"South of the Border, Down Mexico Way"

"South of the border, down Mexico way.  That's where I fell in love where the stars above, came out to play."

Remember that song?  It was Number One on charts back in 1956 when one Mr. Frank Sinatra chose to record it.  Great song.  The country down there, however, has fallen on some very hard times since "The Chairman of the Board" chose to honor it.

Flash forward six decades...

So as we all know by now, The Donald moseyed on down to Meheeeeeko Citee a couple of days back to meet with their El Presidente.  

Yes, my friends, and you are my friends, Trump was issued what I believe to have been a perfunctory invitation to come and visit by their Prez, Enrique Pena Nieto. One was sent Hil(liar)y's way as well.  So much has been said about illegal immigration and drug cartels and building a wall that Nieto issued an invite to both to come visit.  

Only The Donald took him up on it.  And I'm pretty sure El Jefe Neito was surprised. And probably scared s**tless. There's no question in my mind that Nieto expected neither candidate to respond positively.  He's in such a mess down there I think he was doing anything he could to try and improve his tanking poll numbers.  But only one week ago Trump said "Yes," and they started scrambling to make the necessary arrangements for his visit.  Put simply, hating Trump as they do, his fellow countrymen were not pleased with his invitation.  Nor with The Trumpster's acceptance.

Anyway, whether at the behest of the Secret Service, or simply due to his desire to keep his ass attached to the rest of his body, The Donald decided to rent a nice new, stark white (isn't that racist?) Bizz jet to ferry him down Meheeeeeko Way.  No "Trump force One" this time.  I'm guessing he was concerned about becoming the bull's eye for a heat-seeking Sidewinder missile sent skyward by one of their ubiquitous drug cartels. Remember, you're not paranoid if they're really after you.

So The Donald and Prez Nieto held a press conference.  You might have noticed that, following diplomatic decorum, there was a Mexican Flag behind Nieto on that stage, but there was no American Flag behind The Donald.  I have a theory about that little "oversight," and here it is:

The Mexicans do not believe that there really is a United States of America.  And that's because 168 years ago they owned a good chunk of what would become America. It was call Astlan.  Or Alta (read "upper," or "high") California.  It stretched from way above what's now the Peoples' Republic of San Francisco, north across the top of Utah and Nevada, and dipped down through Oklahoma and on to encompass most of what is now Texas. They called it Tejas, as in "Tee-haas," by the way. The Mexicans owned vast rancheras (big-ass, multi-thousand acre ranches) here.  They raised their cattle here. They built missions here.  They lived here.  And then they began to screw with us and our people as we moved west. Bad move.

Their banditas, like Senor Pancho Villa and his boys, began stealing our cattle.  And stealing our women.  And robbing our trains and our banks. In short, they were causing mucho problemo, and we decided up with that we should no longer put (with apologies to Yoda). We declared war.  It was called the "Mexican-American War," catchy, right? Because, technically, they started it. But we ended it...

The War officially came to a close via the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo of 1848.  It gave us all of Alta California. It could have given us much, much more.  In fact, it could have given us all of Meheeeeeko.  And there were many in D.C. at the time who felt it should have.  We could easily have annexed our neighbor to the south.  And maybe we should have.  Because we had them on the ropes, as they say. But the more circumspect in power back then felt that taking on Mexico, then, as now, a Third World Country (I'm sure they would disagree with that opinion), would have meant biting off way more than our young country could fiscally chew.  And maybe those who felt that way were right. But that decision has laid the foundation for the debate in which we now find ourselves...

In short, Mexicans don't believe they were treated fairly by that Treaty.  They don't believe that they should have lost the northern third of their country.  They don't even believe that the border that exists between our two countries is, in fact, a border!  If you pick up a map of Mexico, from Mexico, you'll note that the border between us, most generally the Rio Grande River, all 1,869 miles of it, is called "La Frontera." The Frontier.  They don't consider it a border.  They consider it a nothing more than a speed bump on the freeway between their people and a high-paying job in El Norte.  A hurdle over which they have to jump to get to where they ought to be able to go without impediment.  It's theirs!  So why should they feel guilty about breaking into our country, if they don't believe our country is our country?  In short, they don't!

Now, for purposes of background, those who follow this unassuming little blog will note that I have written on this subject before.  And I have related in-depth about Meheeeeeeko's draconian laws concerning illegal immigration.  But for those unfortunates who have never had the chance to inculcate those nuggets of information (maybe they were being held hostage by a band of roving Gypsies!), let me give you a short briefing on how our Southern Neighbors view this trendy little subject:

   -  If you break into Mexico, without permission, you get a two-year stint in one of their maximum security prisons. No passing "GO," no collecting 200 pesos.  Then you get deported.  If you're still alive, that is.  If you decide to come back (bad idea!), you get ten years, hard labor.  Not something one should want.  Most likely a death sentence.

