Friday, November 21, 2014

"To my fellow Americans...and those of you who soon will be."

Most of you hopefully know that our President, Brock O'Bama, delivered a speech live on Univision last night.  He picked Univision, rather than ABC, CBS, NBC and MSPMS because he really didn't want the "pay-no-attention-until-it-hurts-my-wallet" voters to know much about it.  

What few know, however, is that Mr. O'Bama had two speeches readied for this fateful announcement. And I, the Chuckmeister, having special "inside" sources that few others enjoy, which have guaranteed me that this is true, have managed to obtain a copy of it.  

One, the "wimpy" speech, is the one he chose to give.  He wimped out, just as he did with his famous "red line" warning to Syria.  And his unilateral removal of rockets from Ukraine.  And his half-hearted "war" against ISIS/ISIL/Islamic State or whatever they choose to call it.  He's pretty wimpy, this guy.

But the other speech, the one he really wanted to give, I'm told, but didn't, is worth reviewing, because it shows what he really thinks and what he really feels.  And children, we shall review that speech forthwith:

                                   *  *  *  *  *

"To my fellow Americans...and those of you who soon will be."

"As you've no doubt heard, I come to you wonderful Latinos tonight to announce a sweeping overhaul of our proud nation's broken immigration system.  I say "Latinos," because the Alphabet Networks aren't covering this, and almost nobody else is paying attention, because they're watching football, or some other waste of time TV show, and the Lap Dog Media will keep this whole thing pretty much under wraps, except for that goddam Fox News, and I'm on just before the Latin Grammys kick off, and it's Mexican Revolution Day, so the voters won't really know what happened here tonight.  Except for you and me, that is.  'Heh, heh."

"Yes, I've said on multiple occasions that I have no authority to make the changes I shall announce here tonight.  Yes, they're unconstitutional.  But hey, I don't have to run for reelection again, and while I still have some degree of power before my "Lame Duck" status really kicks in, and because I don't really care if what I do is illegal, I asked myself, "Why not go big?" After all, the feckless Republicans can't do much about it without risking the media coming after them, which would alienate the low-information voters, and the Democrat Party, which I've almost single-handedly destroyed, needs some serious help, so really, my friends, what do I have to lose?  So, going BIG is what I'm hereby going to do."

"Rather than simply "nationalizing" 4 or 5 million of your brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, grandfathers and grandmothers, and your little nephews with all those "MS-13" tattoos on their foreheads by simply choosing not to deport them, I'm going the "Full Monte."  As of tonight, I'm granting full amnesty to everybody in Africa, in Asia, in Europe, in South America and even in the Antarctic. Everybody."  

"You may now break into America without fear that those troublesome border patrol guys will try and ruin your travel experience.  And God knows, we wouldn't want to do that.  After all, you either are, or soon will be Undocumented Democrats, so treating you really, really well so you know how to properly vote ("wink-wink") is high on my list of priorities."

"So after tonight, you'll be able to get a real Social Security Number, not the one you've been illegally using, a Green Card, a drivers' license, Obamacare, welfare, some help with the old apartment rent thing and a free Rosetta Stone program so you can learn English should you really want to.  But you won't actually have to, because before long, once the border surge occurs, most of your neighbors will be speaking Spanish anyway.  As a matter of fact, part of this Executive Order is that all phones in America will now be required to announce, "Press 2 for English.' "  

"But part of this whole deal is that you will be absolutely required to go straight to Texas, or Oklahoma, or Kansas, or Arizona, or Utah, or Idaho, because hey, those states have plenty of room, and they're, ahem, RED, and we need to turn them purple, at the very least, and preferably a very bright BLUE.  I personally recommend Texas, because that Perry guy isn't one of my favorite people, and Governor Jan Brewer in Arizona could use some more residents sporting your particular skin color, if you know what I mean, just in case you're interested."

"We want you here.  We love you.  And thanks for mowing our lawns, wet-nursing our kids and washing our cars all these years.  We hope to start repaying you...the Democrat Party does, that is, starting tonight."

"So, in closing, I'm making tacos the Official Food at the White House.  Margaritas will now be decreed the Official Drink of the United States, and all you Latinos will get an extra five points on your civil service exams when you apply for work at the Post Office. But work, of course, will remain optional."

"Thank you for voting for me and my Democrat friends and helping to elect me in previous elections, and God Bless Estados Unidos!"

                                  *  *  *  *  *

That's the speech that El Jefe really wanted to deliver, I'm led to believe, but didn't.  The wimp.  But now you know what he preferred you to know. Perhaps he'll man-up and someday do his Tele-PrompTer thing and read the real speech to you himself.  

