The Church of The Chuckmeister...

I used to think that when I retired my life would be filled with golf and poker and evenings at the American Legion, getting lit up with the boys.

Boy, was I ever wrong.

My life, like the lives of so many other Seniors, is filled with doctors appointments.  Doctors and nurses and technicians are my social life.  In fact, appointments at doctors offices, and the laboratory, and the local hospital for an MRI, or a CT, fills my life.  All day, every day.  BORRRRING!

In fact, I was sitting in an office waiting my turn to get a CT scan recently and all I could think of is the marketing opportunity they're missing.  I was a marketing executive, I remind you.  And what they were missing, I was thinking, was a nice, cold, slushy margarita!  With salt around the rim!  Yummmm, ice cold!

Can you think of a better draw to steal away the clientele of all the other clinics within a 25-mile radius?

A margarita?  In a diagnostic imaging center?  Where folks are getting x-rays?  Well Hell yes, fellow Pilgrim!  What makes you pick one doctor over another, or one clinic over another, or one automobile dealer over another, or maybe even one restaurant over another?  The little things they do to make your experience in dealing with them a pleasant and successful one!  

Helllooooo!

And so I pictured a rolling margarita cart, replete with chips and salsa, pushed around by a hot youngish babe in a Mexican outfit.  Or to be inclusive, maybe a Black babe appropriating South-of-the-border culture.  And she (or he, "identifying" as a she) would provide a small margie to each of those seated in the waiting room.  Thus minimizing their rage at sitting in an uncomfortable chair for two of their valuable hours to see some pimple-faced pill pusher who would rather be anywhere else.

And what would happen if a struggling local church were to implement my margarita idea?  Like the ones who meet in office buildings.  The ones normally closed on Sunday.  Jesus wants his pastors (and pastorinos?) to compete for converts.  And He's the one that said, BTW, "A little wine for your stomach's sake," right?  So he's all for a margie here or there.  On second thought, maybe I should come out of retirement and start my own church.  We could call it...

   The Church of the Chuckmeister!

And God knows, there would be a floating margarita bar at each and every service.  You knew I was an ordained Bishop in the Universal Life Church, didn't you?  I have over 400 weddings under my belt.  And I look forward to serving a new flock, should that be God's wish.*    

See what happens when I have to wait too long in a doctor's office?  

Bless you, my child!

*   Prospective financial backers, you know how to reach me...