to $15 is extreme! And likely bizz-killing to businesses that operate on thin profit margins. Like 2% - 5%. Like fast food joints.  And supermarkets.  And department stores.  Are we really ready to see vast numbers of businesses close their doors all because we want to redistribute some of their "vast" wealth to losers, with the hoped-for result being the garnering of the recipients votes? And if $15 is good, isn't $20 better? Or $25?  Or how about $50?  Since we're unfairly picking the pockets of that Korean grocer, why not really stiff the bastard by taking everything he owns?  

Santa Monica adopted $15 an hour min-wage a couple of years back. And they've lost over 20% of all their fast food sector as a result.  The Seattle-Tacoma International Airport (SeaTac) did the same in 2016. Fully half their restaurants have closed in the terminals and those with plans to open have shelved them.  The same has happened in other locales which have bowed to the wishes of the Far Left. Where will it end?

Maybe we mere tax payers should get together, take the reins of this out-of-control situation, and return the favor. What if we ordinary types decided to require, nay demand, that lawmakers, the self-same scam artists that have so effectively taken control of our pay checks, how much of the lawmakers' salaries should be donated to charity?  I mean, they probably average, ummm, ZERO!  What if we required, say 15%?  Not 7%, not 10%, fifteen percentoids! Something tells moi that they would scream like schoolgirls at a midnight "Carrie" screening.

I've done the numbers, my friends.  A bump in min-wage from $8 to $15 an hour would cost the average MickeyD's about $150,000 a year.  The average MickeyD's franchisee makes about $150,000 a year.  Plus, such an increase would necessarily force a price increase so that $5.99 value meals would become $8.99 no-value meals.  A 20% reduction in sales could therefore be predicted.  And therefore a loss of somewhere around $250,000 a year.  So, this wealth redistribution exercise would remove all the motivation a guy would have to have to both open a franchise (roughly $700,000!), and then work his arse off to run it.  And it would likely put Mickey out of business, and Jack, and Wendy.  Get it?  I thought you would...

Example of this monumental failure?  Sure.  St. Louis City adopted a $13.00 an hour starting on July 1st.  That rate was increased from last year's $9.00, and the $11.00 rate that became effective on January 1st. When they learned that employees' hours worked were going down precipitously as a result, they immediately pushed through a quick re-do, rescinding their previous increase post-haste.  Smart, right?

Smarter than the City of Seattle, which bumped up the min-wage back in 2014 from the already high $9.47 an hour, to $11.00 in 2015, and boosted it up again to a stratospheric $13.00 in 2016.  Seattle was interested in finding out what their rash actions might do to, you know, peoples' incomes (wouldn't you think they would have done that first?), that they commissioned a study by the University of Washington.  Their results indicated that these disruptive and anti-business actions caused hours worked by low-skilled workers to fall by 9.4% during the three quarters when the minimum wage was $13, resulting in a loss of 3.5 million hours worked per calendar quarter.  Those lost hours cost the average min-wage employee $179.00 pr month, while the wage increase would recoup only $54.00 of this loss, leaving a net loss of $125.00 per month (6.6%)!

If only workers were getting hurt it would be bad enough. But businesses were getting hammered, as one would expect. Results from the study also indicated that business operating profits were down more than 25% and closures had skyrocketed more than 9%!  Not good, my friends.  And businesses started leaving Seattle in droves, relocating to the suburbs so as to avoid getting screwed by their Leftist overlords in the City Council.

I mean, what do these bozos expect?  Do they really believe that business owners will just bend over and take it up the kazoo when law makers make dumb laws?  Obviously not...

And so, dear readers, remember that those who attempt to use threats, coercion and the heavy hand of governmental intrusion to reorder economic realities in an effort to feather their own nests are the enemies of freedom!  And they should be treated as such.  

Oh yeah, by the way, I am a graduate economist and actually know in this one, rare instance what the Hell about which I'm actually talking (with apologies to Yoda).  So if you are usually persuaded to disregard the pronunciamentos spewing forth from The Chuckmeister's gargantuan intellect, choose to wrap your collective brains around this one.  It's actually rooted in reality...

