My Buyout Offer...

Not wishing to be outdone by an African-American immigrant, who was so bold as to offer to buy Twitter the other day, I, The Chuckmeister, have issued a rather bold buyout offer of my own.

I hereby offer to buy all of CNN, sometimes known as the "Clinton News Network," for the princely sum of, ready?  

                                  $54.20! 

Yes, I know I'll be overpaying.  Assuming the Warner-Bros./Discovery Media folks accept it, that is.  And they just might, presuming they're looking to ditch this loser.  And I haven't noticed any other interested parties bellying up the bar and making an offer of their own lately, have you?  No, you haven't!  So, my offer just might be accepted and their reign of journalistic terror over the less well educated portion of our populace might soon be over.

In furtherance of my offer, I remind my tens and tens of rabid followers that CNN was nothing more than Turner Network Television before be bought a little time on one of those new-fangled satellites back in 1980 and became America's first 24-hour, all news channel.  Available anywhere you could find a TV. 

And then he popularized it by beaming professional wrestling to his audience night and day.  And weather.  Giving the folks what they wanted, I guess.

But then Ted Turner, the guy who put this together, changed its name to CNN and went public.  And then went on a buying spree.  He bought up hundreds of thousands of acres of Wyoming real estate, for instance.  And then the world's largest herd of bison, and proceeded to try and sell us all bison burgers.  He also picked up a new bride while he was at it.  Jane Fonda, the actress.  And anti-war activist.  Who was, and is, universally hated by every Vietnam-era man in the entire United States.  She worked hard to earn the enmity of us (I include myself), and God-willing, we'll all get the chance to piss on her grave before we die.

Just sayin'

But back to Turner and CNN.  This cable channel has "turned" far-Left over the past couple of decades.  Verrrry. Far. Left.  So much so that when Donald Trump came around, CNN's Liberal management saw a chance to turn America against him.  They tried.  Hard.  And saw some success, until the day he left office.  And then their viewership crashed and burned.  No more Big Bad Orange Man to kick around, I guess.

They've lost more than 73% of their viewers over the past year.  And while that was happening its parent company was bought by Discovery.  And its CEO decided that CNN's CEO should make himself scarce.  And that guy was shown the door.

Oh yeah, and BTW, while all of this was happening Fox News Corp. was consolidating its lead over CNN and all other cable channels.  So much so in fact that it's led CNN in all areas of viewership for more than 20 years.

So I say, what the Hell's it worth?  The only people who watch it are the relatives and friends of the on-air "talent" reading from their TelePrompTer.  Which probably numbers in the hundreds, at best.  And all those airports around the world that they pay an average of $100,000 a year EACH to beam CNN around the clock.  

So my all-cash offer of $54.20 (Musk offered $54.20 Billion for Twitter, get it?) is likely more than its worth.  But my plan is to try and increase viewership by showing all those hard-Left anchors the door.  And replacing them with folks who'll just deliver you the news, and that's all.  And I predict we would attract some new viewers.

The ones who aren't watching Fox, that is...