"Mr. Trump, Tear Down That Wall!"

It's taken me quite a long time to finally buy in to the whole left-wing approach to border security, but I have.  They just wore me down.  Plus, since they hold the levers of power here in the Peoples' Republic of California, I kind of have to go along to get along, doncha' know.  

I always thought securing the border was trying to keep folks who shouldn't be here...from coming here.  But no.  Now it's using drones and technology and x-rays and microwaves and radar and all sorts of other whiz-bang, hi-tech wizardry to try and keep "undocumented foreign visitors" from visiting.

So says newly-(re)christened Speaker of the House of Representatives San Fran Nan Pelosi.  And God knows, she's supremely prepared for her role.  I mean after all, as the daughter and the brother of the Mayors of Baltimore, having been chauffeured to and from pre-school in a limo, she came West loaded for the California bear.  She's been in Congress since The Flood, even just got her nephew voted in as the new Guvnor, and will surely be there long after anyone you know is still alive.

And she said, and I quote, "Walls are immoral, ineffective and expensive."  So, we have to believe her, right?  She wouldn't lie to us, would she?  

So, my friends, and are my friends, we have no other choice but to drop our quest for a border wall from sea to shining sea.  Or even another 232 miles of it, as The Donald and the Border Protection and ICE and Homeland Security folks are requesting.  We have 626 miles of border walls and and barriers right now, but that just must be torn down, right!  I mean, walls are immoral, right?  And we don't want to anger God, do we?

No-We-Do-Not!

So, we tear down all the walls we have now (we simply must!) and install $Billions in new hi-tech stuff to keep out illegals.  Boy, is Silicon Valley happy!  No walls, just whiz-bang.  And of course, lots of new border guards.

By my calculations, it will take about 33,000 new guards to protect the areas of the border not now fenced, plus the areas Homeland Security says we need to harden, not including the 300 or so miles of rocky, mountainous Texas terrain where the Rio Grande is too wide to wade.  

We have to put them, our loyal guards, about every 250 feet so that when the drone tells us an alien is breaking in, our folks can run right over and can keep him from doing so.  I mean, that's the point in a drone or x-rays or radar, isn't it?  To tell us when they're breaking in, right?  Why would we need to know from a drone or a laser that someone is violating our immigration laws unless we intend to do something about it, right?

But then, in the roughly 850 miles which need extra-special-attention, we need a guard about 50 feet.  And in the super-special areas, like San Diego, Otay Mesa and Juarez, we'll need a guard every 4 feet.  Shoulder to shoulder.  Arm-in-arm.  I mean, there's no wall now, so we'll need lots and lots of good ol' muscle. 

So then, I'm figuring we'll need a total of somewhere north of 200,000 border guards.  Only.  At about $100,000 in annual salary each, we're looking at only about another $20,000,000,000 ($20 Billion!) a year in personnel costs.  Not much if you say it quick...

Lots of newly-created jobs, plus, we'll be able to hold our heads high around the United Nations because we're treating El Salvadorans and Guatemalans and Hondurans with such empathy and dignity.  And who cares about increasing our Federal Debt because we can't afford it?  We can afford other stuff, right?  Why not this?  I mean, as brand-new NYC Representative Alexhanditover Occasional-Cortex just told us, all we have to do is just print more money! 

Of course, we could avoid all this sturm and drang by just building a wall, like China, and Israel, and Jordan.  But doing it this other way will make our Social Justice Warriors so very proud!

And I'm all for that, aren't you?  I mean, after all, making us all feel good is the whole point, right?