A Christmas Present to the NFL...

I wrote awhile back about the crazy names some NFL players proudly own.  And they display them with pride on the backs of their jerseys.  Like Ju-Ju Smith Schuster (WR, Pittsburg), for example.  And Barchevious Mingo (tackle, Browns).  And Benjarvus Green-Ellis (running back, Patriots).  I'm wondering if their moms were drunk or stoned the day baby-naming came around, or maybe they just put a bunch of consonants and vowels in a brown paper bag, shook it up and pulled out letters until they formed something approaching a name.  

Yeah, that's probably it...

Some football players' names are weird.  Some are hyphenated.  And some are just flat made up.  Like that first guy up above there.  This guy's the one who got me started on this whole schtick.  His real name is not "Ju-Ju," it's John Sherman.  He just flat manufactured his own name.  Good for him, I say!  And then there's Chad Ochocinco (wide receiver, Bengals), and "Ha-Ha" Smith-Schuster (wide receiver, Steelers).  Don't like your name?  Make one up!  Doing so would be better than some of the guys whose names are impossible to pronounce.  Like those gize from Samoa.  So I thought that they might be running out of strange names.  That they might need a few new ones.  Ones they could just assign to their new players when they first arrive in training camp.  

So I dreamed up a some, along with some of the positions they might play, in the hope that they might be of use.  I'm kind of nice like that, or so people say.  Hey NFL, are you watching?  

And so, without further ado (or a-don't!), for their consideration:

Quinsy Mulberry (1st round pick, Alabama)

Melifluous Alpaca 

Merciless Woebegone 

Lefty Potrzebie 

Sonorious Weeblenixen 

Perilus Lichtenstein (European field goal kicker?)

Poosilanimous Bulemia (perfect for a Ukrainian fullback)

M'Bleck Beneeva (Kenyan tackle?)

Venarial Vulva

Blemish Meeshenable

Flagranti Delecto (Italian quarterback, maybe?)

Langorious Pseudomonas 

Nurblemeen Elekktron

Nuba-Luweenie Pleghm 

Mohammed Mohammed Mohammed (friends could call him "Mo")

Reejema Menablu

Jamaal Jamaal Smith

Toooua Moooblenema (Samoan, no doubt)

Numerific Dillingsquat

Medula Oblongata (cerebral quarterback?)

Hiwary Crinton (Japanese female place kicker)

Turbel Frimmeldingen

Negel-Nisi Seengeleangeruter (Nairobi, perhaps?)

Anel Ekkinskobble

Sneegel Starcruzzer

Vikarious Stawkker-Finke 

Josephus O'Biden  

Digitt  Frekkelloyd

And, not to be outdone, there's...

Bleddit Alloid Freechelminder 

Don't like your name?  Here's a few to new ones to choose from.  No need to thank me.  It's why God put me here...

And in the meantime, to all those regardless of name who choose to stand while the National Anthem plays, and to all of you out there who choose to put up with my miscellaneous ramblings throughout the year...

                    ...Merry Christmas!