Thursday, October 23, 2014

It's the salt air, stupid!

Take a look at a map of good ol' Estados Unidos.  I mean from the top down.  

You'll note that there's a string of deep blue states stretching all the way from Washington State south on the left, through to and including California, and then from upper New England on the right, all the way south down to Mid-Atlantic Maryland. It continues again around Miami, but hey, no surprise there; Miami is made up of transplanted New Yorkers in galoshes and mink coats who brought their leftiness with them.  

These states are, and have been, run by Democrats since God only knows when.  One could reasonably ask, "Why?" 

And then be aware that, with a few notable exceptions, almost all the states in between these deep blue wonders are a vibrant shade of vermilion "red."  These are the states that are quite well managed by Republicans, thank you very much.  Quite well.  They produce the most jobs and the most tax revenues while having the lowest tax rates and the least onerous regulatory burdens.  And one could reasonably ask, "Why?"  Why do the red states work so well and the blue states perform so badly?  

Well, children, I think I have the answer:

Salt air!

Yes, my friends, salt air.  The major population centers in these bluest-of-blue states are within about 50 miles from their respective coastlines.  Think about it.  San Diego.  Los Angeles.  Santa Monica.  San Francisco.  Portland.  Seattle. Boston.  New York City.  Philadelphia.  Baltimore. Washington, D. C.  All are within 50 miles of their nearby oceans.  

And what are oceans?  Oceans are huge bodies of water rich in what?  Salt!  And what does salty water do?  It corrodes stuff.  It fills the air above it.  That sticky, wet, car-rusting, ozone-rich smell that people choose to live near the ocean for is the culprit. I'm sure of it. And what do doctors tell you to do?  They tell you to stay away from salt!  It's not good for you, they say. Assuming they know what they're talking about, that is.  And that's an assumption I'm not prepared to make, by the way. We know that doctors kill more than 700,000 Americans each year due to misdiagnosis and/or malpractice.  Guns only kill about 36,000, and two-thirds of that number are due to suicide.  Clearly, guns are much, much safer than doctors.  Should we have to have a permit to go see a doctor?  Maybe so.  But they say salt is bad for us, and, if so, salt air must be just awful!

Why don't people from Bozeman, Montana do crazy, dumbass things like promise to pay their retirees more than they can possibly generate from their sky-high taxes?  Why don't people from Salina, Kansas pass laws disarming their populace by outlawing guns so that their criminals have a less hostile work environment?  Why don't the managers of Oklahoma City declare their burg to be a "sanctuary city" so that illegal aliens don't have to constantly be looking over their shoulders for John Law?  Why don't the good folks in Omaha vote to raise the minimum wage of their entry-level, pimply-faced teenage workforce by, oh, I don't know, let's say double, just to incur favor with a group of slackers who can't manage to earn a decent living for themselves, and may not even turn out to vote Deep Blue the next time around?     

Well, my friends, the salty-air cities on either coast do these absolutely absurd things.  Santa Monica recently voted to not only raise its minimum wage to $15 an hour, it passed laws requiring its employers to offer healthcare to their workers, including even its part-timers.  S.M.'s city fathers and mothers (and, given that it's California, ahem, others) gave no consideration to the pure hell they were putting their business owners through.  They just did it, because, how shall I say it, they're commie pinko dumbass Liberal weenies! And, they can!  

Their doing so also resulted in an almost overnight  increase in the room rates of their hotels of more than 20%.  And it resulted in a concomitant reduction in the number of rooms rented.  

Their doing so resulted in a $5.00 Mickey D's combo meal now costing $7.60.  And, it resulted in a reduction in the number of Happy Meals being ordered, and thus, the sales and profits of MickeyD's.  

Their doing so resulted in dozens and dozens of small to mid-size, tax-paying companies to bolt this Liberal Paradise. I guess the good residents of Santa Monica can afford to pay those prices.  But tourism has most certainly been negatively affected among those of us who cannot.  Maybe Santa Monica can get along without tourists. And then again, maybe it can't.

As in all things, the Law of Unintended Consequences still holds sway.  You try and screw with the laws of economics and you get bitten in the ass.  Except, they don't care. They're Liberals, don't you know.  And Liberals, by any measure, are mentally ill.  They need help, folks, but they just don't know it, and I fear they never shall.

There's an old saying:  "When you rob Peter to pay Paul, you're pretty certain to have Paul's full and undying support." 

So, my friends, if you're given the choice, make it a point to live nowhere near the oceans.  They'll corrupt you into doing dumbass things from which you'll never recover.  And even if you stay sane, the people you elect are sure to work overtime to ruin your life.  You're going to be rowing upstream your whole life while the good people of Chillicothe, Missouri will be clipping coupons and lazing comfortably on their BarcaLoungers.  You.  Have.  Been.  Warned!

You're welcome.


  1. I hope millions read this and move far inland, I'll stay here and guard the beach. You can thank me later.

  2. Good idea. Such an outcome would surely increase the value of Fortress Chuckmeister...


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