The Chinese Wuhan Coronavirus...

I just got the word that the Chinese Government is doing its best to shift the blame for the Wuhan Coronavirus to America, when we all know, and they've previously admitted, that it emanated from the (in)famous "wet" Huanan Farmers Market in Wuhan Province.  And by "wet," we mean that it sells all sorts of reeeely interesting and no doubt yummy animals for your dinner table, including snakes, pandas, bears, rats, cats and bats.  And the theory goes that the virus jumped from a tasty bat soup (raaalf!) to a human, who then became "patient zero."    

Now, I dunno' about you, but I for one really appreciate the Trump Administration's efforts to secure us, the American People, from the evil effects of the Asian Wuhan Coronavirus.  So much so that I've done a bit of research as to what other efforts might be "entertained" to keep us safe.

And so I thought, why not shut down the movie and TV production industry as well?  In addition to the restaurant and bar and nightclub and cruise and the aviation industry, which have already taken it in the shorts, let's add in the entertainment industry!  Yeah, that's the ticket!  It takes like a couple of hundred of these nice folks to produce a movie or TV episode.  And they're all like touching and kissing and hugging and fist-bumping each other and stuff, all day long!  Baaad!  

Not goood!  

So, I though it might be necessary for these nice folks, all of whom identify as epidemiologists and infectious disease specialists in their spare time, or so their Twitter feeds tell us, to help out in other ways besides memorizing lines written by somebody else and spewing them on cue into a camera when some rando dude yells "action."  

So we know that stopping all those productions would eliminate the chance of thousands of our most stellar performers from getting sick and depriving us, their loyal fans, of their wonderfulness.  And it would free them up to perhaps stand in line at their local Walgreens, or CVS, or Target store to help out as the normal, everyday folks, the same ones who routinely pay to watch their drivel, stream through to get their drive-thru testing for the Asian Chinese Wuhan Coronavirus.  

They could have their public relations staffs and publicists and Instagrammers and Reddit trollers and other sycophants hold their coats and take pictures as they pretend to be happy to help.  I'm sure that would make all the toothless, pickup truck-driving, bible-thumping, flag-waving, gun-toting Great Unwashed among us feel oh so good about the awful straights in which Normal America finds itself. 

And I'd recommend that Little Mikey Moore and Bobby Dee Nero and Joyless Behard and Larry O'Donnell, each of whom have more than enough advice to offer on this Asian Chinese Wuhan Far Eastern Coronavirus, so we could all be better off if they'd lend a professional hand.  There's a bunch of other Liberal entertainment elites, but I repeat myself, who might also want to help.  After all, they'll be out of work for a change, so they'd have plenty of time to assist in their part-time occupations as medical professionals.

If they wanted to, that is... 

So, since we have a backlog of more than 50 years worth of old movies and TV shows to watch while we wait for this pandemic to be over, we really don't need any new stuff from these guys right now.  Maybe later, but not right now.  Now?  Don't call us, we'll call you.  Maybe they'd like to actually prove themselves to be the good, solid Americans they pretend to be while we collectively beat this Asian Chinese Wuhan Far Eastern "Way Over There" Not From Anywhere Close To Here Bat Soup Coronavirus...  

And remember, pretending is all they ever really do...