You Won't Believe Our Climate Today!

I think you all know that I, The Chuckmeister, live in Southern California.

And no matter how hard the Lefoids try, they haven't yet managed to ruin our climate.  In fact, our climate is wonderful!  It was wonderful, it is wonderful, and I'm pretty sure our climate shall always remain wonderful.

Assuming Alexandria Too-Many-Names is wrong, that is.  Otherwise, we're all doomed to roast in a fiery Hell and we might as well go on a ten-year bender.  Blow it all!  Get drunk!  Gamble!  Race cars!  Jump out of perfectly good airplanes!  Cavort shamelessly with those of questionable reputation and character!  The whole thing!  

Like that.

Anyway, back to the point.  The climate here is great.  I went outside to check it out today, like I do most days.  But today was just super.  For February 27th, 82 degrees and bright sunshine is just too much for normal carbon-based lifeforms to expect.  Yes, I'm sorry for those folks I left back there in Missouri.  I apologize, guys.  Had to do it...

Missouri has a unique climate as well.  It has four distinct seasons.  Winter, 2 weeks of spring, summer, 2 weeks of fall, and back to the harshest, slushiest, wettest, nastiest, and most mind-numbingly cold winters once again.  I recall a month way back in the early '70s.  For 30 straight days the temperature did not rise above zero.  Now that's cold.  

So cold, in fact, I decided quite early in my storied life to boogie to warmer climes at the earliest opportunity.  And when it did, I sprung.  I got off the airplane at LAX on January 6th, 1974.  It was 76 degrees, 3 - 5 miles per hour off-shore breeze, palm trees waving in the distance, with an uber-pleasant 30 percent relative humidity.  I'd left St. Louis and its 5 degrees, 6 foot show drifts, freezing rain and black ice behind at 6:30 a.m.  By 11:00 a.m. Left Coast Time, I was home.  And no matter how much those fools in Sacrataxyou screw with us, the climate here...still keeps some of us here.  

At least those of us who have so far chosen not to move to Texas, where the climate's pretty damn good and the taxes are pretty damn zero.  Or Utah, or Nevada, or Tennennennesseee, or Florida, or Idaho, or, or, or...  

So I'd say the climate here is just fine.  And from what I see on the telly, the climate in other parts of the Country is just fine as well.  Oh, it's winter, so the parts of America that get cold in the winter, are, ummm, cold.  That's to be expected, I'd say.  They can predict that their climate will deliver to them the same sort of stuff it always has.  Cold in the winter, for most of us, and then hot in the summer.  No big changes there, or here.  Or just about anywhere.  

But I'd like to say in passing that for our great climate here in Taxifornia there's a serious load of trade-offs.  What are they, you might ask?

  *     For these 82 degree winter days we Taxifornians get to pay at least $1.00 more per gallon of gas than all but a few other states.    

  *     For these 82 degree winter days we have three bathrooms from which to choose:  Men, Women, and those who just cannot quite make up their minds.

  *     For these 82 degree days we don't get any more straws or plastic cups, but we can take a s**t on the Streets of San Francisco and no one will notice.  Or care.

  *     For these 82 degree days we're forced to pay the very highest income taxes in the nation.

  *     For these 82 degree days our newby Governor has decided the prisons need to be emptied and we need to be disarmed.

  *     For these 82 degree days we can now shoplift anything of value up to $950.00.  Now THAT'S a real benefit!  It's just caused a whole new approach to making ends meet:  "Live Better For Less. Shoplift!"

  *     For these 82 degree days we can get arrested for nearly anything short of murder and be back on the streets in the same day.

  *     For the oh-so-balmy 82 degree winter days we Taxifornians will be getting a shiny new, multi-$billion dollar, way past-due, "train to nowhere."  Maybe.  Someday.

So there it is.  There is no free lunch, just as there is no free climate.  You pay for it one way or another.  And oh, by the way, the climate here is exactly the same as the day I arrived some 45 years ago.  The air is free of SMOG (smoke and fog) most days now, due to multi-decade, hyper-expensive cleanup efforts, which is very nice.  But the climate is the same.  And that's great, else wise there'd be nobody left here but sign twirlers and Starbucks baristas...  

(BTW, I substituted "climate" for "weather" throughout this amazing and enlightening, sure to be award-winning blog posting.  And that's because most of the time they are pretty much indistinguishable.  And don't let anyone tell you any different...)