DUI? Wondering when you can get your license back?

Question: How quickly should an illegal alien get his driver's license back after pleading guilty to a DUI?

Answer: One week, if you happen to be Barack Hussein Obama's uncle.

Yes, boys and girls, it's unfortunately true. Onyango Obama, 67, was busted for a DUI in that geographic center of the progressive universe, Massachusetts. He was sentenced last week to a loss of his driver's license for a total of just 45 days (!). But he appealed that sentence to a hearing officer at the Wilmington, MA Registry of Motor Vehicles. He claimed that such a tough sentence would pose a hardship because it would make it difficult for him to get back and forth to his job as a liquor store manager. Kind of like being a drug addict and working as a pharmacy technician, don't you think? Onyango (I'll use his first name here so there will be no confusion between him and his more famous nephew) bolstered his case with a letter from his employer as well as proof that he'd entered an alcohol treatment program. So Onyango can now legally drive on his hardship license. Interesting, don't you think?

One could reasonably ask why Onyango is here, given that he's an illegal alien and has been residing in Taxachusetts since 1963. And seemingly everybody knows it. They could also inquire as to why he has not been deported. Well, all you taxpayers and legal residents out there, Onyango has been under a deportation order since 1992. But, the INS seemingly can't find him, even though he works at Conti Liquors in Wilmington. We could also ask how he managed to obtain a driver's license, since illegals can't qualify for one. Or how he gets paid, since he can't have a valid Social Security number? I wonder also if he's registered to vote. And, if so, did he vote for his nephew in 2008?

Now, you should also know that Barack's auntie Zeituni Onyango, 58, is also an illegal immigrant and is also living in Massachusetts (this must make the liberal commie pinko weenies in Sacramento just green with envy, knowing that there's another state out there that pays even less attention to immigration laws than California does!). They've been trying to deport this lovely lady since 2002. But, something strange has happened of late. She's been given political asylum, a green card and the opportunity to apply for citizenship. This must be because times are soooooo tough in Kenya these days. I guess all the jobs writing bogus phishing emails over the Internet to unsuspecting suckers here in the U.S. have been taken. Or maybe her nephew had something to do with it...

At least we can feel better knowing that good old Zeituni has not been busted for a DUI. But, on the other hand, she's on welfare and food stamps and is living a nice, comfortable life in South Boston public housing. So there's that...