Brown Paper Bag...

Let me start by saying that I do not, DO NOT, believe that certain Black ladies bring a brown paper bag with them to the maternity ward.

A brown paper bag filled with vowels and consonents.  Which they then draw out, one after the other, to determine their new bouncing baby's name.  Whether boy or girl, makes no difference.  The names are often so strange that they serve either sex.

And since we have 57 of them here in Taxifornia, everyone's confused anyway.

One by one they extract those bits of paper, no matter how they turn up.  You know those contractions only come every 5 or 10 minutes, so they have to have some entertainment for the down times, right?

And sometimes those boys grow up to be football players.  Professional football players.  And they take those otherworldly names with them.  For all of us to see.  And some of them are so glaringly unusual that I thought they deserved to be shared.  And yes, I checked them all out so you can be assured they are real.  Enchoi!

     -  Kool Aid McKinstry

     -  Chop Robinson

     -  Storm Duck

     -  Bump Cooper, Jr.  

     -  Ruke Orhorhoro

     -  Chad OchoCinco 

     -  Ha Ha Clinton-Dix

     -  Barkevious Mingo

     -  Guy Whimper

     -  D'Brickashaw Ferguson

     -  Captain Munnerlyn

     -  BenJarvus Green-Ellis

     -  Earthwind Moreland

     -  Ben Gay

     -  Hercules Mata'afa

     -  Rock Ya Sin

     -  JuJu Smith-Schuster

     -  Key'vantanie Coutee

     -  T. J. Houshmandzadeh

     -  Uche Nwaneri

     -  Ikponmwosa Igbinosun

     -  Prince Tega Wanogho

     -  Ogbonnia Okaronkwo

     -  Equonimeous St. Brown

     -  Ndamukong Suh

And I leave you with my personal favorite,

     -  Tuonigamanuolepola (Tua) Tagovailoa

Have a simple-to-pronounce day...    

(BTW, I'm guessing Ben Gay could help out with Guy's Whimper, don't you?)