Testosterone...

Being of the sort that worries about the health and well-being of my fellow man, and woman, and here in California, the other 55 genders (hey, don't blame me, I'm just the reporter), I'm worried about runaway testosterone.

Testosterone?  Yes, testosterone.  That's the tiny stuff running around in males' inner workings that make them want to go out looking for a little "action," if you know what I mean.  

I've been told, and tend to believe, that testosterone levels are directly dependent upon the regularity of one's sexual activity.  More sex lowers the levels of testosterone, less increases them.  If this is true, then we are in for a whole lot of trouble in the coming days and weeks.  Why?  Welllll, fellow Patriots, for the past 10 months or so, our youts (what's a yout?) have been prevented from heading on out to their local bars and nightclubs and raves and house parties looking for a little sexual contact.  The Chinese Wuhan Killer Coronavirus has resulted in the shutdown of most all of the places one would go to try and find a little bit of that sort of "friendliness," if you know what I mean.  And I think that you do. 

Except for that other sort that requires no other human contact.  Ahem... 

So no regular route by way of which one would lower one's testosterone level now exists.  And this, I propose, is resulting in a nationwide increase in testosterone levels, which may well result in increased violence and criminal activity.  Think about it: recent college graduates with a degree in Existential Phenomenalism, minor in Medieval Lesbian Poetry, for example, who are beset with $100 Grand in student loans, and are living in their mommy's and daddy's basement, working at a job where you ask "Would you like fries with that,?" are frustrated as Hell!  

I would be too!

So frustrated that I propose they are likely the source of much of our recent lawlessness.  Do we know for sure that these folks aren't the same ones responsible for all those fires and thefts and that looting and pillaging that's gone on in 48 Democrat-run cities all year long?  I think maybe they are!  Maybe all they needed was to get laid and all that damage and destruction could have been avoided!  And all because of a virus!

Just think: if all those "Black Lives Matters" and "Antifa" thugs had gotten a little "strange" periodically, would they have been so willing to Mutilate Minneapolis?  Or Sack Seattle?  Or Plunder Portland?  I doubt it.  I'm betting that they would have put down their bricks and baseball bats and frozen water bottles, and picked up some flowers and candy and a bottle of wine or two for their significant other?  Even if they had to steal it!

And BTW, how'ya gonna' find your "significant other," if you can't go out looking for him/her/it/them?

Perhaps these Democrat cities would have been better off promising to pay for a dating service then defunding their police departments.  Maybe hosting cocktail hours and neighborhood gettogethers for singles would tend to defuse all the angst and anger so prevalent in Modern Day America.  Maybe a national "Can't we just all get along" campaign might do the trick...  

Or, maybe just opening up the bars and nightclubs again would finally solve the problem.  And our schools and churches and synagogues and mosques, too!  They should never have been closed in the first place, doncha' know!  When the "book" is finally written, I'm guessing our recent national shutdown will be considered a yuuuge mistake.  And one which just might have resulted in the Trumpster's electoral defeat.  

In short, maybe we should operate America like they do Sweden.  No masks, no lockdowns.  They're just trusted not to sneeze in each others' faces, to keep a safe distance from each other and be considerate.  Notice the key word there is "trust."  A trait well-run governments accord to their adult citizens.  And their infection and positivity rates are lower than ours.  And their hospitalization rate is lower than ours.  And their death rate is lower than ours as well. 

So listen up, fellow Pilgrims!  Just stay out of the way of those who are prevented from looking for and finding some sexual companionship.  Sort of like those caught on the streets of Pamplona just before they release the bulls.  A word to the wise, those without it are to be considered armed and dangerous until they can find a suitable outlet for their heightened testosterone levels.  

I don't know about you, but maybe staying at home with the curtains drawn and the doors locked isn't such a bad idea after all...