The Saga of the Toaster Oven...

It was a dark and stormy night.

No it wasn't.  I don't know what came over me there.  You'll have to exsqueeze me, as the events of the past few days have left me a bit rattled and off my game.  And in need of opining on a subject having absolutely nothing to do with politics.  Any subject.  So I took off on a tangent there.  I have to get back on track.  Oh yeah, here's something.  Yessss!  And so, as if by magic, the following subject matter came in over the transom.  Enjoy!

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So if you'd like a barometer of just how Amerikkka is doing right about now, try this one on:

I'd decided to order a new toaster oven.  My old one had shot craps and it was time to give it a good, solid, Food Network burial.  So, having been ordered by our Boy Guv to stay home with my shades drawn and my door locked, in the dark, while wearing a mask, I did what any other good, solid Amerikan would do.  I ordered a new one from Amazon.

Yes, fellow Patriots, I've been a member of Amazon's little "Prime" group for some time now.  The pandemic gave our overpaid and underqualified elected officials every excuse to lock us down so we had no choice but to buy stuff over that dratted web thingie.  And every time we did that guy Jeff Bezos got richer.  

I smell a rat, how about you?  

Anyway, Jeff offers to ship you Chinese crap for free...after you've paid him to do so.  Which doesn't really equate to free, now does it?  But hey, Jeff's folks are pretty damn good salesweenies, doncha' know (and we're pretty damn dumb, aren't we?).  

So I checked Amazon's website just like I used to peruse the smudged and wrinkled pages of my trusty Sears catalog and selected a replacement.  The cheapest toaster oven I though might do the job.  A decent, middle-of-the-line toaster oven.  Just a simple device to reheat soggy slices of leftover pizza.  So I placed my order.  Jeff Bezos, Amazon's owner, told me I would have my new toaster oven in hand, toasting and broiling and baking, by January 5th.  Bezos lied to me.  It didn't arrive...

So I waited until January 7th and called good ol' Jeff.  He wasn't available at the time, I guess, so they patched me through to one of his minions in New Delhi.  A lady came on the phone.  She apologized, at least I think that's what she said, and offered to ship me another one.  I agreed and rung off after having given her a piece of my mind, leaving me  with several other pieces at the ready, just in case anyone else chose to stiff me.  Which I'm sure she didn't understand.  Because...New Delhi, doncha' know...

So guess what.  My new toaster oven arrived on January 8th, the next day, as promised.  Brand new, all shiny, made in China, ready to toast and broil stuff.  New Delhi Lady granted me one day delivery even though I hadn't paid for it.  I unboxed my new prize and put it to use.  Pizza now all hot and crispy.  End of story?  Ummmm, no.

On January 9th, the toaster oven I originally ordered arrived.  A second toaster oven.  After a self-consoling whimper/chuckle/gasp, I placed the box on my dining room table, operating on the assumption that New Delhi Lady would call back real soon and ask that I return the extra item.  I'm still waiting.  No phone call yet...

And then, on January 10th, I received an email from Jeffie (we're getting to be great buds by now!).  He told me that my new toaster oven was slated to arrive on Monday, January 11th, 2021.  It did.  I now have 3 toaster ovens.  Perhaps Jeff's been too busy giving out $Millions to Democrats and micro-managing the General Election to have time to speak with the New Delhi Lady (sorry about the political reference; I just cannot help myself).

All of this leaves me with three glaring questions: 

          1)  How did the second richest person on Earth get to be the second richest person on Earth by shipping people three times the amount of Chinese crap they actually paid for?  Or did this finally give us an insight into the real value of Chinese items?  Or maybe this gives us a clue maybe the Democrats conjured up this whole pandemic thingie so we could be all be locked down and forced to buy crap over the Internet...from Jeffie Bezos.  And his girlfriend New Delhi Lady.  and... 

          2), Does anyone out there need a couple of brand-new toaster ovens?  From China?  Unused?  Still in the boxes?