Saturday, July 13, 2013
Global Something or Other
Good news boys and girls! Obama gave another of his MAJOR POLICY ADDRESSES OF THE DAY recently, and in it he declared an all-out war on Global Warming, or Climate Change, or whatever they're calling it today.
Obama stated that 97% of all climate scientists agree: Climate Change is here, it's real and it won't be too long at all before we all burn up in a fiery, Hellish cataclysm. He said that 12 of the hottest days in history occurred during the past 15 years, or something (they didn't!). He said that carbon emissions are really, really bad, and that they cause all kinds of bad things (like soot on your newly-washed Mustang GT). He also said that coal is dirty, and messy, and black, kind of like assault weapons, and it should be outlawed before it kills us all. Not that there's anything wrong with the color black, mind you, especially if it's on a person, especially if he or she (or it) votes Democrat.
He went on to say that the XL Keystone Pipeline should not be approved unless it can be proven, PROVEN, do you here me?, that it will not exacerbate (I love that word!) the global climate situation (it should be noted that the State Department has issued two, TWO separate studies stating that the Pipeline will have no deleterious (I love that word also!) effects on our environment). But two is definitely not enough. We have to keep conducting these studies until we get the results we're looking for.
And so, in the midst of numerous scandals, rendering His second term a complete failure so far, Obama has done his best to change the subject by trying to further ruin the U.S. economy by sending us off on a tangent to halt Global Something or Other.
Well, I don't know about you, but I'm really happy about this. Obama's unilateral efforts will serve to kill the U.S. coal industry, surely tanking his favorables in ten coal-producing states. It's predicted that his executive actions (bypassing Congress completely, don't you know) will put at least 85,000 people out of work. He's killed 10,000 coal jobs so far via onerous EPA regulations he'd mandated. Another 75,000 await pink slips resulting from his new focus. November, 2014 is coming, and quickly.
And let's not forget another byproduct of his edicts. Every single homeowner in America will see a dramatic increase in their electric bills because half, HALF the electricity in the country is produced by coal. And us Californians will see another huge increase because PG&E is mothballing the San Onofre nuclear reactor, which has heretofore produced 8% of all the energy consumed in the once-Golden State. Californians, look for a 17% increase in your light bill in the very near future. And look for Robert Redford and the Sierra Club to rejoice at their decision. At least a couple of commie pinkos are happy about this.
And to those who were coerced into buying one of those electric plug-in cars, where do you think the electricity comes from? It comes from coal, you eco-weenies. And eliminating coal will cause your bill from charging up your wussie little overpriced clown car to skyrocket. Serves you right, you ignoramuses. Or is that ignoramusi?
It's a good thing there's a plastic bubble over America, protecting us from the air in China, indisputably the dirtiest on the planet, from floating across the Pacific and soiling our air in week. Of course you know that China's opening two new coal-fired electricity plants every week, and India's 1.3 Billion cow-worshipping, snake-charming people are producing pollution at a record rate, but change-the-subject, feel-good efforts to "do something" about the climate, even though those efforts are patent horsepucky, will surely cause latte-loving, sauvignon blanc-sipping socialists to open up their wallets and fork over the cash to the Democrats, which is all that really counts.
So yes, I'm happy. I'll have my solar photovoltaic generating array installed by then, reducing my electric bill to just about fifteen bucks a month. And everybody else, especially all those dodos who voted for this unqualified dufus in the White House, will go nearly bankrupt paying for his flights of fancy.
Just remember, if you lie down with dogs, you'll get up with fleas...