The Chuckmeister's Dildo of the Year Award!

Just a reminder, I'm still taking nominations for my "Dildo of the Year Award."  We've still got a bit of time yet, but we're close enough to begin deliberations.    

I know you've been gnashing your teeth over who will emerge "victorious," knowing full well that winning this august contest of mine labels one a Dufus, a Cad and a Dweeb.  Oh yeah, and a Twerp, a Scoundrel and a Miscreant.  Even though it's still early, our runaway candidate for the 2021 Award is:  

         St. George of Fentanyl

Some may find it strange that San Fran Nan Pelosi of the House of Reps and Chuckie Schumer of the Senate, in concert with their sycophants in the Democrat Party and our so-called "MainStreamMedia," (LOL), plus all of Hollyweird, oh, and Academia, and the unions, and everybody on the Upper East Side, and everybody I just forgot to mention, have chosen to make George Floyd their saint.

I know I do.

To select and sanctify a Guttersnipe of the First Magnitude for their Standard Bearer is frankly disturbing.  And a little scary.  They could have selected any number of prominent Black people in our society to idolize, if idolizing only Blacks was their goal.  

It quite obviously was not.

Instead they picked a guy who was arrested 23 separate times and imprisoned for five of them.  His rap sheet goes all the way back to 1998 when he was arrested for dealing coke.  As in coca-ina.  That magical substance that makes Central American farmers act like Wall Street bankers.  Floyd's rap sheet included 3 stolen cars, 3 armed robberies and 6 burglaries.  This guy was busy!

To prove he was not some ordinary gang banger, in 2008 he donned the outfit of a water meter reader and led a gang of fellow felons on a smash and grab into a poor Black woman's apartment.  He held a gun to her pregnant stomach and demanded cash for drugs.  He got 5 years in the Texas Big House for that one.

Nice guy, huh?  

He relocated to Minneapolis upon his parole where he continued to plague the local cops with a series of lower-level "smash-and-grab" crimes.  They were called when he tried to pass a bogus $20 bill at the Cup Foods.  While high on fentanyl.  And cocaine.  And maryjowanna.  With an enlarged heart.  Which the coroner gave as his official cause of death.  

Like that matters to good Liberals and the Legacy Media.

Except the dumbass cop was dumbass enough to put his dumbass knee on this guy's dumbass neck while he was dying.  The cop deserves the sentence he received.  And so will the next one...

But something tells me that the Democrat National Committee and Hollywood and the teachers' unions and the Dinosaur Media and San Fran Nan Pelosi and Chuckie Schumer would do a lot better if they chose a different Saint;  a different champion, a different standard bearer, to carry their flag into battle.  Somebody like, say, the Right Reverend Alfonso Sharpton.  But no, they'll not take their marching orders from the likes of me.  They'll continue in their errant ways, and so far be it from me to try and stop them.  

However, the nominating process is still open.  And the far-and-away leader in nominations after St. George is: 

        Sir Hunter of Wilmington   

In short, had "Sir Hunter" been born to any other father he'd be doing hard time in Leavenworth right now.  As his rather colorful background will attest.

I'm sure he always felt like the red-headed stepchild.  His brother Beau was always Daddy's favorite.  Beau was the rock-star military hero and home-state attorney general.  Hunter had to enlist in the Navy.  Which promptly disgorged him like a rotten piece of feted meat.  For being a drug addict.  Poor thing.

So while nursing his bad-conduct discharge, he promptly began doing his dead brother's wife.  Doing, as in, "doing."  "Wink-Wink."  

That didn't turn out so well when sister-in-bed found out he was diddling a Little Rock stripper, who he made "heavy with child."  And then promptly lied about the paternity.  

Had he lied yet in the pantheon of crimes, both small and large by this time?  I think not.  Good.  We can now add that one in. 

She sued for paternity, forcing him to leave his rented Venice Beach $3 Million Dollar mansion long enough to take a blood test.  Which he promptly failed. And then she was awarded child care.  Nice guy, what?

Those of us who don't get their news from Yahoo and Google now know about the infamous "laptop from hell."  It contains not only severely incriminating evidence against Hunter, but against his Daddy.  As in, The President.  Of these here Eeeuuuu-nited States.  

Well, the FBI is supposed to be investigating the laptop thingie and maybe we'll one day find out what will happen as a result.  I'm betting nothing, because Hunter is Joe's Baby Boy, and Joe's a Democrat, and the FBI appears to be chock full of Democrats these days.  

I'll keep you briefed on the Award.  And if you have any other nominees, please just pass them along.  It's soooooo much fun to delve into the backgrounds of these bottom-feeders...