Reparations!

Although the more honest of the Progressive Liberal Communist Marxist Socialist Redistributionist Pinko Weenies among us have long been calling for reparations to be paid to African-Americans for the wrongs done their ancestors by our ancestors some 400 years ago, no one in the mainstream of American politics has been even remotely serious about the proposition.  

For obvious reasons.  

No American alive today has owned slaves, despite what they'd like you to believe.

And no American alive today has been owned, regardless of what hip hop artists and Lefty politicians and Hollywood "stars" tell us.

And no one alive today has been directly harmed by those who in the past owned slaves.  So, this topic has only been embraced by the absolute fringe elements within the Democrat Party, and then only to raucous guffaws and belly laughs.  

That, by the way, would be the Party that helped create and protect the Ku Klux Klan, the Party that voted in lock-step against the 15th Amendment (Voting Rights Act), and the Party that voted to a man against the Civil Rights Act.  

(Look it up, all you naysayers!)

So, like I said, universally rejected by all with more than a room temperature-I.Q.  Until now, that is...

Now, finally, due in no small part to the many and varied contributions of race-bating Blacks like the Reverend Al and Cory and Kamala and "Mad Max," the call for "reparations" have finally gone mainstream...

In just the past week African-American Senator Cory Booker (D-NJ) and Jamaican-Indian Senator Kamala Harris (D-CA) have given their full-throated endorsements to formal reparations.  To Blacks only, I presume.  Even though there must have been many more identity groups over the years that we Americans have sorely pissed off, these Black Senators called for payments only to Blacks.

Isn't that racist?

Kind of interesting, don't you think?  Especially as Booker's folks were both Wall Street bankers who put him through school at Stanford, Yale and Harvard.  And Harris, who, with a Jamaican dad whose family had owned slaves, he says, and an Indian ("red dot," not "whoo whoo") momma, who likely has less African blood in her than does The Donald.

And not to be outdone, our own Oklahoma "Native American" of the High Cheekbones Tribe, and recently-announced POTUS candidate Senator Elizabeth ("Fauxchahontas") Warren (D-MA) has done them one better by calling for reparations for Native Americans, also.  Lemme' see here, I guess it's one of those, "If you can't join them, why not try to beat them?"  

Well, I dunno' about you, but I'M DAMNED HAPPY ABOUT THIS!  Yesireeeee Bob, even if your name isn't Bob, I'm picking up what these pandering bozo miscreants are putting down.  Why?

Because I, The Chuckmeister, self-identify as Black, I want "my people" to have their/our stain of slavery washed away!  And only bushels of cash, preferably from the pockets of some Liberal billionaire, can make that happen.  Pluuuus, as luck would have it, I ALSO self-identify as a Native American!  That's kinda' like hitting a double without ever going to bat!

And only a Big Pile of Benjamins can do the washing!

And don't tell me this can't work.  Remember Rachel Dolezol?  She's the White babe who got her hair frizzed, slathered on loads of (wo)Man Tan and "self-identified" as a Black.  So good was she at it that she was elected the President of her region's NAACP chapter in Oregon!  Damn!  Think of that; a White woman preaching to a room full of Black women about...the evils of White privilege.  Just makes you want to puke, don't it?

However, as luck would have it, this is me hitting the Lotto!  Imagine, being both Black and an "Indigenous People," I stand to reap some big-time reward if these folks were to ever get elected POTUS.  They'd pay back their adoring voters, like me, with oodles of somebody-else's cash, which I'd gladly take, since mine has been scooped up and redistributed by these same bozos to others so many times before.

Annnd, it could only get better!  Let's assume others of the Pandering Posse realize there's an Identity Group that's been left out.  And so they gladly include them.  Can't you see it?  How about Eskimos need some extra cash due to "climate change."  It's too damn cold to get a decent meal of sushi up there, so somebody must pay!

How about some money for the Chinese for being forced to build the railroads back in the 1850's?  Jews?  Ummm, The Holocaust?  Hello!  Don't the Jewish People deserve some of them there reparations?  I would think so!  How about the Irish?  Back in the late Nineteenth Century a "Mick" couldn't even get a job in New York City! 

(By the way, I also "self-identify" as Irish, which...I am.  So that makes it quite a bit easier.)   

And by God, don't even try to accuse me of trying to get over by claiming to be something I'm not.  If I'm accused of this, I'll just mention that I also "self-identify" as transgender, and so anyone who gives me grief will wind up getting slapped with a hate crime!

You like it?  I thought you would... 

Now, we've already taken care of the American-Indians.  We've gave them an arm lock on casinos in perpetuity back in 2000.  So it's High Time we reward our other put-upon peoples while there's still some of somebody else's money to pay for it.  

And God knows we've got to hurry.  Remember what that conservative icon Margaret Thatcher once said:  "Socialism's fine until you run out of somebody else's money!"

So I say let's hand out some freebies to the disaffected among us.  Let's give our favored few some crumbs so they'll vote the "right way."  Of course, once the "rich" find out we're picking them clean they'll just up and leave.  They'll be on their way to the nearest airport to board their Gulfstream 5 and head off to friendlier parts.  

And then, like I've oft said, there won't be anyone left out here in the Peoples' Republic of California except sign twirlers and Starbucks baristas...