Your (Approved) Weekend Activities...

You'll be pleased to know that Boy Guv Gavin Newsom, Speaker of the House San Fran Nan Pelosi's nephew, is feeling badly about having to shut down your used-to-be Golden State.  He's shuttered all the stores and the restaurants and the barber shops and everywhere else.  Except for "essential" locations, such as your friendly grocery store, that is.  

Imagine:  Everybody, everywhere socially-distances, except when whole bunches of them pack into grocery stores, and then spread whatever they picked up there all over the place.  That makes sense, right?

Anyway, Boy Guv, J. Paul Getty's Godson, a guy who was born on third base and thought he'd hit a triple, must be feeling sad that he's had to punish "reddish" Orange County by closing all its beaches.  Nowhere else, mind you.  Just Orange County.  A County which doesn't vote for him.  A County which is experiencing almost no cases of the Chinese Coronvirus, and a death rate of 0.0001% (Newport Beach's Mayor's stats).  

So Boy Guv, a fellow who's mucho more concerned about Orange County's people surfing unfettered than he is about permitting unlimited numbers of medically-unchecked, illegal aliens to pour in to the state unimpeded, put together a list of "approved activities" in which his "serfs" may engage.  Yes, yes he did.  He actually did...

But he prefaced his Official List with these kind words:  "We want you to see sunsets," he said.  "We want you to enjoy activities outdoors.  What we don't want is people congregating outside in large groups."  Or groups of any kind, it would seem...

And he's had his formal goons release that list in time for us to plan our plebeian, unimportant, out-of-work weekends.  And knowing that you'll appreciate a heads-up from your Faithful Scribe, The Chuckmeister, here's that Official List, published on the Guv's COVID19.ca.gov website for those who'd like to check (my commentary provided in italics, where appropriate):

     -  Athletics
     -  Badminton (singles) (who returns serve?)
     -  Throwing a baseball or softball (to whom?)
     -  BMX biking 
     -  Canoeing (singles) (only one per canoe, or only one canoe?)
     -  Crabbing
     -  Cycling (singles, I assume)
     -  Exploring rock pools (how quaint)
     -  Gardening (not in groups) (how often does one "garden" in groups, anyway?)
     -  Golf (singles - no cart) (disabled Americans, revolt!)
     -  Hiking (on trails and paths allowing distancing)
     -  Horseback riding (singles) (again, one per horse, or only one horse?)
     -  Jogging and running (singles, I presume)
     -  Kite boarding and kitesurfing (except in Orange County)
     -  Meditation (why didn't I think of that?)
     -  Outdoor photography (no indoor?)
     -  Picnics (with your stay-home household members only)  (reminiscent of 1936 Berlin, me thinks)
     -  Quad Biking (limited to four per bike?)
     -  Rock climbing (no falling)
     -  Roller skating and roller blading
     -  Rowing (singles)
     -  Scootering (not in groups)  (what's a "scootering?")
     -  Skateboarding (not in groups)
     -  Soft martial arts - Tai Chi, Chi Kung (not in groups) (I just have to ask, why not "hard" martial arts?  Are they too "hard?")
     -  Table tennis (singles)  (who returns serve?)
     -  Throw and catch an American mini-football, frisbee or frisbee golf (not in groups) (this is actually embarrasing!) 
     -  Trail running
     -  Trampolining
     -  Tree climbing (singles only?)
     -  Volleyball (singles only)
     -  Walk the dog  (the dog appreciates the consideration)
     -  Wash the car  (what if you had to sell the car because you're out of work and broke?)
     -  Watch the sunrise or sunset  (are you s**ting me?  Did they really put this out?  They've got to be smoking something!)
     -  Yoga  (how elite of them)

So, fellow Pilgrims, while you're "sheltering in place," or better put, in State-ordered, anti-Constitutional solitary confinement, this little list from your Boy Guv should give you alternative, "approved" activities from which you can choose.

No need to thank him.  That's why the Liberals put him in charge...

(I just had to add, if fascistic, would-be dictators like our Boy Guv are okay with overstepping their Constitutional prerogatives to such an egregious extent, how much farther would they be willing to go if one-third of their population wasn't already armed and considered dangerous?)