Sunday, December 6, 2015

Doctor POTUS' Prescription to end Terrorism. Or not...

Believing that he, the POTUS, one Mr. B. Hussein Obama, has not been on TV enough of late, has decided to address the nation tonight, Sunday, December 6th, 2015.

And I, the Chuckmeister, wish to time- and date-stamp this little blog entry of mine in advance of that momentous occasion so that there's no question as to what I predicted he'd say and what he chose to deliver to us, his fawning electorate.  Let's see just how prescient I, the Chuckmeister, your loyal scribe, really am.

Yes, my friends, and you are my friends, Barry will take a few more moments of our precious time to lecture us on what he thinks we need to know.  According to media reports, he'll tell us about terrorism, and what we, the American people, need to do about it.  

I predict that he'll infer that it is not his fault!  No, it can't be his fault because he's been busy closing coal mines and "weaponizing" the IRS to punish conservative organizations and playing golf and taking expensive little tax payer-paid Martha's Vineyard vacations and apologizing for America all over the planet to have actually been responsible for the rise of terrorism.  

And I predict that he'll tell us the fault is not with Muslims! No, terrorism in the name of Islam is just a perversion by a few well-meaning but misguided fellows who are acting out because they don't have jobs.  Or maybe their camel has dyspepsia.    

Having painfully listened to each and every one of Barry's thousands of proununciamentos over the past seven-plus years, I believe I'm uniquely qualified to provide you, my faithful readers, with a calculated guess or two as to what sort of meaningless blather he'll spew.  And so, with due humility and an enduring faith in God and the inherent goodness of my Fellow Man, here goes:

1. He'll blame George W. Bush:  Yes, if it wasn't for Chimpy McBushhitler, we would never have invaded Iraq or Afghanistan.  And we would have never opened up GITMO to house all those nice, misguided Muslims who were just wandering around the battlefield somewhere and were somehow scooped up unfairly and placed in this awful hell-hole of a jail there in balmy Cuba. Yes, it was Bushie's fault.

2.  He'll blame Climate Change:  He'll somehow try to tie the rise of radical Islamic jihadist terrorism, alive and very well for more than 1,400 years, to the Earth's warming. Of course, the Earth isn't warming and hasn't been for almost twenty years.  And the seas aren't rising.  And the icebergs aren't melting and the Polar Bears aren't drowning. But hey, what's a degree or two among friends?  I guess the desert in that toilet of a region is getting hotter, and that makes radical Islamic terrorists more prickly and even more likely to cut off our nonbeliever heads.  

3.  He'll blame guns:  Yes, he'll tell us that guns, and the NRA, are a big BIG part of terrorism world-wide.  Were it not for the NRA, Barry will tell us, then we Americans wouldn't want to own and use guns.  And then, somehow, these murderous thugs who shot up San Bernardino last Friday, wouldn't have managed to get guns and wouldn't have killed 14 and wounded another 17 more.  But some of us might want to consider that France doesn't have an NRA, and those misguided members of the Religion of Peace killed 140 and wounded another 300+ in Paris the other day.  But that's just me. 

Oh yeah, and this otherwise very nice middle-class SanBerdoo couple had 12 pipe bombs.  But, since there's no National Pipe Bomb Association to blame, Barry won't mention that.  

And even though it's been reported that all the guns were all purchased legally, with full NICS-system FBI background checks, and ten-day waiting periods, in a state with arguably the most stringent, painful, unnecessary, awful, miserable, expensive and time-consuming gun-hating laws in the country, Barry won't care about that and will call for even more stringent, awful, painful gun control laws.  I guess, according to Barry, the only way to keep Bad Guys from getting guns is to keep Good Guys from getting guns.  Go figure!

4.  He'll blame Republicans:  Yes, my friends, if it weren't for Republicans, then he, Barry, the mild-mannered POTUS, would have been able to pass "reasonable, moderate, meaningful gun control laws" a long, long time ago, which would have somehow prevented these nice Muslims from buying guns and shooting people.  Oh, by the way, "reasonable, moderate, meaningful gun control laws" is Democrat-speak for a Federal, national data base of all gun buyers and owners so that at some unspecified date in the future, the Black Helicopter Squad can come visit your home in the dead of night and confiscate your legally bought and paid-for guns.  And don't think I'm being paranoid.  It happened in Cuba, and China, and Britain, and Australia, and France, and Austria, and Venezuela, and Russia, and North Korea, and - ready for it - 1936 Germany.  

And, my friends, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not really after you.

Annnnnnd, he'll propose to do a whole bunch of illegal and unconstitutional Executive Actions to further his gun-hating pronouncements.  One will be to close the so-called "gun show loophole."  That's the one where you can go visit your local gun show and buy a beat-up old .22 single shot rifle mano-a-mano from some elderly grandfatherly-type for your son for Christmas.  No, my friends, after Barry's new E.O., your ten year-old son will have to pay $25 for a full NICS-system FBI background check, and so with the grandfatherly-type. They'll each have to file the paperwork to transfer ownership of that old rifle.  There.  That ought to fix things! No more terrorist mass shootings!

Another E.O. will be to make it unlawful for those on the "No-Fly List" to buy guns. Now, my friends, no one seems to know how you get on the this No-Fly List, and no one seems to know how to get off this dreaded list once you get placed upon it. It seems that if some Democrat-appointee in a black robe somewhere decides that you are a terror risk, you get added to the list.  And the latest number we've heard is some 700,000 people in our country are on this list.  Do we really have that many terrorists in our midst? Me thinks not.  But while we're trying to watch football, Barry will tie one to the other and make it impossible for those on the list to buy guns. Of course, the Republican majority in Congress will scream bloody murder and the NRA will immediate file sue to stop this illegal, unconstitutional encroachment on our Rights. But then Barry will have something else to bitch about and something else to blame for his personal failures.

Did you know that Senator Teddy "The Driver" Kennedy was once on this infamous list?  No?  How about Steve Hayes, Head Editorial writer for the National Review magazine? Yep, he was placed on the list until he squealed and somehow got miraculously removed.  Maybe it had something to do with the fact that Hayes is a conservative and proud of it.  Who knows?  I think I do.

On second thought, maybe Teddy really deserved to be on this list after all.  And for all we know he's still on it, six years after his death.

So, my friends, Barry, who's told us that ISIS is the J.V. Team, and that he has them contained, and that everything is just fine...isn't.  And now, he'll tell us that he's finally figured out how to solve this problem...that, up until today, wasn't really a problem.  

Is you head hurting?  Mine is...

The "Publish" button is being pushed at exactly 2:00 p.m., Pacific Daylight Time, exactly 3 hours before Barry throws up all over our TV sets.  Sit down, fasten your safety belts and hang on...

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