(More) Stuff I've Learned...

I've learned quite a lot in three score-plus-ten-plus...oh well, some more.

And among that "lot" are the thoughtful prounouncements I'll put forth below.  Read carefully, children.  They may contain the Wisdom of the Age.

Or then again, they may not...

-     Opinions are like as*holes.  Everybody's got one.

-     The older you get the more you know.  And the less you're able to do about it.

-     The way couples stay together for 35 or 40 or 50 years is first you lose your hearing, and then your eyesight.

-     The more you give someone the less they appreciate it.  The harder they work for something the more they appreciate it.  

-     There are two kinds of people:  Those who divide people into two kinds, and those who don't...

-     The worst thing about growing old, is...growing old.  The best part about growing old is...growing old.

-     There's really no other reason to live except to to be of service to others.

-     Near as I can tell, the major accomplishment of the last Administration was enabling people to pee pretty much anywhere they want to...

-     I'd rather live my life in the belief that God exists, and then be disappointed to find out otherwise, then to live believing in nothing, and then to find out He does...

-     Don't worry, whatever current medical thought tells you will kill you today, 20 years from now will be proclaimed the Medical Miracle of the Age!

-     You can elect a brilliant, pious, well-educated, military veteran to run our country like Jimmy Carter, and wind up with a feckless bozo who nearly bankrupts the country.  Or you can elect a crass, craven, womanizing, braggadocios orange blustery businessman to run the country, and unleash the Very Greatest Economic Boom in the History of America...

-     There are two words you can use to open any door; Push, and Pull...

-     The true economic genius is Barack Obama.  He was able to hold the economy back, keeping it bumping along at a paltry 1 - 2% growth rate for eight years, only to unleash it at the exact moment a businessman replaced him in office...

-     Owing to their remarkable ability to attract and ensnare extremely tall basketball players, I've learned that the average height of the Kardashian's is now 6', 9."

-     The best way not to make mistakes is to observe the ones others make.  And then don't make them...

-     The recent attempted confirmation hearing of a new Justice at SCOTUS tells me something incontrovertible:  Whether a sexual assault occurred or not is in the eye of the beerholder...

-     If you're a guy and you're on the lookout for a lady friend, don't go to bars.  Go to Target, or Albertsons, or to Bed, Bath and Beyond, perhaps, and then look at the shelves quizzically, "shopping list" in your hand.  They'll fall all over themselves trying to help, and they're already out shopping for crap they don't need.  They might as well take you home too...

-     I'd rather have a gun and not need it, then to need it and not have it.  

-     Never, ever handle a piece of paper more than once.  If it's trash, throw it away.  If it's a bill, pay it.  Don't file it to handle later.  Later may never come...   

-     Deciding not to decide...is a decision.

-     I've learned the best way to save money on our space program is NOT to hire the Russians to airmail our astronauts to and from the ISS on their rockets at $61,000,000 a trip!  Maybe NASA should buy a rocket or two of their own, ya' think?

-     I've found out that pain is relative.  I just hope it stays with a relative.

-     I've learned that if our elected leaders really believed "Gun Free Zone" signs would keep crazed, would-be shooters out of schools, they'd erect road signs at the State Line saying, "Illegal Aliens: Do Not Enter."  Oh, I'm sorry!  How rude of me.  "Undocumented Workers..."


-     I've learned that the chance of a buttered slice of bread falling on a carpet buttered side down, is directly proportional to the value of the carpet...inversely.

-     Lastly, and definitely bestly, there's never time to do it right, but there's ALWAYS time to do it over...

Remember, my friends, and you are my friends, the information put forth above is worth exactly what you paid for it.  Ummmm, well, maybe a bit more than that...