But until then, the Chuckmeister will keep you up to date on all the comings and goings as it relates to immigration reform here in what used to be America. 

After all, if I don't tell you, who will?

Sunday, November 16, 2014


Today, my friends, we're going to talk about a new measure of time.  One I've just conjured up.  You know, the way we determine how much time has passed, or is going to pass. Like eon.  Or year.  Like month, or week, or day.  Like hour, or minute, or second. Even a piece of a second, like a "nanosecond," which is, well, pretty damn small.  

To these, children, we will now add another.  One that should be used frequently in our present day society, which is managed all too often by those who are just dead-set, tremblingly, feverishly dead-set, on removing our guns from our hands, cold and dead, or not...

Gunaway:  (Gun-a-way).  Noun.  The smallest measure of time between some crazed terrorist asshole engaging in a mass shooting somewhere, and a commie drone doofus gun-hating lefty calling for unconstitutional enhanced gun control measures.

Yes, "gunaway."  That's the amount of time it takes for the Dinosaur Media, or a member of our Fearless Leader's Administration, or the Democrat National Committee, or Media Matters for America, or, or Jessuh Jackson, or Politico, or the Huffington Post, or Joe "Plugs" Biden, or Little Mikey Bloomberg, or Porky Mikey Moore, or George ("the Nazi") Soros, or MSNBC, or anyone else who cares to opine, to call for new, expanded, improved, or enlarged gun control measures designed to disarm Americans after somebody somewhere starts shooting in a crowded place.

Not "knifing" in a crowded place.  That's happened quite a bit lately.  Or as happened recently on a New York City street, "hatcheting" in a crowded placed.  Just shooting.

While the acrid smell from burnt gunpowder was still wafting through the hallowed halls of Ottawa's famed Capitol building, MSNBC's empty suit talking heads were heard calling for enhanced gun control laws.  That was their "gunaway." 

Rosie "The Mouth" O'Donnell called for increased gun control in less than an hour.  Her "gunaway."  Did I mention that Rosie has a bevy of armed guards protecting her bloated ugly body?

And recently, a disaffected teenager wishing to go out in a blaze of glory shot up the cafeteria in a Marysville, Washington, high school, killing three, and critically wounding one other kid.  The "gunaway" on the Internet for this evil act was a little as 20 minutes.  Not to pile on to MSNBC again, but hey, I can, because they are so "pile-on-able."  Their no-talent airhead host Joy Reid began calling for increased gun control 35 minutes into the attack (their coverage of the shooting started at 11:25 a.m. PDT, and her screeching for more gun-grabbing started at 11:50 a.m.).  As Rahm Emmanuel so famously stated a couple of years back, "Never let a crises go to waste."  She didn't, and they aren't.

What glue holds all of these nefarious events together.  They were all Gun Free Zones!

How about New York Governor Andrew Cuomo's "gunaway" following the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School? Less than 24 hours.  That's how long it took him to round up the lefty loons in the New York legislature in Albany and pass the "Safe Act."  That little piece of Lefty Logic, which made only the criminals "safe," turned the 2nd Amendment on its ear in New York State.  Got a so-called "assault rifle?"  Turn it in.  Got a pistol or rifle magazine that holds more than 7 rounds?  Turn it in.  It's now illegal.  Want to buy a gun in New York?  Good luck.  

So, out of about 500,000 "assault rifle" owners in New York, less than 3,000 showed up to register their already registered guns.  The others are now felons.  And they just gave the finger to Governor Cuomo by refusing to knuckle under to his B.S. law.  Oh, and his little 7-round magazine limit?  It made all the magazines in all his Highway Patrol, Sheriffs' Department and Police Department officers' handguns felons, as all of their pistol magazines hold at least 10 rounds.  

No gun manufacturer on Earth makes a gun magazine that holds only 7 rounds!

This guy is some special sort of dumbass, isn't he?

Oh, I should also mention that while New York State is advertising every few minutes on every cable channel that companies should seriously consider moving there, and by doing so pay no taxes for ten years as a result, every single gun manufacturer is moving out!  

Every hear of Remington?  Of Ithaca?  Those two famous gun makers are way over 100 years old.  They have begun the process of pulling up stakes and moving to more favorable climes.  Down south, they're going, where the people in charge can actually read, and therefore understand, the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution of the United States.  

When you elect a dumbass liberal weenie governor, you get dumbass liberal weenie laws.  And so far, Cuomo has presided over the loss of more than 3,000 jobs in New York State.  Did you hear about that on MSNBC?  Or NBC, CBS, ABC or PBS  No?  I wonder why (cough, cough)?

