Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Cars are Evil
Cars. Cars are evil. They kill people. Wantonly. Did you know that cars weigh, like, 4,000 pounds? Even 5,000 pounds? That's like three Clydesdales. And cars have as much as 400, even 500 horsepower. That's like a whole bunch of Clydesdales. And only one Clydesdale is needed to pull a buggy. And, like Robert Redford and Leo DiCaprio and Al (Lurch) Gore and the Sierra Club tell us, that's all we really need. A horse and buggy.
Did you know that horses run on hay? They don't need no stinkin' oil and gas to run. Just some of that stuff you grow on a farm. Yes, they produce some (nasty) residue, but hey, you can use that to moisturize and energize the soil, and that makes things grow even better, right? And they don't burn gas, these horses. And that's great, because they don't cause Global Warming, or Climate Change, or whatever-the-Hell-they're-calling-this-thing-that-isn't-happening-and-hasn't-happened-for-quite-awhile-and-likely-won't-be-happening-ever-again these days.
Back to cars. Cars take people where they don't want to go. Just a few days ago, a poor, unsuspecting woman of a race that cannot be discussed in polite company any more and her baby were taken on a hair-raising ride through Washington, D.C. by a car. A black car, no less. And as the Obama Administration and the Brady Campaign and Nanny Bloomberg, NYC's mayor, unfortunately, tell us, black is an evil color. Those so-called "assault weapons" are black. Evil! Anything black, I would offer, is evil, except for people in general, of course, and our Insurance Salesman-in-Chief, in particular. Black is okay in that case. In fact, I'm sure they would tell you it's better than that other color, don't you know.
But cars, black cars, are evil. They kill people. Did you know that the car that took the poor, unsuspecting older gent on a ride through the open-air market near the pier in Santa Monica a couple of years back was black? It killed 8 people and wounded a couple of dozen more. Poor guy. He was not at fault, people. That car was!
And how about the guy that shot up the Navy Yard in D.C. awhile back. Not only was he also a member of that race that shall not be discussed, so was the rented Prius that he was driving.
And how about the crazy loon that avoided three movie theaters that weren't "gun free zones" in an effort to find one that was so he could blast away and kill dozens and wound dozens more. How did he get there? A car, that's how. If it wasn't for the car, he wouldn't have been able to hoof it across Denver with several guns and lots of ammo and a Seal Team camo getup, could he? No, he couldn't. It was the car.
Those cars are "weapons of mass destruction," I tell you. They kill more than six times as many people every year as guns do. Even black guns. Tragic. And when will the squishy, feel-good, do-something-even-if-it's-wrong, left-wing weirdos finally come to their senses and decide to focus their scorched-earth denigration campaign away from peace-loving guns and toward where it belongs; cars.
I say cars should be outlawed. And anybody who drives one should be demonized. Just like the lefties are trying to do to those who own, use and enjoy guns. When, I ask you, rhetorically, will the latte-sipping, limo-riding lefties finally choose to point their finely-manicured fingers where the problem really exists? Cars.
By the way, the poor woman who was taken on the ride through D.C. was delivered to her maker, and the danger to the citizens of that God-forsaken outpost of incivility finally resolved, by a cop with a gun. Maybe that's why they call them The Great Equalizers...