THEN:
It was time for the middle school kids to campaign for Class President, way back when.
Little Johnnie, a nice young man, good family, studied hard, nice to his mommy, promised his prospective voters that if they elected him, he'd get recess extended by another five minutes!
The class cheered in appreciation!
The class cheered in appreciation!
Little Anthony, a bit of a troublemaker, wrong side of the tracks, always goofing off, doncha' know, offered up that he'd do even better. If they'd just vote for him, he said, he'd get the principal to shorten the school day!
The class went wild!
But Little Julie was far craftier than her fellow candidates. Julie, smart girl, Upper West Side, having I. Q. points to spare, offered the class free ice cream for their votes! All they could eat! Forever!
The result? Julie won in a landslide. For fairly obvious reasons. People just luuuuv instant gratification. People just luuuuv free stuff. And people just luuuuv to be pandered to. And Little Julie knew that. She went on to become State Chairman of the Democrat Party, ran for Congress, was elected and then caught embezzling and sent to prison.
I think she was caught colluding with the Russians.
Here's everything you need to know about the Democrat Party's platform for 2020.
The class went wild!
But Little Julie was far craftier than her fellow candidates. Julie, smart girl, Upper West Side, having I. Q. points to spare, offered the class free ice cream for their votes! All they could eat! Forever!
The result? Julie won in a landslide. For fairly obvious reasons. People just luuuuv instant gratification. People just luuuuv free stuff. And people just luuuuv to be pandered to. And Little Julie knew that. She went on to become State Chairman of the Democrat Party, ran for Congress, was elected and then caught embezzling and sent to prison.
I think she was caught colluding with the Russians.
NOW:
Here's everything you need to know about the Democrat Party's platform for 2020.
Everything is freeeeeeeeee!
Every single Democrat POTUS candidate is offering free stuff. Lots of it. We've seen that repeatedly during the debates. But dozens of folks yelling simultaneously about oodles of free stuff can get lost in a crowd, doncha' know? Pandering wholesale can get boring, too. And the people pandered to are always on the lookout for some even more interesting freebies.
So, as befits the Eagle Scout in me, I feel compelled to offer my seasoned counsel to those candidates who just can't hit their stride; they need some professional help. They need somebody to help them pander better. And I'm the Pander Better Helper. The "Pander Bear! And I'm here to offer it...
We now know from having watched the past two evenings of Democrat POTUS 2020 debates that all candidates are for the following:
- FREE admittance to the U. S. of A. at all of our borders. Illegal aliens will now be uber-welcome! Come one, come all! Especially to California, where we still don't have enough, they say!
- DECRIMINALIZATION of illegal entry, making breaking in to America a "civil" infraction rather than a Federal crime. Kind of like spitting on the sidewalk, doncha' know.
- FREE health insurance for illegal aliens, including vision, dental, mental health, and sex change operations for those who just can't make up their minds.
- TAX the forlorn middle-class to pay for the above. They won't mind, will they?
- CONFISCATE all guns, right now, today. The little ones, the big ones, the long ones and the short ones. (They call it a "buy back," but that won't work; the Government never owned them, so it can't buy them back, right?
- REPARATIONS for all Blacks, whether or not their ancestors endured slavery. And maybe other put-upon groups (Liz Warren wants to give reparations to gays!), depending upon their clout at the voting booth.
- ABOLISH all private health insurance from the 180,000,000 people who demanded it, fought for it, negotiated to get it, and don't want to lose it. The fact that they like their health insurance is of no consequence. Too bad, so sad. Got to break a few eggs if you want to make an omelette, right?
- ABORTIONS for everyone, anytime, up to the moment of delivery, or even after, maybe up until the third grade, and covered by the taxpayers, even though illegal for them to do so (Hyde Amendment).
NOTE: Abortions for men, too, demands Julian Castro. Certainly don't want to leave them out. Isn't this getting a bit weird?
But hey, there's still a lot of the campaign yet to unfold. And these poor folks need some hoary advice from The Graybeard to help them withstand the rigors of campaigning. So here's a few more "panders" they can use:
- FREE shoeshines for illegal aliens (got to clean off the Rio Grande mud, right?).
