The Kansas City...Football Team

The crazed, limp-wristed Liberals among us have been dogging the owner of the Washington Redskins Football Team to change his team's name for more than a decade.

Seems they've been wringing their manicured little hands over the perceived slight they think they've observed over American Indian rights here in 'Murica.  That's "woo-woo" Indians, not "red dot" Indians.

Our pantywaist Liberals seem to believe that calling a football team "The Redskins" is racist.  They've been incensed since their college humanities professor explained to them that they should be.  They demanded that the name be changed.  That the "Redskins" part be removed.  And that the owner, one multimillionaire Dan Snyder, be publicly horsewhipped for having had the temerity to own a team named after poor indigenous personages.  

Well, maybe not horsewhipped, actually.  Maybe just flailed and excoriated would do.

They got their wish.  Fred Smith, CEO and Founder of FedEx, and the company with the naming rights over the stadium in which the "Redskins" play their little grown-up kiddie game, simply said he'd withdraw his $20 Million a Year stadium sponsorship if the name wasn't changed.  Immediately.

Dan, having learned you don't s**t where you eat, decided that discretion was the better part of valor.  Or put more simply, he caved.  Changing the name was going to happen.  The only question was...to what?  What new mascot would good ol' Dan choose for his Team?  What mascot could he choose that wouldn't piss off some commie somewhere?  Or would he have to put together a committee of 14 to discuss the matter for a few months, and then poll test it, before a final name could be selected.  

I watched his team play on Sunday Night Football.  It seems Dan chose wisely.  He had removed every vestige of the "Redskins" mascot from his players' uniforms.  No more regal Indian chief in full headdress, which 87% of the respondents to a recent poll of Native 'Muricans said they liked mucho.  A mascot chosen back in 1932 when Americans didn't get the butthurt over such silly, insignificant, totally inane crap as the name of a football team or who might object.  The only thing left on their uniforms was their numbers.  He chose wisely, Grasshopper.  He simply chose to call it... 

"The Football Team."  

Brilliant!  Unless you've been attacked in your life by a football sometime or other, or maybe a "team" of something, you could not reasonably be off-put by the new name.  Either word.  So, I be a' thinkin', since Liberalism has taken a firm foothold here in what used to be America, and since it's highly likely even more of them will be joining in the call for other teams to change their names, why not apply that same logic to all of them right now?  And I mean all the other teams in all the other sports!  Especially since we all know that Progressive twits are going to be coming for them as well?  So why not change all the teams' names right now and rob them of a talking point?

So I, The Chuckmeister, your Scribe Without Portfolio, hereby suggest that all the teams change their names to...  Tada!  The name of the town in which they're located!  Like Dan Snyder just did.  The "Washington Football Team."  Get it?  He just dropped the mascot all together and robbed all the commie pinko dumbass Liberal weenie complainers of something to complain about!  Brilliant!

So here we go.  The "San Francisco Football Team."  The "Georgia Football Team."  The "Tennennennenesssee Football Team."  And for towns with more than one team, like New York, say, just make them "1" and "2" and "3," according to when they were formed.  Like "New York Football Team #1."  Or "Taxifornia Baseball Club #2."  Get it?  I just knew you would...

Same for basketball teams.  And for hockey teams.  And soccer teams.  Just the town then the name of the sport.  No more "Indians" or "Titans" or "49'ers" or
"Vikings" or "Blackhawks" or "Cardinals" or "Braves."  I mean, after all, some Indigenous Personages might not be brave, right?  They might just be ordinary, run-of-the-mill Indians.  Oh exsqueeze me.  I mean, Native Americans.  So why shame them by presupposing they are "brave" when they're not?  No more, I say!  No more mascots to shame or confound or irritate any of us for any reason, whatsoever.

Feelings are important, right?

Even the Kansas City Chiefs, my hometown team.  I was even at Super Bowl 3 when the Chiefs kicked ass.  But even my wonderful Chiefs must knuckle under to the fascism of Liberalism.  The Chiefs must hereby be known as the "The Kansas City Football Team."  I guess not all Indians can be chiefs, right?  No need to shame those who couldn't make the cut, right?

So on the way out the digital door, and on behalf of your local elected officials...

...Wash your hands!  Wear your mask!  Don't go to work or school!  Slow the spread!  Stay at home!  Close the blinds!  Lock the door!  You must submit!  And remember, whatever Dr. Fauci says, Dr. Fauci means.  

At the time...