The Chuckmeister's Annual 2020 Predictions:

So, my friends, and you ARE my friends, it's that time again!  Yep, at about this time every December I make it a point to predict what we Americans can expect to occur during the coming year.  And I predict some really consequential things occurring during 2020.  And you get to live through them!  

As you know, I'm almost NEVER wrong, so pay attention, make notes, and be sure to tell all your BFFs what they should prepare for.  So, grab a nice glass of single-malt Scotch, sit back, relax and enjoy The Chuckmeister's Annual Predictions:  

December:

-  The House votes to impeach Trump.  Even so, 9 Democrats bail on Pelosi and vote with Trump.  But every single Republican votes against impeachment.  Thus, this becomes the very first non-bipartisan impeachment in history.

-  LGBTQMXBZWCE folks declare war on Santa because he doesn't have any gay elves.  

                                         January:

-  The impeachment trial opens in the Senate.  It's expected to take only a month or so, however the Republicans do their best to stretccccch it out until late February.  It is a ratings bombshell, attracting record viewers.  

-  All six of the Dem senators who sit on the Senate Judiciary Committee, who are also running for POTUS, will be required to sit as jurors, quietly, and be forced not to comment about it during the entire proceedings.  Even when on recess!  On the campaign trail!  They'll hate it.  Their competitors will love it!  Republicans will be orgasmic with glee!

February:

-  Trump is exonerated by the Senate on a near Party line vote, as anyone with any sense would have predicted, indicating that the Democrats in charge have no sense.  At all.  And haven't since they decided to support the KKK and Jim Crow laws way back in the 1930's.

-  Senator Adam Schiff, Chair of the House Intelligence Committee, the bozo that started all this grief, quits, joins a monastery and is never heard from again.  All of D.C. rejoices!

-  The stock market goes up 1,000 points.

-  China capitulates and agrees to Trump's trade agreement.

-  Hillary jumps into the race, telling the world that it really, REALLY needs her to be their POTUS.  The world yawns.

April:

-  Justice Ginsburg croaks and a SCOTUS seat becomes open.  

-  Trump nominates a fully-qualified person to fill that post.  And it's not Judge Napolitano.  The Left goes ape sh*t!  

-  The Democrats accuse Trump's nominee for the Supreme Court of being a racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, liar, schemer, pickpocket, psoriasis sufferer, inveterate closet pedophile and a congenital traffic law-violater.  

-  2,000 women in Pussy Hats self-immolate on the Supreme Court grounds.  Their husbands rejoice...

-  California decides to outlaw plastic, and airplanes, and hamburgers.  Then it declares the remaining members of its rapidly-declining Middle Class terrorists, and demands that their wealth be forcibly seized by the State.

-  San Francisco is declared a Hazardous Waste Zone, due to its piles and piles of human feces on the streets, and orders the residents to evacuate.  Trump seizes San Fran Nan Pelosi's expansive, gated mansion from which to coordinate the cleanup effort...

-  That Nigerian prince that keeps on emailing everybody is finally located and arrested.

June:

-  NoKo's Kim Jung the Un offers to meet Trump mano-a-mano for a fist fight.  Trump agrees, and sets the date and place.  Kim shows up.  Trump smokes him with a drone.  NoKo problem solved...

-  Trump hosts a weenie roast on the Rose Garden Lawn.  He invites only Democrats to attend, because they're all weenies...

July: 

-  Trump's nominee is confirmed by the SCOTUS and seated, giving the Right a 6 - 3 majority on the Court, insuring conservative decisions well into the next generation.  Finally...

-  Planned Parenthood, no longer receiving $500 Million annually from our tax money, declares bankruptcy.

-  The stock market goes up 800 points in a single day. 

August:

-  Trump signs an Executive Order making bacon our National Protein.  Everybody except those who live in CA and NY cheer!  And oh yeah, Michigan, of course, where half the population is Muslim.

-  Warren drops out of the race.  She starts an Indian Casino in North Dakota, but keeps her once-a-week teaching job at Haaaavid for $400,000 a year.

-  The Hallmark Channel purchases CNN, which has seen its viewership tank since it decided to become the Conspiracy Network.  CNN's commentators all apply for jobs with Hallmark.  None of them can pass the background check. 

-  Folks in the South start putting Confederate statues back up.  Snowflakes self-flagellate in Vicksburg.  

September:

-  Virginia's new Democrat majority outlaws firearms and orders them seized.  Virginia county sheriff's tell Gov. Northam to pound sand, as they will not comply.  He weeps uncontrollably on TV.  Again...

-  Texas secedes from the Union.  California, having already seceded from the Union by having declared itself a "sanctuary state," starts building a wall between itself and the rest of America.  Trump offer to help.  America rejoices...  

-  Little Mikey Bloomberg buys every TV network in America and runs his adds 24/7.  Just like they do in Cuba and China and North Korea.  People yawn...

November:

-  Trump is reelected in an Electoral College landslide.  The Left goes into shock.  Putin laughs.  Hillary cries, having thusly lost for the THIRD time.  She STILL didn't campaign in Wisconsin.

-  The stock market goes up 1,900 points in a single day.

-  The "Bubble" folks in CA, WA, OR, NY, MD, CO and DC declare War on the "Rednecks."  

-  Since the Good Guy Rednecks have all the guns, a total shock to the limp-wristed Liberal weenies, apparently unaware of that fact or that War causes casualties and bleeding and bullet holes, wave the white flag on Day Two of the 2nd Civil War.  They ask to know the location of all the Safe Spaces and Crying Rooms... 

-  Gen-u-wine space aliens, as in Extraterrrrestrials, from UFOs, as in outer space, doncha' know, land on the White House lawn, and line up to meet President Trump.  He welcomes them to America from Star Cluster Sirius B.  Trump offers to annex Sirius B as our newest State.  They agree.  No Democrats are invited to the press conference in the Rose Garden.  Pelosi cries.  Nadler's belt breaks and his pants fall down.  Again.  They are upset.  They are ALWAYS upset.

-  The stock market goes up 2,400 points.  As expected.  It turns out "the Grey's" had purchased short options and made out like bandits...

Well then, how's that for some juicy predictions?  I'm thinking it'll be a busy year, full of all sorts of happenings, so prepare to meet it head on!  On the way out the metaphorical door, however, I'd like to suggest that Netflix should sue Trump.  Why?  Because he's waaaaay more entertaining than it is and nobody will be seeking outside entertainment.  As it turns out there will be quite enough entertainment to go around every day on cable TV.  Every.  Single.  Day...