Of course, the otherwise-unemployable dimbulb politicians in Sacramento, and other Deep Blue state capitols, can sleep well knowing that the havoc they wreck, if successful, will likely result in hundreds of thousands of bankruptcies and a huge bump in unemployment, and quite possibly a full-blown recession.  But that's okay.  They're probably too damn dumb to notice.  And the people to put them there, and keep sending them back, are as well...

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

The War Between the States, Part Deux...

The "war between the states" that just ended wasn't fought between the North and the South.  No, my friends, and you are my friends, it was fought between the "Reds" and the "Blues."

It seems that those who live on or near the coast, within, say, 50 miles of either ocean, the so-called "Coastal Bubble," voted mainly for Hillary Clinton. Those are the "Blue" states. And those who live in the great "Flyover Country," as it's known, or roughly 80% of America's land area, voted for Donald J. Trump.  And there were enough folks in the flyover states, the "Red" states, that Trump wound up winning in an Electoral rout.   

Yes, it's true that Clinton received more actual votes.  More than 5 million more than Trump to be exact.  However, those votes came from three counties in New York and four in California.  2 out of 3 votes in California were for Clinton. With CA now offering drivers' licenses to illegal aliens, more than 850,000 of them last year alone, more even then were issued to its legal citizens, all bets are off as to whether some of CA's newly-legal-ish neighbors may have pulled the lever for Ms. Clinton.  That's because her hubby ex-Prez Billy J. ("Blue Dress") Clinton signed a law between dalliances forcing the "motor voter" arrangement upon folks like us. 

That means you're automatically registered to vote in CA when you get your drivers' license. Ergo, one has to reasonably ask if a good portion of those 2 out of 3 came from "uninvited (but muy welcome) visitors." That's liberal-speak here in Taxifornia for illegal aliens, doncha' know)?  

Oh yeah, don't you dare refer to them as "illegals" here. They'll tell you in no uncertain terms that no one is "illegal." They're just "undocumented."  Hmmmm.  I guess drug dealers should now be refereed to as "undocumented pharmacists."

And doncha' dare underestimate CA's willingness to punish free speech. There's a bill in the Legislature right now that would get you a big fine and a year in the Big House for using the wrong pronoun when referring to those who are of a transgender persuasion.  Example:  Call Caitlin Jenner "Bruce" and go away for a long, long time.

BTW, for those who believe it's unfair for the person who receives the most votes not to win the Election, let me remind you that Alfonso ("Global Warming will roast us all in a fiery Hell!") Gore lost the Presidential election back in 2000 even though he got the most actual votes.  That Electoral College thing is a real bear, isn't it?  It was put there in the Constitution by our super-smart Founding Fathers to protect the less populated states from being bullied by the four or five biggest states with the mostest people.  No Electoral College? No reason for a politician to even campaign there. Like, say, Montana, or Missouri, or Nebraska, or Alabama, or New Mexico, or Georgia, or Tennessee a couple of dozen other states.

Yep, just spend your time, and your money, in CA and TX and IL and FL and NY.  That's where all the people are, and therefore, that's where most of the popular votes are, right?   

Oh yeah, let me remind you that if Gore had won his home state of Tennessee he'd have won the election. One just has to ask, if his home state didn't vote for him, isn't that all the rest of us really needed to know back then?  Me thinks so...

But nonetheless, it was almost as bad (or good, depending upon your political persuasion) in New York.  Every part of NY except the Five Burroughs voted for Trump, but there's millions and millions and millions of Democrats in and around New York City.  Don't know why for sure, my friends, there just are. Been that way for generations.  Likely be that way for generations to come.  

The same is true for San Diego, Lost Angeles, Santa Monica, Santa Cruz, the Silicon Valley and San Francisco...all within sniffing distance of salt air (Wait!  Maybe salt air really is responsible for all this craziness!). 

Oh wait!  Chicago is a cess pool of toxic liberalism in what is otherwise be a good, solid conservative state.  Maybe it's not the salt in the air, maybe it's just the proximity to huge bodies of water!

