Friday, April 20, 2012

International Relations

I'm sure you were as moved as I was to watch the space shuttle Discovery do its piggy-back fly-by thingie over Washington, D.C. on April 19th. This episode brings to a close more than 50 years of exploration by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. And a sad close, at that.

From Gemini and Mercury and Atlas rockets and Apollo moon shots, our vaunted space program has been brought to an ignominious and jaw-dropping close, a victim of politics and money and differing goals and objectives. Now it seems we've left space to the Chinese and the Indians (not the "Whoo Whoo" Indians...the other kind), while repurposing NASA to the goal of making Muslims feel all warm and fuzzy about their past accomplishments in mathematics and music and literature, and maybe cooking for all I know. What I do know is that Discovery will be buried above ground in the Advar-Hazy Aeronautics and Space Center at Dulles Field in D.C. for all to see, forever. And each of those who walk by, slowly, in awe, should be quietly thinking to themselves that our political leaders have sacrificed our long-term position of leadership to others on the alter of shoveling more food stamps and welfare and freebies on those who don't pay income taxes, but do vote, and for the wrong party at that.

So, dear reader, we're buoyed by the fact that NASA is not the only Government program to tank before our very eyes. Just a few days ago we were unprivileged to witness from afar the implosion of the Secret Service. Some of you know (many don't know squat about anything, ever, so I say "some") that the Secret Service has heretofore had two jobs and two jobs only: Make sure our currency stays sound and free from those who would corrupt it by counterfeiting; and protecting the President from all threats foreign and domestic. For more than one hundred and fifty years the Secret Service has done just that. But lately, like NASA, it appears that the Secret Service has taken on a new role; improving "International Relations."

Yes, dear friends, our Secret Service members seem to have taken upon themselves, to work out via all ways unnecessary and imprudent, improving relations with Colombian ladies of the evening. An advance squad of Service members were discovered to be involving themselves "secretly" in relations with these nice women. They should have been prepping for the Redistributor-in-Chief's visit. But Nooooo, they involved themselves in activities much more clandestine. But, in doing so, they failed the First Law of Economics: If you dance, you've got to pay the fiddler. They did not, unfortunately. And the ladies spoke up. In Spanish, no doubt. And loudly!

So, several of these used-to-be-employeds find themselves with much more time on their hands to invest in more International Relations. They've been separated from their jobs, and maybe from their marriages for all we know. Time will tell.

And then there's the General Services Administration. The management we've received as a consequence of hiring Barry the Organizer and his Chicago cronies has resulted in the GSA blowing mind-blowing sums of money on conferences and meetings and vacations and who-knows-what. It looks to this observer like the GSA has been repurposed to single-handedly stimulate the economy by spreading stimulus money hither and thither and yon. Good luck to them. Why didn't I go to work for such a loyal and conscientious agency?

Maybe we could bundle some of these agencies and save some MAJOR money in the process. I'm thinking we could put NASA and GSA and the Secret Service together. We could then have GSA employees taking expensive vacations to Islamic countries, whose residents have been imbued by NASA with a new-found sense of cultural pride, and "stimulating" their citizens like they've been screwing ours...

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