Dear Bebe...

November 25, 2023

Jerusalem, Knesset, Israel, Promised Land

Attn:  Mr. Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister

Dear Bebe;

     I'd like to apply for the job as your Hostage Negotiator in your Holy War with HAMASS.  

     We all know this is the Palestinian terrorists' 7th uprising since your Country was created back in 1947.  Well, not "created," exactly, as God already did that when He gave Judea to the Jews in Genesis 12:1, multi-thousands of years ago.

So that little consideration has already been worked out, as they say.

Except this is the very first one in which the merciless, hedonistic, anti-God murderers have chosen to chop off babies' heads.  40 of them.  Which tells us they have no other hobbies.  They were given 25 miles of the most beautiful, pristine shoreline on the Mediterranean and could have built world-class resorts to help their people with the $Billions they were given.  But they chose to dig tunnels and make rockets and bombs instead, and chose murdering Israelis as their National Pasttime.

As we all know, it's in their Charter.  Oh, I'm sorry, not all, as it seems many of the students in America's most prestigious colleges and universities haven't bothered to read that quite yet.  

     And as you've surmised, killing them, like any invasive pest, is your only option.  Regardless of how much grief POTUS Joe is getting from the HAMASS-Wing of his Party.  And that Wing seems to be growing in size.  So we all know you have to stroke him a bit to keep those weapons flowing while you kill the rest of the terrorists, right?  Right!

     So I'd therefore like to provide you with a synopsis of My Plan in dealing with those mangy evil killers.  It's not lengthy.  Ready?  Here we go:

     "Release all the hostages now! 

  Otherwise, we will kill you sooner!"

     There it is.  You like it?  YOU LIKE IT?  I thought you would!  So all we have to do to put my little Plan in motion is slip a note to the Head HAMASSIAN living the life of luxury there in Qatar that you consider the hostages all dead.  Too bad, so sad.  That's the high price of doing that kabutzim-ing thing.  We'll tell them you'll no longer trade 1,000 evil terrorists for one 19 year-old IDF private.  Them days, as they say, is over.  Now, we'll trade 7.62mm rifle slugs and 155mm Howitzer shells for hostages.  So buckle up, HAMASS-ians, we're coming for you!

     That's the Plan, Bebe.  I'm available at a moment's notice to hop a plane and come join you and the IDF in your Quest.  To finally root out terrorism high and low (and preferably high).  Awaiting your call, or text, or email, or passenger pigeon, I remain,

                                  Very truly yours,

                                  The Chuckmeister