And of course there's Portland and Seattle.  Just full of lefties! Brimming over, are they! All in the Coastal Bubble, doncha' know. For some reason they all just luuuuuv what Democrats have to say.  My own personal theory is that they're either a), very, very rich, ala Gates and Zuckerburg, and are feeling sooooo guilty about it; or b) very, very poor, and wish to screw those who make more than they do by voting exclusively for those who promise to redistribute other peoples' hard-gained wealth heavily their way.  

Think Guvna Jerry "Moonbeam" Brown, our civil servant-for-life, a guy who will die a multi-millionaire one day soon without ever having held a private-sector job.  But in the meantime he can boast an unblemished record of anti-freedom achievements that have severely tarnished the once-Golden State.  

Anyway, the net result is that CA has drifted ever closer to all-out socialism during the past 30 or so years.  And those of us who are self-reliant, self-sufficient, freedom- and small government-loving, military-supporting, flag-waving, gun-toting, family values-embracing, God-fearing 'Muricans are not at all happy about that reality.  No, my friends, not happy at all.  But those of us in that latter category are sadly in the minority here in the Peoples' Republic of California.

Sort of like, being held hostage doncha' know.

Fortunately, I've found one of the few remaining conservative enclaves remaining in the once-Golden State in which to make my home. Everyone around here is armed and considered dangerous.  Sort of like Fort Apache in the Old West, on the lookout for the savages preparing to mount another attack on our freedoms, rampaging over the battlements, ululating at the top of their lungs. So steer clear, all you redistributionists! 

Love that word, ululating.  Look it up...

But back to the point:  The clear majority of the residents of flyover states voted for The Donald.  And the Dems here in CA and those in NY, and MD, and OR, and WA are bigly pissed!  So pissed, in fact, that the brain dead bozos in charge here are actually planning to secede from the Union! Not kidding!  A referendum is being circulated as I write this. And if it gets the requisite number of signatures it will be on the ballot as a citizen referendum come 2018.  And my guess is the room temperature-I.Q. weenies here in La La Land who constitute the majority of the electorate may vote in favor. Because that's what their Progressive masters and the Alphabet Media will have told them to do. 

Hmmmmmm.

Now, I personally think that's a good idea, even if only because it would be so hugely entertaining to watch.  I'm of an age that such an occurrence wouldn't negatively impact me very much or for very long.  It would be a living Hell for my kids, however, and their kids, and their kids' kids, but there's a whole lot of people here who are so vacuous and ignorant and jealous of those that have stuff they don't, and they're too damn lazy to go out and work for it themselves, that they are blissfully unaware that living in what could easily become Venezuela isn't such a good idea. They've been schooled since zygotes to think the way they do by far too many lefty, Progressive parents and teachers, and so are used to getting a trophy solely for participating.  So why, I ask rhetorically, would they think anything bad about socialism?

Soooooo, my friends, having been born and raised in the Midwest before emigrating way-back-when to what was then a true paradise, I have a foot in both camps, so to speak.  I know how they feel and think, and I know how folks here in La La Land do the same. And I can tell you the folks here will never understand how it's possible for what they believe to be a funny-talking, billionaire-ish, narcissistic, orange hair god reality TV star to somehow win the White House when their much-favored, glass ceiling-breaking, next-in-line, most qualified-ever-in-history, uber-Liberal candidate should have been a shoo-in.   

I'm guessing they actually believe the total bunkum spewed by the Democrats and the Lap Dog Media about the Russians having stolen the election.  After all, they have to believe that.  Or perhaps some other invented excuse, Otherwise, they'd have to get their arms around the fact that they made a huge mistake by running a pandering, self-dealing, elitist, greedy, serial prevaricator for the Presidency of the United States of America.  

But this "war" will likely have unintended repercussions that will last for generations.  We have an actual physical hatred among the various participants in this undeclared war.  The coastal bubblers have such an enduring disdain for the (what they think are) toothless, pickup truck-driving, rodeo-loving, double digit-I.Q., uneducated, inbred rubes who inhabit "flyover," and those in flyover country view the lefty, greedy, self-dealing, limousine-riding, pinky-lifting, redistributionist, tax-and-spend bozos on either coast with such contempt, I doubt this conflagration will ever result in a truce. 

