Monday, March 17, 2014

What's to stop us?

Yesterday, Sunday, the Crimean Ukrainians voted to secede from their current country and join hands once again with Mother Russia.

Most American pundits were guessing that the vote would come in at the 80%-range (guns pointed at your head can be a strong motivator to vote the way Mr. Puteen wants you to!).  They were wrong.  The final vote was 97% in favor of drinking wodka and eating borscht.  Funny, since there was no "no" box to check, it's surprising it wasn't a big fat 100%.  Oh wait, 100% votes only occur in North Korea.

But, Mr. Oblamo, our feckless Insurance Salesman-in-Chief, has said their doing so has crossed another of his infamous "red lines."  You know, the ones written in crayon?  It seems nobody on the world's stage either respects or fears our boy POTUS.  And that's why they are all beginning to take advantage of him, and therefore, us. 

That got me to thinking.  If the world is unprepared to do anything but issue strong warnings, or nasty letters, or UN resolutions that Russia vetoes, then we have a rare opportunity.  We could invade Canada without fear of retribution!

Canada, as you may know, is asset-rich and population-poor.  There are far more people residing tax-free in Texas, as an example, than in Canada.  And yet Canada is half-again larger than America.  And it has oil.  And gas.  And wheat.  And rodeos.  And Sikh cab drivers (Sikh and ye shall find!  Heh, heh).  And also French-speaking, cheese-eating surrender monkeys living in and around Quebec.  But none of them present much of a threat should we decide to unleash what's left of our hollowed-out, defunded, depressed military and simply grab them up while the grabbing is good.

Yes, dear friends, we could more than double the size of our country, nearly double the size of our oil and gas reserves, and increase the "nice-factor" of our population by several magnitudes.  I'm guessing we could accomplish this little coup without bloodshed.  Only a few really rabid western Canadians would even whimper should we undertake such an action.  And we could give each of them a ranch or something to keep them quiet. 

And just think.  We'd no longer have to suffer the indignation of having to cull through Canada's leftover hockey players to bolster our teams.

And, while we're at it, what's to prevent us from gobbling up Meheeko as well?  Most of them are living here anyway, so there's nobody home there but the druggies to stop us.  And they'd probably welcome our intervention since they sell most of their crap north of El Frontera anyway.

What do you think?  Is this a rare opportunity, or what?  I propose a referendum election to give the Canucks and the Meheekanos a chance to voice their opinion on the subject in advance of the invasion.  Plus, we could film it as it happens, giving us a kind of "Red Dawn" sequel we could show at the local Bijou.  Got to make a little cash out of this if we can, right?  

I suggest we put Little Mikey Moore in charge of this project.  After all, we know just how accurate his filmed musings really are, right?

Since I just learned how popular my little blog has become worldwide, I'm hoping one of the onesie-clad weenie drones in the basement of the White House will read of my suggestion, and not only put in on the official "list of things to do" (just before the next Beyoncé concert, just after the next golf game), but maybe put me in charge of it. 

I await their NSA-monitored phone call...

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