What the Internet Has Brought Us.

I'm proud to admit I've lived past my "use by" date.

That means I've lived through a bunch of Presidents, several recessions, many strikes, a quantum of wars, and hundreds of doctor visits.  Which qualifies me to sit back, revel in retirement, and think about stuff.  All that stuff we didn't have time to think about when we were busy working.  Nose to the grindstone, and all that.  

And one of the major things I believe has failed to change our lives for the better is the Internet.  That device which was dumped upon us like a ton of bricks back in the early '90's.  And that's about when Google, and YouTube, and Twitter, and all the others arrived as well.  So how has it changed our lives?  I'll provide my observations...

     -  If you surf the 'Net a bit you'll learn that UFO's and Bigfeet are everywhere.  They're streaking across the skies and hiding behind trees and being photographed and videoed by everyone.  Everyone but you.  You're not seeing any.  And you're pissed.  Are those real UFO's/UAP's?  Is that a real Bigfoot?  Or are they manufactured in some pimply-faced kid's basement, using wizardy software.  So, we'll just go ahead and not believe any of them.

     -  The 'Net serves up a bazillion busty babes, all showing off their wares in hopes you'll come visit them in their "private" lairs.  Wearing about 2 square inches of bikini.  Divided among three locations.  With the only thing between you and them being your phone.  Oh yeah, they'll only do this for a handsome fee.  Sex without the need for those awkward goodbyes.  Nice.

     -  You'll be offered elixers that will cure every single ailment you might concievably have.  From warts to shingles to AD/HD to cancer, you'll find something you just have to have.  They used to cost you $19.99, but due to O'Biden's rabid inflation, they'll now set you back $29.99.  They won't work, but you'll be too ashamed of yourself for believing that crap to actually ask for a refund.

      -  You'll also be barraged by those professional ads for diabetic medicines that, oh by the way, cause weight loss.  You know, the fat chick in the blue pantsuit, backed up by a dozen dancers?  With a catchy jingle?  They spent a $Million on that ad so the least you can do is watch it.  

         Did you know they state in their package inserts that they'll cause you to poop your pants, and will only work well if you exercize and eat right?  And cost $2,000 a month?  Ummm, wha...?

     -  The 'Net will display all sorts of what's called "clik bait."  Tasty little teasers designed to get you to click on the little bar to visit another web site.  And the more clicks they get at that website the more they earn.  They sell those "eyeballs" to YouTube and the others.  And they never provide the answer to the riddle they made you visit for.

     -  I dunno' 'bout you, but I get dozens of little stories about puppies or kitties or raccoon kits somebody dumped on the side of the road.  And there's a nice person with a big heart who just has to pick them up and take them to the vet.  For a check up and a bill for $280.00, no doubt.  And then they take the little thing home and give it a bath.  And a nice meal.  And then we get to watch the dog/cat/other grow up.  And in many of them it's the same animal.  Doesn't it make you wonder if they're made by PETA?  To try and extract donations out of you?

     -  It's my opinion that the Internet is only good for three things:  Porn, little puppies and kitties, and the meal you're about to consume.  Everything else should be disbelieved and avoided at all costs.  It used to be you were to believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see.  Now?  It's none of either.  And that's a shame.  The 'Net has hardened our sense of wonder and trust completely out of us.  I'm not sure we'd even pay attention to a real attack by Little Green Men.  We're no longer willing to play the game.  At least I'm not.

     How about you?