Disneyland for Illegals...

I, The Chuckmeister, your unpaid guide through the perils and pitfalls of modern-day life (and worth every single penny of it!), have said for years that there's a simple, and I believe effective answer to the "crisis" occurring on our Southern Border.    

           We simply annex Mexico.

Did you know that the Mexican maps do not show the Border as the Border?  The Mexican people call it "La Frontiera."  As in, the "Frontier."  Like the one between the U. S. and North Korea, for instance.  A Frontier.  Not a border.  Because to them, the Mexican-American War was never really over.  They think the "Treaty of Juadalupe Hidalgo" ended it unfairly, they believe, because it took the northern portion of their country away.  What they then called "Aztlan."  We think we stole it fair and square.  And we know we could have taken the entire country had we wished.  Being the Nice Guys we are, we decided to only take everything up to and including San Francisco as the spoils of war, and then all the way over to Oklahoma, and then down through to Texas.  Only.  

They wound up with "La Frontiera."  And the never-ending desire to cross it...

Now then, fellow Patriots, for the Plan:  We get about 20 or so retired, paunchy old Viet Nam vets to volunteer.  Most of them are bored and tired and pissed off at their lot in life, and are beset with all sorts of nagging medical issues, so they'd be more than willing to take up arms and storm some castle or other.  We convince a Chevy dealer to loan us a half-dozen used Suburbans.  We ask a gun dealer for a couple of dozen AR-15s, and some ammo to go along.  And then we talk a willing billionaire to bankroll the effort with about $250,000 in One Hundred Dollar bills.  

At a pre-approved time, each Suburban, filled with armed Army vets, one at each window, will ready itself at one of the half-dozen major border crossing checkpoints leading into Mexico.  At "Go" time, each Suburban will crash through their border checkpoint, windows down, with a crusty old vet at each one, furiously throwing out hundred dollar bills. 

My theory is, the Mexican border guards will be so busy scrambling around on the ground picking up our money that they'll pay no attention at all to the fleeing Surburbans or the Army vets inside.  Once past the Border, it'll be a straight shot all the way to Mexico City.  Once there, they can simply walk up the Capitol Building steps and take over the Country.  We'll time it for about 2:00 or so, when they're all taking siestas, so we should receive little in the way of resistance.  Especially when their guards find out what we're up to.  I mean, taking over the country should be easy, as the aristocrats who own and control Mexico are most likely lounging by the pool at the Beverly Hills Hotel, so they won't put up much of a fight.  

Then, we'll invite American citizens to emigrate to Mexico.  We could expect that millions would head the call, as the Ruling Party here in America is doing its best to destroy the Country.  And with 4,000 miles of pristine shoreline available, up and down both the Baja and the Mainland, we'll build dozens and dozens and dozens of high-end hotels and vacation resorts, using American talent to run them.  And we'll invite Americans to both vacation and move there.  And that will result in bright and clean new cities, filled to the brim with folks dedicated to obeying the law and staying out of other peoples' business. 

As to America, we'll give it to the "Progressives" who've been so dead-set on ruining it.  Have you been to Lost Angeles lately?  It's a toilet.  A Tiajowanna-quality toilet.  The very same folks who wish to return "Aztlan" to Mexican control have shown us what they'll do if they achieve it.  And the "Progressives" in charge here have shown us that they're quite comfortable in allowing this desecration of our once-Golden State.  I say, let them do with their America what they will.  They've screwed it up beyond all recognition over the past 50 years or so, so let them live in the mess of their own creation.  I mean, murderers on death row getting stimulus checks?  And voting?  Pulllleeeeze...

My guess is that within a couple of decades their America of today will become the Venezuela of tomorrow...