Oh, and let's not fail to mention Buffalo.  Buffalo's gunaway is about two days.  That's the amount of time it now takes the "authorities" in Buffalo to visit the home of a newly-deceased gun owner and demand that the surviving spouse hand over the weapons.  No reimbursement necessary.  No warrant required.  Let me in.  Hand them over.  I'm not kidding.  I wish I were.

Back to "gun free zones."  Those calling for enhanced gun control measures don't seem to understand that people with a proclivity to shoot up the neighborhood don't ordinarily follow the rules of society.  Think about it, folks.  Killing a bunch of strangers is, well, illegal!  They think that criminals will see a sign outlawing their impending activity and say to themselves, "Uh oh, no guns here!"  I guess I'll go home and get my trusty Louisville Slugger."  They seem to think that more and better laws will keep those who don't follow the 20,000 anti-gun laws already on the books, will somehow have the light bulb go "on" and suddenly become law-abiding.  As in, "Who me?"  Shoot up a school?  Oh no, not me!  I'll go to the library and check out a book instead."  Who knows?  Maybe they're right.  And just maybe unicorns will begin dancing to a Cole Porter tune on the White House Rose Garden lawn...

Or, maybe the billionaires with armed bodyguards, who are donating millions of dollars to run ads advocating increased gun control laws, who have decided that the 100,000,000 Americans who own more than 300,000,000 guns will decide to follow the lead of commie pinko dumbass liberal weenies and cough up their firearms to comply with the Politically Correct Crowd.

Or, maybe not.

In the meantime, observe the happenings for yourself.  Keep track of the "gunaways" when next a lefty terrorist kills some nice folks.  And ask yourself, "How much better would it have been if a good guy with a concealed weapon was nearby and ready, willing and able to drop the bad guy like a bad habit and bring the massacre to a quick and successful close?"

Just for the record, according to the FBI's 2012 statistics, the average number of deaths by gun in mass shootings where there's no "good guy with a gun" nearby to thwart it, is 12.7. The average when the "good guy" is around, is 2.1.  Which number do you like the best?

Still not convinced?  A terrorist shot up the Ottawa capitol a few weeks back.  The Sergeant-at-Arms pulled his Glock and dropped him forthwith.  He shot dead an unarmed soldier at point blank range.  The "Bad Guy With a Gun" then began looking for more victims before being shot dead by a "Good Guy With a Gun."  Now let me hear from some of you gun-haters out there just how much better off our friends up north would be if there were no guns in this "gun-free zone."

Ever wonder why bad guys pick "gun free zone" schools for their evil deeds?  I wonder why you never hear of a gun show or a police station getting shot up.  If guns kill people, how is it that people get out of gun shows alive?  Have you got it yet?

Oh, and then go out and buy a gun, learn how to use it safely and effectively, and then take responsibility for your defense and the defense of those good people around you.  

Because remember, my friends, when seconds count, the police are only minutes away...

Monday, November 10, 2014

From Cuba, With Love...

The tens of you who follow this little blog of mine will remember my posting of November 6th, 2008.  I wrote:

"Last night I went to bed in Northern Mexico and woke up this morning in France."

That was a bad morning for me.  And for about half of America.  The election was over.  And for me and that half, we all lost.  I recall thinking that the only ones happy about it at the time were those who didn't have America's best interests at heart.  And who wanted something from America, not for America. And for those who wanted to cut America down to size.  To embarrass her.  And to minimize her importance.  And influence.  And to sully her history.  Like Obama when he went on his World Apology Tour.  I was depressed for quite some time.  Still am, to a degree.

But the morning after this election I awakened with a new sense of hope.  I was exhilarated.   Freedom was returning to our beloved country.  Call it "hope and change" for real.  As in, I "hope" this socialistic crap is finally close to over and the "change" we need is on the way.  The Republican Party had just won a decisive battle and sent the Democrat candidates packing. Thumped 'em, we did, this past Tuesday.  Buried them.  In the aftermath, Barry Obama said, derisively, that "...the Republicans had a good night."  Hmmm.  Ya' think?

That, my friends, is called damning something with faint praise.  However, it was, as Senator Joe Manchin of West Virginia so eloquently put it, a real "ass whoopin."  Yes, it was.  And it was glorious.    

By the way, I predict that Mr. Manchin disavows his commie lefty weenie tendencies and begs the conservative majority to allow him to join its little ruling party.  Just guessing.  But watch and see.  I think I'll be proven right.

I had also predicted in these pages a year or so ago that I expected the Republicans to win 8 Senate seats and 9 House seats in this just-completed election.  As of Wednesday morning, the Republicans had taken down 7 Senate seats with two others very likely to follow suit in the next few weeks (Alaska and Louisiana).  And the House picked up 13 new members, making it the most "Red" it has been since Harry Truman was in office.  Not since 1946 has there been so many Republican House members.  And it's likely that they will have the majority for generations to come. 


