Finally!

I've been in the closet so long I'm beginning to smell like moth balls!

Yes, fellow Patriots, I've been one of those closet "Progressives" just waiting for the chance to finally shed my cloak of faux-Conservatism and embrace the promise of socialism!

Yes, it's finally time to admit that we were wrong; that fiscal Conservatism and prudence in matters of laws and regulations and taxation designed to thwart the reach of Big Gummint is an idea whose time has come...and gone.

I mean, hey!  What's so bad about Venezuela, anyhow?  Zoo animals taste good, don't they?

No, friends and neighbors, we must now embrace reality.  We must now come to the realization that a crusty old geek who's been around longer than the Flood with questionable mental acuity and his hand in China's pocket will soon be inaugurated as our 46th President of these here United States.  A guy who's been in D.C. for more than 47 years doing nothing but taking up space.  But now my fellow Lefties-in-waiting have chosen to make him their Fearless Leader, and so shall I.  

Welcome Joe!  Welcome!

And so I also heartedly welcome his #2, Mz. Kamala Harris, our very first Southeast Asian/Dominican elected to that orifice.  And in our new "Identity Politics-dominated" culture, that stuff is very important.  She'll be our 47th President of the United States by this fall, I'm guessing, so I don't want to say anything bad about her.  No, nothing at all, especially since she's promised to come and personally take our guns, and I have quite a few as everyone knows, so I don't want to draw any unnecessary attention to myself here.  Joe will no doubt be found puttering around the Rose Garden, mumbling incoherently to himself, and she'll "25th" his bony butt right into the rearview mirror.  And then, look out!

Yes, my friends, I've always believed that screwing the rich is a good fiscal plan.  That trying to peel them like a grape so you can give their money to lackeys who refuse to work, is what the Founding Fathers truly wanted.  However, those lackeys need to vote Democrat to keep the gravy train rolling.  Otherwise we might fall back into fiscal Conservatism.  Where we spend no more than we take in and stay out of peoples' pockets and their wallets and their homes and their bedrooms and their churches.  And where we once again consider the Constitution the Law of the Land.  That outdated old document?  Can't have that, no way.  No way, Jose.  

Or Jose B, even.

So don't look my way when you're looking to purge Conservatives.  I'm one of those guys who's bailed off Trump's sinking ship, hopefully in time to avoid "the Purge."  Don't look my way during your putsch of those who disagree with your rules and regulations and policies and procedures.  Just bypass me when you launch your own "Kristallnacht."  And no, I don't need a stint in a re-education camp to reprogram me away from duty and honor and country.  Screw that stuff!  I'm even returning my Eagle Scout badge!

Simply lay back, watch Jerry Springer reruns, eat bon bons and suck down Pabst Blue Ribbon while you wait for your Gummint largesse to roll in over the transom.  There's more of us then there are of them now, finally, so we can use our majority to crush them.  To make sure they never, ever rise again.  And impeaching The Donald once again will insure that.  Yeah.  Impeach him again.  And again!  We just learned impeachment only takes one day, so do it over and over until you feel vindicated.  His followers surely won't mind...

So yeah, I'm now a full-bore "Progressive."  I'm on your side.  And I also identify as Black, just in case you're planning to hand out some of that "White People Money" in reparations.  And gay too.  Gay people need some reparations.  And anything else I need to be to deflect liberal ire and attract liberal largesse.  

Yep, feels good to shed the mantel of Conservative responsibility and don the cloak of liberal lunacy.  Matter of fact, I think it's time to go out and buy a new car.  O'Biden and his Gang of Sycophants will be handing out stimulus checks by the millions, so I'll finally be able to afford one.  And since I'll be using some Rich/White/Old People Money to pay for it, and so could you, who's gonna' join me?