Introducing, POOPSS!

NEWS FLASH!  The Minnneeappullus City Counsel just voted to defund and eliminate its police department!  So has NYC's "Mayor" Warren Wilhelm, Jr. (better known as Bill De Blasio).  Another 4 major Democrat cities are preparing to do the same, and who knows how many others will follow?  It seems that these cities are blaming America's 800,000 police officers for the actions of a very few.  

But that brings up a question.  How long will it be before all our cops quit and leave America defenseless?  How long will it be before all or most of our nearly 800,000 police officers decide that they've grown weary of being humiliated, shamed, mistreated, underfunded, abused, debased, ignored, underpaid, lied about and blamed?  And how long will it be before you won't be able to pay them enough to take the crap that's being shoveled?  

I'd say that those early in their careers will bale, and those toward the end will immediately retire.  This will leave the Force decimated, hollowed out, with perhaps less than half the current numbers.  With the remainder less well trained and managed.  And that should please the BLM folks just fine!

Well, Pilgrim, listen up!

Upset that roving gangs of rioters and looters and anarchists and arsonists are torching a community near you?  

Angered that you cannot drive where you want or walk where you need for fear of being accosted or beaten, or even worse, by gangs of miscreant hoodlum thugs, dead-set on removing from you your hard-won freedoms?  And your property?  And maybe your life?

Pissed that your elected officials seem to have kowtowed to the violent mobs encroaching upon your fair city?  That they not only aren't protecting you and your property, but seem to be on the side of those doing the violence?

Concerned that you might have no police support just when having police support is most important?

Well, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I'm pleased to announce the...

"Pissed Off Old
People's Security
Service!"

Yes, friends, today is your day!  Simply give us a call and the POOPSS patrol will be there quicker than a Democrat raises taxes.  We'll protect your business and your home and your family from all looters and anarchists and arsonists and violent protesters night or day, every day of the week.

We'll show up when you need us most and stay where you need us to be until the looters grow tired of trying to separate you from your valuables.  Or your life.  Yes, we're armed, with approved weaponry and lots and lots of ammo to go "boom."  We bring only the latest model AR-15s, just to piss off the commie pinko dumbass liberal weenies who might be paying attention.  And the very worst thing you want if you're a crazed looter is a pissed off old Viet Nam-era vet with a bad back and prostate troubles standing between you and something to steal.  That would be a baaaaad idea!  

Just think!  It will be Dodge City all over again!  Gangs of roving thieves and looters and arsonists and anarchists being put in their place by a few old bad asses with little to lose, and not a whole lot of time in which to lose it.  Ask yourself:  would you want to confront an old guy with a gun and the knowledge and willingness to use it?  

I don't think so!

Picture your business with a half dozen old farts packing serious heat, standing ominously in front of your shoe store or your pharmacy or your Dairy Queen, just daring a bunch of foolhardy miscreants to "make their day."

So, fear not about your elected officials failing to protect you as per their sworn oath.  They won't be around.  But we will, and we'll do it for them!  And at a fair price!  Just supply us with plenty of Ensure and coffee and some donuts and a beer or two later in the day and we'll be just fine. 

So call 1-800-4POOPSS* and we'll take it from there...

*  (Don't call this number.  Nobody will answer.  That's because it isn't real.  Just like this whole Marxist movement that's attempting to destroy America from the inside...)