New Game Plan for the GOP

As someone who makes it a point to know what's going on, I've been asked repeatedly of late by demoralized conservatives to tell them exactly what I think the Republican Party needs to do to minimize the chances of another painful loss such as the one experienced by them, and far worse, by America, on November 6^th.

I've thought long and hard about this existential question, and I think I have some of the answers. Here goes…

The Democrat Party, and its candidate, Barack Hussein Obama, won decisively on November 6^th. They won by a whopping 2% over Gov. Mitt Romney, the Republican candidate. Whoa!  What a mandate! They couldn't run on Obama's accomplishments. He didn't have any. His record was one of abject failure. Unemployment in the dumper. Nearly $6 Trillion in new debt. GDP growth at only a bit over 1%. Terrorism on the rise throughout the world. Gas prices doubling during his tenure. Treating Israel like red-headed stepchildren.  Ending oil and gas exploration on Federal lands whenever and wherever possible.  Supplying guns paid for by taxpayers' stimulus money to Mexican drug cartels to prove that Mexican drug cartels get their guns from America.  And doing his best to cover up the murder of 4 Americans in Benghazi.     

About the only thing that had improved in Obama's first term was his golf score. Tragic.

So, they chose the only course available to them; they had to make Romney unelectable. They used a Billion Dollars of negative TV ads to paint Romney as an elitist-vulture-vampire-capitalist-felon-tax cheat who delighted in killing his employees' wives. And the dimbulbs who get their news from the alphabet stations and the socialist newspapers believed them. These people actually have a vote. What a sad commentary.

And just for good measure, they managed to once again successfully pit various factions and sub-groups of Americans against each other. They pitted single women against married women. Latinos and Blacks against Whites. The poor and the middle class against the so-called "rich." Workers against business owners. The young against the old. Environmental activists against those who think they're completely stark raving nuts.  Atheists against the religious.  Urban dwellers against everybody else. And so on, and so on. Truly a remarkable and successful strategy to screw Americans, especially stupid Americans, to the max.

But what the Democrats did to secure a victory, more than anything else, was to promise to give lots and lots of "stuff" to their voters. They went to school on 19^th Century French economist and political thinker Alexis de Tocqueville who famously said, "The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the publics' money."  And Obama, with a complicit Congress during his first two years in office, discovered just that. And then decided to use it to gain votes from the ignorant, compliant masses in the most recent election.

In the run-up to the election, they gave free cell phones and lots of minutes to the so-called "poor." Poor, in this context, is defined as about half of America. They gave food stamps to 47 million people, an almost 80% increase since Obama was first inaugurated. They used stimulus money to grant unemployment payments for nearly two years to almost anyone who applied. They also used stimulus money to keep firemen and policemen and teachers employed, because they're union members. And unions LOVE Obama!  And Obama LOVES unions!  They gave rent subsidies and welfare payments without recipients having to actually look for work. That's in direct conflict with a law passed by both houses of Congress and signed by Billy Jeff Clinton.  Of course, who's going to stop him?  His buddy Eric Holder is Attorney General, and only the Attorney General can stop such deliberate and flagrant violations of the law.  Must be nice to break the law with complete immunity. 

And, via Obamacare, they ordered free birth control pills be given to everybody, including, importantly, by the Catholic Church. I'm guessing that priests will soon be required to hand them out during communion.

And Obama turned the Constitution on its ear by unilaterally granting effective amnesty to millions of children of illegal immigrants who were brought here by their criminal parents. That's a lot of stuff. And Republicans need to learn a lesson from all this largesse.

So, I say the Republicans need to recast themselves as the "Party of Even More Stuff!" If the Dems give their voters cell phones, the Repubs need to give out cell phones and haircuts. If the Dems respond by adding in the haircuts, then the Repubs need to add in free pet food and a tuna salad sandwich.  If the Dems double down by doing the same, and then offering up, say, a free education at some socialist college with commie teachers somewhere, I say let's go "all in." Let's give them all of that stuff, plus a couple of tattoos and a new Chevy Volt! Government Motors can't sell these overpriced, weenie little cars. Not even with tax rebates of $7,500 of your neighbors' money used as a bribe to get you to buy one, so why not just give them away?  We taxpayers are on the hook for more than $25 Billion GM still owes us, so maybe giving away the crap they can't sell remains our only option. 

In fact, how about this: Since the Border Patrol isn't allowed to actually patrol the border, let's turn these frustrated public servants into a sort of Welcome Wagon. Let's have them serve as hostesses to greet illegals as they show their still damp faces on our soil and give them a new Chevy Volt!  Plus, a map to downtown L.A.  Plus, a book of coupons for some free food, free rent, food stamps, welfare payments, a drivers' license, a cell phone, a voter's registration card, and, of course, birth control pills.  Oh, wait a minute.  Scratch the birth control.  We don't want them to use birth control.  We want them to reproduce like rabbits!  They're all future Republicans!  We're talking votes here, people!

And let's not get all squishy with the free stuff. Let's heap it on not only the Latinos, but let's also target the Blacks, the Asians, the Native Americans (that would be Indians for those of you in El Centro), the Appalachians, everybody in Las Vegas, the "poor" (annual income under $150,000), journalists, college professors, every living soul in Hollywood, especially the gay ones, college students, all the employees at ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN and MSNBC, and anyone else who gives an inkling they might be willing to sell their vote to the socialists for a Happy Meal.  We won't use no stinkin' Happy Meal!  We'll give them an In-n-Out Combo Meal, Animal Style!

Let's see how the Democrats respond when we take some more borrowed money from China and use it to buy votes just like they do in Chicago. And when we start to win some elections down the road, maybe then – and only then – we can start to rejigger our electorate back to the time when Americans were self-reliant, self-sufficient, broad-shouldered, God-fearing, hard-working, patriotic individuals who would rather stab themselves in the chest with an icepick than take handouts from the communists in D.C.

Assuming there's any of them left by then...