Soooooo, to all of my old chums back in Missouri, give up on the Dinosaur Media actually ever reporting the true, unvarnished, un-tweaked news. Expect their biased left-wing slant on reality to continue. And don't expect those in the coastal bubble to start embracing good ol' capitalistic, conservative, self-reliant family values anytime soon.  In fact, I'd suggest that the ideal way to end this contest of ideologies is to simply have a divorce; let the Lefty states go their way, and those who embrace conservative values stay "Right" where they are... 

Let's see.  I'd guess that those on the "Right" will take capitalism, and the military, and country music, and guns, and bourbon, and baseball, and fast cars, and Bar-B-Q, and football, and the flag, and freedom, and the National Anthem, and low taxes, and small Gummint, and God, and the Bill of Rights...all Ten of them. They come as a boxed set, doncha' know.
  
And the coastal dweebs can keep their professional protesting, and Black Lies Matter, and designer water, and wind power, and electric cars, and political correctness, and college "safe places," and their totally biased media, and gender confusion, and sanctuary cities, and redistributionist tax hikes, and Big Government, and "white privilege," and, of course, Global Warming, the biggest scam ever perpetrated on the people of America.

But, lemme tell ya', when the fit hits the shan, and the Bad Guy zombies start rampaging, and the snowflakes' primary orifices begins to pucker, and the elites' bodyguards start to desert them in droves, tell them not to call on the "flyover" states to save their bacon.  Because the red-blooded folks everywhere will be eating it around a campfire while they're out on a hunting trip, taking down a Bambi or two in the process...

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Let's Not Stop At Statues...

So ex-Speaker of the House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi has walked past statues of 11 Confederate dignitaries in the Capitol's Statuary Hall every single day Congress has been in session for more than 36 years.  Not once during that entire period did she get overwrought over such a presence. 

For four years of Bush the Elder, and eight years of Billy J. "Blue Dress" Clinton, and eight years of Bush the Junior, and eight glorious years of Obama, San Fran Nan was not off put in the least by statues of those who fought and died on behalf of the Confederacy during that "Waa of Nawthen' Aggresshun." Not until Donald J. Trump was elected and some of her friends on the Hard Left decided to get the vapors over all things Confederacy did she decide that these statues needed to come down.  And come down now! 

She, the daughter of the Major of Baltimore, Maryland, a state steeped in southern charm, has decided that all things "South" is now toxic.  

Annnnnnd, everything, everywhere that was ever named or affiliated or associated, however tangentially with anyone who ever ventured south of the Mason-Dixon Line must be scrubbed from our collective memory! Flags, tombstones, buildings, statues, words, deeds, blue crabs, pecan pie, mint juleps, corn pones, everything.  I'm pretty sure even the color gray would trigger her and her ilk like a Target store without a transgender bathroom. Everything.

Why?  Because it's just another thing to beat Trump and members of the Republican Party over the head with and another excuse to do absolutely nothing to advance The Peoples' agenda.  They're planting their Gucci-clad feet and refusing to join forces with Republicans to pass any legislation of any kind.  And they don't feel guilty it in the least.  It's what they do.  Or, should we say, don't do...

Just think:  Last weekend in Chicago there were 63 people shot and 8 died.  From gunfire.  In a town where it's almost impossible to buy, own, use, store, polish, brandish, display, hide, talk about or trade a gun.  But do the Democrats talk about the failure of more than 90 years of Democrat rule in Chicago?  No.  They talk about how we have to remove every last vestige of the history of the War Between the States. There are more than 1,100 Civil War-related statues lying in repose around the Country.  And those on the Far Left now want them all removed.  Even Lincoln's Memorial was defaced by some miscreant last week.  Why?  Don't know.  Remember, Lincoln freed the slaves.  But I guess that's too close an affiliation for those on the Looney Left. Sad.

Buuuuut, I, The Chuckmeister, have done a little bit of research on the subject.  I've decided to help the Democrats by drawing their attention to some other places and things that were named for or based on the Confederacy.  And no, I'm not looking for their thanks.  It's just what I do as an American patriot.  So, get comfy, open a nice Sierra Nevada pale ale and behold what the Lefties could target next:

1.  Wall Street:  Whether you know it or not, during the period 1711 to 1762, Wall Street was the home of slave markets. Yes, slaves were traded on Manhattan Island, and we must abolish Wall Street in our self-flagellation over all things Confederate.

