Although I'm a self-identified braniac, a Mensa-qualified, quasi-genius who's been damn near everywhere and done damn near everything, there's still a couple or five lingering questions I've yet to have answered. And they seriously perplex me. Seriously. They are...
- Exactly how many Kardashian sisters are there? At times it seems like maybe six or eight, or maybe ten, but then I'll read something in a supermarket checkout line that makes me think it might be a much larger number. Like maybe a dozen, or even more!
Now we all know this family became famous overnight because their daddy was O. J.'s lawyer. But then he dropped dead. The lawyer, unfortunately, not O. J. And then, whoooeeee! Things started happening big time! Our own Olympic champion decathlete Bruce Jenner married the widow, the daughters' mom. Of course, living with her and those daughters, each of whom was becoming extremely famous for being...extremely famous, must have had an extremely deleterious effect on poor Bruce's sperm count. Because Bruce became, ummm, Brucilina. Or, rather Caitlyn. Don't know why they let him/her/it get away with that "C." It seems each of the Kardashian names must start with a "K," although the reason seems to be a secret up there with the recipe for Coke.
But mother Kris kept soldiering on, guiding each of her progeny into bigger and better YouTube deals, and Instagram payouts, and little TV reality-type shows. Seemingly overnight, they became billionaires and started marrying Black basketball players. Enough of them for an entire team, I'd surmise. In fact, I often thought they should take a small percentage of their collective wealth and buy an NBA basketball team. And then hire all the sons-in-law to play on it. It would be kind of like a travelling road show. Like the Globetrotters, I'm thinking.
But that's yet to be determined. As in, are there enough of them available to put together a team? And that's because you never, ever see all of them in one place at one time. Perhaps they're clones, I'm thinking. But it seems we'll never get to know how many Kardashians we have to "...keep up with."
If you have any idea just how many of them there are, please write back; the suspense is killing me.
- How, I'd like to know, do the "youts" of today (what's a yout?) keep their pants from falling down around their ankles when they wear them down around their primary orifice? I mean, their pants are at least a foot below their waste! Yet, for some strange, perhaps otherworldly reason, they don't. No matter what they do, their pants just stay right where they are; belt around their butt, defying the laws of gravity.
Superglue? Velcro? Magic?
And then why do they do it? It looks slovenly and unkempt as Hell. It looks downright stupid. But hey, that's just me. Do they think it makes them look cool? Or sexy? Or, maybe they're just advertising their availability? If so, and if it does, it gives me little hope for the future of the human race.
This, my friends, is another perplexing question deserving of an answer.
- I'd like to know why some of us get so worked up over this whole "Climate Change" thing. If it's real, as they tell us, then we "...only have 12 years before it'll be too late!" "The world will end!" "We're all going to die!"
That's what those "climate scientists" who tell jokes to college crowds and spew blow-dried opinion from behind a desk at ABC/CBS/NBC/CNN/MSNBC/NPR, etc., etc., etc., and lecture all of us Great Unwashed from some meaningless celeb awards show, and beg you for your vote so they can pass laws to take every last penny from your pockets, tell us.
And they must be right because "97% of climate scientists tell us it's true!" Of course, 97% of climate scientists work for the government, directly or indirectly, and they want their paychecks to continue. Just imagine how quickly those grants and stipends would dry up if those "97%" told us everything was going to be just fine. Yeah, just imagine...
If one is really interested in this subject, I'd suggest they find out what that other "3%" has to say. The Weather Channel, for example. Find out what the experts who aren't only the Federal payroll have to say. Then make your own decision...
So, once again, I'd say if these dweebs really believe this horses**t, then they'd blow all their college money on drugs and sex and rock and roll, figuring that the very worst thing we could do as a society is give our Government such complete control over our puny, insignificant lives. Imagine having the same folks in charge of the "weather" that are managing the DMV? Amtrak? The VA?
Think about it: It took 17 years to build the Freedom Tower after the Bad Guys brought down the Twin Towers. Which, BTW, took only two years to build in the first place. At that rate, there's no possible way we could do anything at all to minimize or eliminate this whole "Global Something-or-Other" when we'll all be dead in a dozen years.
Personally, I'd say we're far better off burned to that proverbial crisp than having AOC and Schumer and Pelosi and bozos like Biden and Fauxchahontas beginning to implement over us their own interpretation of the "Hunger Games." With us being the "hungry," of course.
- I'd like to know why when a cop shoots a Black man, it's the cop. But when a Black man shoots a cop, it's the gun? Funny how that happens...
- We all know by now that every single idea, suggestion or proposal that POTUS Trump puts forth is immediately and completely trashed by the MainStreamMedia, the Democrat Party, Hollywood famousey-types and climate alarmists everywhere.
Sooooo, it makes me wonder exactly why Mr. Trump and his Gang doesn't just put forth an idea exactly 180 degrees out from what they really want, then wait, oh, maybe 30 seconds for the (dis)loyal opposition to come out with a full-throated condemnation, and then issue an immediate correction, saying "oops," he really meant the opposite! By which point all the vitriol would have been spilled, the nasty comments would have been uttered, the useless airtime on the CNN's and MSNBC's would have been wasted and the blathering, spittle-infused craziness would have been hurled.
Sort of like Emily Latella on SNL, saying "Never mind!"
Hey Donald! Are you paying attention? I just solved your media problem without firing a single shot!
- I'd like to know why when somebody, somewhere passes a bad check, everybody else's checking account charges don't go up? Or when somebody gets a DUI, the rest of us have to reduce our alcohol consumption. Or when somebody speeds or runs stop signs or drives recklessly, then some of us who didn't break those laws don't lose our licenses? I mean, if anybody, anywhere shoots up a school, or a church, or a mall, then the rest of the gun owners just HAVE to be punished for the actions of those few. That's what we're told. And I'd like to know why?
- And finally, for now, I'd like to know why the Democrats don't go ahead and impeach The Donald. They've been threatening to do so since the day he was inaugurated. Since the day he was born, perhaps. Yet, for some reason, they haven't. Perhaps it's because they've yet to find some of that "high crimes and misdemeanors" stuff our Founding Fathers talked about. Well, if so, I'd like to offer a suggestion as to what charge to use; He hurt their feelings.
So that'll do it for now. That's enough questions for my faithful followers to ponder, lest they get a brain cramp. And we sure don't want that. So, Pilgrims, let me know if you have answers to any of these perplexing questions. I'll be forever in your debt...
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