So I'm guessing that all those folks who stocked up on toilet paper and bottled water are now worried sick about having their new-found "paper" wealth taken from them by some evil perpetrator.
And I can certainly sympathize with them, because as we all know, scads and scads of toilet paper is a really good thing to have. And cases upon cases of bottled water, too. I'm guessing people haven't figured out they can use Democrat campaign mailers instead of t.p., and actually turn the spigot on their trusty sink and extract some H2O from there.
But hey, it takes all kinds. Some of us made a run on the liquor store, and some of us decided to offload some of their wealth to the Scott Paper Company.
But I'm also guessing these are the same folks who likely get their news from Yahoo, and probably don't have any means of defending either themselves, or their hoards of t.p. and wa-wa.
So I, The Chuckmeister, Eagle Scout, Army (Lone) Ranger, Master Gunsmith and Certified Badass with any sort of firearm, hereby offer up a service these folks are likely to need. Since I have oodles of guns, and tons of ammo, certainly mucho more than the commies in charge of our MSMedia think necessary, and the willingness to use them in the event some Bad Guy tries to separate a fine citizen from his/her/its t.p. and Avian, I hereby offer my armed security services to any and all.
If you have a garage full of toilet paper and bottled water, and are losing sleep thinking somebody might try and boost them from you, just call in The Chuckmeister. For a fee likely less than you invested in asswipe and bourbon diluter, I'll protect your stuff from all enemies foreign and domestic. And anyone stupid enough to have spent a small fortune buying enough t.p. for New Hampshire is most likely willing to pay it. And each and every one my new clients will also have an automatic entry into next year's Darwin Awards.
But be warned: based on what we're seeing on TV these days, you'll have lots and lots of competition...
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