2.  New York:  New York State was named for the Duke of York, who became King Charles II of England (no relation, I'm sure).  The Duke financed the Royal Africa Company, which made massive profits off slave trading for more than two centuries.

3.  Fort Bragg:  Yes, the very largest military installation in all of America, and home to the storied 82nd Airborne Division, was named for Confederate general Braxton Bragg.  His name will surely have to be scrubbed from this fort and replaced with some other more politically correct one. Suggestions?  How about Fort Obama?  Would that make Nancy happy? 

4.  JP Morgan-Chase:  This, America's biggest bank, at one time owned slaves.  Divisions of the bank accepted 1,000's of slaves as collateral for loans, made to plantation owners in the early 19th century.  That means it absolutely MUST be shut down, or at least shamed by every right-thinking American...

5.  Georgetown University:  In 1838 Georgetown U's then-president Thomas F. Mullely sold 272 slaves to help pay off the college's debt. Should every Georgetown School of Law graduate return their diplomas in disgust?  Hmmmmmmm...

6.  Brooks Brothers:  America's oldest men's clothing retail chain.  Long before it became mainstream it sold slave clothing to plantation owners. I guess that means no one can ever buy a BB suit again, right?

7.  Aetna:  This, my friends, is a major U.S. insurance company.  Back in the 1850's Aetna sold insurance policies to slave owners to help recover their investment if they somehow managed to work their chattel to death.  This disqualifies them from doing business with the Government, doesn't it?

8.  AIG:  Now best known for selling reverse mortgage financing, one of this outfit's divisions, U.S. Life, insured slaves back during the 1850's and 60's.  Didn't know that, didja?

9.  Brown University:  30 of this Ivy League college's governing early board members owned slaves.  Wow, it seems nearly everybody back then owned slaves, didn't they?

10.  Ulysses S. Grant:  Union general, famous drunkard, future President of the U.S. and the guy who's face is on the $50 bill owned one slave, a Mr. William Jones.  He granted Mr. Jones his freedom in 1859. Somehow I doubt our Mr. Lincoln would have picked Grant to win the Civil War if he hadn't...

And finally...

11.  Arlington Cemetery:  Confederate general Robert E. Lee was against slavery, was a friend of U. S. Grant, wanted nothing to do with the impending War and made his home at what was to ultimately become Arlington Cemetery.  But his ties to the South were stronger than his desire to avoid a conflagration.  So he did his duty and fought hard for the Confederacy, to no avail.  He forfeited his home and land to the Union after he lost the Civil War.  Land adjacent to the Potomac where our National Cemetery is so proudly situated today.  

But because Lee led the Confederacy, which only seceded from the Union due to its refusal to abolish slavery, we must now rename this resting place for tens of thousands of our heroes.  If you have suggestions for a new name, be sure to let Nancy Pelosi know...

Monday, July 24, 2017

Epilogue: The Great BofA Bank Robbery...

Those of you patriots who have been following the little saga of the Bank of America's refusal to return the Chuckmeister's money following the sad and untimely demise of his lovely and patient wife, will be anxious to read this, the Final Chapter, the "post mortem," so to speak, in that painful drama.  

Those of you who haven't are invited to scroll down and acquaint yourselves with a situation no one could have possibly predicted: one of the biggest banks in America decided to screw a loyal customer by hanging on to his money far beyond what would have reasonably been...reasonable.

But I, The Chuckmeister, after more than two months of screaming, shouting, pounding my fists on the table and threatening to call in "Lawyer Daggett," have finally wrestled this mess to the mat and the referee has named me the victor!  Dammmmmm-n-n-n-n!

Anyway, to continue from where we last left off, BofA demanded that I fill out and have notarized a certain affidavit unique to the State of California.  I asked the lady on the other end of the phone at their Estate Unit if she would fax me one.  She said no, I had to find one on my own. I asked her where I should look to find one.  She said, "Google it. You'll find it."  Now that was helpful.  I guess that's customer service in today's America.  At least in the Bank of America's...America.

