Time to Decentralize...

America's General George Washington hired French General Charles L'Enfant to design and build our New Federal City.

Or, Washington, D.C., as it was (and is) called.  Or, "The Swamp," as we suffering Taxpayers tend to call it.  

L'Enfant (his friends called him "Chuck," no doubt...no relation) brought to bear all the newest and best architectural trends in the design of our New City.  Broad boulevards, converging avenues, convenient alleyways.  And all this planning would prove necessary, they thought, as they were bringing all the levers of power together in one place for the very first time.  All the Departments, all the Agencies, all the Branches.

And this was so even though Washington only started D.C. with 4 Departments; Himself, State, War, and the Treasury.  Even though he knew it would grow like Topsy, putting it all together was simply The Thing To Do.

It had taken as much as a week to get orders to and from our far-flung enterprizes.  Washington and his Merry Men wanted folks to be able to literally "walk across the street" to talk with and deliver orders to the leaders of our new-found Gubmint.  So they designed the New Federal City to enable rapid communication between the Executive and the Legislative/Judicial Branches.  

And it worked.  For more than two centuries.  But then technology permitted rapid communication between Departments no matter where the parties are located.  To the extent some 80% of our Federal employees are now sitting in their Barcaloungers watching Jerry Springer reruns.  Or worse, delivering Uber-Food while double-dipping.

And like Ahhhnel Swartenwhoozits, we've porked up since the Beginning.  We've grown from 4 to 26 Cabinet members.  That includes the V.P. and 15 Executive Departments, and 10 Cabinet-Level Officials, such as the White House Chief of Staff.  

But I believe you'll agree there's no reason why a Secretariat should be located in Washington, D.C., if its constituents are located in Fargo, North Dakota.  Or Salina, Kansas.  Or Rifle, Colorado.  

In short, they shouldn't.

So I'm about fixing things before they get all "F-d" up, or even after they're all "F-d" up.  And, as they say, something has to be done.  Since we can all get together on Zoom, I suggest it's time to decentralize our Federal Gubmint.  Move these various Departments out into the hinterland.  Out to where their constituents are located.  With exception of the Secretary of State, the Secretary of Defense, and the Attorney General, who should stay in D.C., here's where we might send the others:  

     -  We shhould move the Department of Agriculture to Omaha, Nebraska.  The food is grown near there.  The beef is raised near there.  Should be able to get more and better employees who actually know what they're doing, near there.  

     -  The Department of the Interior should be moved to Fargo, North Dakota.  That's because it's the nearest city to the Geographic Center of the Nation (20 miles North, near Belle Forche).  Thus, the "Interior."  Ditto with its employees.  The average D.C. Federal employee makes $127,000 a year.  The average worker in K.C. makes $65,000 a year.  Point made.

     -  Health & Human Services should be moved to Minneapolis, Minnesota.  Those who survive its frequest gunfire are just about the healthiest folks around.  Plus, all the heart valve companies are located there.  Sickeningly healthy people.  They get H&HS.

     -  The Department of Commerce should be moved to Atlanta, Georgia. "Etlanna" is full of bizznessmen/women/other, so this should aid recruitment.  Plus, save a bundle over D.C.'s payroll.

     -  The Department of Energy should be moved to Dallas, Texas.  Dallas sits on top of the Biggest Pool of Oil in 'Murica.  And they know how to get it.  Well, and chaply.  Enuff said.

     -  The Secretary of Labor should be moved to Detroit, Michigan.  We all know the Mafia controls Labor, and they live in Detroit, so we might as well admit it.  Second, it might go a long way toward helping Detroit rebuild.  It's a wasteland compared to a century ago.  It's lost half its population since.  Maybe this would help it come back.

     -  The Secretary of Defense should relocate to San Diego.  The Navy's already there, with the Marines just a few miles up I-5.  The weather's great, as we all know.  Maybe this could help turn California away from socialism and toward capitalism.  Couldn't hurt.

     -  The Secretary of Homeland Security should be moved to Chicago, Illinoway.  Put it on the South Side somewhere.  Perhaps with a military and security contingent large enough to guard the Secretary, we could shoot all the Bad Guys and save all the Citizens.  Finally.  Sort of a secondary benefit, doncha' know.

These are only a few of our Political Hotshot Departments.  There are more, but these will do for now.  Just think of how much of our Tax money we cuould save if we did this?  And how much more efficient.  This is just my little missive to let you know that Big Things can happen from such a humble start as this Blog Posting.  Pass it along.  

Who knows?  Might work...