- FREE car washes. No car, no problem! We'll give you one! And oil changes!
- Not only FREE college, but free books, and housing, and parking, and food and clothing. In fact, how about paying them to go?
- Government-established taquierias where they'll serve FREE tacos and cerveza!
- FREE airfare and Welcome Wagon coupons for the rest of the family they left back home in Cuernavaca and Guadalajara and Hermosillo.
- FREE Social Security cards for those who haven't bought one yet.
- And last but far from least, how about a FREE get out of jail free card for everybody in jail? Let 'em all out! And restore their civil rights so they can vote! For the Democrats!
All of this should certainly tie up the Lateeeeeno vote for the Democrats. Now, how about pandering a bit more to African-Americans? And American-Indians? And Siiks? And the Gypsies? And LGBTQMDZWKN folks. And albinos and those with PTSD? There's so many, many more little identity groups to pursue. And pander to.
Stay tuned. They will...
So, as befits the Eagle Scout in me, I feel compelled to offer my seasoned counsel to those candidates who just can't hit their stride; they need some professional help. They need somebody to help them pander better. And I'm the Pander Better Helper. The "Pander Bear! And I'm here to offer it...
We now know from having watched the past two evenings of Democrat POTUS 2020 debates that all candidates are for the following:
- FREE admittance to the U. S. of A. at all of our borders. Illegal aliens will now be uber-welcome! Come one, come all! Especially to California, where we still don't have enough, they say!
- DECRIMINALIZATION of illegal entry, making breaking in to America a "civil" infraction rather than a Federal crime. Kind of like spitting on the sidewalk, doncha' know.
- FREE health insurance for illegal aliens, including vision, dental, mental health, and sex change operations for those who just can't make up their minds.
- TAX the forlorn middle-class to pay for the above. They won't mind, will they?
- CONFISCATE all guns, right now, today. The little ones, the big ones, the long ones and the short ones. (They call it a "buy back," but that won't work; the Government never owned them, so it can't buy them back, right?
- REPARATIONS for all Blacks, whether or not their ancestors endured slavery. And maybe other put-upon groups (Liz Warren wants to give reparations to gays!), depending upon their clout at the voting booth.
- ABOLISH all private health insurance from the 180,000,000 people who demanded it, fought for it, negotiated to get it, and don't want to lose it. The fact that they like their health insurance is of no consequence. Too bad, so sad. Got to break a few eggs if you want to make an omelette, right?
- ABORTIONS for everyone, anytime, up to the moment of delivery, or even after, maybe up until the third grade, and covered by the taxpayers, even though illegal for them to do so (Hyde Amendment).
NOTE: Abortions for men, too, demands Julian Castro. Certainly don't want to leave them out. Isn't this getting a bit weird?
But hey, there's still a lot of the campaign yet to unfold. And these poor folks need some hoary advice from The Graybeard to help them withstand the rigors of campaigning. So here's a few more "panders" they can use:
- FREE shoeshines for illegal aliens (got to clean off the Rio Grande mud, right?).
- FREE car washes. No car, no problem! We'll give you one! And oil changes!
- Not only FREE college, but free books, and housing, and parking, and food and clothing. In fact, how about paying them to go?
- Government-established taquierias where they'll serve FREE tacos and cerveza!
- FREE airfare and Welcome Wagon coupons for the rest of the family they left back home in Cuernavaca and Guadalajara and Hermosillo.
- FREE Social Security cards for those who haven't bought one yet.
- And last but far from least, how about a FREE get out of jail free card for everybody in jail? Let 'em all out! And restore their civil rights so they can vote! For the Democrats!
All of this should certainly tie up the Lateeeeeno vote for the Democrats. Now, how about pandering a bit more to African-Americans? And American-Indians? And Siiks? And the Gypsies? And LGBTQMDZWKN folks. And albinos and those with PTSD? There's so many, many more little identity groups to pursue. And pander to.
Stay tuned. They will...
No comments:
Post a Comment
The Chuckmeister welcomes comments. After I check them out, of course. Comment away!