Saturday, September 15, 2018

The Battle of the Billionaires!

Don't know 'bout you, but I've grown weary of Liberals bitching, moaning and complaining about the supposed right-wing bias of Fox News.  And similarly, Conservatives have been howling incessantly for years about the obvious bias shown against them by the so-called "MainStreamMedia."

(NOTE:  For those unaware, "MainStreamMedia" refers to the the entirety of the old-line, broadcast "Alphabet" TV, radio and print media, as well as some cable offshoots like MSNBC, NPR, CNN, and MSN, due to the fact they are owned/controlled by those same MSM corporations.)

Yes folks, the weenies among us just HATE Fox News, because it's "Fair and Balanced."  That means they have representatives from both/all sides of any issue they're debating just to make sure all points are made, and there's no favoritism or bias shown toward one position or the other. 

That's unlike MSNBC, for instance, which would normally have a mainstream Democrat, a hard-core Leftist, a dedicated socialist, a Marxist and an all-out communist in an average debate, with no opinion to the Right of Joe Biden even considered.  Like Joe Biden ever had an original opinion (tossed out of law school for plagiarism.  Google it.).

Yes, Fox tends to lean "Right," but not concerning "hard, fact-based" news, which it reports straight down the line (Fox doesn't start opinion programming until 5:00 p.m., EST.  But you knew that, right?).  Fox is considered Right-of-center in its programming, unlike all the other channels, both broadcast and cable, which are solidly, desperately cast-in-concrete take no prisoners Liberal, especially illegal ones.  

(NOTE:  That may all change soon, as the entertainment assets of 20th Century Fox Corp., Fox News' parent, was just sold to Disney for more than $70 Billion.  And Disney, as we all know, owns ABC.  And ABC is solidly Leftist in its politics, which is proves everyday in its programming and commentary.  Think about it: The News Director there, and one of Trump's fiercest critics, is George Stephanopoulous, who was Pres. Clinton's roommate in college, and later, his Chief of Staff.)  

But on matters of ideology and politics, Fox conducts debates where each side is given a fair shot.  Example:  You'll note that their go-to opinion guy Juan Williams is kept idling in the corner, waiting to be injected into many of their debates, as he's a loyal, mainstream Liberal Democrat.  I mean, he's not only Black, he's also Panamanian, having been born there to stationed U. S. military parents, and therefore ticks off three separate and highly-desirable  minority boxes.  It would be even better if he was a transgender albino Gypsy, recovering drug addict, but hey, you can't have everything.   

And there's at least another half-dozen similar Liberals that appear regularly on Fox, just to make things fair (and balanced).  And the result is that Fox outdraws all the other cable news channels put together!  In fact, fully 43% of all self-confessed Liberals self-confess to watching Fox regularly (they want to find out what's going on, after all!).  For example, the (in)famous CNN, the very first, and at one time the very best cable news network, now ranks No. 25 on the cable lineup, just behind Home and Garden TV.  Trump will happily tell you the reason for that network's rapid descent into the ratings cellar.  And often...  

No matter.  The Liberals hate Fox and will continue to hate Fox until the bovines stop by for a visit on their way to the abattoir.  And the Conservatives among us will likely never give up trying to make our broadcast and print media act like something other than the public relations arm for the Democrat National Committee, which it often proves to be.  It's been that way for a generation, and it will likely remain that way until or unless something or somebody puts a stop to it.  

But there's a solution to this problem:  Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and children of all ages, I give you:


"The Battle of the Billionaires!"

And here's how it'd work:  Fox, as well as CBS, NBC, ABC and CNN, are all publicly-traded corporations.  That means you could buy up all their stock, or all that's available, and wind up controlling any or all of these companies for mere fractions of their total authorized, but as-yet unissued stock valuation.  The same holds true of the newspapers and groups of radio stations, which are usually owned by large public corporations as well.  And then you could turn any or all of them away from their current business models (Fox = Fair and Balanced, MainStreamMedia = Trump Sucks) and into "Shark Week, 24/7/365" if you were of a mind.  

So, where's Georgie Soros when we need him?  He's the Hungarian billionaire ex-felon jailbird who was forcibly shown the door by Europe a few years back for trying to use currency manipulation to bring down the Bank of England (he nearly succeeded!).  He moved to Long Island, NY after his exit from prison, from where he spends $80 - $100 Million each Election Cycle trying to turn 'Murica into Venezuela.  And he uses his playthings MediaMatters, ThinkProgress, MoveOn and Snopes, among others, to sow hatred and discontent (Google it).  Oh yeah, he personally funds (liberal) journalism studies departments at 26 of our colleges and universities, just to make sure that tomorrow's crop of reporters is even more socialistic than ours of today.  So, you Lefty bigwigs, give ol' George a call and ask him to take one for the Home Team.  Have him cough up $1 Billion or $Twelve and maybe he could wind up the Chairman of the Board of 20th Century Fox Corporation.  

