"Something Bit Me"

 There's a TV program on NATGEO on Sunday nights called "Something Bit Me."

It's the story of one schlub after another, relating their never-expected, harrowing and much-painful stories about having somehow ventured into the wild, and having the wild cloud up and rain all over them.

This posting follows close on the heels of my most recent "Look Ahead" admonition.  The primary focus of that bit of "Listen up, Grasshopper" was to get folks to "be prepared."  To think ahead a little and presuppose the events and circumstances that may befall them in the coming minutes, hours and days.  And then to prepare for them.   Unlike the people on this TV program who willing expose the degree of their past foolhardiness.  Their past failure to "prepare."  In other words, just what a dumbass they'd been.

Duh!

What are we talking about here?  In just two episodes of this show, the protagonists are, a) taking a stroll up above L. A. in the Angeles Crest Forest, not bothering nobody, all by herself, pony tail bobbing in the wind, earbuds firmly planted in place, completely oblivious to her surroundings, no doubt, and a mountain lion attacks.  It tries to eat her.  Don't want to spoil it for you if you want to look it up.  

And then there's b), a couple takes a sideline tour from a cruise ship up the Zambeze River.  That's in Zababwe.  Each couple take a two-man, inflatable canoe, and leisurely follow their native guides up River.  By, between, and all around a plethora of crocodiles and hippos.  The latter being the single most dangerous animal in Africa, killing some 550 folks each year.  Of course, a hippo overturns a canoe, latches it's enormous tusks on a nice lady's leg, and tries to drown her.  Again, see for yourself, if interested.

And then c).  A lady takes another early-morning dip in the surf off Santa Clara before heading off to her job.  Predictably, she's gobbled by a shark of unknown tribe.  It takes her right leg just below the knee (oh crap!  i ruined it for you!).  A shark.  In the ocean.  Only in the ocean.  Never, ever on Main Street.

And d)?  Of course.  A nice graduate-student couple takes a hike in the woods, wearing their Nikes, knowing nothing about the Great Outdoors.  Or what to do...or not to do...when venturing therein.  So a Southwestern Rattlesnake bites the guy on his toe.  Not knowing to sit down, elevate his leg, and wait to be evacuated.  No, no.  He runs down the trail, as fast as he can, trying to find somebody to help him!  Can you say, overeducated fool? 

I guess that graduate degree in Medieval Lesbian Transgender Poetry didn't help much in that instance, now did it Boobie?   

Oh yeah, and e), another very bright couple takes a walk on the beach, holding hands, and just soaking in the glorious sunshine.  And then he sees something curious.  It's purple.  And all icky looking.  So he kicks it.  And it bites him.  It was a Man o' War.  The single most dangerous aquatic animal you can come across on dry land.  It bit him.  Long story, fellow Patriots, but the anguish and agony he underwent in the ensuing weeks was awful.  

Not awful enough to learn a little bit about his environment, and what he might encounter, and what to look out for, beforehand, I guess.  Hindsight's a great trainer, yes?

I'll close with a nice, fat f).  A guy and his friends all take a swim in a canal in South Louisiana in which alligators were known to hang out.  (!)  One of them, a particularly nasty 11' long fellow, decided to do just that.  He made a beeline for the guy and latched on to his right arm.  I won't ruin the outcome for you, except he had to learn to pitch southpaw after that.

That's just two episodes in a series that one would assume goes on all season.  With another bunch of dumbasses, each week.  Fools who make the "Darwin Awards" so richly meaningful.  I would offer up all six of these folks as nominees.  People who faced a predictable fate, if they had the sense God gave a goose, yet chose to avoid considering and preparing for it.

I'm glad I was involved in Scouting.  An organization who's motto is "Be Prepared."  I try to be.  These folks didn't have a clue.  Some of them are paying for it with body parts.  Don't you do the same.  Be prepared.  In all things, in all ways.  You do that and pretty much everything else will take care of itself...