Maybe I had some small part in helping this to happen by asking those who had no idea which direction is up, who believed all that "hoppanchange" crap, to "Just Stay Home on Election Day."  Maybe, just maybe.

So one could reasonably say that I'm prescient.  You know, like, I am able to foretell the future.  And I did.  Yes indeedy, I did.  

So, now the reason for this posting.  I would be remiss in my duties to my several avid followers if I didn't do a follow-up to my six-years-ago downer of a statement.  So, here goes:

"Last night I went to bed in Cuba and woke up this morning in France."  

France.  Not great, but not Cuba, either.  We had devolved to "Cuba" since Barry had been ensconced at the helm.  A long, painful, downward spiral that had pretty much hit bottom somewhere just south of Havana.  The Government had taken control of our lives to a degree never before experienced.  It was telling us what to wear, what to drive, what to eat (thanks, Mooooochelle), how much we should earn, and what health insurance that we were required by law to purchase (!).  Every little aspect of our puny lives had been subsumed by the Government.  And it was due to get worse.  Much worse.

And then the election happened.  And the Great Plan of the Progressive Elite was derailed.  We Won!  Yeah!

In the aftermath just-fired Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid looked like he needed an overdose of Pepcid.  Heavily Botoxed San Fran Nan Pelosi looked poleaxed.  Even more than normal. Like she didn't really understand what had just happened (did anyone get the license plate number of that truck?)  Glorious, as I said.

So, back to France.  Not America, yet, but far better than a miserable hovel in Havana.  But those who reside in "redder" climes than Taxifornia may be in far better shape than me and my fellow "Blue Island" prisoners.  The Red Wave seems to always stop at the Sierra Nevada, never managing to make its way over the mountain top to our prettiest and most compelling state.  Oh, and the dumbest, most Progressive, poorest managed, least rational, most overtaxed state in the union.  

But with any luck at all, with any sort of forward progress made by the New Majority in Congress, we'll get a chance to return from socialist Pa-ree and get back to America as it was. And could be once again.    

God, I hope so...

Friday, October 31, 2014

"...Just Stay Home on Election Day."

As I write this, it is just three days before the Election.

Three days from now some small fraction of Americans will trundle on down to the voting places and cast their ballots.  

A small fraction, I say, because historically less than 25% of the electorate does the choosing for the rest of us.  25%!  

Would you feel comfortable letting a quarter of your neighbors choose your next new car?  That's assuming you could actually afford a new car, which is a really big assumption these days.  

But our choice is much more important than that.  Much more.  That's why it's absolutely critical that those who don't know what they're doing, have no friggin' idea what's happening around them, those dimbulbs who believe the crap that comes out of the mouths of politicians as a matter of rote, should just stay home on Election Day. "Why," you might ask?  Okay, the Chuckmeister will tell you...

Those who haven't noticed that that the ten-year war we won in Iraq at the cost of 4,403 brave Americans has now been lost by our Golfer-in-Chief, and that some terrorists there are beheading our citizens on YouTube for sport, should just stay home on Election Day.

That bunch who think that Benghazi was a character actor back in the 50's, and who probably think that Salmonella was a buddy of his who played a mob enforcer in "The Godfather," should - pretty please - just stay home on election day.

Those who haven't noticed that our southern border is in chaos, with thousands of illegals pouring over every day, should just stay home on Election Day.  Those who haven't been paying attention to Russian aggression, the annexation of Ukraine and the replay of the Cold War should JSHOED (Just Stay Home on Election Day).  

And those who don't know that 62,000,000 Americans are now out of the work force, that our Labor Force Participation Rate is now the lowest its been in the last 39 years, that our unemployment rate is closer to 14% than the Administration-approved lie of 6.7%, that Black unemployment is up more than 35% since Barry assumed the Throne, and an alarming percentage of new college graduates are living in their parents' basements because they can't get a job, should JSHOED.  

Similarly, those who don't know that Ebola has arrived in America, despite our Community Organizer-in-Chief's promise and guarantee that it wouldn't, and that it just might kill us all, should JSHOED.  

Those who didn't notice that our corporate tax rate went from 35 to 39.6%, the very highest in the World, making us totally uncompetitive with every other country, and that our Death (inheritance) Tax went from ZERO to 55% should JSHOED.  

The numbskull bunch that haven't noticed that the XL Keystone Pipeline, after having been approved by five separate State Department reviews over a six-year period as absolutely safe and necessary, has still not been approved by Obama, should JSHOED.  And those who also didn't know that this Pipeline would create 800,000 new barrels of North American oil every day, 20,000 new UNION jobs, over $8 Billion in new economic activity to the involved states, further cement our friendship with our great friend Canada, and make us completely energy-independent from the creeps in the Middle East who want us dead, got it...JSHOED.  