And if Georgie won't play?  How about Tom Steyer, Uber-Lefty CA tech billionaire who thinks Global Warming is killing us all, by like next week, and is spending hundreds of $Millions to try and make it stop (what is it about being a super-rich Lefty that makes you think you can control the weather?).  

Or Little Mikey Bloomberg, ex-NYC Mayor and the 17th richest person in all of the world ($57 Billion personal fortune).  He hates guns, sugary drinks, cigarette smoke, tall people, the Bill of Rights and Conservative news channels, so he could probably find enough cash between the cushions of his Hermes Eve St. Laurent Givenchy Bijan divan to buy control of Fox.  

Or how about Jeff Zuckerburg of FB?  He's worth multiple billions.  Everybody knows he's a Big Lib and could be shamed into investing.  Or Bill Gates?  He's worth $50 - $60 Billion.  Or Gates' ex-Microsoft partner Paul Allen, owner of the Seattle Mariners, the Supersonics, the World's Largest Yacht and quite possibly, Canada.  Between them they're worth more than $250 Billion!  

And if you run out of billionaires, how 'bout a few multi-millionaires?  Like Fat Mikey Moore.  He pretends to be poor but has $Millions and several mansions.  He's probably good for some spare change.  Or how about Oprah?  Damn, that babe has, like $BILLIONS laying around!  She wrote a $50 million check for her Montecito mansion.  She could probably take control of Fox and still have enough left over to buy a new Mustang convertible for everyone in Missisisiisssiisisiisippi!  Or, maybe just challenge the "Main Stream Media" to form a consortium and pool their loose change to swamp Fox (get it, "Swamp Fox?"  Google it.).  Or just drop a Tweet at Hollyweird and surely the Spielberg-Clooney-De Niro-Cher-Babs clan will kick in $50 - $100 Mil each and - "Voila!" - you've got Fox in your pocket.  

(And don't call me Shirley!).

Or, we could just put a sock in it by mentioning one Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon.  He's now the Richest Person The World Has Ever Seen!  With more a personal fortune of more than $150 Billion, he could pick up Fox in a heartbeat.  Remember when he wrote a personal check for the Washington Post?  Ummmm, yeah.  Spare change.  In fact, Bezos could buy ALL the cable and broadcast media corporations, All.  By.  Himself.  In fact, he is worth more than the Gross National Product of Zambia, Chad, Lichtenstein, Belize and Vanuatu combined.  And if you could get Jeff Bezos and Tesla magnate Elon Musk to together, they could probably buy Everything!  In other words, making this happen is NOT a problem...

Or, conversely, how about the Koch Brothers?  The Left hates these multi-$Billionaires because they're religious Christians and support Conservatives.  For shame!  Or Sheldon Adelson, the Big Guy (literally!) who owns the Venetian in Vegas and a whole lot of other stuff.  Or his buddy Steve Wynn, the only guy with his own name on a LV casino.  Together they're worth $Billions.  Stop pissing and moaning about how unfair the Lap Dog Media is and just buy it, you limp-wristed, panty-waisted Conservative weenies!  Or, continue whimpering about it like inbred, wet miniature poodles.

The Bottom Line, as they say, is that there's enough Liberal billionaires running around (320 out of our total of 492, per the AP) that an auction between them should put the Fox trophy in one of their backpacks.  And the remaining 172 Conservative Fat Cats (including Trump?) would more than likely step up and snatch a few Liberal networks just to show those other guys who has the biggest cajones.  

In fact, we could put all these billionaires who elect to participate in the Garden Auditorium in the MGM-Grand in Las Vegas.  Each media asset comes up for bid and the billionaires go wild, bidding out their arses to own and control The Enemy!  The crowd roars!  Cacophony ensues!  Oh goodie!  The Garden seats 18,000, so charging even a small fee to witness this once-in-a-lifetime event, coupled with the worldwide, Pay-Per-View crowd, I've estimated to be in the $BILLIONS, I'm thinking we could raise enough to pay off our National Debt and have enough left to Build. Trump's. Wall!

The Democrats will be happy they won't have to pay to try and keep their future voters out; the Republicans will be happy that sometime in the future illegals might actually be kept out; and We, the People. might actually wind up getting the straight story from the the Fourth Estate without any political tweaking or favoritism from a bunch of Left-wing dimbulbs.

Don't you love a plan where everybody wins?

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