I have some bad news for you. Try as I might, I did not win the Mega Millions jackpot. And it's bad news because I intended to split the jackpot winnings with those faithful readers of this, my little bitty blog. And yes, I know who you are (I have my ways!). You came oh so close to becoming moderately rich. What a shame.
I figured I'd net about $354,000,000.00 after taxes on a single payout basis. Your share would have been substantial, dear reader, even when divided with the multitudes who dote on my every word. I fell immediately into a fit of depression upon learning of my (our) bad luck. I was able to assuage the depths of my despair with three or four bottles of a very good '09 Santa Ynez Valley Syrah, which, by the way, goes very well with a penne pasta and a nice bolognaise sauce.
But back to the point, now that you know you are on my short list for receiving a share of my lottery winnings, I'm pretty sure you'll wish to accord me the same consideration. So, I'll keep checking my email and my voicemail just in case you happen to win. Good luck.
Remember, 'tis better to give than to receive...
Well, I guess that means MY retirement plan is shot to heck! Darn you, Chuckmeister! ;-)
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