One Immutable Fact...

There's one immutable fact of nature, Pilgrim, and of life.

Hair...grows.

I don't care what you do, or how you do it, so long as you're alive, your hair will grow.  And keep on growing until you either die, or get it cut.

I have a firm grasp of the obvious, right?

And I, The Chuckmeister, should know.  Among other things in my storied life, I once managed an upscale hair salon.  So I know for sure that hair grows...

But what the heck do you do when the Nation's shut down?  As in, tumbleweeds blowing down Main Street.  What do you do when you need a haircut so badly you want to spit?  I mean, we're in this whole "social distancing" thing now, and we've been ordered to shut down non-essential businesses, and salons and barber shops are surely non-essential, but hey!  Whaddaya' do?

Well, fellow Patriot, I've got an idea.  We need to simply find one of those mobile dog groomer trucks you see riding around the neighborhood, which is OUB (Out Of Business), BTW (By The Way).  Cut a deal with the owner, who's sitting in his underwear about now, sucking down Pabst Blue Ribbon and watching Judge Judy reruns, and turn it into a "Mobile Hair Cutting Emporium."  

Yeah, that's the ticket!  Just get one of those mobile vans and cut a hole in the side.  A hole just a leeetle bit bigger than a human head.  Then, get one of those "Flowbee" deals that was advertised all over TV awhile back, and will surely become available again real soon.  So then all we have to do is get an out of work hair cutter (aren't they all?), dress him up in a HazMat suit, and we're in bizz. 

The people line up, stick their heads through the hole one at a time, and our well-protected "stylist" plugs his Flowbee into the cigarette lighter.  Off he goes, giving haircuts on a super-fast basis to all who need one.  Shouldn't take more than half a minute to vacuum off about 2" of everybody's hair, now should it?  

I'm thinking this little service should cost, oh, about $10 a pop.  Worth it?  I'd say so, wouldn't you?  After all, one of the very worst feelings there is...is needing a haircut really badly and not being able to get one.  You know, when that lick of hair behind your ear just won't go where you need it to go.  And this little $10 haircut should return about $9.50 profit.  And that's not a bad profit margin for what's a necessary service, right? 

You split the profits with Mr. Pabst Blue Ribbon and take your sack full of cash back home to momma and the kids. 

So who's in it with me?  Who wants to become a Flowbee Vacuummizer Entrepreneur?  Join with me in what will surely become the Next.  Big. Thing!