The Weather...

Several decades worth of weather is coming on shore here in California, and I just cannot wait!  And let me tell you why... 

Where I come from we had four distinct seasons.

We had Winter, almost Summer, Summer, and almost Winter.

And each of those "almosts" are about two weeks in duration.  So it's basically either hotter than a four-peckered goat, or colder there than a witch's tit in a brass bra.  And that's why I was so anxious to move to a part of the country where we were to have, ta da!

               Endless Summer!

When I got on the plane in St. Louis to come to L.A. for my job interview, it was 5 degrees above zero.  In the midst of a furious ice storm, BTW.  I fought my way through snowdrifts to get to the airport.

Then, when the door of the plane opened and I walked through, it was like a reawakening.  76 degrees, 30% relative humidity, 3 - 5 mph onshore breeze and the brightest sunshine I'd ever seen.  I was home.  I hoped...

And then I got the job and moved here and simply loved the fact that every single day was exactly like the day before.  Beautiful, warm, wonderful.  What's not to like?  

I guess maybe like having an ice cream sundae three times a day as your only sustenance?

Yes, my friends, here in sunny Southern California we have no weather.  Zero, nada, none.  The absense of weather.  Oh, it get cooler at night than in the daytime.  And a bit warmer in Summer than in Winter, but that's about it.  While you folks who live in other climes suffer, we laugh at you.  Ha!, we say!  

Ha!

Oh, I already said that.

While you are laboring under 10' of snow and drowning in rivers of runoff, we say, Ha!  You too could live where you check the weather on your phone every morning hoping for, well, something different.  Something other than say, sunshine.  And never find it!  And then we say to you who live in Tornado Alley, or the snowy "thumb" of Michigan, or in Daytona Beach prepping for a hurricane, Ha!   

Oh, I already said that.

All of this is why we are so excited for the events of this weekend.  We're to get our first hurricane since Garfield was President.  Or was it McKinley?  Doesn't matter.  It will be glorious!  It will be the first hurricane that O'Biden can remember!  If he can remember!  Anything!  The rain will pour and the rivers will flow and all of our lilly-livered commie pinko dummass liberal weenies will wind up slipping and sliding and crashinig on the freeways.  Into each other.  The places all their elected "leaders" begged them to please stay home from!

AAA will be having nightmares for months to come!  

I'm going to luxuriate in this rainstorm!  The downpours!  The rivers of liquid sunshine flowing down my street!  I'm going to park my arse in a comfy lawn chair on my front porch, non-Bud Light in my hand, my Democrat* cat Critter on my lap, knowing that God permitted me to live long enough to witness an event which has not happened for nearly a century!  Some serious rain in August.  Where the rainfall averge in August is 0.00!"  Is this proof of "Climate Change?"  The climate just changed, didn't it?  

Ex-V.P. Al Gore predicted Miami would be underwater by 2010 due to the melting of Arctic glaciers!  John Kerry believed Al Gore was right!

I've completely run out of "!'s"

I wonder if this is like a portent of things to come?  Maybe this is our clue that "The End" is near?  If so, thanks in advance to God for the light show and waterworks.  With drag racing on the TV in the background, and the world coming to an end out my front door, I simply could not be happier... 

*   At least that's how he voted in the last Election...