LivePD

So I pigged out on LivePD over the past couple of days.

Yes I did, Pilgrim.  It was raining, you see, and ex-Prez G.H.W. Bush died and it took a week to give him the send off he deserved.  I don't do funerals over an hour.  Anything past that will find me sneaking out the back of the church.  One could watch a week-long remembrance of this great man on TV, non-stop, 24/7, or you could do some other stuff you've been putting off for a rainy day.  And one of those things for me was to take a look at this whole LivePD phenomenon.  

Arts and Entertainment Channel, a cable network more focused on ghosts and the dead and seances and other spooky stuff, started following 7 or 8 county sheriffs and their staffs across the fruited plain, in 3 hour blocks each Friday and Saturday night.  So we, you and me, get to be the "fly on the dashboard" as deputies stop one car after another for various and sundry infractions, and race toward burglaries in progress, and solve all manner of domestic disputes.  

These police agencies, all but one being sheriffs departments, are located in SC, TX, MO, CA, OH and FL, to name but a few.  And all day Fri and Sat we can curl up by the fireplace, pour a nice snifter of the finest Napoleon brandy and watch the very dregs of our society break laws all willy nilly and be brought to justice by the fine, brave and hard-working members of the law enforcement community.

(Flag waves in background, accompanied by soft strains of America the Beautiful) 

One Dan Stein, ex-legal reporter for several broadcast channels, helms this noble enterprise.  He's flanked by super-cop Tom Morris Jr., ex-D.C. police investigator, and most usually by Sgt. Sean "Sticks" Larsen, team leader of Tulsa's Gang Unit.  So Dan deftly flits from one violation to another, like the true maestro he is, one car chase to another, one breaking and entering to another, and one domestic "he said, she said" to another for hours on end!

You do not need to change the channel!  No siree Bob!  All manner of reasons why you went to college and paid your bills and kept your nose clean will be paraded in front of you for hours.  The dregs of society you don't run into everyday, thank God, will be in plain view for all to see.  Drunks, migrants, ruffians, thieves, wife beaters, bank robbers, etc., etc.  And why, you might ask, does anyone watch this crap?

For the same reason people watch TV daytime soap operas, me thinks.  Because we like to see someone who's worse off than we are.  Somebody whose life has cratered, their husbands/wives/others have left them, they're addicted to meth/heroin/cocaine, you name it, the prosecuting attorney is knocking on the door and their boss has given them the pink slip.  Lives asunder!  Broken relationships!  Failed businesses!  And every single one of them is NOT GUILTY!  They say.  

Yes, we get to watch the rich and the famous go down in flames, right before our very eyes.  And the non-rich and not-so-famous.  It's just delicious!

And it's the very same with LivePD, and its spin-offs, PDCam and PDPolice Patrol.  So if you ever wanted to be a cop and just couldn't for some reason or other, or you just like to watch stupid idiots get caught for drunk driving or running drugs or bank robbery, you need to make this your guilty pleasure.

Some helpful hints to keep you off LivePD:

-     Make sure your license plate light works.  Every week some schulb gets pulled over for a burned out license plate light and winds up with 25 pounds of methamphetamine in the trunk.  The same with tinted windows or other obvious infractions.  No sense giving the "man" any unfair advantages.

-     If you're black, try not to invoke the name of Rodney King if pulled over for drunken driving.  Especially in the south.  You'll still go to jail, but perhaps with a concussion.

-     And speaking of drinking and driving, memorize the number of your local Uber, and then call it if you've had a few.  Don't just think about it; do it.  It could save you $10,000 and a lot of grief.  If you'd like to know what you face if you don't, watch LivePD.

-     About a third of the calls relate in one way or another to domestic disputes.  And cops are supposed to become social workers when they get such a call.  Try not to punch out your significant other or you'll wind up being my entertainment.  The patience these pros show while trying to unwind domestic disputes is truly inhuman.

-     And finally, running from the fuzz when the Blue Light comes on will compound the fracture, as Lucille Ball used to say.  They'll still get you, but you'll be a felon for evading, in addition to everything else.

Folks, we're not rich, and we didn't win the lottery, and our lives aren't great as they could be, but dammit!  We're better off than those poor ass**les, aren't we!

Yes, my friends, we are.  And that's why we need to give this offering a try.  Just an hour or two can make your life seem sooooooooo much better!