   -  Whereas Senor Nieto seems to think exporting their poor to America, one-way, is a really good idea, they don't seem to feel the same way about their neighbors to the south. They've dug trenches all across their borders with Guatemala, El Salvador and Nicaragua, and then filled them with uniformed soldiers and machine guns pointed toward potential border-jumpers.  They will judge with extreme prejudice those who try and do to them what they routinely do to us.  Think on that for awhile, my friends.

   -  Meheeeeeeko's Number One export is oil.  And oil prices are down.  Thus, Meheeeeeko's economy is down.  And so is Prez Nieto's popularity.  Number Two source of income is "remittances."  These are the $25 Billion Dollars or so in annual earnings that come back home from illegal workers who take "jobs Americans won't do," and then send the money they illegally earn back to momma in Guadalajara.  It has been opined that their economy would quickly tank if these remittances were to stop.

   -  If you decide to emigrate to Mexico, it will take you many months to gain approval from them to do so.  To get a visa you must prove you are financially stable and will not become a drag on their economy (!).  You must prove you are either independently wealthy, or that you are employed and your employer guarantees that they will support you during your entire stay, and oversee and pay for your repatriation back home should that prove necessary.

   -  Once there, it will take you at least six months to secure a driver's license.  You must take driver's lessons from an approved vendor.  Those lessons are expensive, costing at least $1,600, which is a fortune to a Mexican.  You must maintain insurance offering coverage at least double what Mexicans now maintain.  

   -  You may not own land within 50 miles of any body of water.  Oceans, lakes, rivers, streams, tributaries, no matter. If it's a body of water, you, Gringo, can't own land nearby. You may only purchase land through a third-party land broker who will hold that land in trust for you for what's usually a 50 to 98 year period.  It then reverts back to Meheeeeeeko. America's richest man, one Senor Carlos Slim, owns a big chunk of our country (newspapers, TV stations, cell phones companies, etc.) and is buying more every day.  We don't seem to share their view on foreign ownership of assets, so we?

   -  You may not join the armed forces.  You may not become a police officer.  You may not be permitted to learn to fly a plane, or pilot a ship, or engineer a train.  You may not run for public office.  You may be a member of the clergy.  You may not attempt to sway public opinion. You may not petition the Government.  You may not protest. You may not wave signs or placards. You have no freedom of speech.  Any Mexican citizen may arrest illegals at any time, and for any reason, or for no reason.  You are basically expected to work and earn and pay taxes and keep your miserable foreigner mouth shut.

   -  Once you finally get your visa, if you violate it, you're guilty of a felony and are subject to a six-year term in one of their better prisons.  Good luck with that.

   -  Mexicans are given preference in hiring over foreigners. Even legal ones. Period.  

   -  Member of both houses of Congress, and the President, and their Supreme Court must all be natural born Mexicans.  

   -  Although their constitution provides their citizens the right to own and keep firearms, a right virtually impossible to exercise, by the way, you, as an emigrant, have no such right.  You not only may not own a firearm, you may not own even a single bullet! In fact, being in possession of a spent brass cartridge, already fired, is considered a felony and it will give you a one-way ticket to one of their infamous Gray Bar Hotels for a multi-year sentence.   

   -  And finally, according to Meheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeko's immigration laws, and these are direct quotes, you will be barred entry or continued residency if your presence "...upsets the national demographics."  You cannot be granted legal residency unless you can prove that you and your dependents will be "...a useful element for the Country," that you will "...contribute to the national progress," and that you have "...the necessary funds for sustenance."

Whatever you think of The Donald, or Nieto, or Meheeeeeeko, or illegal immigration, or "the wall," or Hil(liar)y's promise to make legal all illegals within her first 100 days in office, you simply must embrace One Simple Fact:  What's good for the goose simply has to be good for the gander.  If Meheeeeeeko thinks its immigration system is so superior to our own, I suggest we simply adopt theirs. And then let them bitch and moan and complain about how unfair we are to their compadres...

Oh wait.  We can't.  The Democrats will not allow any such tightening of our immigration laws because that would deprive them of a never-ending supply of brand-spanking new voters.  And the Republicans will not allow any such tightening of our immigration laws because that would deprive them of a never-ending supply of cheap, reliable labor.  This, my friends, is how we got into this problem, and why we'll likely never get out of it.  

But it's sure entertaining to watch the back-and-forth on the campaign trail as the candidates tilt at these age-old windmills, and each other, isn't it?  

As for me, November 8th cannot come soon enough...