"NoCanGo!"

(Although, fellow Patriots, I'm frequently quite proud of my rants on this unassuming little brain purge, I think this one is destined to go in the pantheon of Great Blog Entries.  Let me know if you agree...)

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You've probably noticed that the price of gas has been steadily rising.  That's because our new President Joe O'Biden has shut down the pipelines and the oil wells, lest AOC and her crowd get mad at him.  

And we sure wouldn't want that, now would we?

And also good ol' "supply and demand" economics, which Liberal brains are not wired to understand, means we're destined to now pay ever-higher prices.  And we citizens will therefore have to do everything in our power to save fuel whenever and wherever we can.

And that's why I'm so pleased to introduce the brand-new "NoCanGo!"  This remarkable device is designed to increased your car's gas mileage by as much as 30%, or even more!  (Don't you just love it when they say "as much as, or even more?"  Yeah, me too...)  How do we do it?  Read on...

We don't succeed at saving your gas and our planet's environment by simply conjuring up some high-tech device to strettcchhh out your gas-buying dollar.  Or some additive you put in your tank that's "Guaranteed to save you 30%!"  No no, fellow put-upon members of the motoring public, we do it using modern-day electronic technology!  The "space age" answer to increased gas mileage.  Ready?  Here goes...

We send you a special computer chip for you to install in your car's key fob.  It will deactivate your key two full, 24-hour days a week, all by itself!  

That's right, fellow motorist, two out of seven days you'll be locked out of your car and unable to burn that awful hydrocarbon-based pollutant all the way to work and back.  And you can't tell your boss what day that will be, as it's chosen completely by the random assignment of artificial intelligence.  Which is kind of like by chance.  And your boss can't bitch about it because he should let you work remotely, anyway (what kind of an evil bastard is he?)  And if he did, you could drop a dime on him.  It would blow up social media and a mob of crazed enviro-whackos would be on his front lawn by daybreak, threatening to burn down his house and murder his family.  No, my fellow Patriots, the chip we install in your key will now decide when you can drive.  And therefore when you can work.

And when you can't...

Can't you just feel the increased gas mileage now?  And can't you just imagine how much money you'll save from not being able to drive?  And if you'd like to be among the truly elite, the absolute cutting-edge of technology, simply upgrade your order to our "Elite" model and our chip will make your key fob hide itself another day a week!  

And although we'll provide you with a Customer Service 800#, don't bother calling to try and talk us into opening your car.  We Will Not Budge!  

Come on now, be among the very first on your block to reserve your brand-new "NoCanGo!" today!    

(NOTE:  Investors are desired!  I believe those dumb enough to cough up $125,000 for a little electric plaything car made by a dope-smoking, South African, rocket-addled billionaire, at exactly the same time our Country has finally found its energy independence from those in the world who hate us and want us dead, for the very first time in more than 70 years, will most likely be dumb enough to buy our product as well.  Call today and let's talk about your equity position!)