Those who also don't know that Obama hates the 2nd Amendment and is on video for all to see proclaiming that Americans should never be allowed to own guns, should JSHOED.    

Those who don't know just how little he values our military, and proves it every time he's given the chance, should JSHOED.  

Those who were sipping Chenin Blanc and couldn't be bothered to notice that Bibi Netanyahu, Prime Minister of the only democracy in the Middle East, and our great friend, was called a "chickenshit" by a member of Barry's Bunch, and then had that comment doubled down on by another highly-placed sycophant, should probably JSHOED.

Need more?  Okay.  Those who haven't noticed that this President has doubled our Federal Debt, from $9.6 Trillion to almost $18 Trillion, should definitely JSHOED.

And those who don't know that this President, and his Maxi-me Attorney General, slow-walked thousands of "assault weapons" to Mexican drug cartels, paid for by you and me, in an illegal scam known as "Fast and Furious," and caused the death of Brian Terry, our brave border guard, should - Please God! - JSHOED.

And in conclusion, those who make it their business to stay up on the news and are painfully aware of all the foregoing facts, unlike the brain dead drones mentioned above, are deathly afraid for the future of our beloved Country, should make it a point to vote on November 4th for a return to sanity. And, to work their very hardest to insure that their friends and family do so as well. This may be our last chance to save what's left of America.  

Let's keep our fingers crossed...

Thursday, October 23, 2014

It's the salt air, stupid!

Take a look at a map of good ol' Estados Unidos.  I mean from the top down.  

You'll note that there's a string of deep blue states stretching all the way from Washington State south on the left, through to and including California, and then from upper New England on the right, all the way south down to Mid-Atlantic Maryland. It continues again around Miami, but hey, no surprise there; Miami is made up of transplanted New Yorkers in galoshes and mink coats who brought their leftiness with them.  

These states are, and have been, run by Democrats since God only knows when.  One could reasonably ask, "Why?" 

And then be aware that, with a few notable exceptions, almost all the states in between these deep blue wonders are a vibrant shade of vermilion "red."  These are the states that are quite well managed by Republicans, thank you very much.  Quite well.  They produce the most jobs and the most tax revenues while having the lowest tax rates and the least onerous regulatory burdens.  And one could reasonably ask, "Why?"  Why do the red states work so well and the blue states perform so badly?  

Well, children, I think I have the answer:

Salt air!

Yes, my friends, salt air.  The major population centers in these bluest-of-blue states are within about 50 miles from their respective coastlines.  Think about it.  San Diego.  Los Angeles.  Santa Monica.  San Francisco.  Portland.  Seattle. Boston.  New York City.  Philadelphia.  Baltimore. Washington, D. C.  All are within 50 miles of their nearby oceans.  

And what are oceans?  Oceans are huge bodies of water rich in what?  Salt!  And what does salty water do?  It corrodes stuff.  It fills the air above it.  That sticky, wet, car-rusting, ozone-rich smell that people choose to live near the ocean for is the culprit. I'm sure of it. And what do doctors tell you to do?  They tell you to stay away from salt!  It's not good for you, they say. Assuming they know what they're talking about, that is.  And that's an assumption I'm not prepared to make, by the way. We know that doctors kill more than 700,000 Americans each year due to misdiagnosis and/or malpractice.  Guns only kill about 36,000, and two-thirds of that number are due to suicide.  Clearly, guns are much, much safer than doctors.  Should we have to have a permit to go see a doctor?  Maybe so.  But they say salt is bad for us, and, if so, salt air must be just awful!

Why don't people from Bozeman, Montana do crazy, dumbass things like promise to pay their retirees more than they can possibly generate from their sky-high taxes?  Why don't people from Salina, Kansas pass laws disarming their populace by outlawing guns so that their criminals have a less hostile work environment?  Why don't the managers of Oklahoma City declare their burg to be a "sanctuary city" so that illegal aliens don't have to constantly be looking over their shoulders for John Law?  Why don't the good folks in Omaha vote to raise the minimum wage of their entry-level, pimply-faced teenage workforce by, oh, I don't know, let's say double, just to incur favor with a group of slackers who can't manage to earn a decent living for themselves, and may not even turn out to vote Deep Blue the next time around?     

Well, my friends, the salty-air cities on either coast do these absolutely absurd things.  Santa Monica recently voted to not only raise its minimum wage to $15 an hour, it passed laws requiring its employers to offer healthcare to their workers, including even its part-timers.  S.M.'s city fathers and mothers (and, given that it's California, ahem, others) gave no consideration to the pure hell they were putting their business owners through.  They just did it, because, how shall I say it, they're commie pinko dumbass Liberal weenies! And, they can!  

