A Publicly-Funded Escape...

I've spent my entire life trying to amass a degree of wealth.

So far, no luck.

But I've finally lit upon a plan that is surely guaranteed to work!  And if you promise to keep it just between you and me, I'll share it with you.  Okay?  Here goes...

There's been a flurry of highly-placed Dept. of Justice execs who've been fired, or demoted, or sent to the woodshed over their wonton efforts to sink Trump's boat.  Like the ex-Deputy Director of the FBI, Andy McCabe.  He was caught in multiple lies and was unceremoniously dumped.  And Peter Strozulzchek, or however you spell it.  He and Lisa Page, his steady squeeze, an also-married DOJ exec, decided to bring down Trump, in any way possible.  

Can't you just see it?  "Hey Lisa, let's meet in the broom closet in 15 minutes for a quick romp and a dump-Trump strategy session."  

And James Comey, of course, the FBI Director.  And Bruce Orr, the FBI's highest-ranking career executive, and his wife, and God knows who else.  It seems the top tier  of the FBI, CIA and NSA were all corrupted by Obama and his sycophants, who then proceeded to run roughshod over the Constitution for the next 8 years.  

But then Trump roars onto the scene.  And all of a sudden the private little fiefdom these guys enjoyed was under attack.  And they colluded to fight back.

BTW, isn't "collusion" a capital crime?

And in the process of hiring lawyers and answering interrogatories and prepping testimony and  testifying in front of Congress, at about $550 an hour for a decent mouthpiece, they discovered they were broke; it can cost several hundred thousand dollars in legal fees to defend yourself against a Federal Government that prints money.  And that's if you're innocent...

So what did they do?

They opened up "Go Fund Me" accounts to pay their legal bills.  And maybe their rent.  And their dinners out, for all I know.  And maybe a vacay or two to get some R & R.  The over-sexed Strzckuck referenced above raised more than $450,000 in just a couple of days!

So here's my plan:  I come out as a Leftoid.  I put a Bernie Sanders sticker on my car.  I turn my back on capitalism and the 2nd Amendment and freedom of speech, and loudly embrace all the LGBTQZMEL's out there, and fervently espouse the forced confiscation of unnecessary and probably ill-gotten wealth, and then prostrate myself in front of the free world.  

I loudly proclaim my innocence and beg for money to protect myself from the evil bullies who are trying to put me in jail for being an evil bully.  I go on telethons and appear at church socials and set up a camp cot at MSNBC.  Once the cash comes in, I grab it and run for the door, beating feet to Costa Rica, or Belize, or some other safe spot to live out my life on the entirely legal but oh-so smelly gains I've received from some very misguided folks with more money than sense to whom politics is more important than facts...

Whaddaya think?  Let me know if there's any fine-tuning I should do before putting my nefarious plot into motion.  I await your response...