Attempted Murder...

In an effort to lighten the mood a tad, now that we've been deeply immersed in politics lo these many months, I've decided to dig into my upcoming book entitled, "You Can't Make This Sh*t Up!," and extract a bit of history you might find of interest.  I certainly did...

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I'm pleased to report that I was only arrested for attempted murder just the one time...

It was back during my pool shooting days, and I was trolling the local bars for my daily bread.  And butter.  And this particular day I was doing a bit of hustling at a Black bar called "O.C. Bruner's B.B.Q."  It was on the "wrong" side of Marshall, Missouri, my little college town.  And thus close by for a little fishing, if you get my drift...

It was a Saturday evening.  Bruner's was a beer bar that catered to those who love good food, which is everybody, and the Black crowd, which had no other decent place to go.  A beer bar full of Black people, all raising Hell, juke box blaring.  And me.  Glaring White, like a neon sign...

There was this late-teen/early twenties Black kid who thought he could play pool.  And me, who thought he couldn't.  So we played a bit to find out.  With the skids greased by $10 a game.  Tall money back then.  This was no game.

And to make sure it wasn't a game, but a contribution, I proceeded to lighten him up by a $Hundred or so over a couple of hours.  While his girlfriend watched.  And continually harangued him for being a loser.  And while he kept getting drunker...and drunker...and drunker.

Upon the loss of the umpteenth game, he decided to take his frustration out on me with a pool cue.  One he waved over his head as he charged at me.  At full tilt.  At the last minute I managed to step just out of his way and grabbed the back of his shirt and his belt as he whizzed by.  I kept his momentum going as he passed by on his way to a nearby...brick wall.  

An immovable brick wall.

His head made this awful "crunch" as it hit.  He folded like a cheap tent.  Right to the floor.  The juke box stopped.  And then there was silence.  

Soon O.C. called an ambulance and somebody called the fuzz.  They both came at about the same time, one rending care to the kid, and one hooking me up and taking me away.

Charged with attempted murder.  Me.  Just a big, dumb pool professional.  Who was only happy at the time, if he could make you unhappy.  It was sort of a drug.  An addiction.  Peeling people like grapes.  And then blowing the proceeds in all sorts of wasteful pursuits.

Jealous, yet? 

Well, fellow Patriots, this became one of those "learning moments" Obama talked about.  Maybe he had personal experience.  Anyway, they tossed my scared ass into a cold, gray cell and slammed the door shut.  I sat there trying to figure out how to get out of this, knowing that the other guy started it, and knowing it had occurred in potentially "enemy" territory.  This was MLK days, remember?  I must tell you, I was more frightened at this moment than perhaps at any other time before or since.

But the worst was not to be!  My best friend Jim Igo's dad was a retired county judge.  And when Jim told him of my perilous situation, he intervened.  He showed up at about 3:00 a.m. with a wad of $100 bills.  He was joined by the Chief and a couple of officers.  Jim's dad, Joe, reached in his pocked, pulled out that wad that would choke a Clydesdale, and asked, "How much to get my boy Chuck here out of jail?"  Ahhh!  My savior!

As it turned out, Joe's money was unneeded.  Turns out O.C. Bruner drove down to the jail to set the record straight.  He told the true story.  He backed me, a White kid, over the other guy,* and got me sprung.  Just in time for day break.

A sunrise I shall never forget.  Following a night I shall never forget.  I was free.  And I swore to never, ever hustle pool again.  A promise which I broke, before dark that day, as I recall...  

*  Oh yeah, the smartass who almost lost his mind over a game of pool...survived.  The bleeding out of his ears decided to stop.  So my charges were dropped and I learned my lesson (not).  And this dude no doubt went on to contribute his hard-earned cash to many other nice guys like me in the future...