Their doing so also resulted in an almost overnight  increase in the room rates of their hotels of more than 20%.  And it resulted in a concomitant reduction in the number of rooms rented.  

Their doing so resulted in a $5.00 Mickey D's combo meal now costing $7.60.  And, it resulted in a reduction in the number of Happy Meals being ordered, and thus, the sales and profits of MickeyD's.  

Their doing so resulted in dozens and dozens of small to mid-size, tax-paying companies to bolt this Liberal Paradise. I guess the good residents of Santa Monica can afford to pay those prices.  But tourism has most certainly been negatively affected among those of us who cannot.  Maybe Santa Monica can get along without tourists. And then again, maybe it can't.

As in all things, the Law of Unintended Consequences still holds sway.  You try and screw with the laws of economics and you get bitten in the ass.  Except, they don't care. They're Liberals, don't you know.  And Liberals, by any measure, are mentally ill.  They need help, folks, but they just don't know it, and I fear they never shall.

There's an old saying:  "When you rob Peter to pay Paul, you're pretty certain to have Paul's full and undying support." 

So, my friends, if you're given the choice, make it a point to live nowhere near the oceans.  They'll corrupt you into doing dumbass things from which you'll never recover.  And even if you stay sane, the people you elect are sure to work overtime to ruin your life.  You're going to be rowing upstream your whole life while the good people of Chillicothe, Missouri will be clipping coupons and lazing comfortably on their BarcaLoungers.  You.  Have.  Been.  Warned!

You're welcome.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Misusing, and Abusing, our Military

It took us ten years to win the Iraq War.  Ten Years!  Actually, it shouldn't have taken that long.  It's just that we changed Commanders-in-Chief in mid-stream and the new one, B. Hussein Obama, wanted nothing to do with it.  

Nothing, we now know, to the extent that he refused...for more than six months...the requests of his commanders and generals to send sixty thousand additional troops to Iraq in the form of a "surge."  He was asked for sixty thousand.  The military experts told him it would take that many to finally win the war.  After six months he agreed, reluctantly, very reluctantly, to send thirty thousand.  Thirty's pretty close to sixty, right?  Well, no it isn't.  But under the new Common Core standards, perhaps 30 and 60 are about the same.  

And those thirty thousand, together with the 120,000-or-so soldiers and Marines who were already there was enough to tip the balance in favor of the U.S. of A.  We won.  Finally. Thankfully.

The Iraq War cost us the lives of 4,503 brave soldiers.  War-fighters. They gave their all for this country, and for their brother soldiers.  And we treasure their sacrifice.

And another 40,000+ Americans were grievously wounded in that War.  Those brave men and women are currently trying to repair and restart their lives after having written a check to America, payable with an amount of up to and including their lives.  Thank God for the Wounded Warriors Project.  At least they are helping to mend our finest.

But we won.  Thank God!  Our guys and gals kicked their asses and we prevailed.  All that remained was to leave a peace-keeping force behind and come on home.

But along comes Obama.  He didn't much care for the Iraq War.  He campaigned against it.  It was the "bad war," he said.  Afghanistan, on the other  hand, was the "good war." That's the one he liked.  Not the other one.  So it was no big surprise that he screwed the pooch when time came to negotiate a "Status of Forces Agreement," or SOFA, with Iraq's Prime Minister Malicki, so that we could maintain a stabilizing, "trip-wire" force there after our departure.  Exactly, you'll recall, like we did in South Korea, West Germany, Italy and Japan. They're still there, in fact.  More than 120,000 in all.  Standard stuff.  Unless you're a Big-City Liberal skinny ideologue lawyer like Obama.  

Malicki wanted 23,000 soldiers.  Obama offered 3,000.  That was an insult, and was taken as such by Malicki.  And Obama wanted Iraq's Parliament to vote on the SOFA. Malicki said, "No, leave it to me and I'll handle it."  Obama, sensing he'd snookered Malicki, said "No" and proceeded with the evacuation.

So he pulled out all our troops in 2010 and the Bad Guys have been drawn into the vacuum we created.  Like flies to a pile of you-know-what.  So much so that we went from a stable, friendly ally in Iraq to now facing the specter of ISIS, or IFIL, or the Islamic State, or HAMAS, or whatever you/he/they choose to call it/themselves today. 

Reluctantly, Obama agreed to actually "do something" about these killers when they started beheading our citizens.  I guess the weenies who inhabit the bowels of the White House whispered in his ear between golf outings and mentioned to him just how pissed the American people were at watching this outrage on YouTube.  