So I jumped on the Web and located just such a form. Downloadable and printable for only $5.00.  How nice.  So now I'm $35.00 in unrecoverable fees from this little adventure.  I fill out this form, go find a couple of family members to serve as witnesses, employ another notary for another $15.00 and fax the whole paper pile away.  And then wait. And wait.  Three weeks I waited.  

Was the check finally in the mail?  Ummmm, no.

I get a letter letting me know that I sent the affidavit before the State's arbitrary 40-day elapsed time requirement.  I sent it to them in 34 days. Of course, they didn't tell me about this little nicety, nor did the website offering up the form for sale. No amount of begging and pleading could get the Banks' flunky to agree to a waiving the rules.  I was instructed to do it all over. Let that sink in: all over again...

So, grumbling out loud the entire time, I return to the wilds of the Web, find another form, pay $6.00 this time, down load and print it, and fill it out.  I ferret out two more witnesses, pay another $15.00 for a notary (that's $65.00 in fees in you're still counting), and then re-fax the package back to the Estate Unit.  Hoping that this nightmare will now, finally, be over.

No such luck.  I get a call from a BofA dimbulb kindly informing me that I had now "chosen the wrong affidavit."  I needed, the person told me, a form that specified the amount the Bank was holding from me, plus the account number.  I remarked that the Bank should know the account number and the amount they've been holding, and that none of the forms I had thus far reviewed had such a statement.  She told me to go to "www.courts.CA.Gov" and I would find one. Really.

So, not-so-slowly shaking my head side-to-side, I head back to the Internet and scope out this website.  Was there an affidavit that offered up instructions according to the Bank's demands?  Ummm, no.  In fact, there was not even a form available with the affidavit's name.  There were a couple of forms that seemed close in the probate section, so I downloaded them ($14.00 more dollars...$79.00 now total), filled them out, got them witnessed and the packaged re-notarized ($94.00 the new total!), and sent them in.  

Room Temperature-I.Q. lady on the other end of the phone at BofA was suitably sorry to hear of my plight when she called to tell me that, once again I had chosen the wrong form. That's three so far, I told her, and I was becoming more than a little bit off-pissed.  I let her know that I had three options seemingly available to me at this point:  One, I could just agree to give the BofA the money they were holding, hoping that it would help them have a really, really nice Christmas party.  Of course, that option would also involve me contacting the Media and conducting a press conference on my front yard.  I would first short BofA's stock, doncha' know. 

Or second, I would take a large caliber weapon and start blowing holes in the nearest Bank branch.  Or, in third place among options, I would call in a lawyer and sue the crap out of them.

Whilst contemplating among those options, I chose a fourth. I went to the largest branch here in Chuckmeisterville, marched my crippled body in an arrow straight line to the largest desk I could find, plopped myself down and told the poor dweeb sitting there that I had come to solve a perplexing problem, that he was going to help me do so, and that there would be Hell to pay if he didn't.

Well, as it happened, the guy I chose had a bit of horsepower.  He listened raptly to my tale of woe, and then started making phone calls.  I suspect one of them was to the local PD Swat unit, but I can't be sure. Anyhoo, within an hour the guy had sorted through all the difficulties and been given the assurance from whoever was on the other end of the line that I could finally rest easy; my nightmare was almost over.

Oh wait:  what Mr. Desk Guy found out, and what enabled this whole ugly situation to obtain a successful resolution, was...wait for it...I had been an owner of, and signer on the account right from the beginning!  The lazy oafs at the Estate Unit hadn't taken the time to dredge up some microfiche from back in 1986 to verify just who owned this account. And my very loud claims that I had been writing checks on it for more than 40 years fell on deaf ears.  I co-owned the accounts, and they had wrongfully put me through unnecessary grief for two and one-half months.  

Oh yeah, and then they informed me that I would just have to wait somewhere from 7 to 14 BUSINESS days to get my check.  

Update:  Today I opened my mail.  In it was a cashier's check from BofA for all my money, finally.  No letter of explanation, or regret.  Just a check. But it did not include all the unnecessary fees they'd forced me to expend trying to get my money back.  I'm sitting here trying to decide whether or not to sue them in Small Claims Court to get back my $94.00. Still might...

For those of you out there who need a recommendation regarding banks, you can be certain that my commentary regarding BofA will not be at all positive...