For Those Still Inclined to Buy Electric...

For those of you who believe that the Earth is turning to toast and the seas are rising and we're all doomed unless you buy a Plug-In Electric car (proving you can still bullsh*t most anyone into believing most anything), take a moment and read this:

Elon the Musk was pontificating in a televised forum of some sort recently and was asked to give us mental midgets an insight into how these battery powered car thingies work.  

You know, the ones that make his overpriced, growed-up golf carts run.  

And the key question at this forum was, why it takes so *&+#@%$ long to charge them!

Elon gave us the very best definition of how they "work" I've yet heard.  As a world-class saleswizard,* figuring out ways to simplify difficult-to-decipher concepts was always my forte.  And it appears it's Elon's as well.  And his focus this day was telling us why we shouldn't charge them past 80%.  Except in emergencies, stop at 80%, he said, and head on down the road.  

What?  So get this, he asked us to picture a big vacant parking lot.  A lot where a car could choose to park anywhere its driver wished.  And then pretend those cars are lithium ions.  Okay so far?

So we pull our Plug-In-Electric car into the charger and hook up.  The early lithium ions to reach the "parking lot" can park anywhere they choose.  But as the lot fills up, picture your local mall at Christmastime, cars (ions) have to look for places to park.  And it takes them longer to find one.  Just as those late-arriving ions take longer to find a spot on those 4680 Panasonic rechargeable cells.  Which is what  Teslas use.  

So charging to 100%, can take up to twice as long as charging to 80%.  So if you stop charging at 80%, you can stop 20% more often, but speed up the actual time you spend traveling by more than 50%!   

And routine charging to 100% is also hard on your battery!  Who knew?  So stopping at 80% will also lead to longer battery life. 

That's brilliant!  And reasonable, even though counterintuitive upon first blush. 

That's why he's a $Billionaire.  

Except I don't need to do any of that crap when I pull up to the pump and stick some unleaded in my hydrocarbon-powered car.  For 5 minutes.  And then I'm gone.  Off to wherever my wandering spirit might take me.  With no need to follow the intricate instructions necessitating a degree from MIT to properly "condition" my 2,000 pound battery pack.  While giving the finger as I drive past that poor bastard with the Tesla, waiting for his place at the only functional charger behind a closed COSTCO, at Midnight.  Revving my rumbling V-8 engine.  Knowing he cannot, but wishing he could.  

And doing donuts as I go... 

*   Elon the Musk has built 1,800,000 Teslas.  Firstly, these things are an answer to a question that shouldn't even be asked.  We're sitting on a river of oil that should produce for us $1.50 a gallon gas, and these folks are talking about "The Sky is Falling!"  And second, Teslas are supposed to be "luxury" automobiles.  The kinds of cars those who have "made it" go out and buy to impress their friends and neighbors.  Except, just between you and me, I think if I had $100,000 to throw around, I'd want something a little more exclusive than a car more ubiquitous than Starbucks...