And his "something" turned out to be an occasional air strike from an F-16.  From 20,000 feet.  Yeah, that'll work.

So they're taking town after town, well on their way to occupying Iraq as an Islamic caliphate.  As of this writing they're within a few miles of downtown Baghdad.  What can the Golfer-in-Chief do about it?  Well, he could do as his generals advise and send 40,000 troops back to Iraq.  He could do that, but he won't.  That's because he doesn't want to appear to have blown it real bad by precipitously pulling them out in the first place.  No "boots on the ground," he says.  And I guess he means it.  Ballet slippers, maybe, but no boots.  Of course, he's lied to us repeatedly about so many things over such a long period of time that one can never be sure when he means it, or about what.

Obama, you magnificent poseur, you'll go down in history as the only U.S. president to actually lose a war we'd already won.  Go play another round of golf.  You've earned it.

But now, we find ourselves in the middle of another feces storm.  It's called Ebola.  It's just about the nastiest, killingest virus in the world, and it's come to America.  Confined largely to West Africa for decades, it's made it way across the Atlantic and landed in Dallas.  Obama said it wouldn't happen. Yeah, right.  Another lie.

So instead of acting when he could have, and should have, by sending teams of medical professionals to the Dark Continent, he waited until it's in all likelihood too late.  I wonder if his response would have been the same if Patient Zero had landed at Dulles instead of Dallas.

So, not knowing what he doesn't know (a common failing of Libbies), our Vacationer-in-Chief has decided - ready for it? - to send up to 4,000 American military troops to West Africa to fight Ebola!  Soldiers.  Fighting a virus.  

Actually, I hear his plan is to have our (probably unarmed) soldiers and Marines build hospitals and direct traffic and maintain quarantines and break up fistfights in an effort to minimize Ebola's spread.  Picture it:  Uniformed soldiers, trained to fight bad guys, fighting a virus. Not fighting ISIS, or ISIL, or the Islamic State (even though Mr. Obama guarantees us it isn't Islamic!), but a virus.  

Oh, I should mention that the Department of Defense just named our military action in Iraq.  We have to name these actions, you see, because we just do.  If we don't the Defense Department gets their panties all in a wad.  This one is now named "Inherent Resolve."  Huh?  When does resolve become inherent?  There's been no resolve in this Administration up to now, so we know it can't be inherent.  

But wait, just like the late-night infomercial, there's even more!  Just  yesterday our Vacationer-in-Chief signed an executive order authorizing the Department of Defense to call up our National Guard and Ready Reserve to the tune of up to 4,000 additional troops.  That's because, he said, it might take too long to mobilize our active duty military and get them deployed to West Africa.  

Why would it take too long?  After pink-slipping nearly 100,000 active duty military due to sequestration and almost $1,000,000,000,000  (that's One Trillion Dollars!) of Defense Department cutbacks, he's calling up the reservists because, I believe, there's not enough active duty military to send on this unicorn hunting trip.  Active duty military personnel aren't trained to fight viruses, of course. They're trained to kill bad guys.  But they're not being permitted to do that.  And reservists, who are Wal-Mart managers, lumber yard workers and Verizon cable system installers are even less well trained.  So they're the people our Insurance Salesman-in-Chief wants to send on this one-way trip to oblivion.  And, get this:  They'll receive four whole hours of training!

Is this the very height of insanity?  Is this the absolute dumbest thing an America president ever did?  In the entire history of our country?  Ever?

I think so.

Now, they'll go over there, unprotected, untrained, unable to know what to do and what not to do, and likely get infected. And they'll be pissed at being so monumentally misused by the President they have sworn to follow.  And then they'll bring the virus back home with them.  And infect their families and friends.  I predict that enlistments into our military, Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force and the Coast Guard, will drop like a stone.  And why should they do anything else?  Those desirous of serving their country in uniform are brave but they aren't stupid. They know when they're going to be misused... and abused.

And that, my friends, is "art becomes life," as in "Outbreak," the movie, comes to America.  

Speaking of Outbreak, watch it again and observe the final three minutes.  The medical cell filtering machine they used to separate the blood from the infected monkey belonged to my company.  I actually rented it to Warner Bros. for the movie.  I may be the only guy, besides the movie people, Morgan Freeman, et. al., to have actually made money off a virus that may ultimately kill us all.  Is this "Bizarro World," or what?

