"Invasion of the Body Snatchers"

It hit me while I was watching the Telly the other day.  One of those smack-yourself-in-the-forehead sort of moments.

          "What we have here...

     is an infestation of lawyers!

We've been inundated by a invasion of attorneys!  They are everywhere!  Even on TV.  It seems that each of the talking heads that spew their particular brand of news to each other, and us, are law..yurzzz!.  Attorneys!  Barristers.  People who engage in highway robbery in broad daylight, without a mask or a firearm.  

Did you know there are more lawyers in Orange County, Taxifornia than in all of Canada?

They pick our pockets without consequence, every day of the year.  Because in our highly litigious society, anyone can sue anyone, at anytime (and often do!), so you just might need one of these leaches to keep your finances semi-secure and your ass out of the Graybar Hotel.  

Who else do you know that can look you in the eyes and charge you... 

             ...$700.00 an hour?  

The folks who somehow put together the bucks and the loans to get through law school, any law school, so they can now tell us plebes the way things now are, or they think ought to be.  As if they now have some special insight into "the answer" after having spent the past several years with their noses in a law book.  The answer, truly, is... "don't become a lawyer."  

I've often said that my best friend wouldn't be my best friend today if he hadn't been my best friend before he went off to law school.  They turned him from a fun-loving, little rolly-polly, Big City Jew, as he called himself, into regimented proof that "The Body Snatchers" movie was true!  They inhabit normal lawyers' bodies, who thereafter work overtime to change America into a socialist plutocracy.

Whom else do you know when asked a question their eyes go out of focus and they begin to read from the inside of their foreheads some law or obscure rule or regulation that controls our puny, insignificant existences?  Questions that only they know the answers to, as if in some not-so-secret "club."  A "club" of overeducated, underexperienced Democrats (85% vote that way!) who seek to even more fully control our insignificant little lives.  

And since they're doing a pretty good job of it so far, they have every reason to expect continued success...  

Oh yeah, they just got $10,000 of their student loans forgiven.  By that cranky old reprobate in the White House.  His action is unconstitutional, of course, and he'll get sued, of course.  And lose, of course.  But that'll be next year, well after the Election's over.  He'll have already gotten the political benefit from the "promise," he's given even though later unkept.  Like almost all of his promises.  

The commie puke. 

The joke's on him, however.  They were gonna' vote for him anyway...  

You remember that black and white movie, "The Body Snatchers," don't you?  The one I referred to up above?  The one where you were overtaken by the forces of evil if you went to sleep?  Thereafter you became one of..."them."  And the threat the movie implied was that soon, these soulless ghouls would overtake us all and replace us with automatons.  Those who would do the bidding of "Them."  Presumably your basic space aliens.  But maybe just "Swamp Creatures."  And I was finally struck by the fact that they have...won.  Some of us, the attorneys, are now them...

Even that cat Shakespeare in his "Midsommer Night's..." thingie that "...the lawyers should all be lashed together and marched into the sea."  "After first beating them to within an inch of their puny, worthless little elitist lives.  And then sending them an invoice, itemized in five-minute blocks of time for our efforts.  Like they do."  Or something to that effect.  

You get the idea.

Anyway, when we discovered that we had a pandemic of virus-ses, Trump developed an vaccine.  All by himself.  Or something.  Now that we have a pandemic of lawyers, shouldn't we come up with a suitable "innoculation?"  And just what could that "antidote" be?  

Think about it:  These bozos have gone to school for years learning how to fleece us like a Christmas lamb.  Shouldn't we all learn how to fight back?

Now, I don't recommend violence.  Usually.  No, that would never do.  We're far too civilized for that.  But perhaps a low-flying little Cessna 152 to drop some nerve agents or something.  Designed after secretly collecting the DNA of lawyers so the vaccine can be customized.  Individualized.  Quick, incapacitating.  Perhaps only removing their ability to speak.    

What, did something happen?  

Or maybe we could open gulags, like the Soviets were so famous for.  And hunt them down and put them to work painting those yellow stripes down the center of the highways.  The one down the middle of Death Valley, preferably.  In July and August and September.  Or better yet, "Reeducation Camps" so we can reverse the effects of their cultist training.

Or, maybe we start treating them like we treat our doctors.  Make them see patients who cannot pay, and then pay them one-third of their rates for seeing the indigent patients.  Fair?  

And then make them keep on seeing them under threat of a lawsuit.  How about we force lawyers to see clients for one-third of their hefty hourly rates?  Or even for free?  Just to pay us all back as a society for their having previously conspired to overcharge us all, just as we're now presuming to somehow now pay back Black people because their fore-fore-forebears were enslaved by those awful Whities?

You see the slippery-slope we're now headed down?

And now look at this:  A bunch of lawyers conspire and get the "PacAct" passed, which will pay to clean up the water around the Marine's famous Camp Le Jeune, SC.  And they've found a way to now sue the Federal Gubmint via that Act, that would be you and me, the Taxpayers, for any harm caused by that water, over several decades.  And all you have to do is watch the TV commercials and see the number of law firms which have gotten together into a cabal and started fishing for those of us who are hungry for some Uncle Sugar $'s.  Ukraine's getting it, why not them?  Pay attention.  I've counted 9 separate law firms paying for "call me if you're sick" commercials.  So far.  

I suggest that since we now have an oversupply of lawyers, just as we now seem to some to have an oversupply of White people, the Gubmint should now be forced to hire three non-attorneys for every future ambulance-chaser.  Or maybe six.  Or fourteen.  Sort of a reverse anti-discrimination law.

Maybe give everybody but lawyers a five-point bump on their tests like we used to give Blacks.  The "Great Society" in reverse.

Unfair to lawyers?  I recall winning a lawsuit I brought against a hospital who'd stiffed my company for a big chunk of $Change, and then my lawyer took about 20% of it.  For no more than four hours work.  And when you replace "20%" with "$14,000," it makes you sit up straight.  $14,000 and you And begin to ask, wha...?

About this time you may be asking yourself, "Does The Chuckmeister have a personal vendetta against lawyers?  Why yes, yes I do...

So, in the final analysis, are all lawyers bad people?  Ask Joe O'Biden, are all Republicans bad people?  The answer would most likely be the same...