And this just in:  Oblamo just appointed an "Ebola Czar." Did he pick a medical professional with management experience?  Ummm, no.  He picked a D.C. partisan insider hack with absolutely no medical experience.  He picked a lawyer lobbyist named Ron Klain, who has served as both Joe "The Sheriff" Biden's and Al "Global Warming will kill us all" Gore's Chief of Staff.  Klain's main claim to fame (kinda rhymes, don't it?) was counting chads during the famed "recount" that made "W" our POTUS.  Oh, and managing the Stimulus Program which made nearly One Trillion Dollars disappear right before our very eyes!  And half-a-billion of those bucks went to his client Solyndra, the failed solar company which was owned and managed by one of Obama's biggest donors and campaign bundlers.  Yeah, that's it.  Pick a lawyer to keep us safe from a virus.  I couldn't make this crap up even if I tried.

So, in closing, I'd like to send along a suggestion to the Democrat National Committee:  The next time you're in the process of selecting a candidate for President of the United States, please do America a big favor; pick someone with a modicum of experience at running something.  Anything.
And maybe a little exposure to our military.  Maybe even someone who has served in uniform.  That would be helpful. And it would make America a whole lot safer.  We could maybe even suffer through an administration led by someone who has actually been in a position of authority and responsibility.  We've had a community organizer for six years now who's never run so much as a 7/11.  For God's sake, pick someone who knows what the Hell he's doing! Please!  What a concept!

(And thanks to Fred Simmer, my old home town classmate and friend, for the suggestion to opine on this important subject.  Keep those cards and letters coming.)

Saturday, October 11, 2014

The Truth About Tax Inversions

You've probably heard about Burger King buying smaller Canadian fast-food chain Tim Horton's.  Horton's is Canada's answer to Dunkin Donuts.  And in an $11.4 billion dollar deal, The "King" has decided to bail on America and move its operational headquarters a couple of thousand miles north. Why?  Let me shine some light on that for you...

America has the absolute highest corporate tax rate in the entire world.  The Universe, actually.  We, America, charge a flat 35% on profits earned by our America-domiciled corps. 35%.  That's a whole lot of shekels, kiddies.  And when compared with the 23% charged by Japan, the previous champ, and the 15% you pay Ireland and Canada, America's more like the Mob than a partner in your success.  

And that's why so many of us are clamoring for tax reform. Lower the tax rates, we demand!  There's an old saying, if you want less of something, just tax it more.  So if we want less tax revenues, we tax corporate profits more.  And that causes the corporations to do exactly what their shareholders demand they do: find ways to lessen the tax bite charged by the IRS.  In fact, corporate CEO's and boards of directors have a fiscal and fiduciary duty to their shareholders to take such steps as are necessary to minimize tax rates so as to increase profits, and thereby returns on investments.  

Let me say that again:  Corporate boards are required to take such steps as prove necessary to maximize returns for their shareholders.  To do less means they'll be updating their resumes post-haste.

One of the ways corporations can use is so-called "tax inversions."  By this practice an American corp can buy an often smaller foreign-domiciled company and then merge with it.  By then moving the newly merged corporate domicile to the other business's country, our corp can stop paying America's tax rates and start paying the foreign nation's.  Or, has recently begun to occur, corporations located in Texas, let's say, or Tennessee, or Nevada, as examples, are buying California corporations and moving their HQ's east.  Same idea, same result.  Imagine: buy a California corporation, move it to a no-tax state, immediately realize a 10+% increase in profits. 

Another method to reduce the tax bite is to leave profits earned overseas...overseas.  According to the most recent statistics, something on the order of $3,000,000,000,000 is languishing overseas because to bring it home would mean an instant 35% tax bite.  Imagine how many jobs could be produced with Three Trillion Dollars!  Wouldn't it make sense to offer corporations a one-time break in exchange for repatriating this huge sum of money?  Of course it would. Will Barry and his sycophants ever do such a thing?  Shame on you for asking.

But our Golfer-in-Chief doesn't like the steps many of our corporations are choosing to take in order to lessen tax impacts. He NEEDS that tax revenue in order to redistribute it to those whose votes he's seeking.  And there's no way he's going to give up tax revenues, even if by doing so he'd increase receipts.  He's frankly just not that bright.  And, importantly, doing so wasn't one of the options covered in Alinsky's book, "The Rules for Radicals," Barry's bedtime reading.  He says that he will therefore instruct the IRS and any other Fed agency to outlaw such activities.  Outlaw them!  
Imagine that.  Outlaw something that isn't against the law, because people are smart enough to use the laws to get around arrogant, selfish, preening bastards who want to punish them for making a profit.  And then stand up in front of a bunch of hipmotized weenies and union goons and bitch about corporations doing what their boards require them to do.  And, what is completely and entirely within our tax laws to do.  

Suggestion to the Democrat National Committee:  The next time you decide to pick a candidate for POTUS, it might be a really good idea to choose one who actually understands something about the principles of economics...